Irish deaths

[Champooforyou]

I'm not Irish by the way, but I was just reading another thread about how Irish people manage death so much better, and I wondered how?

I'm south wales valleys and we're very comfortable with death, if someone is dying everyone knows and you'll go and visit, say your goodbyes. The family keep a vigil so no one dies alone. If you've missed the death you'll go to the Chapel of Rest and say goodbye. Everyone you ever met goes to the funeral, even people who you never met if they have a link, like they work with your daughter in law or suchlike.

After the funeral the family get cakes and pies and babysitting for weeks or months afterwards. On the anniversary everyone goes to the pub.

Suicide is talked about, it's not tabboo. The only sad death is if someone died alone or of course if they were young and it wasn't their time.

Are things the same in Ireland, or are you even better at death? I can't help wondering if it's so bad in England due to all the repressed emotion and stiff upper lip type stuff.

Yes sounds similar here (NI) with the exception of the family being treated to pies and childminding afterwards. IMO the anniversary church/ pub is a Catholic thing, at least the only people I can think of who mark it in that way are Catholic.

Do you also have a vigil with the body? So they're not alone until the funeral? And when do you have the funeral? It's on day 3 here usually.....death, wake, wake, funeral. Maybe even day 2 if you die early doors on day 0.

I do think this is something which is better in my culture than in England .

I do think this is something which is better in my culture than in England
Lol best hope no English see this comment cause I tell you they will be quick to jump on it and tell you how much they are offended that you had the audacity to declare it.

Yes sounds similar to here. We wake the body and people bring trays of sandwiches and cakes and things over for the family and for guests and will continue doing it for a few days till the funeral is over. Our funerals are usually done and dusted in about 3 days not the long wait they seem to have in England. Not sure if we do it better than anyone else mind.

Sounds pretty similar to the Irish way. I'm always amazed at the threads on here asking should I go to see a relative in the chapel of rest and the majority of replies give a resounding no. The thought of leaving the dead alone in a strange place is unthinkable if you're Irish!

I’m Irish, this is how we deal with death too OP. People are very good, a few weeks down the line and people are still checking in on my mum with food, bringing her out for walks, all sorts.
I have lived both sides of the border and think it’s very similar. NI tend to wake more than repose in a funeral home but that is the only real difference I can see. The community response is fantastic.
My aunt died in England. It was very different.

Similar in my experience (NI) although the body comes back to the persons home/ family member where it is not left until the funeral. The house is an open house with people coming and going day and night. Depending on the age/ circumstances of the death there will often be lots of laughter/ jokes/ stories being told. There will be food/drinks. The body leaves the house in the morning by a cortage. People come to pay respects even if they hadn't meant the person so funerals are larger. When I've been to funerals in England they were very small and formal. Here you'd have the dead persons grand daughters best friends mother in attendance.

Pathetic. The only thing that would shock me would be to see someone write something positive about England. Sneering at England and all things English is the norm. In fact, the English are one of the few groups it is still OK to ridicule, stereotype, project onto and lie about. And English people don't complain because we are taught to hate ourselves by our Oxbridge liberal masters.

"Audacity"!...Ha, as if we'd be surprised. Irish people have been sneering at Englishness for generations, usually while living in England. It's a tradition that goes back to Oscar Wilde and Yeats, both of whom spent the majority of their lives here, while claiming to despise the place and the people.

Would you like some ketchup for that chip on your shoulder @JoonT?

As my Granny used to say 'Sure its more afraid of the living I am than the dead'.

@JoonT in my defence if I want to sneer at anyone it will be from the Emerald Isle itself.

Nobody was sneering. Just discussing the different ways death is handled in different countries.

Sneer is a horrible word isn't it? It's going on my list.

When my family members died they were waked at home. My Dad's close friends sat with him during the night he was waked so the family could sleep.

During the two days he was reposing at home there must have been at least 2000 people call to the house - we're a large family and he had been involved in various things and well known. After he was buried the family invited mourners to a local venue for a sit down 4 course meal - my family have never gone to a pub after a family funeral.

My nephew died by suicide just after the first lockdown he was waked at home and his funeral had a huge number of mourners - thousands due to both parents working in big organisations, our big family plus it was a young person so the gardai took charge of traffic management. As only 50 people was the max number of people allowed in the church the mourners lined the country roads from the house to the church and afterwards from the church to the graveyard. Afterward my sister had a marquee set up in her garden and caterers provided a hot meal to those who called back to her house.

Unfortunately a few months later my grandniece died when she was 23 days old and the funeral was just family.

A lot of people listen to their local radio death notices or look up RIP.IE every day to make sure they don't miss a death notice.

My mum was irish. When she died it was really strange as i couldn't do thjngs how they would have happened in ireland - i couldn't very well keep the body in the house for 3 weeks waiting for the funeral for instance.

I did take all my children up to see her in the bed before they took her though. And i think it was really good for my children and helped them process death and the finality of it. My 4 year old climbed up in the bed and gave her a cuddle and a kiss.

Yes OP sounds very similar. I've only know two or three cases where the body was brought home around here it's normally kept in the funeral home or "dead house" as the older generation call it. Funerals used to be done and dusted in the two or three days after the death but this is becoming less likely nowadays and they are getting pushed out for often up to a week. Two or three neighbours of my parents also opted for direct cremation so things are definitely changing and another old neighbour left instructions with her family for a direct cremation and no death notice which was considered very odd.

Wow, we'd wait two and half or even three weeks here for a funeral! So no waking at home, they'd go to the chapel but the funeral man is happy to bring them out each morning for visiting.
It sounds very similar apart from that though, with everyone getting involved in the mourning and supporting the family.

The Church here does a thing called ' month's mind' where they have a mass one month after the funeral.

It's a hard time when the fuss has died down and reality hits home I suppose.

/www.waterstones.com/book/my-fathers-wake/kevin-toolis/9781474605243

This is a fantastic book about the Irish approach to death. Really stayed with me.

Fwiw I agree with you OP. I'm Irish but have lived in the UK for 20 years so have experience of both cultures and think the Irish way is much better.

English seem to take such a long time to actually bury someone.

@JoonT has a history of unpleasant stereotypes of Irishness on here, @JaneJeffer . I’d let her fester in her xenophobia.

@Penniless I find it ironic that she is the only person who has sneered at the English by insulting the very bedrock of English education

My parents were Irish, although they lived in England almost their whole lives. I am always impressed at how quickly the Irish sort the funeral. It’s literally all done and dusted within 2-3 days. Or certainly in the rural bits where there are still their relatives.

In this country, you’re lucky to get a date within 3 weeks (excluding some religions). I had to harangue to get a prompt funeral for my dad (and in doing so discovered that the church was blaming the funeral directors for time delays and the funeral directors were blaming the cemetery and so on in a circle). I got it down from 3 weeks to one after I’d established there was no good reason for an interminable wait.

i think this too, but English friends and acquaintances say the Irish timescheme seems terribly rushed to them, and people wouldn’t be able to get to the funeral without more notice. Which is probably true in an English context because it needs to be more ‘organised’, and as not everyone looks at RIP.ie or the deaths on local radio, people have to be specifically invited.

i realised what a cultural difference it is again recently when an English friend newly living in Clare messaged me to ask how she should handle a text from her builder, who said he’d call in to quote for something because he was down the road at a funeral — she thought it meant he must have lost someone very close and be grieving, and wanted to know if she should condole formally and tell him not to come, to be with his family and mourn! She was relieved when I pointed out his text was perfectly cheerful, and that he may not even have met the dead person!

It always puzzles me a bit. Other than it being a cultural norm, how is it possible to get undertakers/crematoria/priests/ churches and gravediggers working together so much faster here?

My grandfather died at 2 am and his rosary was that night.

Irish people have been sneering at Englishness for generations, usually while living in England

I don’t want to fan flames, but that sums up my parents.

Gravediggers are neighbours who are asked or volunteer and it's not an official job like in England. They're usually treated to dinner afterwards.

Also apart from hospital morgues there's no storage for corpses so they need to be interred or cremated rapidly.