Irish mn'ers, how much can you relate to UK mumsnetters?

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

I read a lot of different threads on here, and recently I have come across so many issues/practices that I think just don't happen in Ireland. Now, I could be completely off the mark here, obviously there's local/cultural differences everywhere!

I don't know any parents who attend childrens birthday parties with their children (unless family etc),

I'm not aware of any dads who work "compressed hours" to care for their children. Although I know a lot of parents who work opposite shifts I suppose.

Funerals and the culture and practices surrounding death are all very different.

I don't have an abundance of parks/softplay/childrens activities nearby. If I did I'm sure they'd be too expensive to just pop in after school etc. 2 within 40 mins drive of me are €8-10 per hr.

Most children just go to their local school (baptism barrier dependent)

New mums here all seem to be inundated with visitors in hospital after their babies are born. I've never come across a new mum who isn't having visitors for the first week/fortnight etc so that they can bond.

Just a few examples there. So, are these typical observations of Irish people? Or just where I live/work? I know that local amenities are dependent on funding etc but it just seems that despite our close proximity to the UK there are big differences in day to day life.
I hope that all comes across ok. I'm just curious really.

I think Irish funerals, well for those who died at a 'good age', focus on celebrating the person's life, how much they meant to their family and swapping funny/meaningful stories. They are obviously terribly sad events too but, it seems to me, the focus is on the love felt for them and acknowledging them in a way that doesn't focus solely on the grief of the event.

It is enormously helpful to have some to do, it's enormously helpful to have a cultural "funeral machine" so you don't have the worry of figuring out how the hell to organise a funeral. There is a template, and you just follow it, and it's easy and nobody looks for money up front and it's all over quickly. And everyone is very amenable to you bringing the corpse home to his or her own house for a night, that's not wierd, it's normal, it's actually considered healthy.

The downside is you barely have time to process it.

It also means you have to tell everyone IMMEDIATELY that the person has died, you have to literally get their old battered address book and ring half the numbers in it that day and break the news. That's very very hard.

We that with my Irish Mum and my British (non-Christian) Dad in the UK. Only without a big mad wake. We got gently but not rowdily pissed; had a good old chat about how great the deceased were; met up with some long lost relatives and friends. Shed some tears too.
Aside from the open coffin and ten priests serving at my Cork Auntie's requiem, it was pretty similar to what we did at the funeral in Ireland.

And the thought of coping with all and sundry - people I had never met - people who didn't even know my loved one coming to the house and offering condolences, and having to be polite to them and chat to them about it... I just couldn't do it, I know I couldn't

Yeah but we're used to it. You forget that we've been to all these people's family's funerals too. So there's a lot of conditioning.

I live in the North of Ireland.

Agree about funerals, it’s much more a celebration of life and a good excuse for a knees up, although this is only a Catholic thing. The Protestants up here are much more like the English, funerals are very solemn, no wake, no children allowed.

The stress of schooling definitely seems crazy to me!

Parenting seems a lot more laid back here. People don’t stress as much over rigid routines or 7pm bedtimes. If your child won’t eat dinner ‘Awk sure just give them a wee biscuit’.

The people are very friendly. A stranger will just walk up and start chatting as if they have known you for years.

MessyBun247, your last point is why everyone looks for the Irish bar, whevever they are in the world. You are guaranteed a good chat with complete strangers. I love that!

Thanks for the information about funerals- it's a real shame that we are so slow here. i found it hard to go back to work after a week, tick on superficially as normal for a further 5 weeks and then go back to mourning the week after that.

“The Protestants up here are much more like the English, funerals are very solemn, no wake, no children allowed.”

I’m also from Northern Ireland, but from the Protestant side- this certainly hasn’t been my experience of Church of Ireland funerals. They are much the same as the Catholic funerals I’ve attended in Dublin, especially in the country. Funerals are social gatherings where it would be seen as a slight to the family not to attend, and there’s always those who are just there for a nose.

I think a big reason for the speedy funeral process is the sheer amount of undertakers and funeral homes- here in Dublin if there’s a church you can guarantee there is a funeral directors within a quarter of a mile!

that is not really true about C of I funerals though.

anyone else want to air the myth of the jolly Irish Catholics? because that is just what it is. A myth.

The number of funeral directors is driven by demand though- if there was a societal desire in the UK for speedy funerals the business would follow!

I am church of Ireland and culturally I just feel Irish. Funerals tend to be sociable unless the person died young or in sudden circumstances.

That is what I meant, Skinnies..

I’m very about comments that post Irish Protestants as dour, thran and restrained, and Irish Catholics as the friendliest, most welcoming people you’ve ever met and run great Irish pubs in Majorca.

The reality is that there’s a mix of these qualities in both groups and it varies massively depending on age, urban/rural, economics etc. “Irish” is a culture and you don’t have to be catholic to get it.

Irish Catholic married to English Protestant with Church of Ireland dc. We lived in Ireland for 20 years and have just moved to UK so am enjoying the "compare and contrast" elements. I'm amazed that everyone is very formal here I'm addressed as Mrs by trades and dc schools. Tradespeople actually turn up on time & take off their shoes ! English system re NHS, NI numbers very efficient. Am appalled at the big gap between death and actual funeral. Love the English love of dogs ( doggy has more friends than I do 😊). Early Sunday shops closing - have been caught out a few times. Public transport- you do not need a car to get around- revelation as I lived in the West of Ireland. Rubbish collection weekly - bliss! Happy out 👍

Gawd, yeh, my actual rubbish is only collected once a fortnight. I know it makes you recycle more but it took getting used to.

DH is Irish, I'm English. After 21 years together some of his Irish ways have come out in me (we also lived there for a bit) and when I look at some of my family's ways of parenting it feels different.

Obviously life changes when you have children but from my observations; and when I had my first child whilst we were living there, it felt like children were just slotted nicely into your old life. I used to have Friday night take-away/wine catch ups with the girls, often they'd bring their kids along - if they were babies in arms we all just took turns holding/feeding/entertaining them to give mum a break; if they were older they disappeared into the garden/living room and played with the other kids until we were ready to leave! If DH had someone to meet/something to do; and I wasn't free, he'd bring DS1 with him. Or the neighbours would have him at the drop of a hat - in fact the whole idea of pre-arranging childcare weeks in advance felt pretty non-existent when I lived there - the mentality was someone somewhere would take care of them/watch them for us; if we were stuck they'd come with us! Local suppliers - the hairdressers, mechanic etc, sometimes had their kids in the shop, nobody batted an eyelid.

Kids go to most weddings, enjoy all the running around/dancing/others saying how great they look and if they fall asleep are put to sleep under a jacket until their parents are ready to go to bed. Same with funerals.

Most of my friends in the UK seemed more bound by their kids' routine once they came along; they stopped going to things as it meant their kids routine would be disrupted.

Invites to birthdays, weddings, any celebration are seen as more of an honour and people look forward to it - wherever it is. They only turn it down another celebration already committed to is happening on that exact date or someone died. My UK family view every wedding as a hardship to attend unless it's less than an hour away and does't involve and overnight stay.

I laugh as I remember this...in 1998 when DH and I had been together about a year he asked if his neighbour's niece (as in his home neighbour from when he still lived at home in Ireland) could stay our rented 2-bed flat in London for a couple of nights as she was visiting. It felt bizarre as he hadn't seen her since she was about 10 (then 21) but no way in hell would someone fork out for a London hotel when there were beds going spare! It was all arranged by telephone between DH's mam and the neighbour! She landed in Heathrow, armed with our landline number and called us from a coin box, we set off to meet her (pre-Heathrow Express, she must have been waiting hours!) and brought her back to Clapham. In the lead up to this I thought it was crazy; but to DH this was totally normal Irish behaviour! She was lovely, brought us loads of gifts to say thank you and ended up putting us up in the States when we visited 10 years later!

Yes my Irish mate in London is always moaning about that, how various distant relatives expect to be put up in his flat...AND bring their mates...

I'm amazed that there's no UK equivalent to rip.ie. It's so handy. Although if anyone has died at home my mom will be straight on the phone with "Do you know who's dead?"
Another difference is the time English weddings end. The Irish crowd are just getting going and the night's over. Nobody's even started singing yet!

I think Irish people are also less likely to choose unusual names for their children. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of unique spellings etc, but it'd be rare to hear what is considered on here as a "middle class" name. No Persephones' or atticus' round here. People would think you were getting notions!

yes but tbh I have never met any Persephone's or Atticus's...:)
The most out there names were in North London but even so...I do wonder if Mumsnet is in fact its own republic...

Rip.ie is amazing. I occasionally (shamefully) use it if I can't remember if someone is dead or not.

Some of the Irish names are a bit mental too though. All those ones where the letters dhbhan are all used are getting popular now.

Ah @PebblesPony , as mammy of a Sadhbh I agree

Agree though about the lack of very unusual names- there seems to be a smaller pool of names that people will use regularly. I suppose though, we have the Irish names to use as well, which very rarely break into the UK top 30.

I've just looked up the 2016 statistics
Irish babies were given about 3500 different boy names and 4500 different girl names, whereas babies in the UK were given 28,274 different boy names and 35,645 different girl names. I'm sure there's a better way of saying all that!

Obviously the UK would have a much larger population with different cultural and heritage influences. But its still a huge difference.