Irish mn'ers, how much can you relate to UK mumsnetters?

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

I read a lot of different threads on here, and recently I have come across so many issues/practices that I think just don't happen in Ireland. Now, I could be completely off the mark here, obviously there's local/cultural differences everywhere!

I don't know any parents who attend childrens birthday parties with their children (unless family etc),

I'm not aware of any dads who work "compressed hours" to care for their children. Although I know a lot of parents who work opposite shifts I suppose.

Funerals and the culture and practices surrounding death are all very different.

I don't have an abundance of parks/softplay/childrens activities nearby. If I did I'm sure they'd be too expensive to just pop in after school etc. 2 within 40 mins drive of me are €8-10 per hr.

Most children just go to their local school (baptism barrier dependent)

New mums here all seem to be inundated with visitors in hospital after their babies are born. I've never come across a new mum who isn't having visitors for the first week/fortnight etc so that they can bond.

Just a few examples there. So, are these typical observations of Irish people? Or just where I live/work? I know that local amenities are dependent on funding etc but it just seems that despite our close proximity to the UK there are big differences in day to day life.
I hope that all comes across ok. I'm just curious really.

You might have postcodes (I do know this!) but no one uses them!

And er no - Ireland has the lowest rate of breastfeeding in Europe actually

And re holding hands - no they don’t. It’s not the norm for a married couple to walk around the shops holding hands in Ireland - it is in the uk.

Everyone uses postcodes in the part of ireland I am in. Don't know what part you are in! Couriers can easily find us know.

The UK also has low breastfeeding rates in comparison to the rest of the world. Certainly better than Ireland not not compared to Scandinavia and Brazil etc.

No there’s a massive difference in breastfeeding rates between the uk and Ireland hence why I posted.
Re postcodes it’s a generation thing not a location thing

I think it’s about 55% of babies being fed some breast milk over first few days in Ireland compared to about 80% in the uk.

I don’t know if you have ever tried to breastfeed a baby in public in Ireland? It’s not a welcomed thing in a public place in my experience!

I've lived in both places. The differences I've noticed are:

1. The English are SO much better at queueing. In Ireland, some queue, while others mill around bus stops, etc, and push up to the front at the last minute. It really annoys me. I remember standing looking at the information board at King's Cross and when I turned around, there were three people behind me, patiently waiting for their train.

2.The Irish are better at engaging people in conversation and at stopping to give directions, IME. I used to get hopelessly lost in London when I first moved there and people would ignore me if I asked for directions. If someone asks for directions in Ireland (and I'm in Dublin), they generally get full chapter and verse , possibly with an offer to accompany the person to their destination

1. The funerals thing....

1. English people do not understand the Irish attitude to swearing in the slightest. We use it creatively, to flesh out a narrative - even James Joyce did it in Ulysses! The F word is a noun, an adjective, a verb, etc, and generally causes less offence here, unless you're calling someone a f....r. The phrase "a cute hoor" can also be affectionate or admonitory.

1. There is definitely a north - south divide. I would suggest that Northerners (and Scots) are closer to the Irish in temperament, but I am open to correction

Oh, but the Irish "time - keeping" NOTHING starts on time here - concerts, movies, etc; there's always an extra few minutes built into the starting time of everything. I'm a pathologically punctual person!

I’d agree re 5 - and I’ve lived in both places too before ardna gets any more aggressive with me!

Yes breastfeeding rates are lowest in world (? I think?) and it is not the 'default ' feeding method as it would be in the uk.

However, I've breastfed 3 babies in public here and have genuinely never had so much as a weird look or tut. I wouldn't care anyway, but it's just never happened.

I also get the strong impression now that more mothers are breastfeeding than even 7 years ago when I had my first. Oddly I think a lot of this may be down to the influence of glam celeb breastfeeders!

Yes bf rates are on the rise I think

I’ve had a few bad experiences but I think because I always just did it wherever I was and didn’t care - also I had to use a nipple shield so couldn’t always be as discrete as I would have wanted to be getting the bloody thing on etc.

I don't think that its fair to say that breastfeeding isn't really done and then back it up with a statistic showing that more than half of babies born here have breast milk! I am awAre that its the lowest in Europe however (midwife)
I bf my babies and never had as much as a second glance at me while feeding in public. But I also hold hands with dh when out walking!
Speaking professionally though, bf rates are much lower than we would like. Hospitals are hemorrhaging money on initiatives to increase rates although not by employing more lactation consultants, or providing weekend cover, and then even more on providing bottles of formula
I have noticed here though that when women say they intend to bottle feed there'll always be a few "no breastfeeding at all??" posts. That must be difficult to deal with.

Irish couples holding hands and having a quick kiss/hug in public outside Dublin is a complete no no

This is bizarre. Of course public affection is normal. Probably not something I see that often while walking round the supermarket, but then I never saw it in English supermarkets either But in the street, shopping centres, park, country roads out walking the dog... yes.

I also breastfed in public in loads of places in both UK and Ireland without bother. The only time I had comments in Ireland, they were positive ones from another wedding guest.

Op - yeah uk hospitals won’t give out formula (often I think to the determent of mum/baby) - it’s only if baby really won’t bf and still you get frowned at
See how low the perception of bf is in Ireland though that you think half of babies feeding is ok/not that bad!

A big difference I've noted is that in the UK people are terrifyingly quick to 'call social services' - even after seeing something with a likely very innocent explanation (like a child looking out of a window?!) or some VERY minor problem (does that child have enough suncream on??) - it's BIZARRE and an absolutely horrible approach to life and to other people. I'm Irish and living in England, and I thoroughly hate this judgemental, negative aspect of Southern English culture. It's oppressive.

Actually, I've found that the ratting each other out extends to all aspects of English culture. On MN, I'm always seeing people wondering whether they should rat out a FRIEND for playing the system to get an extra £20 a week. Things are different in Ireland - we're all in it together/us against the system, rather than actually ratting out your friend! I can't get over that. I actually find the UK a terrifying place to live, as it has such a rat culture.

It's interesting. I'm English born and bred. I've been to funerals but never been invited. That's ridiculous. Surely the grieving family have better things to do that start inviting people? I do stay with my children at parties. Especially when young in case if injury or missing me. I do send my 12 year old to Cadets on his own and this was mentioned to me by the CO because no one else's kid walked there. All driven!

www.irishtimes.com/opinion/letters/breastfeeding-and-changing-attitudes-1.2330991

This is Caitriona Clear, an NUI Galway historian, summing up very briefly her (really interesting) research on the reasons for the decline of breastfeeding in Ireland in the mid-20th c. Her research suggests fairly convincingly that it was a combination of rural women being able to leave the baby with another family member for feeding in order to get back to farm and household work, but also a desire for bodily autonomy in a time and place where women got very little say in key things like how many children to have, and actively resisted official pressure to breastfeed.

Someone shop you for something Cowbell? I guess in "Southern England" people understand that we all pay into the system so those who "play the system" are cheating us all.

I really don't think there is a culture of calling social services and dobbing people in - Mumsnetters are just a bit reactionary behind the bravado of their keyboards.

Also, perhaps if you are "terrified" of being shopped for something, you should stop doing whatever it is you think is going to get you into trouble!!

In poor communities, the introduction of formula was considered aspirational. Only really poor women bfd, those who could afford it bought it.

Back to funerals in England - sorry. When my Mum died, terminal Cancer, we had the funeral within two weeks, and this was near London - I don't know if things have got worse since. We didn't invite people, but did try to let them know.
For my FIL we had to wait nearly a month before the Coroner would sign off the body, because although he was elderly and not in good health he wasn't seen as "dying". I wonder if Harold Shipman has affected things there? We did kind of invite people, but it was more contacting certain people and asking them to let others know.
The only viewing of a body I have known was my Grandfather as a very small child - I wasn't allowed to that funeral although did view the body. My own children have gone to funerals from infancy.

Also I was surprised to hear someone in London say recently how she was seen as having a big family with 3 children. Where I live not far out from London, you barely seemed to have children until you had 3, and I know several families with 6+!

Oh God @Omega1 , that's exactly the kind of shit English attitude I'm talking about. You've personified it, congratulations. You would not be welcome in Ireland.

I think the thread has the potential to turn nasty, which would be a shame.

I had some English friends when living abroad for a bit. All lovely and easy to chat to and obviously we had lots in common. A few things I did notice though was I swore a lot more (mildly now!), not around the kids but as others have said, as punctuation! I could understand any slang or sayings they used, although they didn't use nearly as much as I would have, but they didn't get mine at all. I think that's because of the greater exposure here to English TV programming but very little in comparison over there.

I also knew a lot more about UK culture and history than they did in reverse. Normal enough I would say given the central role the English played in Irish history.

I think a few of them also thought I was a bit mad and wild but it's just a certain way of talking and telling stories we have here which is exaggerated for comic effect!

Cowbell - that attitude is more class based in England. The working class area I grew up in was very anti "shopping people" except maybe child harm.
But middle class tend to be more pro-authority. I notice it with DH, he is far more trusting of authority than I am, although our local police are very good (and nothing like the Met where I grew up).

And if people shop to SS for "child looking out of window" then I know SS just write a note and add to file, and ignore unless they have a body of other reports which make it concerning.

the UK isnt all the same with funerals. My scottish nanas funeral was 4 days after she died. In England it can be up to a month, which I feel is far too long