How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

Exactly this! First off , well done for tackling the issue…with a bit of work and effort you can get back on track.

Id suggest updating your spreadsheet to look 6-12 months ahead (one column for each month). Then populate all your known/expected income for the same period. Get your total for each month.

Then do same for your known outgoings for the same period.

Then any/all debt repayments.

Once it’s all documented then you can get into the detail of resolving your issues.

so writing down what you have spent is helpful - use the data you have a from the last few months and sort it into essentials (by category) and then you'll be able to see what you have left after that and where you're over-spending or can make cut-backs.

I have a bills current account which all the direct debits go out of. I put enough money in there on pay day to cover the direct debits.

Whatever I have left I know needs to last me 4.5 weeks so I divide it between 4.5 and then try to budget each week and not go over that amount. I monitor it during the week and make every effort not to go over. I will review at the end of each week and if I have underspent then the amount left for that week gets transferred to another current account which is my emergency instant access fund.

I have found I am spending less and saving more by thinking about things on a weekly basis rather than monthly.

You'll find it really liberating once you've made the switch. I've used YNAB for so long that I know on any given day whether we're ahead or behind financially. I can glance at my available budget and think 'ooh, that's tight for mid-month' and I'll say to DH 'no discretionary spending for a couple of weeks, please.' So we just buy essentials, etc. Then we can ease off.

You need to get to know your month.

Apart from the debt maintenance you can try and negotiate money off insurances, telephone etc at renewal. DS just got a quote for car insurance renewal. I made him ring his current insurer and It was another £50 off.

Same with internet, I’m due to get in to my annual haggle with my provider.

There may be a food pantry near you. I do not use them as would feel guilty as don’t need to though it’s as much to do with food waste as cost. At my local one you pay a fiver and get a box worth at least £20.

Then there is cooking and how inventive you are. My Mother grew up with rationing and my Dads family were refugees when he was a very small child. They could stretch anything. Snacking was forbidden in our house, but that’s more a generational thing. DH family were wealthy and they didn’t snack either, it was actually frowned on.

Plus anything that needs doing round the house. DH has a skill level with DIY that’s as good as professionals and I’m not too bad.

Money makes money, the sacks of rice I buy were on offer, £3.50 off the price so I bought 2 yesterday instead of the 1 I usually buy. That’s the trap of low income not being able to take advantage at the time.

I didn’t have a career when I had my kids, I was 22 and barely made minimum wage when I had my first. As I say, this is why I stopped at 2, and paid huge amounts in childcare, I also spent a lot of time in work. It’s about choices, I’m not saying your choices are wrong at all, but it’s really naive to play the “why are we struggling so much card“ without understanding the choices you’ve made.

Your kids are older now, you understandably have high standards such as with the clubs, perhaps now is the time to look at income. But I agree with everyone else, even with a high income we watch our outgoings very carefully, I have a spreadsheet and I literally plan our finances about 3 years in advance.

OP - I mean this kindly, but you are in denial. You are pushing back on a few posters here who are pointing out straight talking facts.

You need to up your income. That's the top and bottom of it. You need to attack this debt as if it were a cancer. Cutting back will only do so much.

You also seem to have a rather defetist attitude (understandable as the debt is probably consuming you). But don't think or one second because you don't have a career, you can't earn decent money. That's a ridiculous fallacy.

Right now, If I were in your shoes, I would do anything in my power in between whatever free time I had around the kids to earn money (specifically from home) or in whatever free time I had.

Some suggestions for you to look in :

• Cambly (you can sign up, no qualifications needed) and get going speaking English to non-native people online.

-Social media marketing - look into Tiktok Affiliate and UGC content creation. With 3 children, it would be awesome to get free samples and showcase content around products that will actually help you.

• Selling stuff on Whatnot/Vinted
• Dog walking/babysitting/tutoring/cleaning if you have a spare hour etc
• Doing surveys
• Joining sites like Air tasker where you can see odd jobs in your local area.

I would also listen to Dave Ramsay on YouTube. He's American based but talks a lot of sense. He also has a budgeting app that is pretty good.

Good luck.

I don’t know who you bank with but with Monzo, our bills account predicts all our regular transactions and bills so you can see your end of month projected balance.

We also have ‘pots’, so we can portion money up. Food shop pot, Christmas pot, Car insurance / MOT pot etc. When that is gone, we either go without or work out which pot we can reduce.

So glad I started this thread as certainly made me see things differently and I think may have helped others too.
I seem to have got a lot of focus on “3 kids” but this is us, we’re a family of 5 and that’s that.
its the situation we’ve got ourselves in now that we’re struggling with and thats what i needed advice for so thanks to those who gave valid advice, much appreciated.

Contact Citizen's Advice, they are good for looking at budgets and dealing with debts

Well I have 4 kids so I'm obviously even worse ha! Good luck OP. I've been there and we have better jobs now and much less childcare to pay. It will get easier. You've had some great advice. Get going with it 😁

I have no idea - I am constantly “wish budgeting” which means I arbitrarily decide that I should be spending a certain amount for the month regardless of whatever else I have going on. Then I get annoyed because I have to take money out of savings.

I would cut the kids down to one club each, or speak to the club leaders and see if they have any hardship programs I know guiding does.

You don't have crystal ball and you couldn't have known when you had your children what the economy would look like when they were planned and even 5 years ago three kids a TA mum and a full time dad would not have been such a struggle.

Can you do a few days a week at an after school club - our school lets teaching/TA staff children attend for free if they are staffing the club so you wouldn't necessarily have to cover child care, - could boost your income by a few 100 quid - our schools cleaners also have their children following them round if that's an option for you.

You’re not alone…a massive percentage of the UK lives from one pay day to the next. For most, an unexpected bill would throw them into debt. And then the cycle begins.

As I mentioned, get on top of your budget (what you have available, not what you’ve already spent) and maybe have a look at one of the tried/tested financial paths that are out there. They all pretty much follow the same sequence of actions.

Id recommend Dave Ramsey Baby Steps up until you’re out of debt then switch over to Rebel Finance School (or Rebel Finance School from the beginning but I find it skims over the debt element and focuses on saving and investing).

Good luck x

If you’re anywhere near the West Midlands, I would look at jobs in the regulators. SRA, Legal Ombudsman, Gambling Commission, Dental Regulator, RICS. These tend to be hybrid and you can work your way up. Not as good pay as private of course but family friendly which helps on childcare costs.

I was a TA for an year and the money was terrifyingly low, I only coped by getting a Saturday job as a care worker. So the good news is if you can find almost anything else you will likely do better. I do get though that not having to pay for childcare in the holidays is a huge benefit. Have you looked at different schools like a hospital school or a special school? Or could you work at one of your children’s schools and do after school club or similar?

Do you have any space to grow food? There aren’t many things to grow that really save money but potatoes probably do, maybe also raspberries.

Id really, really avoid the top-up shops. The more you can stay away from shops, the better. You could try learning to make a basic loaf for backup bread when you run out.

TBH a lot of people around you will be being helped out financially by parents. If you have anyone who might be able to help you pay off the debt, ask.

Thank you, that’s what I needed to hear.
No one can predict the future or even what tomorrow brings and we all find ourselves in tricky situations through life.
I do any extra I can take as a TA, supporting trips, meetings just anything. But after school club is not an option.
I may have to look into a little side “job” to try and bring in a bit extra each month.

@TDSR26

Other options I know other TA friends of mine do - supporting holiday clubs, offering babysitting to other families in the school, depending on what age you TA for SATS prep or additional reading tutoring, online tutoring for phonics and things, school drop off/pick up walking bus (like a childminder but you literally just take the children to and from school)
You could also look at getting into the school office/admin as this pays more per hour with the similar level of flexibility

What ages are your children currently?

We were in a similar position until September when we mortgaged and rolled some debts - boiler, car finance, mat leave credit card into the house it has given us some breathing room and we are able to overpay to make up the loss.

People act like it is easy but we are literally one emergency away from not being able to pay our bills.

Yes that’s what I’m trying to do is get into office admin but seem to get nowhere. TA was only ever a fall back as I need term time hours purely for childcare after school and in the holidays. As some people has said it’s seen as a “luxury” to be at home more but it’s not the case because honestly TA work is hard and it’s brutal and it’s a lot of expectation for little reward and the pay is just awful.
I currently even work at my children’s school purely for convenience as don’t have to worry about drop offs / pick ups. But I’m really not enjoying it and trying to get out for many reasons.
my children are now 8, 10 (11 next month) and 13 and there’s no way I can leave them home alone all day.

We looked into re-mortgaging but not really an option unless we want to pay well into our 70’s!

Life has just become so hard especially when it all revolves around money.

TA’s are just not given enough credit or value, pay certainly doesn’t match the expectations.
My parents are in no position to help but my in-laws have helped out with various things I’ve the years as they’ve done ok for themselves.
It was purely my other half getting some early inheritance the reason we moved or we never would have done. I sometimes question if we made the right decision but now as the kids are getting older it’s clear they need more space and our old house was so tiny we were on top of each other and there was nowhere to extend.
We don’t really feel like we can ask for help and just pretend we’re “ok”.

The problem with asking for financial help is that you don’t learn the skills needed to manage money year on year. I know that can sound a bit patronising but it sounds like you have a steady income that covers your needs if it weren’t for the debt you’re carrying. Having someone effectively pay that (whether it be a family member, rolling it into the mortgage, a loan) covers the immediate issue but doesn’t help you make the long term changes needed which is why in a year or two people find themselves in the same position or worse.

As you make some changes (allocate money before it’s spent, really squeeze household costs, build an emergency fund), things will start to ease and you’ll gain confidence in your ability to weather the storm. You can do this.

I think, given the ages of your kids, in a year or two you won't need wrap around care anymore and you can then work regular hours and have a regular salary. In the meantime track your spending as you go along not after you have already spent. Allocate a certain amount per week for food shopping. No top-up shops and buy smart (no expensive fresh fruit/veg out of season, limit meat consumption, no ready meals etc.). Cancel a couple of the kids clubs. I think you will see a big difference. I used to spend almost twice what I do now on food alone before I started tracking. I am not really missing anything either, I just buy different things as different times a year and I make a lot more vegetable based meals that last a few days or I freeze them.

We have a spreadsheet with all our incomings / outgoings, which we review often.

When we are paid we transfer a proportion to our ISA, SIPP and shorter term savings (holiday etc).

Then to our separate bills account to cover all bills that come out by direct debt.

We then have pots in our spending account for food shop, personal spends, travel, car, etc. When it's gone it's gone.

We are really strict and it's a bit miserable at the moment but I never want to be in debt / have credit again.

I stopped doing any top up shops and just get extra in the weekly food delivery as the local shops are 20% more expensive.

We meal plan, only eat out for special occasions, rarely buy clothes.

It's really tough with any amount of children, let alone three.

Edited to add we are building up an emergency fund too which is great for peace of mind but means we are actively going without day to day.

Some posters are harsh here. People can't return a child due to COL increases or change jobs easily.

There's a few things that might help:

You need to figure out your typical monthly spend - without understand that you don't even know if you need to increase income or by how much

First list all essential and fixed cost items (e.g. rent/mortgage)
Then all essential and variable costs (i.e. electricity). Use estimates to cover same
Ring suppliers for all of them and ask for the best deal possible, especially if you are out of contract - mobiles, internet, tv, insurance etc)
Then do all of the not essential but desirable.
Again review them all to see what can be reduced or even cut.
Then see what's remaining to throw at the debt.

Regarding food - one veggie and one pasta night a week - cheap options. Bulk buying and freezing might also help. No top ups etc. Do it online if shopping in store tmis too tempting etc.

There are often Mum’s looking for someone for drop off/ pick up and also Mum’s looking for emergency cover which you could offer in the holidays. You could put out an ad or whatever on Facebook or ask if can do through school newsletter/ noticeboard. Another thing is tutoring primary especially in the run up to SATs.
The good thing is that you have an enhanced DBS.