How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

OP it honestly sounds like you are doing so many things right, life is just incredibly expensive. I did just want to chip in though that I would rethink how you look at the mortgage. I totally get not wanting to be paying it into your 70s, but the chances are the interest rate will be much lower than any other debt you have. By putting it all on the mortgage, you will benefit from that lower rate. You can then overpay as and when you’re able to bring the term length down.

My husband is self employed so we opted for the longest term length available (35 years) to minimise the monthly required payments. We have been making regular overpayments as he’s actually had plenty of work, and in the last 3 years have already knocked 18 months off that term length. It’s given us flexibility with relatively low interest debt and all being well we will have comfortably paid it off by 60.

It's not easy and the cost of living has been dreadful these last few years.
You say the debt is the main issue - is it possible for you to consolidate all debt eg if you have loans and credit cards get one big loan, clear all others and spread it over a slightly longer period so then you just have one repayment which may be for longer but could be lower monthly? Yes, you will possibly pay more interest over time but it may give you some breathing space. The main thing if u do that is to not get any other loans/credit cards while paying this off however.

Why is it so meat based, veggie can be great with lentils, I make a lovely filling broccoli/ pasta cheese, ok, not great for your pasta hater

Wages just have not kept up with inflation. Add in debt...

But I think you if you survive for another 3 or so years...you won't need childcare, you can look for a better position, better pay, more hours and opportunities.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling OP. Everything is so expensive right now.

Please do get some advice about the debt.

First things first, you really need to know where your money is going. We use an app called Moneyhub to do this but there's a fee after the first 6 months. You could also look at Emma or Snoop which are free options. Anyway I have budgets set on the app and it automatically pulls in all our transactions from our various accounts - it categorises them for you and you can adjust the categories. It gives you nudges when you've spent more than expected in a budget category by that point in the month. I check in quickly with it every morning. Crucially I know we're at risk of going over budget before it happens.

When you know where it's going you can start to make some choices about where to focus your spending and where to cut back.

I would go through everything line by line and be ruthless. It doesn't have to be forever but while you're tackling your debt, you need to find ways to reduce your spending.

Have you got the best deals for insurance and utilities? Shop around to check.
How much is it costing you to run your car(s)? Can you reduce this?
How much are you paying for your phones? Can you reduce this?
Can you manage without subscriptions for a while?
What's costing the money in your food shop? Snacks are expensive, ditto some fruit and veg. Can you swap out some things for cheaper options? Eating less meat is an obvious way to save money.

Before you buy anything, think to yourself:
Do I really need this?
Could I borrow it?
Could I find it secondhand? (Or even free? People on local FB groups give away all sorts)

Can you set yourself challenges like no spend weeks? Where you only buy essentials like food.

Money Saving Expert is great for tips.

Sinking funds for planned occasional expenses are a good idea: Christmas, birthdays, car service/insurance/MOT, home insurance are obvious ones to start with. Plan those into your budget.

And then start thinking about an emergency fund - £1k is your initial target. So next time you need a new oven, you don't have to go into debt to finance it.

Change your mindset: look everywhere for a few pounds' worth of saving to keep chipping away at that debt.

Dave Ramsay's baby steps might help you.
It's worth a google and there's a UK Facebook group.

I do think that ultimately the best way out of this is to increase your income. I know lots of people who don't need to use wrap around childcare much any more because they work from home much of the time. They pop out and pick the kids up from school then go back to work - and I think yours are old enough to amuse themselves for an hour or two until you've finished work. Holidays are a juggle but again don't necessarily involve holiday clubs every day. So please don't feel like a school based job is your only option.

Do you have the lidl app? Once you've spent £250 you get 10% off your next shop. You can use that to stock up on things like cleaning products and non-perishables for the month. I think it could save you a lot of money

I recommend frozen berries, they're lovely on porridge. Tesco do a frozen bag with cherries which is my favourite but you might get a better deal elsewhere. It's worth trying them out, you'll get a lot more and if there are some you don't like in porridge use them for a crumble or something next time the oven's on.

I also recommend trying the Too Good to Go app (and Olio although I haven't used that yet) but you'll need freezer space. If your children like sandwiches & bakery items there are Greggs or Costa bags most days. Asda & Lidl are great for grocery bags. Morrisons isn't so good here but might be worth trying one near you (check the star rating on the app). There'll probably be lots of smaller local places you can try but don't get carried away, it's easy to do!

Good luck with your planning ahead, I think that will really work for you. Even a few quid saved here and there will help. Once you've paid off the debt you'll have the tools to carry on and hopefully build up some savings.

My youngest is 8! I think he still need me?!

Sorry but you need to stop focusing on term time only school hours jobs. Your kids are 8, nearly 11 and 13
The eldest should be seeing themselves to and from school, the second should be pretty nearly doing that. So really only your 8yr old would need wraparound care and the extra pay from full time work would more than cover that.
As for school holidays - what do you think yours and your husbands annual leave allowance is for. Plus if you get a job where you can wfh 2 or 3 days a week you'll hardly need any holiday clubs at all as your children are old enough you could wfh without needing childcare as such. I wouldn't advise it for younger children but 2 of your 3 are secondary age pretty much.

Stop making excuses and get a full time job, you cannot afford the luxury of the very part time job you currently do.

Do you think all parents of 8 year olds are picking them up from sch every day and at home with the in the holidays?
Don't be silly. Some do who are very wealthy and can afford this.

You aren't one of them. Sadly your husband doesn't earn enough for you to be on such a low salary and you are falling further and further into debt. Apply for full time jobs.

Why would your 13 and 11 year old need morning and after school club? They can just walk home. Nobody in year 6 at our school goes to wraparound, they have house keys and walk home, they aren't young kids! They are safe to be at home alone for an hour or 2 after school.
This is just excuses

Thanks again for all who helped with constructive advice.
Goodbye

Crikey, I wonder if you would last five minutes in a school. I find your comment regarding the job being relaxing an absolute insult. I say that not as a TA but as a teacher who absolutely appreciates the hard work and contributions TAs make not only to the children they work with but the school as a whole.
Love to know what your job is that you sit in an ivory tower casting aspersions.

Why wouldn't you put your wages and the amount of debt down on here? It is anonymous.

I have a budget but always aim to spend less than this. When I have money left over I resist the temptation to treat myself and put it aside for emergencies.
I reduce outgoings in the following ways:
No pets.
No subscriptions except basic phone and internet.
No buying things on credit - I save for what I need and If I can't afford it upfront then it means I can't have it.
I always have a water bottle and snacks in my bag for myself and DC so I'm not tempted to buy overpriced items when out.

No make-up and I cut and dye my hair at home (this last one is grim but saves me a small fortune).

Just realised the other child was almost 11!
No reason for breakfast club every single day or after school up every single day.
Wrap around costs would literally be halved.

Do Tesco price match with Aldi or Lidl? Sainsburys do this, I try to pick the cheaper products from there. I also have worked which products are much cheaper at Aldi or Lidl. Not all of them are, but I make sure I buy the cheaper ones there. For example, bread flour is £1.40 in Sainsburys and £1.09 in Aldi. Tortilla wraps are £1.40 in Sainsburys and 99p in Aldi.

If your debt is on a credit card, check out whether you could transfer it onto a zero% card for a few months. Martin Lewis has plenty of advice and ways to see if you would be accepted without wrecking your credit score. The interest will not be helping you pay off the capital. ( as you know!)

Sorry you’ve had such a hard time in between the helpful posts - what is wrong with some people!

I used to work in the personal insolvency field. From your description of your situation the thing that jumps out at me is that you’re still accruing more debt - that’s a slow downward spiral. But also really great that you’ve got rid of all the cards - I used to see people who had built it up, consolidated two or three times and didn’t address things until there was no more credit because they were convinced they were handling things.

There have been lots of helpful suggestions as to how you could trim down some of your bills (although suggestions like frozen prawns and jacket potatoes always amuse me as financial advice!). Focus on building yourself some sort of buffer - you’re very financially vulnerable with no savings at all, evidence by having to BNPL on new appliances. What if you car breaks for instance? Credit will be your only option.

So - as you save £20 off your shopping, cancel the £100 club for one of the kids, prioritise putting that saving towards an emergency fund. I promise you’ll feel so much better/in control next time something breaks and you can just pay for it. Whatever you do don’t absorb that £20 into your day to day spending.

Best of luck - you can pull yourself out of this! If you had over to the monesysavingexpert debt free wannabe forum you’ll find lots of detailed expert advice if you will post your numbers there. Honestly - I think you need to confront the numbers.

Have you thought about night work - so work - take kids to school / then sleep. Thats what I do

so yes I’m around school holidays and no childcare needed - but also earn a good wage as working every week

Try withdrawing cash for all but direct debits each week. It saved us! It's a lot easier to see when you're running out of money when it's cash in your purse than tapping a card.

Where is someone who “only” has recent experience as a TA going to find a job paying double minimum wage?? 😂

What customer service jobs are paying management level wages?

I’m assuming she means double her current earning, 4 full days a week and not term time only.

You sound as if you are doing amazingly to keep your family afloat. These are hard times!

Have you contacted https://www.educationsupport.org.uk ? They can offer helpful advice and may be able to provide financial grants?

Or contact your union, if you have one? They may offer a range of financial support including cheap breaks away.

There are lots of benevolent societies who can often provide support and information, as well as priority debt relief and other financial grants. Some (not all!) are listed here :https://britainexplained.com/list-of-benevolent-funds/

But definitely contact a debt charity or CAB for debt advice. Good luck!

I imagine they mean the extra wages for the months she is currently unpaid. Also, there is basically no chance of advancement as a TA, she would have to start retail for example at entry level but could progress to team leader then area manager etc, with opportunity to increase her wage and pension going forward.