How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

Thank you,
Way before Covid I didn’t work for a few years after having all three kids and we were doing just fine on one wage.
I know we have made mistakes which I hold my hands up too but it goes to show the impact COL has had that now one adult working two jobs and the other part time still isn’t enough to cover everything.
Everything has increased dramatically but unfortunately wages don’t keep up!

Costs to just live and exist in 2026 are awful. It will be the demise of western civilisation as we know it if it’s not rebalanced soon! It’s why so many younger people/ people who hadn’t started their families yet are choosing 0 kids or ‘1 and done’. I can see why younger women are just not up for having kids.

It will leave countries like ours in a pickle for tax and pensions in the future if the tide is potentially turning against immigrants to fill voids.

Government can’t take on the global economy but they could defo give families with kids more tax breaks - for say the duration they are primary aged at very least.

We’ve got 3 kids. Had 3rd 2020. Pre Covid (when we decided on 3) 3 kids was not seen as a luxury as it is now. Hard work and less free money potentially yes. Bigger car yes. Maybe trickier for abroad holidays yes. A choice some wouldn’t make as things are easer/ cheaper with ‘2 adults 2 kids’ model for cars/ holiday/ days out. But I never once heard 3 kids described as a luxury as it frequently is now! As if they are a sports car or a handbag!!

We are fortunate in that we were not ‘top of our game’ and have both been able to earn more in the last 6 years. I feel incredibly grateful for that. It doesn’t give us a better standard of life than pre 2020 but at least enables us to maintain the same life.

I don’t know how most people are coping. regardless of number of kids! Everyone earning the same now has less. It’s all relative.

It’s tough for families and was a completely different story a decade ago. I really sympathise with you as you are both working hard and trying to do what’s best for your family.

Good luck in your job hunt and I hope you find something that helps financially but that you get satisfaction from and can enjoy too.

Ignore the negative people out there who like to be smug. Prob on main part had their one kid since covid or are very high earners who like to look down on people. They are not the majority. Hold your head up high. xxx

Thank you so much.
People act like I’ve literally just popped out three kids and now have no money!
Next time we make any big life decisions I’ll remember to bring out my crystal ball!

Ignore them, smug keyboard warriors! 😆 xxx

OP, we have three children and have a lot of debt (not including our mortgage) - it was six figures.

I’d be happy to private message if you want.

We used PayPlan to consolidate our debts and it’s saved us. And my mental health.

Its a free service and I’d highly recommend giving them a call.

Happy to private messsge, thank you

I would recommend the Financielle App. I would contact them before agreeing anything with Step Change. We are a family of 5 and it’s been worth it.

This is good advice.

You may need help to get it cleared, especially if there's interest.

I didn't mean to sound harsh in a previous post when I said I was concerned you are playing round the edges. It's just you are already working to max (taking into account childcare as I agree with you) and you don't sound like you are doing too much wrong in terms of spending. Some people come on and say they can't possibly go without £100 a month on coffee but you don't have that kind of slack to take in.

Professional advice could help you enjoy life a bit more.

Would moving the debt to a long term interest free credit card deal be useful? You do pay the transfer fee but if you 100% sure you would put the money aside every month to pay the credit card bill when it eventually becomes due, you would avoid higher interest rates in the meantime and even earn a little interest. If you think you would spend the money in the meantime, best avoided.

Where I work some TAs do some extra hours in the breakfast/after school club. And make sure you claim every single time the teacher is out of the classroom for anything longer than a wee and you're left alone with the kids- my school allows TAs to claim HLTA rate for this.

Grocery shopping on line always incurs a charge for me to deliver so maybe look at that. There are always better deals to be had when going in store eg butter. A very large tub for 5 pounds from a quality maker is not shown on line or has not been for quite some time. Restricting yourself to one shop for groceries will stop you seeing better deals to be had elsewhere at better quality. Ironically Marks is sometimes way better. Purchase a slow cooker for casseroles etc. as can make really economical meals. It is normal now to have a mortgage up to 70. It does not however, have to mean you keep it until then. If it would work for you now to remortgage to make life easier then do that. You are allowed to pay off up to 10K extra a year. They can be random payments. Check your providers website. A lot can happen between now and being 70 ie your children are getting older and you can therefore maybe look for other jobs that pay more in a few years time. Best of luck to you x

Give it a try!!

We spend similar on our grocery shop for a family of 4 and we eat mostly veggie stuff too. (That's all meals for the whole family including lunches.) Our only "treats" are organic dairy and tiny amount of meat which maybe adds £10 to the bill. I really don't think it's an extravagant amount. I also don't think Lidl is hugely cheaper especially if you buy on half price offer or price match items, and you have to factor in cost of petrol / spontaneous buys.

We batch make our own lunchbox snacks (eg flapjacks and muffins) but I don't think it saves that much. It's healthier though than crisps and ready made bars.

My DC are similar ages to your older ones and easily eat as much as I do now. People saying it costs £100 a week - that's £25 per person, or just over £1 per meal for a family of 4 - it's extremely difficult to eat a healthy and varied diet on that, especially taking into account fussy kids.

Watch programmes on C4 like batch meals with Joe Swash and that lady surname Mulholland.
Lots ot tips on saving good money and providing good nutritious meals at half the cost.

I know you need to budget but cut yourself some slack on this. You can't do everything at once. But l am confident you can turn this situation around , pay your debts off and put it behind you.

Good Luck

🤞👍😻
Xxx

Three kids is expensive and TA pay is low.

You can only make money stretch so far, if there isn't enough of it to start with you will be skint.

Debt won't help if its meaning money's going on interest. But the question is, is it old debt from previous overspending, or are you borrowing more and more just to meet ordinary bills? The former is frustrating but you just have to chip away at it, try and get it on interest free deals if you can.

The latter is a bigger worry and suggests you need to find a way to bring in more money, especially if you've already cut costs as much as you can.

Could you register as a child minder and then in the school holidays take in 2 children?

You could earn £340 a week for 4 weeks int he summer (allowing 2 weeks for you to have off as a family) £1360 of the debt or for xmas

Definetly speak to step change i can relate to everything you've said.

I spoke to them i was in pieces they helped sort it all and reduce my monthly repayments.

Its honestly the best thing you can do 2/3 years time you'll hoprfully be debt free and loving life again .

Honestly OP the best thing you can donis speak to step change.

Im confused about the debt
Why do you need to make a dent in it?
If its a loan you juat keep paying until its gone , the interest is calculated up front??

Really your goals should be
Pay all bills and loan
Look at what is leftover
Set up a budget, including food, fuel ,money for other non monthly expenses such as kids clothes/ school uniform/ shoes/ birthdays/car service / christmas, dentist -this you put in pots like Monzo
THEN you look at whats leftover and what you have available to spend as discretionary spending.
That way you build up pots

If you just buy stuff you will always be chasing your tail
Next
Check all bills and see if you can switch
Check all subscriptions
Kids can have either Netflix or Prime or Disney not all.
Cancel for the summer months when they will be outside more , its usually cheaper to re sign up
Check if you can get a work discount card, eg blue light never buy without checking first
Sell all DC old clothes on Vinted, every penny counts
Surveys
Check old supernarket cards for points
No alcohol, juices or squash
Tap water
Berrres are way too expensive, chop apple into porridge and a sprinkle of cinnamon,use the slightly wrinkly ones
No adding to debt,you just have to manage eg airfryer instead of cooker

Obce all 3 are at secondary, look for another, better paid job

OP have you ever looked at the Olio app, people pick up unsold food from supermarkets at the end of the day and you can collect free food from them. I've picked up bread, milk, flowers, meat, so sorts. You can be an ambassador and do collections and keep a certain amount. I've found it a useful app on super tight weeks. I hope you aren't insulted by the suggestion, all the best.

OP me and my hubby were where u are last year, its not nice so I sympathise, we also have 3 children. I saw you aren't keen to put all your direct debits etc on here and its very personal but I needed an outsiders perspective and I got brutal but good advice on what we were paying stupid money for and were able to cut back on, so if u feel brave go for it! An example I had was that we were paying £130 for sky, I thought that was the norm, everyone has sky. Except it was a very big luxury, I got a wakeup call with that, got rid, spent one off fee of £50 on a firestick and pay for two subscriptions which is Netflix and disney+, which is great! Little things like that help so much especially if you can do it in other areas too. Also try batch cooking, buying the kids stuff off vinted, selling on vinted or ebay, do your own nails and get a cheap bottle of wine for a friday night treat/pamper with a friend so you dont feel stuck in a rut! Dont buy takeaways unless its a treat as thats where money gets wasted straight away! All the best, it gets better when the bloody debts are paid off! Also if u have credit cards chop them up once paid off!

Honestly that’s a lot! Our house rule is one activity per child. Otherwise it’s hard to keep up both financially and time wise: travelling to and from, uniform and gear. See what the kids will drop and put what you were paying for those clubs and all the kit towards your debt. It sounds harsh but that’s going to reduce your expenses by a lot. Good luck!

I am in similar position. The debt makes it hard...without it I would be fine

Thanks for your honest post.
I don’t feel it’s an extravagant amount to spend on food but I do begrudge spending what I do on food when I feel some money could be saved or for days out / treats etc…
My kids love cucumbers and every time I look at them I always think “you used to cost 39p”! 😂 Now it’s closer to a pound!! I do just think food prices have got so out of hand and even with the bare minimum you’re spending a fortune!
I think Lidl is a slightly cheaper option but then I don’t get all toiletries in there so guess that’s why I see is it as a cheaper shop all round as it is just mainly food.
When you breakdown £100 as £25 per person it really doesn’t sound a lot at all! It’s just hard to make things stretch especially with 3 hungry growing kids who sometimes eat more than me!

Totally agree
They are doing 6 clubs total
Cut it down to one each, you simply cannot afford it if you are buying on credit

£20 per person if theres 5 of you

My husband & I list every penny we spend, i have a spreadsheet on my phone that i list the date, the amount, the type of spending (food shop, utility, fuel, eating out, etc) & where that money was spent from (current account, credit card, cash) i have been doing this for 3 years now & it has made us much better at budgeting. Because we have been doing it for so long now i can budget everything for the year & nothing comes as a surprise. We put money aside each month for the annual bills like MOT. We also budget a monthly amount for car repairs, house repairs etc so that when we do need a new tyre/a new tap etc we have the money there. Its sounds very over the top but you would be surprised how much cash you spend without noticing so we are much more aware of our spending & this has meant we know we can spend when we want without feeling guilty (because its in the budget) and also makes us realise that just because something is cheap doesn’t always mean we need it. Things like the price of fuel doubling over night doesn’t scare us as much because we look at the budget & adjust as needed. We make better choices because if you only have £50 for that section of the budget then you work towards sticking to that. Also until the debt is paid off be as strict with yourself as possible, if your children are old enough to understand then explain that for a short time you need to reduce their clubs etc