How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

You’re in significant debt. You can’t keep doing things the way you’re currently doing them and expecting things to improve. Swapping a sausage for an extra potato like someone mentioned earlier is a start but it’s hardly going to be life changing. You need to earn more and spend less. No one’s claiming the changes you need to make will be fun or comfortable but it’s a steep hole and to get out of it needs radical changes. There’s people who work opposite day and night shifts to their partners for the whole childcare years because that’s what it takes to make ends meet. They don’t ‘want to’ but that’s what life looks like sometimes. If you’re serious about shifting this debt you need to start making the hard decisions.

Did I miss something here? Where are the holiday clubs charging a quid an hour (that would add to a total of just £200 for 2 weeks)? Tbh, I wasn't even aware there were clubs that would cover enough hours for a full day's work. Not to mention the insane wrap around costs for a regular week when the kids are at school. If it's £7 for a half hour after school (which seems insane but that's what was quoted) that's at least £67 a day total. Which, when op says she would be looking at minimum wage jobs, would leave her with around £25 a day. I'm going to guess that's considerably less than what she's earning as a TA even after pro rating the wage and sharing it out over the year! (not to mention the loss of time spent with family - partner may work 2 jobs but presumably still has statutory leave) It would therefore be a financial loss. Indeed, factoring in that cost of childcare, she'd have to command a much higher wage per hour than she probably has skills for at the moment. You seem to be assuming she's actually turning down relatively well paid work for the convenience of term time work?

OP have you considered using Best Meat or other commercial online meat supplier for your meat needs. Currently 5KG of chicken breasts is £39.99 whereas it would normally be around £60 they also have other meat deals that are very good value.
We can order meat which is delivered on a specific day in a specific area and when it arrives I break it down into portions to suit DH and I. The joint deals are even better and we can often cut joints down making them go further but that wouldn't be necessary for you and your family. We have had their BBQ packs when in season and the sausage variations are all delicious and it is all bulk size which would go a long way to feeding your hungry family.
As others have said Lidl/Aldi/Home Bargains are very good value and although I realise you may shop online for convenience with a busy family life - actually going shopping can help you to spot deals you would otherwise miss. There are things we have tried from the cheaper stores but if we don't like them - we know for future reference.

OP you are getting angry as people are telling you what you don’t want to hear. You have 3 kids and are in debt, as much as you can probably cut a bit more expenses, cut all kids activities, going out, snacks, get all clothes second hand, buy super cheap food, the reality is you have a job that allows you loads of holidays for the luxury of staying at home with kids who are nearly all teenagers and have holidays with your husband. If you are really serious in getting out of debt and save something, even if just for a few years you need to work more. Do tuitions and homework for young kids, especially during holiday time when other families would need coverage or after school. Get an extra job. Whatever it takes for you and your husband to up your income. There is no other way. Or just stay in debt and continue accumulate it.

Quiz Night - My OH worked two jobs for many years - we may have been the boomer generation but when interest rates shot up we still had to make ends meet, hence me fitting in several part time jobs and OH having two jobs, and two DC . It was our choice that I was the parent most often there for the children and if the OH can earn significantly more than the OP in their second job it may work for them too. In the end the second job became the foundation of OHs own business but there had been many 16/18 hour days at that point. Re debt It makes sense to pay higher interest loans off first and if it’s CC debt swap to no interest offers if possible and never spend on that card. Frankly I’d try really hard to tackle the debt myself before I did anything that affected my Credit rating. Tackling spending is one attack, increasing income is the other . If it’s a debt you can overpay /pay more on , all the better but some debts have penalties for early clearance so watch out and do the maths to see how it would work out.

Thank you! Someone finally understands what I’m saying. Childcare is insane.

Thanks to all who gave constructive feedback, refreshing to see different perspectives and also to physically see people’s budgets - as that was the actual question!
I will definitely take onboard everyone’s advice moving forward and look into all apps / website suggestions.
I didn’t need all the harsh criticism on the size of my family, my work and how we’re doing things - that’s not what I came on here for!
This is us as a family and our current situation and we’re trying are best to juggle it all like many others struggling through hard times
and … at least I’m actually in employment and working unlike many who sit back and sponge off the government!
I’m taking a step away from this feed now, as I think I’ve heard and written everything I need.
Thanks again.

For clarity costs for my children’s schools holiday club…
Daily Charges are:
9.00am – 3.00pm £34 per child
Early Club 8.30am – 9.00am extra £3.50 per child
Late Club 3.00pm – 4.15pm extra £10.75 per child or
Late Club 3.00pm – 5.15pm extra £14.75 per child
if I had to do this for two weeks in the holidays that would be a good chunk of a months full time wage on minimum wage.

Can you get help with the cost of childcare? That's payable to quite a high income level.

Second the advice about you working instead of DH so he doesn't pay higher rate tax. Even on nor much more than NMW, he'd be there working 80 hours a week.

But you have to think about the cost of holiday childcare across the whole year not just for the school holidays. If both you and DH use 3 or 4 weeks of AL separately for childcare, spread over say 9 weeks so a day a week or a couple of half days if possible your 13 YO supervise the younger two, then it vastly reduces the amount you need to pay for.

You talk a lot about what you do to provide childcare but not DH. You've also mentioned his big appetite. Is part of problem that he's a reason for the large food bill? Or that he won't or 'can't' get time off to look after DC or won't look after them at evenings and weekends? Don't let him think that working long hours means he's done his bit. Especially as it might be more tax efficient for you to work.

But most people aren't 'having a go'. You've still not given any details on your income and expenditure, which means no-one knows whether this really is a case of your income not covering even basic expenses, in which case the consolidation loan was probably a mistake, and yiu should have taken a formal debt management solution. Or is it just that there's an element of champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget and you need to cut back on lifestyle and properly account for the irregular costs in your budget until you're out of debt.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel as in 3 years time when your youngest goes to high school, you will be able to leave them during the holidays so won't need to pay for childcare. You'll get there before you know it.

Of course it’s a good chunk, it’s always a good chunk. The point is it’s a handful of weeks a year, probably 2 or 3 max and you average that expense out over the year.
You use tax free childcare for each child to bring it down a further 20%, and your child’s school will not be the only holiday club, there are plenty of themed private clubs in the holidays tailored to interests with different pricing.

If you cut all the weekly clubs for your children that you currently can’t afford that amount alone would probably allow you to work longer a non term time role only at no extra cost to the bottom line but brining in addition income.

This may have already been suggested, have you done the maths that if your husband dropped a job if you would qualify for universal credit? The difference may not be huge and he would be around more to help, if your also on universal credit they will pay up to 85% of childcare which would help with wrap around for you to be able to find more hours. Feels like a lot of change but I think to get out the situation that’s exactly what you need

our family have just spent 2 years climbing out of debt (finally) so I do have advice. But please be open to changing everything.
What you’ve done is normal in this day and age, but debt is a mistake and we’ve all made it. It is simple incoming vs outgoings. If cost of living rises you need to either increase income or cut outgoing. It’s hard but a complete mindset shift and behavioural shift is possible.
Just think how much debt you have and how much disposable income you’d have if no debt.
You need to be sick and tired of being sick and tired to get out of this. There is no easy way to clear debt, there’s no room for defensiveness about your past choices or offence.
I followed the Dave Ramsay method - he’s US based (I listened to his money advice, not his religious ramblings). He has baby steps. If you commit to them and work through them you can do this.
there’s a UK based Dave Ramsay facebook group, join that. He also has a book, the complete money makeover. Read that. I also listen to his podcast.

You need as much income as you can. And to reduce as much outgoings as you can. Until debt is paid. Then you can start living it up again.
your husband needs to keep his 2 jobs, I know he’s tired but he has no choice (my dad worked 2 jobs our whole life because he had to - he was tired but he got on with it, he had a family to support). And realistically you need to earn more - if there is any time he isn’t working (weekends, or night, that you can either get a better paying job or work a 2nd one too, you need to).
Cut the kids clubs. Cut any unnecessary spending (meals outs, holidays, day trips, subscriptions you don’t need). This is all temporary while you pay off debt and build an emergency fund. If you get really intense you can do it within 2 years.
I have an income and outgoing book, I write down every single payment. I also found having different banks helped. We have a joint account for all pay to go into and dd to come out of. A starling account for each of us, for fun money we can spend without consequence, and a joint starling where we pay food shop from, and have all our sinking funds pots. It helps keeping things separate.

Work through baby steps. Make a realistic budget and monitor daily. Pay minimums to all debts while doing this (first steps need intensity):

• Make sure your 4 walls are up to date (food, housing, utilities, transport)
• save £1,000 emergency fund (and cut up all credit cards)
• Snowball your consumer debts (list them biggest balance to smallest). Pay minimums to all and throw anything extra to the smallest debt. Once smallest debt is gone take everything you paid to that + minimum of next debt, and throw towards that. The amount you pay snowballs with each debt and you get psychological wins by paying off all the small ones quite quickly.
• once all consumer debt is paid, save a bigger 3-6 month emergency fund.

Less intense steps.

• Start paying more money towards your pension, saving for kids education, investing/saving for a house,
• Pay off mortgage
• live like no one else.

Allocate every pound so it has a job, know exactly where every penny needs to go and do not stray from that. Have a little buffer in your account each in case anything comes out unexpectedly £100-£200). Create sinking funds for Xmas and birthdays, kids clothing, because let’s face it they are not surprises so acting like they are doesn’t help.
We did a lot of free events to keep kids entertained, walks, parks, friend play dates, cheap community activities rather than private clubs, movie nights, meerkat movies with our own snacks for cinema trips etc. think covid restriction time.
This is all totally doable. Lots have done it. Once you free up those debt payments think how much easier you will live. You need to change the story for your kids.
good luck.

@Bjorkdidit Champagne lifestyle?! Oh how I wish that was th case as we would have got some enjoyment out of life the last few years. There have been many social events and trips away with friends we have missed out on as unable to afford.
Some comments have been quite harsh which is why yes I have been a bit defence, I have three kids and that’s a factor that’s not going to change and like I’ve said before when we had three kids things were very different.
In an earlier post I mentioned Covid, my other half was self employed and I was working for him around the children. This was going well till work completely dried up and we ended up getting out a business loan and that right there is where the problem started. Once work started back up and I then got a job as a TA things got better and we got on top of it.
It really has been the COL since then that has crippled us, I see now with everything rising we have been carrying on spending like we were before, not recklessly but can clearly pull back in areas which we haven’t done.
As mentioned I took the TA job for family reasons but as stated I have been on the job hunt and have applied with no luck but am trying. I am not sure what I’ll end up doing but if it doesn’t work out it’s clear I need to up my hours in some way so going to look into a weekend job to up our income and hopefully ease a bit of pressure off my other half.
I’m really not living the dream as a TA only working 8:30-3:30, I do above and beyond that in everyday life around my kids. It’s draining and exhausting and I barely get a minute to myself let alone to socialise as we have no money!
@SeeMeRun thanks for your post, yes it has been blunt and to the point but insightful and helpful having been through it all yourself and this is what I needed.
Things definitely need to change as we all want what’s best for our kids and I don’t want to pass on our bad habits on to them.

Write down all your outgoings. By doing this you can see what non essentials you have like subscriptions to things. Then straight away stop them.

On pay day put a set amount into debts and then put the rest for the bills/food/fuel etc into a separate account. If there is anything left over for just general spends divide that by the number of days in the month to give you a daily spend amount. If you don't spend it one day roll it to the next etc. I was always overspending my budget last year and this has stopped me doing it. If its not there I wait until I have the money. Last month I actually managed to have some money left over.

NRTFT yet. Wanted to say this is a great idea. My neighbour is a childminder, and picked up my DC for the school run when I was out of action for several months.

But if you don't have the money in your budget, then you can't afford it - that's usually why we end up with debt in the first place.

Is all your debt at 0%?

Are you using all the apps / loyalty schemes, discounted gift cards, employee schemes etc?

We barely shop in Tesco but I do gain points & save them - they've just had a deal for x3 for eating out vouchers, so that's what we'll use for a free birthday meal out. Plus I use a discounted (10% off) git card for the limited drinks we'll buy.

Lidl & nectar apps (sains price match Aldi), plus use Farmfoods and Home Bargains. I never pay full price for bread, always reduced at end of day & put in freezer. Bulk out meals with hidden veg in sauces. Don't shop all in one place. Use the Trolley app, MSE and Hotukdeals.

Hi OP. If you are still reading, you could look at hyperjar. I’m sure other accounts are available. This is a free banking app with the ability to make “jars” or “pots” of money.

I originally got it for the children’s pocket money but I also have jars for Christmas or new sofa etc. I started saving a bit each month for Christmas during the year and it really helps. It helps that it’s not linked to my regular bank so I can’t spend it so easily.

I hope you get a handle on things. I almost gave up work when my youngest was little - pre-covid- as things were more manageable then. I’m so glad I didn’t or we would be in financial trouble! We all make decisions that with the benefit of hindsight weren’t the best. It’s how we overcome these which is important and it sounds as if you’re trying so hard to. It’s really tough at the moment for so many.

Hi Op, I haven't read the full thread but sorry you're getting a hard time on here.

Some of my ideas to help out in the short term are:

I often use ChatGPT for meal planning - you can enter your weekly/monthly budget along with your chosen supermarket and the sorts of food you like to eat and you'll get a suitable meal plan for your family. You could also try Lidl veg boxes as a way to reduce your veg bill but they can be a bit hit and miss.

I know you don't want to increase your mortgage term but you could do it for saying 5 years so you can clear your other debt and then make overpayments to bring the term back down. Hopefully if you and your husband have pensions, you'll be able to use your lump sums to pay off a big chunk at retirement.

I'm not sure if the Civil Service still do term time only jobs but I think it's certainly something to consider. You will probably be able to work more flexibly than in a school so you could increase your hours as your children get older and it'll be a boost to your pension.

@Statsquestion1 no childcare? That's a lot of saving! Sounds exhausting to be honest do you not just relax at that point of earnings/savings??

@Cherryred2 what do you suggest I do? Just relax and spend unnecessarily? What would be the point in that?

You save more than what a lot of people earn! Surely you can see that you don't need to budget the way you do?! why limit yourself like that? do you also not give to charity? I see no donations in your budget!

What on earth are you taking about limiting herself?The poster spends nearly 2k between eating out, family activities, clothes and holidays she’s hardly limiting herself and living like a miser! People would do well to learn you don’t have to spend all your money.
You just sound jealous that she can do that and still save a substantial sum of money.

Is it credit card debt?

Talk to who ever you owe money too and tell them you cannot afford it. There are various schemes and things can be changed like interest rates.

Have a look at your credit score.

See if there is anything you can cut down / back on? Once your phone contract is coming up to renewal look at getting a sim from Lyca or one of the other cheap sim only providers. I pay £5 a month for unlimited calls and texts and more data than I can ever use.

I am forever saying this, but, beans on toast is a perfectly acceptable meal.

What are you paying for fuel? Can you turn the thermostat down a degree or two?

To be fair the cost of living has been a thing for years. OP made her choices now she needs to cut back to to the absolute minimum (no heating, one meal a day, minimal water usage, no days out etc) or earn more it is as simple as that.

In OPs defence COL has not been around for years. It began 2021 after the pandemic and Russia invading Ukraine. It’s a well known fact and you can find this out easily. Her youngest is 8 so it’s easy to do the math that she had 3 kids well before COL crisis in UK.

Silly comment in my opinion to say the family should have 1 meal a day and no heating. The kids would be neglected. If you’re referring to just mum having one meal a day I doubt in a family of 5 that would really make any difference other than for her to get ill - which won’t help anyone!

Any decent parent would choose the weight of debt (to clear at a later date when kids are grown up) over not feeding kids or heating the house. If that was literally the only choice.

However, there is another choice as you noted. OP has said she is going to go down the ‘earning more money’ avenue. This is clearly the best route for the family.

Most TAs are paid 30 hours a week term time only. So works out about 22 hours a week across the year and is normally minimum wage. So additional evening/ weekend hours are the way out and of course cutting non essentials. Heating and food are essentials.