Ex claims benefits for kids I have

[Dendad]

So I’m a dad (step) in 1 kids case there’s actually 3 kids but the 17 year old lives with mum the 10 year old boy whose not biologically mine & the 6 year old who is biologically mine are with me 10 year old has been with me since sept 23 6 year old since nov 29 & ex is claiming the benefits for them. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if she was forwarding them to me but since iv had 10 year old she’s sent me £205 & some vouchers from the school. Also im currently homeless & we live in 1 room in my parents home currently so not ideal. They also go to school in Carlisle but I live in Gretna so im paying a fortune in diesel every month around £240 keeping them in school so as not to unsettle them more than they are already unsettled. My ex refuses to send any more money & has blocked me on WhatsApp after sending £50 for this month to feed & clothe them both which equates to £6.25 each a week iv had to buy him new shoes for school & a new bag & for the 6 year old tights skirts a bag & shoes in the last month & all I asked her for was help am I being unreasonable when she’s getting every penny for them? Any advice on what I can do & if 10 year old not being biologically mine will have any impact please I’m desperate & struggling I have £50 to my name to last until feb 3rd & I’m not sure what I can do

It breaks my heart but they are happier with me than they ever were with her even under the circumstances we find ourselves in

Thank you this calms my worries regarding step kids as I’m more than willing to take them all on as I see them all as my kids no matter what

I'm not knowledgeable in this area, but I'm fairly sure in Scotland that if you present as 'homeless', the authorities have to find you temporary accommodation, be that a hotel, hostel or B&B. They would not have told you you'd have to 'live on the streets'. Is what you mean that you'd have to declare yourself 'homeless'?You can do that even though you currently live with your parents as that's not a permanent arrangement.

This was homeless in Carlisle as that’s where the kids are based as was I until ex kicked me out 10 year old gets upset at the thought of moving schools so iv kept them in their school at my own expense

No the system does not discriminate against men.

Given this attitude I'm taking everything else the op has said with a pinch of Salt.

Op, you do need to contact SS

put the childrens needs first! Or you will loose them

they need housing and food

they need medical care and if you have no PR (10yr), you can’t consent to education, medical needs, dentist etc

burying yr head in the sand and saying housing and SS won’t help is not painting you as a responsible parent/adult.

start putting the kids first and informing SS of the 10yr old. There is no other way to safeguard them than to be honest and upfront. SS remove kids as a last resort when they are in danger/at risk. It is costly and there are hardly any care spaces, so family/friends are used, stop letting your fears dictate the needs of the children. SS may assess them as safe with u, but there is another parent, do they know? What about other blood relatives?

raising children is expensive, most single mothers spend more than CB on kids, so yes you will have to spend money on food, petrol, uniform etc it’s called parenting. Claim the benefits you are entitled to.

CB is about £100pm. You can also claim child maintenance with CSA.

do u pay for the child not living with you?

Why did the ex kick you out?

It breaks my heart but they are happier with me than they ever were with her even under the circumstances we find ourselves in

On the face of it, but I suspect they will need some sort of support to manage their way through the absolute trauma of being rejected and separated from their mother.

On another note, how does it work in an emergency as you are not able to make any decisions regarding their wellbeing?

You need to contact Social Services - unless you are a danger to the children they will not want to remove them from your care, because it is much cheaper.

I don’t care if you believe me or not but that’s what I was told & I have screenshots of all my ex has said regarding the kids but I’m not here to be judged I’m looking for genuine help & advice

Ok looks like I will have to I do everything for the kids I’m far from a danger to them

Agree with others, you need to contact SS and formalise the arrangement you currently have.

As awful as it sounds, it comes down to cost, so the child is not going to be put in care. It costs the state far less to let the child stay living with you than it does to take them into the care system and so if both you and mum are happy for the child to stay with you then they are not going to overrule that and take on the cost burden themselves.

Child benefit is the main evidence of resident parent, you need to get that in your name for your child, it’s slightly more complicated for the child not biologically yours but even one would be a start. Once the child benefit is in your name then you can also claim the UC, and being resident parent with child will bump you into a higher band for council housing.

You need to contact shelter......they'll be far more useful than the people at the council who don't really care and are using threats to make you tow the line (( bit like when parents of disabled kids beg for respite and they threaten to put all their kids into care ))

Are you in the birth certificate for your biological one?

If so they won’t take him into care.
And as a PP said, they like to keep siblings together. So you should definitely not lose the other one to the care system.

I’m in England but I’ve worked with men who’ve been to prison (nothing dangerous/child related) and their kids get put into temporary care. And they still get them back when they’re released, including the step kids because it’s what is seen as what’s best for the kids.

But your ex has every right to demand your step child back and stop you from seeing them, or worse claim that you took him.

Can you imagine looking after them by yourself and then she gets a new partner and then bans you from seeing them.

You need to get it all done properly, so you have proper rights like a mother would and you’re getting all the things you’re entitled to like benefits and housing.

And I get kids are expensive if I could afford to not ask her for help & cope with it I would iv done it since September with 10yo & since November with 6 year old in that time 2 birthdays Xmas on top of normal expenses

I agree you need a charity or advice service to advocate for you, a go between who knows their stuff so you get the support and housing. Shelter or a local Family Support type charity that are prepared to "fight your corner" The LA will do anything to justify its not their problem unfortunately as you are just about managing.

It seems to be her whole thing gets what she wants out of guys & gets rid of them the kids all have different dads & she gets a move then gets rid of them after our move we were struggling so I borrowed £500 of my grandma to help us she put it in the bank & then a day later kicked me out

If you are a single man, you get much less help than a single women.

That is why the streets are full of homeless men and it’s very rare that you see homeless women.

Homeless women are prioritised when it comes to housing due to safety reasons.

But when it comes to parents, then neither sex should be prioritised.

OP probably didn’t get much help because he is claiming to have 2 kids but doesn’t have any actual proof.

The person he spoke to may have been prejudice against men but it’s likely that they may not have understood or there was no proof that OP was a single parent and therefore the council couldn’t help.

Your circumstances have changed though. You now have a biological child living with you so need to contact the Council again with your new circumstances

Contact Children's services to formalise 'fostering' your non biological child and to get you all support. If he isn't abused or neglected he won't be removed but they'll be able to help with other support.

Reach out to the family officer at school, they can also signpost and refer to other support services and can provide the children with the extra pastoral support they must need.

Go via CMS for money for the Children from their mother.

Speak to Shelter and get advice as looking at Scots and English law on housing and their may be differences.
When you spoke to the council did you make a make a formal homelessness application? As they have to give a written decision on why you don't fit the criteria. ( which you should do if responsible for kids) However issue may be that you are living in different council area. Shelter or citizens advice are your best bet, and yes make Universal Credit and Child Benefit applications for kids too.

You need to update the council housing officer that you now have the dc living with you (not sure how if you are homeless though). You may find that you lose priority by not living locally. Where are the dc registered for gp, dentist, child benefit etc. Why are you not claiming the benefits now, it seems as if you are enabling your ex. Are you already on uc?

If anything it’s me that gets abused 😂 just kidding I do my best for them & more than a lot of parents bother with

They can’t house you because ‘legally’ you are a single man and the children reside with their mother (legally, not physically!) in order to move forward with getting the benefits you’re entitled too and to be housed you need to be the legal custodial parent of the children. That’s the only way. They won’t put the 10yo in care, however their mother may decide she wants them back and assuming you refuse there will be a custodial case. But really op you have no choice but to tell the authorities you are the sole custodial parent of the children and take it from there… all the best!

Also to add I’m speaking to their head mistress at their school see if they can help my case they are aware the kids are with me already