Not on the same page with my friends over “broke” and feel so ashamed

[Stupidlifechoices]

I am a single mum to 2 dc’s-one is 20 and one is 6. I have £1350 in total coming in a month and cannot pick up any more hours due to childcare (her father doesn’t really see her and school don’t run an after school club, and is too rural for childminders). I am claiming everything I am entitled to. I get £7.50 a month in child support.

Outgoings are:

Rent - £700
Phones - £120 (me and my daughter-they were both £35 each when I took the contracts out as we both needed handsets but they keep putting the tariffs up and we have 7 months remaining on 36 month contracts).
Broadband and phone line - £45
TV license - £28.25
Car insurance and AA - £120
Fuel £150
Gas and Electric £180
Council Tax £75

So just in bills I am already in arrears each month. There is nothing left for clothes or food, let alone days out and extras.

My eldest has started paying her own phone bill as of last month, as she has got a part time job around uni, but that only buys us another £60.

My other broke friends manage to dress well, look nice and go away for holidays and days out. Two of them have been on three holidays this summer-one to Tunisia, Jersey and then on a Disney cruise. Another did Disneyland and two weeks in the Cotswolds, followed by a week in Cornwall. One of them openly admits her parents pay for her children’s nursery fees, and the in laws bought their house for them so they wouldn’t have the stress of a mortgage. I feel like I am living in some shameful underbelly of poverty.

I feel like such an incredible failure, both to my children and to me. We are in the cheapest house I could find, I have nothing to sell on Vinted or eBay as we have been this broke for years. My daughter was very ill when she was born until she was 4 and so I stopped working, but was too young to qualify for DLA as the things I needed to do for her were appropriate for her age. She is now at school so I am doing a degree and am currently on a first, but it is part time so I won’t graduate for another 2 years.

I know we could move house to somewhere less rural, meaning that I could put her in after school club, but the rent would increase, as would childcare costs, and I don’t physically have the money to move house.

I make my own bread, yoghurt, pasta, pasta sauces, shampoo, deodorant, soap, washing powder, washing up liquid, surface cleaners and body wash to save money, and we eat very simply-pasta, fruit, porridge, toast and soup are the main go-to’s, but I feel like it barely touches the sides. I just hate myself for doing this to my family.

Hi I know that you are paying way to much towardss broadband I have sky fibre really fast plus phone line 29 a month negotiate with themn or go else where. Plus your phone line upu signed a contract for 35 a month if uou didn't agree for substantial increaded then that isn't correct are you sure the tariff is in contract not just the handset part as many do two seperate things now so again I would look online and ring them up. It's poss how you are wording this stuff to

Next time you renew your phones (or earlier, if you can back out of the contract), get a SIM-only deal and buy the handset. Something like the Samsung A15 does all that most people could want and it's £120.

Also, where do you get £28.25 per month for the TV licence? It's half that (£169.50 per year). You only need one licence even if you have two TVs in the house.

I haven’t read all the replies just the OP

Could you become a childminder? You would definitely get customers especially if you covered weekends.
Are there any community fridges near you? I think it’s the hub bub website
Have you spoken to the phone company and explained the situation. Sometimes you get lucky and they will let you off early or swap to a different deal.
Are you on social tariff for broadband and water?
Any council or local grants to help with housing, energy and other costs?

Tuition loan presumably?

Could you switch your degree to dull time and then you would be entitled to a maintenance student loan. This is how I have done it, with 10 hours a week working twrm tine and then working 25 hours a week for the summer. It's tough. We'll done for studying, it's not going to be like this forever.

I remember feeling like this for years. I'm a single parent without financial support and I studied and worked full time and struggled each month. But I lived in a city so that helped.

Don't give up your studies as it will one day lead to a much better paid job.

None of my friends understood it either.

You are doing so well and you will soon do better.

Also why are uou only getting 7.50 a month in child support that's atrocious

If you are working one hour a day cleaning and school is close to home how are you paying £150pcm for petrol?

If you have a car what prevents you from cleaning for five hours a day?

If you switched to full time studying, would your childcare be subsidised?

Why do you think. Likely as he’s some loser who doesn’t earn or he’s hiding money, but if cms says 7,50 then he’s skint,

That's wrong though isn't it surely the gov needs to put a law in that makes these dads do more

Why only £475 towards rent? Is that because you are being penalised because of too many bedrooms

OP only works 1 hour a day.

I'm guessing she can't because of the need for childcare

Cancel the TV licence.

So you've said you're paying for your daughters phone and then you've said she's paying - which is it? It will make a massive difference to you and pay for 1/2 weeks of food.

As soon as possible get rid of the expensive phones and get an absolute basic one.

Your car costs especially fuel are too high - where are you driving and why? Do you need a car? Can you walk/cycle/use public transport? You can't afford AA. In fact you can't really afford a car.

Are you claiming single discount for your council tax - you need to.

Are the car/phones from when you were living with your husband/partner? It is really difficult if you have recently changed your lifestyle but you need to adapt and adapt fast - you simply cannot afford the things you are talking about/spending money on.

If you want to study/only work 1hr a day then everything else will have to be cut to the bone - everything. Only you can decide if this is worth it.

Also tv licence isn’t £28 per month it is £13.25

The kids in school and is six, they don’t need entertaining 100 percent of the time. The op works an hour a day, of course she can study full time.

You can’t get blood out a stone, if he’s no money he can’t give her more. And the op is all but unemployed and the kids school age.

As soon as possible get rid of the expensive phones and get an absolute basic one

At the end of the contract you own your phone so ditching it for a basic one is just another expense. Keep the phone and get a pay monthly sim deal. I pay £20 per month for unlimited everything with a phone that was on a contract

OP, can you move to study full time? I'm not sure why it needs to be part time if you're only fitting around school and not work?

Why are you only working one hour a day?

Why are you spending so much on petrol?

As soon as your mobile contracts ends, buy a couple of cheap second hand handsets (if you can) and get Lebara SIMs. £5/month each. I use them and they’re just as good as any other provider.

Switch your broadband and line rental to a cheaper provider, around £20/month.

Straight away you’ll then be saving £135 a month, although you will have the upfront cost for the handsets which could be up to £200 I guess. I do appreciate that may not be an option if you don’t have £200 spare.

What about work in your daughter's school? Dinner lady? Teacher assistant?

Was going to suggest you could become a childminder and take others kids to school and pick them up, but sounds like your place isn't going to be big enough.

Also, use food banks

My other broke friends manage to dress well, look nice and go away for holidays and days out. Two of them have been on three holidays this summer-one to Tunisia, Jersey and then on a Disney cruise. Another did Disneyland and two weeks in the Cotswolds, followed by a week in Cornwall.

But your friends aren't 'broke'. They are wealthy. I earn in excess of £50k a year in a professional job and I could not afford to go to Tunisia, Jersey and on a cruise in one year. One of your friends was gifted a house outright by obviously wealthy parents.

I appreciate that life is very difficult - but there is no point comparing yourself to people who are actually very well off and wondering why you can't afford the same. What you need to do is look at whether you can possibly pick up some extra hours somewhere. Can you work up to 16 hours a week? Supermarket check out? Bank care shifts? That would be more practical than just comparing yourself to rich people.