please critic my budget and give ideas, what would you do??

[Pinkfemme1]

I'd love some advice about my situation.
I'm a single mum with 2 school age kids, who I have full time
My current yearly salary is 50k, I get child benefit and some hit and miss child maintenance of around £150 a month (he is self-employed, it's impossible to challenge that)
After taxes and pension contributions I have around £3100 a month
£140 k left to pay on mortgage, house worth around £300k, so around £160k in equity. Where I live (Leeds) I could in theory get a house for that price (160k), but it would mean moving to a much less desirable area, smaller house, away from support network and kids' school.
However I currently pay almost £900 in mortgage a month and then
council tax £120
electricity and gas £230
phone £17
car inc £65
petrol £100
food £300-400
cat food, vet etc. £100
kids afterschool activities £95
water £50
tv licence £14
life insurance £73
kids ISA £50
internet £26
If I ever want to go out by myself, I have to include babysitting costs. Recently just went to a friend for tea, that cost me £35 (babysitting plus a bottle of prosecco), just to go to play badmintno is around £25 (babysitting plus the fee)..
and then there are other costs like repairs, car tax, professional membership fee, other things that seem to come up a lot. Looking at my statements it's some cosmetics, some days out with kids, some babysitting fees, and then repairs mostly.
I never seem to have any money left at the end of the month, I literary have around £200 in savings, can't afford to take kids on holidays or anything, except for camping.
I've also started a side hustle and had to buy a few things for that before it makes money, but this just means more work. my kids want my attention, but i have little energy left for anything.

I'm a bit burnt out with it all and not sure what's best to do. Any advice would be welcome!!

How is your electricity and gas so high?
Sorry, it’s just that stood out because I just had my email notification this morning and I was horrified that, out of the £109, £80 of it was electricity.
I know you want to save for your kids but it sounds like you need to save the £50 yourself, rather than their Isa at the moment.
What are their activities? You may need to look at cutting those. I know you don’t want to, but it might just be short term.
Your life insurance is really high, I’m assuming you have a policy with a huge payout?

You could probably make savings on the food bill and the cat , who at the moment seems to cost as much to feed as one of your children . Agree with a pp that the gas / elec sounds high .

Your life assurance is incredibly high- do you mean all insurances ( life, contents, buildings etc) - plus the cat is high too

Comments below

However I currently pay almost £900 in mortgage a month Has this increased for the new higher rates or is this something else you need to cope with?

council tax £120 - I assume that this is with single person discount?

electricity and gas £230 - you could possibly reduce this by being careful, depending on the size of your house

phone £17 - you could half this

car inc £65 - make sure you shop around
petrol £100
food £300-400 - are you sure this is what you spend? Is this all food, eg takeaways, lunches, coffees etc

cat food, vet etc. £100 - sounds like a lot, how many cats?

kids afterschool activities £95

water £50 - metered or rates? Might it be cheaper on a meter?

tv licence £14 - do you actually need this? If you don't watch live TV or BBC iplayer, you don't need it.

life insurance £73 - this sounds like quite a lot, but I assume that it's to provide for DC if something happens to you.

kids ISA £50 - might have to reduce this, if things are really tight

internet £26 - probably can't reduce this by much

The above comes to around £2240, which leaves nearly £900 unaccounted for. I know you say what some of this goes on, but definitely worth going through all your accounts to look if there's any areas where spending can be reduced.

For days out, can you get annual passes or memberships on rotation, eg National Trust one year, English Heritage the next, depending on what's available nearby so you can have days out without huge cost (obviously take a picnic, food at attractions is usually expensive, poor quality and at the end of a long queue, so worth avoiding for more than financial reasons).

I'm confused as to why your life insurance is so much?

I’m in a similar position to you, never any money and some credit card debt after a divorce and house move.

This month I’ve started Dave Ramsey’s baby steps. They’re based on a book called Total Money Makeover but there’s loads online.

Honestly, not exaggerating to say it has changed my financial life. I’ve never even made a budget before and now I have savings.

You don't mention childcare, is this covered by the afterschool activities?

Can you socialise with friends and DC together, eg meet up in the park for a picnic? Can DC go to grandparents for babysitting? Do they never go to stay with their father?

You say it's impossible to challenge his lack of child maintenance, but can't they challenge it with his lifestyle/tax return. IE, if he's declaring a low income to avoid child maintenance, he wouldn't be able to afford to live, therefore, it's likely he's earning more than he says, so as well as dodging his maintenance, he's also committing tax evasion.

You can make extra bits of money by moving your bank account. Sign up to the Moneysaving Expert newsletter for ongoing tips like this.

Your gas and electric stands out the most as being very high, have you tried shopping around for better rates and checked you aren't being charged at an estimate usage rate which is far higher than you're actually using?
Is the £65 for car insurance or general running costs including road tax? That also seems quite high if it doesn't include petrol.
You can't do much about council tax (other than move house), water or tv license.
I would look at what you're eating and £100 on a cat seems like a lot but i've never owned a cat!
I fear you're just in the "squeezed middle" where lots of people on less will tell you that £50k is a good salary and you should be loaded but the reality is that covering rent or a mortgage and providing for children on it doesn't go far!

Get YNAB.
You appear (from the sums) to be losing money that isn't accounted for.
Have a proper budget and seeing where every penny goes will help massively.

Agree with pp's your gas and electric doesn't look right.

Here's my 2p:-

Gas/electric look v high - are you paying off arrears?

Phone - is this just one mobile? Or landline too. If you have a functioning handset, move to a rolling sim-only contract - that should halve this cost at least.

Kids ISAs - laudable, but I don't think it's worth suffering to do this at the mo.

After-school activities - is this like after school club while you are working? Or more like hobbies such as beavers/ballet/swimming. If it's hobby while you are around, try to this as your "babysitting". Swap drop-off/pickups with another parent to extend your free time and use it! I used to go to great lengths to get swimming lessons at the same time then go for a run or a swim while they were in there. You don't need to be gawping at them from the side of the pool - the kids will get more swimming done if they are not constantly waving at you. That applies to all of these classes/hobbies. I think only rugby insist a parent is pitchside in case of injuries. Swap playdates and similar favours to carve out some free time. If the kids have friends from different families (the golden situation was sibling friends!) then try to coordinate them going for tea at the same time. DH used to take the children with him when he played squash. They sat with a book/game outside the court with his bag etc. while he played - he could see them through the glass wall. Your children are school age, so surely capable of watching while you play badminton.

Your maintenance is sporadic and low. If your ex is capable/safe enough, you would get more value from him having the children 1 night a week (or even for tea once a week) than any mythical maintenance you might lose in lieu of contact. Similarly does his side of the family want a relationship with the kids? An afternoon with grandma one Sunday a month would give you some free babysitting.

I'm not saying lose the cat, but maybe don't replace it? It is a large chunk of your budget.

Do a proper tracking of all your expenditure. YNAB is popular and has a free trial. A googlesheets record of every spend is free. Either would be really useful for you I think. You've got £860 a month unaccounted for, which should cover clothing, holidays, gifts, toys, and all the other paraphenalia of life as well as your babysitting costs. Getting a grip on this pot of money seems the most useful step you can take.

Thank you everyone for responses, some extra info
no family support at all, so no aunties or grandparents
ex doesn’t want to have the kids overnight, this is not sadly an option, has them after school couple of days a week. He doesn’t have a suitable house (his own choice) and just doesn’t want to
no childcare costs as ex has them couple of times after school, friend helps as well and my work is fairly flexible, but this in itself can be stressful
my house is not well insulated, it’s large, plus I use tumble dryer at times, a lot of cooking so a lot of oven use and dishwasher, that all might be why high bills? I’m always cold 🤦‍♀️ I have electric blankets to help with that, but still the bills are crazy I agree
afterschool activities are swimming, scouts, piano etc
already swapping a lot of childcare with friends etc
cat sometimes costs less, but she has health issues, I agree not getting another pet again, some months need to take her to the vet, some months it’s just good and litter
life insurance includes disability and critical illness, seemed like a good idea as I’m the only adult person the kids have if anything happens 🤷🏻‍♀️
food- we waste so much, definitely need to improve that, but also I find that I invite people here which partly saves money, but then I always end up with more mouths to feed lol. which is annoying though, as even when invited back, I end up paying for babysitter or have other costs like alcohol, and when going out I still have to cook for the kids, so there is never respite!
No one is thinking I should necessarily movie then?

Yes mortgage increase, might go down a bit but have 1.5 yrs left
taking picnics is something I try to do with mixed results, I think I give in too much to my kids!!
ill look at the passes, but my kids are fans of the trampoline parks, aqua parks, skate parks, ice skating, movies etc so it’s hard to get them to get excited about stately homes

I’ll have a look at Dave Ramsay sounds good, what changes have you made??

U think meeting friends with kids in parks is the way to go isn’t it, I just want to also to be able to go on girly nights and dates and not just see other mums in rainy parks 😢

I sent the evidence to child maintanance about tax evasion, they completely ignored it. It’s very frustrating

I’ll have a look at ynab! Thanks

I’m not even paying any arrears, I want to know how do people manage not too pay as much. I think maybe it’s the size of the house and the tumble dryer/ dishwasher etc. Unless someone is stilling out electricity lol
thank you, I wish there was a grandma I could ask, but there isn’t.
i think I need to stop getting as many gifts for people

How old are the kids ? Could dad come and look after them at your home whilst you go out or is that a no go ?

I pay £150 for gas / elec - always in credit ,large 4 bed detached , use the tumble dryer all year round and have the heating on loads in the winter and fans going constantly all summer - we don’t restrict use at all .

ill look at the passes, but my kids are fans of the trampoline parks, aqua parks, skate parks, ice skating, movies etc so it’s hard to get them to get excited about stately homes

The NT properties etc are good for running around outside, sometimes have bike tracks (eg Nostell Priory) climbing equipment etc. No need to actually go in any houses for it to be worthwhile.

I know you can get cinema passes that make regular trips cheaper, do any of the other places have memberships? Look on the websites, social media or Groupon to see if it's possible to do anything cheaper than full price.

i think I need to stop getting as many gifts for people

Definitely stop buying gifts for anyone other than your DC and use the money saved to pay for babysitting/dates/nights out with friends.

We tried this initially, he quickly started crossing boundaries. It sucks doesn’t it. We make decisions in life like who we Mary and have kids with and I was way too young to think sensibly and I’m still paying for these choices. He will have them for two nights a week during summer hols at his girlfriend’s house so at least that’s something. But he is not a dad that I would wish on my kids. Looking at him doing his share or be fair when it comes to expenses related to kids, just ends up in more disappointment and wasted mental and physical energy. I will send another letter to child maintanace though just to make my point.

Kids are 7 and 8

Interesting!!! I’m not sure where I’m going wrong then!

Ok so it seems that my current usage is a bit lower, I’ve been trying to hang the laundry outside a lot and not use heating in July, so it seems to be working, but still not low

I live in the south east and we are well insulated so that may help . Don’t move , a few more years and the children will be old enough to be doing their own thing more and you will get your evenings back . If you have a garden you could always do a weekend barbecue with friends but ask people to bring a pudding / salad / side / bottle as a way of socialising .