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Original poster

We've massively overstretched ourselves. Would it be ok to borrow from the DC savings? Has anyone ever done this?

248 replies

Parsnipsandginger · 12/02/2023 23:15

We would put it all back over time. The plan is for DC to have their savings (from us) when they are 18. That's 5 years away yet
We urgently need to find £2.5k

Thoughts plse

OP posts:
Cassy92 · 13/02/2023 10:53

This is why the savings we're putting aside for DC - we haven't told them about.

Ultimately, it's our money. Plenty of people don't save in order to give their adult child a lump sum pot of money and I don't think anyone would blink about that. Also, I'm not going to blindly give my child a lump sum of money if I didn't approve of what it was being spent on - e.g nights out/ clothes etc. Sorry but I'm just not. I'm not busting my ass everyday and putting money aside for them, to hand them a pot of money at 18yrs old so they can blow it on a few Selfridges shopping expeditions and come home with £2k handbags.

Any regular savings you make is your money. If the intention is it's put aside to help with Uni fees, or a wedding/house deposit/first car - whatever - that's nice but it's still your money.

Lots of people save for something but life gets in the way. It is what it is. Best thing to do - is keep the naming of saving accounts neutral. Have a plan of what you're saving for - don't tell your kids.

Then if you need to draw off that savings for any reason you shouldn't be plagued with guilt, nor be clawing and having a miserable few years in order to pay it back.

OldieButBaddie · 13/02/2023 10:56

lieselotte · 13/02/2023 10:38

My DH has recently spent about £700 on varifocals. They are expensive.

Show quote history

My dh recently had a similar quote for varifocals, we went to Asda and he got 2 pairs for £120! Just in case you don't know, there are much cheaper options out there. I have had them from Asda for years and they are great, you get the thinnest lenses included too.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 13/02/2023 10:56

I think that if at all possible you need to talk it over with them and ask their permission in an age-appropriate way. Point out the advantages of borrowing it (You can solve a really big problem) and say how you will pay it back. And abide by their decision.

quietnightmare · 13/02/2023 10:58

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 13/02/2023 10:56

I think that if at all possible you need to talk it over with them and ask their permission in an age-appropriate way. Point out the advantages of borrowing it (You can solve a really big problem) and say how you will pay it back. And abide by their decision.

🤣

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 13/02/2023 11:00

Just do it, from everything you've said it's a non issue. Your conscience will see to it that you rebalance the books and you're hardly fiscally irresponsible.

Meandfour · 13/02/2023 11:01

If you can afford the DC savings + £100 extra to replace what you use, have you not been saving anyway to cover car repairs and glasses?

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 13/02/2023 11:04

Sounds like you can't afford to put the money aside if you are struggling to cover basic things like school uniform and glasses. They aren't unexpected expenses. I'm not sure giving an 18 year old a large sum of money is a good idea anyway, they will just drink it away at uni, or buy a car which is fine in the short term will make it easy to get around but it isnt a long term investment or something you should scrimp to provide for. I'd give them the money when they are buying a house or to help with wedding costs. Use the savings, it's mostly your money anyway, put it back if you can, if you can't it isn't the end of the world.

Bard6817 · 13/02/2023 11:05

I saw a post like this before and basically I Considered it the theft. it was an inheritance left by GP to kids and parents stole it on the basis it was to be used for an extension, and that the kid would inherit it eventually anyway. just so wrong. they thought I was mad when said and what about the 6-9% interest or return per annum.

In your case. it’s you who have contributed. it’s expenses which related to the child and would be repaid by the time they need it. Totally different. You should feel it’s not a straightforward decision, because of your intentions, but that’s you being a good person not a thief.

Netcam · 13/02/2023 11:16

I would get different quotes for varifocals. I have a complicated prescription and was quoted £1000 for varifocals at a local optician last year. I shopped around and ended up getting some from Glasses2You for around £200. They have a online camera where you can virtually try on frames and also will refund if you are not happy. I uploaded my prescription and they were sent in the post. They have measurements for frames with clear instructions about how to measure and took photos online with a special camera. I was a bit sceptical but read the reviews on Trustpilot which reassured me to give it a go. They have been fine and I was so pleased with the process I convinced DH to do the same. Since we both now have varifocals which need replacing every couple of years, we have decided we are going to do it this way in future.

Twillow · 13/02/2023 11:17

My ex-husband wanted to do this to pay off the mortgage. I thought it was immoral and is one of the reasons he's now an ex.
However, I did once allow access to their savings for an emergency that was repaid within 6 months. But longer term, too risky imo.

Johnnysgirl · 13/02/2023 11:17

If you're at the point of dipping into the kid's savings now, how easy will it be to put it back?
And you still haven't said what you want to spend it on?

Brendabigbaps · 13/02/2023 11:18

I’ve done this in the past, just set up a standing order to pay it back.

Starpop · 13/02/2023 11:21

I did this, my son was a teenager and I asked his permission he was fine with it and I paid it back with interest when I was in a better place financially. He ended up getting more when he turned 18 than he would have. I would only do this if you're disciplined and know you can pay it back before they turn 18.

MaybeSmaller · 13/02/2023 11:30

No of course you shouldn't be dipping into your DCs bank accounts to pay for poor financial decisions you've made, and frankly you should face legal penalties if you do that willy nilly.

In an absolute one off emergency (with the money being put back straight afterwards) I can just about see it being justifiable. But it should come with a lot of guilt and soul searching.

Legally and morally it is their money not Mum and Dad's rainy day fund.

Pipsquiggle · 13/02/2023 11:34

You don't say how much savings you have in the 'DC' pot. From what you have said 95% is your savings, therefore, it is your money.

When has it ever been 'a thing' to give DC a load of savings at 18 or in their early 20s?

I think savings for DC is a lovely idea if you can afford it, but if you can't, you need to spend it.

I do think you need to look at your budgeting. Everything on your list is nothing out of the ordinary (but very annoying that it's come all at once).
I have a savings pot specifically for my 10 year old car as I know every MOT (just before Christmas) there will be a hefty bill, but due to my savings pot it won't impact the rest of my spending.

Kirsty Allsopp said you need to budget around £1k a year for house upkeep / maintenance
School uniforms and shoes as they get bigger, definitely need a budget attached to them.

Spend your £2.5k, as it is your money.

thetwotattoos · 13/02/2023 11:36

You and your family have been very lucky with your eyesight if this surprises you

My eyesight has been a constant source of trouble and it runs in the family so no, not lucky with eyes(I wish). I've always shopped around and have never paid anything like that. I accept complicated or multiple prescriptions can add up but other PPs have said you can get them cheaper so I do wonder.

Long ago, I remember the NHS ones which were so uncool but if that is what your family could afford that's what you got! Lots more choice now.

housemaus · 13/02/2023 11:36

I wouldn't think twice about this. Your family needs money, the money is there and you put it there in the first place.

MaybeSmaller · 13/02/2023 11:36

Actually I've just read the ops explanation and that does sound OK, provided it is money you have set aside in your own name.
Some of the pp examples like using a dc savings to pay off the mortgage/build an extension - totally immoral and should be (if not already) illegal.

CornishGem1975 · 13/02/2023 11:37

I did, when I got divorced I needed it to pay the deposit on a new house. I don't feel bad about it. It was money that I had personally saved for them, not money they had saved. Ultimately it will still go to them one day.

crossstitchingnana · 13/02/2023 11:37

Of course you can spend it, it's your money. IMO we save for our kids is we can afford it.

We managed to save £0 when our were growing up as we needed to money on a single income.

Echobelly · 13/02/2023 11:44

My parents did this once with my full knowledge when I was in early teens I think - they had some money coming from elsewhere a bit later but needed some for some urgent work on the house. They used the money but paid back with interest as soon as other money came in.

MadeOfSteel · 13/02/2023 11:47

It's to keep your family, housed, warm, fed and able to go about your normal lives, so there is no problem at all borrowing it.

Bookegg · 13/02/2023 11:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request

Everyonehasavoice · 13/02/2023 12:03

When we got child benefit it all went straight into our kids accounts
When dh had a brain hemorrhage and wasnt getting his full pay we used the money for an emergency
Personally I think whilst the kids are young it’s there if you need it.
You shouldn’t feel it’s untouchable if it’s an emergency.

ifonly4 · 13/02/2023 12:03

As some of the money for extras has benefited them in terms of proper fitting uniform and the fact the house they live in had and emergency, the car they probably have a lift in sometimes or a parent needs for work to pay for household expenses you have as a whole family, I wouldn't worry about it too much. DC doesn't know about the money and you intend to pay back. You've been able to or willing to do what some other people haven't for their children and that's a bonus for them in the first place.