We've massively overstretched ourselves. Would it be ok to borrow from the DC savings? Has anyone ever done this?

[Parsnipsandginger]

We would put it all back over time. The plan is for DC to have their savings (from us) when they are 18. That's 5 years away yet
We urgently need to find £2.5k

Thoughts plse

Definitely do it. We took some from DS. We paid most of it back over time, I must admit, not all. However, he’ll be receiving a 50% share in the house one day plus 50% of our two rental properties so I don’t feel too bad on him missing out on £1100 🤷‍♀️ He still got £9k on his 18th birthday. We were younger then so it was different.

No it's not an English thing. Parents all over the world do it, in my experience of living in a couple of other countries / from talking to friends in other countries. Perhaps it just hasn't come up in conversation with your friends.

If its money you have been saving for your DC then yes borrow it now. You can't be giving your DC what is essentially a gift if you can't afford it

But most of that is not an emergency.

I think the question still stands, you obviously haven't been able to save an emergency fund for yourself. So it's all very well to say you'll pay back 100 a month but new uniforms and car repairs, very expected expenses have left you in 2.5k debt. That is general overspending as those are expected expenses. And if you are generally overspending then firstly you need to get your spending back to green before you can even consider saving for the DC

I would and I have done. Just before Christmas things were dyer and we needed food gas and electric and also needed to pay my mot as without car I cannot work.
so I would if I absolutely needed to.

I think there is some rather skewed thinking going on around saving for children. If you have spare money, you need to save/invest it to get the best rates.

We never saved for our children (as in separate accounts for 'them'.)
They had their own accounts and put in birthday money and any earnings from Saturday jobs from the age of 16.

What we did do, was save a lot ourselves, and choose the best places to save whether that was in shares, savings accounts incl ISAs etc, using tax breaks, allowances etc.

So when they were adults and wanted to buy a house, we gave both of them very substantial amounts to help with that.

I agree with @marchella . If it is an English thing, it's not very well thought out.
I actually think it's a watered down 'poor man's version' of a Trust Fund, but to make a TF work and pay out, it needs a huge investment. (We were told it's not worth doing for a sum below £1M.)

Parents need to manage their own money and grow it, in whatever ways are best, then they can hand over gifts to their child when they are adults.

Yes I think that is much more sensible. It's better to have good general savings and chose to give DC gifts if they need it e.g. help with deposit, car than hand them a lump sum at 18 or whatever, and have a pot of money you can't use sitting around for years. It also means you don't give away the bulk of your savings and then find you need them.

It's especially not good to mix what is essentially your savings and gifts for the DC. One account for GP money/premium bond money whatever else. The rest as a gift when needed

If someone says DC savings, that to me suggests money that has been gifted to them, or earned by them in some way. An account with money I was putting aside for DC I wouldnt consider their savings until handed over.

It's not your money
is doesn't matter whether the children know it exists or not yet
they can't consent to you borrowing it they are children
they aren't a bank
don't ask them
this has so much potential to go wrong in the next five years and cause lifelong resentments
go to a bank or just live without the money
and I say that as universal credits zero hours no child maintenance skint

Would an interest free credit card work? Would you be eligible?

£500 for glasses?! What kind of glasses are those - diamond encrusted? 😂

I don’t see an issue. Instead of putting that money in a savings account with DCs names you could have just put it in your savings account which many people do for money that will be gifted to children later. I think the moral issue only arises if it’s not money you saved.

If you've saved the money and it hasn't been gifted to them, I honestly don't see the problem here.

My parents "borrowed" our savings. I say "borrowed" because ot was never really ours was it? They'd put it aside for us but until they gave it to us, it was still theirs, albeit with a promise.

Anyway, not sure what they used it for but I can remember my Dad almost being in tears telling us.

They were never able to save it again. That's OK though. They used it for something to look after us all. An immediate need (not want) is more important than a future desire.

If using their money now will keep a roof over their head or put food in their tummies, then it’s a no brainer.
They are old enough to understand the reasons.

We did this. Moved house when the children were little and needed every last penny, including the money they had received from Grandparents for Christmas and birthdays. We kept a careful note, and told them it was there. DS asked for it when he was moving to the US post-University, whilst DD will probably need it when she starts work and needs a deposit to rent a flat or money to buy a car.

They did not ask for it earlier, partly because they knew we were still quite stretched whilst supporting them through University.

2.5 grand is not 100k, I'd borrow it. It's the money you save for them, you're not stealing from their bank accounts. Shit happens, what can you do.

That's quite easy for a complicated prescription. By the time you've added the lenses, coatings and thinning it all adds up. Not everyone can get a basic pair of glasses.

If you have this type of conversation before you borrow the money it could become a really important lesson for the kids in the importance of financial planning and the need to build up savings as a safety net. All the posters who are saying 'don't touch it, it's their money' are obviously in a very privileged position. If the household is genuinely in financial difficulty you need to use the resources you have available.

Yes it's an excellent opportunity for a really valuable conversation on. Mutual support, honouring promises, financial planning etc etc done well it will be a good thing.

i think for me this would highlight how precarious a situation i was in, as it seems you have no savings, so need to use the kids now. Things that you mention, car repairs, glasses, school uniform, are not unexpected events, but generally just ad hoc and to be expected .

I’d take their money but then sit down and review your financial situation. Living hand to mouth is very hard and when the next bill comes in there won’t be anything at all left to take as you’ll have had it all. And that’s the concern, what happens next time. As there is always a next time.

it’s lovely to save for the kids, but you need your own savings first. To pay these ad hoc bills. I’d stop short of taking money they have that was given from others, but take what you’ve put in. Then put on hold any plans to replace it and try to build a buffer for you both instead.

We did this years ago with the permission of the children (teens at the time), all paid back with interest before they were 18. In our case it was the end of a house extension and unexpected costs, the extension massively improved their living situation. And their money was earning very little in interest in the bank, it earned more from us borrowing it.

100% yes and we have done this in the past to get out of a very tricky situation. The money will be put back before they even know about it.

I wouldn't ask the children. Seems silly if they are young and if they are old enough to understand then you don't want them worrying about their parents having difficulties.

As long as you replace it's fine.

@Parsnipsandginger my mum was a single mum. She told us as adults we had savings as kids, but she had to use them to buy us food. She was never able to replace it. I hold nothing but love towards her. Its all your own money anyway if you’re putting it in a savings account monthly for them!

Those are all usual unpredictable expenses

Things go wrong
Children grow

Are you sure you can pay it back given that there will b other such unpredictable expenses ?

it would be 100% replaced, regardless of what lengths I had to go to do that. I wouldn't use it if I didn't think we couldn't replace.