Are others really living a comfortable lifestyle or is it all smoke and mirrors?

[peanuts18]

Most people I know with children live in nice houses, have foreign holidays or new extensions, kitchens or new cars, eat out, days out to London or weekends away etc. How do they all afford it even a car on HP is several hundred a month?

I work part time (ds is only 7), oh works full time but is self employed so work can be a little up and down and no sick or holiday pay, have a fairly small mortgage (£600pm) but we really struggle. No savings, always in overdraft, no eating out, 1 cheap week to Spain in the last 15 years which set us back for months and months. I don’t smoke or drink and buy supermarket/primark clothes. No loans or car payments only a CC with about £1,000 on.

Am I missing something here as how do others do it or is it all smoke and mirrors and they are living on loans and credit cards, I really don’t get it??

Am I missing something here as how do others do it or is it all smoke and mirrors and they are living on loans and credit cards, I really don’t get it??

this is the oddest statement I’ve ever seen. How can you get to adult hood and not know that if you struggle like this with a low mortgage it’s because you have low income and those who are not struggling earn much more than you.

sure some might have inheritance, but generally it’s income. Credit is tightly controlled now and based on affordability. If you are always in over draft and one works part time and the other has too low income to pay the bills then when you look around and see people with holidays, cars, home improvements , meals out etc it’s because they have the money to afford it, be it up front or paying it back . And that’s nearly always income op.

if you want the same you need to both earn it. Working part time is a huge luxury you cannot afford.

HMSSophia
that’s the thing you had the choice to buy second hand. I don’t and plenty others don’t have that choice, they do it because they need too.

Probably (most definitely) higher income OP.
Need to take into account how they have started of as well, have they had help, inheritance?. We bought our current home at 23/25, saved and saved. Where we live is ridiculously expensive and we only managed to get shared ownership but we're proud of that. We used to go on holiday once a year ranging 3-5 grand had days out, ate out etc this was with 1 child and I'm the lower earner (13grand a year). I'm now only part time 2 days a week and have taken a huge pay cut but it's the only way to cover my bills and afford child care as we dont have family to help.We no longer can go days out and spend willy nilly. But we have started to manage our money better which is helping. But yeah pretty simple they just earn more

I think the income of your family could be low and you haven’t realised that. Perhaps give us a clue as to the after tax income and we can provide a view.

We both work full time and have tried very hard to get promoted, taken unattractive roles that enabled progression even if long commutes or less interesting work. We've been very strategic about it. Working part time is a luxury. Cost of living hasn't affected us yet, but it will if mortgage rates continue to rise when our fix is due, it'll hit people at different times, and not equally, some not at all.

I've got an ex friend who has always spent money like water and spends ridiculous amounts on everything. I know she buys really cheap food but she relies on her bf to support her and emotionally blackmailed her parents, she is constantly in debt and none of it worries her.

From the outside it must look good but I know she has had one house repossessed, one came close to it and she doesnt pay her bills. She managed to get a bf to support her and she I suppose doesnt worry if or when he chucks her out.

She must have to compromise alot to have this lifestyle.

Nice house: we rent it. (No deposit, and tbh I wouldn't buy just now anyway as a FTB).
Foreign holidays: pre-covid we went to France, it was a eurocamp and cost less than a week here even with travel. Next year we're off to Greece, it will be the first time two of my children have ever been on a plane because it's taken us that long to save.
New Extensions/Kitchens: see above (we don't have these).
New Car: Again, we don't have. We choose to have 10 year old cars we own outright, but I could afford a new one if I chose otherwise. In some ways its more economical due to fuel efficiency, tax, insurance, maintenance etc.

We don't have debt: use a CC every month for day to day spending but pay it off in full. We use it as a budgeting tool/for credit building/to have the extra purchase protection.

No smoke and mirrors here: just a healthy income and savvy spending choices. 10 years ago it was very, very different for us. We learnt many, many lessons the hard way and were on the bones of our arses.

But, to answer the original question: yes. Some people really are comfortable financially even at the moment. Many of us are also very aware of how privileged this makes us and donate to others accordingly.

We saved a lot when we were single and worked lots of overtime, did two jobs, etc. We've never had a credit card. We rarely pay full price for anything either through buying in sales or negotiating (if it's a big purchase).
Your choice to be pt and your DH's choice to be self-employed will obviously impact your income. When my DH was self-employed and his income fluctuated, I worked two jobs so we still maintained a certain level of income. I worked at night when the DC were small.
I'm not saying you have to do any of this OP or that it's even possible or desirable to replicate it because you probably live in a different area and have different skills, commitments, etc. And fwiw we might look 'comfortable' but we're never going to 'feel' it because we both grew up in poverty and that's deeply impacted our attitude to work, money, spending and savings.

Until you lose your jobs.

Point is OP is living within her means. Well done.

Other people may not be or may earn more. They could be drug dealers for all any of us know 🤣🤣🤣

My DS told me she has £17k credit limit on her credit card. She never uses it, but wtf! If she has than on a £30k pa salary what might others have?!

We are very similar to you apart from our mortgage is even cheaper than yours. We are very much I the middle, not poor but not got a huge amount of money either. Take home household income of around 42k - Dp earns most of that and it's a good wage for the area we live in which tends to be poorly paid.

we haven't had a holiday in about 10 years, we don't eat out or smoke, don't buy clothes etc

and we are always broke. We do run two cars which is more of a necessity rather than a luxury but both are quite old.

we are always in the overdraft too. Never much spare.

Lots of people have lots of stuff on credit
Lots of people get family help
Lots also earn well

Feel the same , it's not about us having more it's simply that OP just doesn't get how to work there own life . I really am fed up with people I know telling I'm lucky I have the life I lead ? Luck nothing , we worked bloody hard from the day we left school , parents father highly paid engineer came from a deprived area , mum , house mother in a children's home worked up from cleaner , they gave me the work ethic you work hard and you can have any life you want . Did it , now have really comfy life ! OP you can't have a comfy life working working part- time !

I work very hard myself, but luck is always part of it too.

work hard and you can have any life you want This is a myth, not everyone who works hard gets the life they want.

When we first got married, we had 1 car that Dh had a loan for, we went on holidays using stamps for cheap flights and self catered, we almost always cooked at home and ate frugally, we generally dried clothes on the line in the garden and not in the dryer, did a lot of the decorating and fixing of our house ourselves, waited until we had the money to buy things (so we got 1 bedside locker one month, and the second one the next month) rather than using credit cards, didn't have sky or steaming services etc.

We had nice clothes - kept clean and mended, but not that many of them.

We had plenty of food but cheap cuts, yellow stickers, grew some of our own veg, shopped around etc.

We had concrete floors for 6 months until we could afford carpet. But we had some nice cheap rugs just beside our chairs. We painted, tiled, sewed curtain etc ourselves. We had some second hand furniture passed around within the family.

It wasn't entirely unusual but was becoming less common. Credit was easily available - lots of friends had 120% mortgages over 35 years and bought everything new.

Now we have lots more. We paid off the mortgage a couple of years ago. We earn more money so can have more. But we also managed to keep the house when many others lost theirs in the last recession.

and even we are cutting back at the moment so that we don't face problems in the next couple of years.

You work part time.

That’s your answer right there!

We are probably one of the families your referring to OP, we are lates 20's with 6 month old baby:

• parent gifted £50K to our first property last year (South East so v. expensive), we also added this to a £40K deposit we had saved in our early 20's.

• Parents helped considerably with renovations to our house, new bathroom, Kitchen, boiler etc

• parents contributed significantly towards our wedding

• Good maternity leave package from employer has taken the pressure off the expense of having our first baby. I don't know how the government expect people to survive on just SMP.

• Parent helps out with lease payment for our family car/ meals out/ baby equipment and holidays.

• We find the cheapest possible deal on everything, very rarely do we ever pay full price for anything. (sales, coupons, cashback etc)

• We use cashback credit cards for ALL expenditure, this for example has paid for return flights for our most recent holiday.

• We invest in good quality furniture and home improvements, (the saying buy cheap, buy twice is really true)

We are very lucky my mum and dad both worked for big PLC's for 35+ years so received good redundancy/ early retirement packages on top of final salary schemes. They also benefitted from cheap house prices that has allowed them to be mortgage free for many years so are in a position to help out. They recognise themselves that things are so much harder for the younger generation.

We also work in finance and are well looked after by employers in terms of sick pay, holiday entitlement, and company benefits. It really does make a difference.

We both work ft, we have 3 children but i always went back ft and only took 9 months off with the 3rd. If I was part time our income would be much smaller obviously (i earn slightly more too). I'd rather work ft and be able to have nice things and not worry (although that disposable income is taking a hit with everything going on!). What's your reason for being pt if your child is at school 6 (or more) hours a day? Go ft and earn more, simple answer to your problem.

OP there are people telling you they work 60 hours a week that is some full on slog please don't be under the assumption they just sit in an office my husband does 24 day to night to morning shifts I am a custody officer but also run a side hustle it's hard but the rewards are amazing , kids left home very young 18 + worked hard both with partners both own they're own homes .

Also, only shop at LIDL and ASDA.

Sorry 24 hour 🙄

Has the OP been back? 👀

only a CC with about £1,000 on.

There's your problem right there.....

Sorry, OP.

Sorry but it looks like everything you have achieved was someone else fronting up the cash ? Don't know could be wrong ? But that's what I'm reading

So basically mummy and daddy bought your house and fund your lifestyle 😆