Are others really living a comfortable lifestyle or is it all smoke and mirrors?

[peanuts18]

Most people I know with children live in nice houses, have foreign holidays or new extensions, kitchens or new cars, eat out, days out to London or weekends away etc. How do they all afford it even a car on HP is several hundred a month?

I work part time (ds is only 7), oh works full time but is self employed so work can be a little up and down and no sick or holiday pay, have a fairly small mortgage (£600pm) but we really struggle. No savings, always in overdraft, no eating out, 1 cheap week to Spain in the last 15 years which set us back for months and months. I don’t smoke or drink and buy supermarket/primark clothes. No loans or car payments only a CC with about £1,000 on.

Am I missing something here as how do others do it or is it all smoke and mirrors and they are living on loans and credit cards, I really don’t get it??

Most families I know have 2 full time working adults.

Why are you working part time with a 7 year old? You could easily earn more money by working longer hours and using breakfast club/after school club/holiday club/child minder etc. Plenty of people manage perfectly well doing this 🙄

The PT thing is the big stickler - that’s a huge Luxury that we’ve never been able to afford. Back ft as soon as any paid maternity leave ended, that means that yes a couple of years of nursery fees have been horrid - but now we’re almost out of the other side of that and have learned to live on a much lower disposable income

I think maybe OP thought we were all silver spoon type and didn't realise we've worked from nothing to get where we are now ?

Parental input has helped, without it we wouldn't have managed to do our house up to a high standard and we would have brought a cheaper property. I appreciate we are very lucky though.

Being lucky enough to have the support and guidance to finding and exploring higher paid career options has also helped. Aside from that, we always look for deals when spending money, whether that be takeways/eating out, holidays, food shopping etc. Like I say, we never pay full price for anything (will use a % off coupon, sale items, midweek deals).

Please do not be rude in your comment, OP asked and I have given an honest answer.

Not possible to tell really. Most people here earn more than me, I’m sure. BUT I think there is a lot of debt. I live on a fairly homogeneous newish estate full of 4 bed detached houses, garden hot tubs and shiny cars. I imagine a fair bit of that is on the credit of some sort. I think most people are earning enough to afford it, so why not, I suppose. I have scruffiest house and drive an old banger, but no debt, other than a small mortgage. I had a relatively small income, but lots of flexibility and time, which is more important to me as a widowed parent. I’m content to live small (although I’d really like a new kitchen!)

I haven't read all the thread but think the opnis getting a hard time on here. There are a variety of reasons:

1. They may be in the squeezed bit where they earn a ha'porth over the threshold and get no tax relief, working tax credit, etc.

1. Their contemporaries may actually have screwed themselves. The dd of one of my mother's friends had a £35k mortgage in 1994 (cheap part of the country). They had great holidays, cars, clothes, etc. By 2004 that mortgage was £120,000. They only kept on the right side because their parents died.

1. The op's dh may not be coming clean about what he earns. It may be high and he may have a habit: gambling, coke, women, congenital meanness, etc.

1. The only advice I'd give the op is to work a bit more if possible and squirrel it away. Something might not be stacking up.

comfortable also means different things to different people
we are in our 50's and work about 20 hours a week each not NMW but not a huge amount more
we are comfortable on a relatively low income due to being mortgage and debt free, DH is very practical so he keeps our older vehicles on the road for the cost of parts, he also does all home repairs even complex ones as he has a lot of professional tools and know how from years in building conservation and repair
we do not drink alcohol much a bottle of wine a month maybe 2 small ciders and a bottle of gin per year, we don't smoke; we have one child age 13, we have a supply of free wood to supplememt heating, because we live rurally and are at home most of the time insurance for both house and car is cheap
the areas we do spend in DIY and home, we like antiques but most of the time antiques last longer and are cheaper than new, for me good coffee and chocolate, we eat good meat, fish and fresh veg, fuel for the car for day trips and seeing my mum 6 hours away 3-4 times a year, we like to visit museums etc one holiday a year mostly self catering alternating UK and Europe, budget flights and accommodation but not budget experiences once there but we are not theme park or beach types
I don't buy new tech or update until I have to, SIM only phones we don't buy many new clothes, DD does have plenty of new clothes and make up and a £40 a month allowance. We eat out maybe every six weeks and takeout about once a month, I go out for coffee with a friend about once a week
I'm a bit of a minimalist I do not spend money on things other people think I ought to have for my job or profession
I do zero balance budgeting
if I had a mortgage and child care we would both need to work more or get better jobs i left a much better paying job for a better life balance it suits me

I am going to go in with the obvious yep know full well gonna get burned !
1 why do couples have kids before buying a home
2 why do people not work out what they actually want and can afford before they introduce kids ( yeah I know met later in life, step kids !
And why when couples live in a two bedroom 2nd story flat with one child on a low income while claiming benefits go on to have two more kids while in the same situation and tell me I'm lucky and we are the problem ?

This isn’t about the OP’s situation - she’s asking about other people, so I don’t think she’s getting a hard.

This question comes up almost on the daily - and yes, while there could be all sort of wild and wacky reasons, like debt and/or a gambling / drug / whore habit, the obvious answer is the most likely one: some people simply earn more.

You’re describing my life. We are 50s, both have worked full time since university. Both have good jobs and are usually out of the house for 12 hours a day. Neither of us have inherited anything (elderly parents still alive). We have one car (second hand) which we bought with savings. We have a mortgage that we are paying off hopefully in about 5 years. That and school fees are our major expenses. I spend very little on clothes. We do like holidays but tend to have a big one every 4 years (last time Croatia), usually self catering in France. Together we earn c£250k.

Will state one question. If being well off is so bad , why is everyone buying a lottery ticket to get rich ??

I hope you’ve got your hard hat on, @Wiccan!

P.S. I agree.

Babe ,hiding under my table 😥😥😥

My theory is that lots get regular money from family or have had a big inheritance.

A couple of years ago I received a very modest inheritance from my grandfather (20k in Aus dollars) but even that has meant the difference between always being in the red to having a nice financial buffer and possibly buying a new car (with a loan).

I got some help with my house deposit but know some people get gifted land to build on or bought new cars by family.

Who cares? Don't compare your life to theirs, you will never know. Now that your son is 7 perhaps you could work extra hours or retrain.

To an extent I believe it is about choices. Choosing to work at school and not mess about, choosing a less enjoyable job that pays more, not having children before buying a house. DH and I have made all those sacrifices.

We have also had significant inheritances around £350k and are relatively young, mid thirties. But these have come at the cost of losing a parent.

Depends. How much do you earn? how many hours do you work?and how much does your DH earn. Nearly everybody I know the children are a bit older, many of my friends have 2 teens, and they're earning reasonable amounts and they're going on holiday quite frequently.

Up to now early days no one seems to want to admit to this but it is about choice am I right ???

If a holiday set you back months and months and your partner's income is "up and down" I wonder if you are not that skilled at financial management, which is absolutely not a dig, a lot of people aren't. But for example with self employment when there are peaks and troughs in income, it makes sense to withhold some money on the "peak" months to cover you during the "trough" (and holiday, and sick) months.

Do you tend to find that it feels like you're never even treading water because any time you feel like you're doing well, something comes up like urgent car repairs, washing machine break down, extra large bill, sudden emergency expense? We felt like this constantly until I started managing our finances a bit more proactively.

I also think that it can be very easy to bumble along on a low income for a really long time and not really understand/appreciate that others have more simply because the average wage is a lot higher than what you're living on (and some will earn over average) and you could, if you wanted to, aim a bit higher. It's "worked" for you until now so why change... except that you are noticing that other people have more and maybe you do want to change something.

It would probably be useful to look at your average family income as a whole and compare to national average income. Also average income monthly, plus add up all your bills, food/petrol spending (don't forget top up shops, check statements), fun spending (days out, takeaways etc, just estimate) and then also, over a year and divide by 12, any one-off or total spending on things like clothing, car repairs, appliances, phones bought in cash, Christmas, DS birthday, anything that happens less than once a month. You will likely find that once you account for all these "occasional" expenses, your income is not actually enough to cover your outgoings and that is why you always feel that you are struggling.

Also check if there are any top up benefits you could be entitled to.

"My theory is that lots get regular money from family or have had a big inheritance. "

Nope. No one I know has this. They all earn well, many of them the mum still works less than ft hours, no credit cards, no help, just pay for stuff.

We get quite a lot of comments about us going abroad 2/3 times a year. We are very lucky that we bought a house in London then moved to Scotland and built a house so we have no mortgage.

Our joint income is around £4k so at the moment we have lots of disposable income, this will reduce soon when we have to start paying for University but we will still be ok.

Everyones circumstances are different but for us the major factor is selling a house and moving.

I probably should have added that we both always worked ft, Dd went to Creche at 4 months old as no extended Amy leave available and we don't have family near us to help with childcare etc. But we just slogged away and enjoyed the little things.

Truth is if you're not on the prop ladder now you never will be ! The only reason some of our parents got to buy there council home is because they lived there for 30 years and got a 60% discount this is now open to housing association but most people don't have the income or deposit . Being able to run your life / the income needed to function even on the lowest levels / bank accounts/ pensions is not being taught in schools I hear lots of kids saying I just wanna be famous. Friend's son 16 said this to me!I said well you could murder another person(yeah he knows it's wrong ) and be famous you dick what exactly are you going to do for an income ?!

You need to go full time. Me and DW work full time even when DS was 9 months so there you go. If both of you work FT you reap the rewards although some lucky CF can do sweet FA and get loads of dosh! Can’t take it to the after life though so don’t worry too much!

I entirely disagree with your property ladder comment @Wiccan - it's cyclical and we are, Inreckon 1.5 years off the bottom.