Are others really living a comfortable lifestyle or is it all smoke and mirrors?

[peanuts18]

Most people I know with children live in nice houses, have foreign holidays or new extensions, kitchens or new cars, eat out, days out to London or weekends away etc. How do they all afford it even a car on HP is several hundred a month?

I work part time (ds is only 7), oh works full time but is self employed so work can be a little up and down and no sick or holiday pay, have a fairly small mortgage (£600pm) but we really struggle. No savings, always in overdraft, no eating out, 1 cheap week to Spain in the last 15 years which set us back for months and months. I don’t smoke or drink and buy supermarket/primark clothes. No loans or car payments only a CC with about £1,000 on.

Am I missing something here as how do others do it or is it all smoke and mirrors and they are living on loans and credit cards, I really don’t get it??

Increasingly I am hearing the dilemma of parents who need more money but the one looking after the children can’t afford childcare. Doesn’t anyone work part time evenings and weekends anymore??
When our kids were small I pretty much always had 2part time jobs on the go from supermarkets, cleaning, waitressing and working in insurance and for a wedding photographer on a Saturday.
We didn’t live near family so had no back up and it was very hard on us as a couple sometimes as we passed like ships in the night, but we managed and it meant we had a good family life including regular camping holidays in the UK and France.
It would be great if there was more decent, well paid work available so parents could work flexibly.
I asked around my grown up children’s age group and it sounds like people aren’t prepared to work evenings and weekends?

People saying working PT is a luxury when you have a primary aged kid - how do you find childcare during the school holidays? And surely many people are working to pay childcare with not much actually going into the pot?

As for being self employed - it's shit. My OH is, no sick or holiday pay, he has to pay for materials, can be busy one month, dead the next - it's stressful. One time he injured himself and couldn't work for 3 months - it was terrifying how quick we went backwards.

And surely many people are working to pay childcare with not much actually going into the pot?

It would be a pretty low salary to not be putting much in the pot if working full time and paying wraparound care with school aged kids.

Get a full time job?

Our kids are younger, we both work full time, we can afford a couple of holidays a year and don’t even own any credit cards.

I take home £1400 after childcare costs each month so definitely contributing a reasonable amount to the pit, and we will pay for childcare in the holidays once DC are in school, same as we do now for nursery.

PT is a luxury.

I work part time (ds is only 7), oh works full time but is self employed so work can be a little up and down and no sick or holiday pay,

as others have said. This is why

what do you both earn @peanuts18

you work part time. Could work more hours. Yes you will have to pay a cm or asc but won’t be your full pay so some extra

and dh. I get it. Both dh and I are se so no holiday or sickness pay

what does dh do. You say his work is up and down as often is in se

dh and I both work hard - yes some weeks no work as se - but over all we do ok

and we do have a yearly holiday in tenerife which is saved for during year

we don’t have any childcare costs as I work nights and dh days so we cover each other. Also means we don’t see a lot of each other but that’s the way things work

I’m sorry you’re struggling at the moment. Costs are rising too which doesn’t help. I’m a single parent in a professional role with the same mortgage cost per month as you and a car loan for a new mid range car. I work on average 60 hours per week (48 contracted and an extra 12 hours overtime) and that’s the only way I can have enough income to pay for things we want. I get minimal child maintenance because ex isn’t reliably in work so is often on UC. I think the answer is to go full time at the moment if your DH’s self employed income isn’t enough on top of your part time wages if you want more holidays, cars etc.

However, if your income covers your costs and you value your lifestyle more then stick with what you do now. Do you want the cars, holidays and new kitchen or do you want more time at home with your DC? My children are teens plus so it’s an easier choice for me.

I have all those things you mention. A family of five of us. Large 5 bedroom house with two luxury cars and at least two holidays a year.

but it comes at a huge sacrifice. My husband and I have board level jobs. We’ve pushed ourselves, work long hours and rarely have down time or time around the house to catch up. My kids are in full time child care when not in school. I rarely leave work at a decent time in the evenings and always ‘on call’. But we do it so we can have those nice things (neither of us were brought up affluent and we’ve worked incredibly hard for it).

it’s about working out what’s important to you. And going for it.

Things aren't always plain sailing, but we aren't struggling like you describe.

We both work full-time. Also, I have been full-time since I went back from maternity leave, which means my career has progressed further than it probably would have done if I have been part time. But I probably missed out on a lot of things mums who didn't have to work full-time got to do with their dc. No one gets it all!

I think sometimes people's salaries can surprise you, so rather than smoke and mirrors its actually because they're earning £60/70/80k+ in a job that you don't realise is a high earning position. Or certain sectors where that kind of money can be earned even after only a few years in the job (like finance or IT).

I'm thinking of one friend in particular, didn’t go to uni, didn't need any specific qualifications, it's a generic sounding office type role. £65k plus bonus. They work hard of course but I don't think on the face of it many people would realise what a lucrative role it is.

I don't agree with some of the posts where posters are saying they are comfortable because they 'work hard' and they work long hours, often bringing work home.

Both DH and me work long hours in jobs that pay the average wage (DH is actually under the average wage) both stressful jobs where we rarely finish on time, where we take work home and are on call. These are not board level jobs as pp mentions. These are average roles. Still, we cannot afford a luxurious lifestyle.

The people you are referring to are in higher paid jobs. In the area i live noth parents work full time bringing in 3k a month or more each, mortgages are higher but they live a good life style as described. They all have highly paid jobs and most went to uni so are earning above minimum wage.

When I was young i stayed with my parents and saved most of my income and then I invested it in property. Now I live a good lifestyle as I have additional rental income even when i couldn't work due to kids plus my husband is a high earner.

DH and I earn about £65k between us, we’ve both worked bloody hard.
When we met we both worked for NMW and we’re very lucky to get a 100% mortgage when those still existed, and made enough money to buy a bigger house when we had kids, We’ve never borrowed money from family for house deposits.
When we had kids DH changed jobs and worked his way up and now he’s very senior in his job, while I worked PT to save on childcare, when they went to school I went back FT.
We spend wisely and all our borrowing is at 0%
Holidays are camping in the UK or the very occasional week abroad.
We've prioritised saving for retirement and building a nest egg instead of spending now.

My point specifically was on my own set of circumstances. It was not insinuating that the op didn’t work hard/long hours etc. But if I didn’t push myself and if I didn’t work long hours I would not have what I do have and wouldn’t be able to afford the nice things the op is asking how people afford. So for me, that’s my trade off.

I think it’s a fair question. DH and I have sometimes wondered the same.

We have a fairly decent household income although we do live in SW London suburbs.

People we know with similar incomes (or less) seem to have more disposable income. Holidays, big car payments, home improvements, etc.

Most of them have had massive handouts from parents or family members. Think big deposits for first homes, more cash for upsizing, regular big birthday/Christmas cash gifts.

It’s not always as easy as saying ‘just go full time’ or ‘get a better job’
Some of the responses on here are so condescending!

I think sometimes people's salaries can surprise you, so rather than smoke and mirrors its actually because they're earning £60/70/80k+ in a job that you don't realise is a high earning position. Or certain sectors where that kind of money can be earned even after only a few years in the job (like finance or IT).

That's true. There are some jobs where the possible income spread is massive. IT and sales for example, people could be on 20k or many times that.

Some people earn more money and others have astronomical credit card bills and debts to fund a lifestyle they can't afford.

Both husband and I don’t come from wealthy backgrounds. We went to state schools, worked very hard and got GCSEs A levels etc, went to uni, got degrees, joined large corporates and moved about, worked our way up , long hours of hard graft. Constant juggle. Now in 50’s earning 6 figures.each working full time at Director level. So yes bigger income now. 2 kids. Big house . We look affluent to others I guess. I also invested in my twenties- something every month so hope that will pay off mortgage. We don’t smoke. But do drink good wine. Not excessively though.

We have had good holidays but not since pandemic. Some years just go camping. I clean the house myself with help from husband and teens which nearly caused a divorce so caved and got a cleaner recently as sick of the arguments as they are basically lazy so I end up doing everything.

We have great benefits packages aswell eg private healthcare.brilliant life insurance. We will not inherit very much as neither of our parents are wealthy. Not been given any money by relatives.no benefits at all.

childcare wise I did a combination of nursery initially when I had to commute and then nanny/ after school nanny.
now work from home full time ( both have done for 10 years now).

I try my best to get discounts off things - I always shop around. Loyalty everything. I never take any of it for granted. Husband did get made redundant at one point which was scary but found a better job within his notice period and now earns more than before.

I always wanted to be financially secure as my parents struggled. So in many ways I’m pretty much there but I’ll say that once mortgage is gone. Most of our friends are similar or earn more and have second properties etc

Much of it is what my grandma used to call "fur coat and no knickers".

Oh I should probably add that car wise - we have lease and pcp deals but neither is ‘several hundred a month’ not sure what type of car you are expecting to drive OP? I pay around 300 / mth for a new large suv 5 seater and a few hundred for a run around that was only recently. Up until then we ran out 13 year old golf into the ground pretty much and old style Volvo . Don’t see the point of flashy cars really unless they appreciate in value.

I think you may be focusing too much on the ones who have it all and not realise a lot are struggling like you do.
Like others have said, working part time is a luxury, I know a lot of Mums who prefer working part time to spend more time with their children, but that's a sacrifice they make and means they don't go on expensive holidays for example.

Being self employed can be tricky money wise. So it's likely the ones who live a good life around you have a higher revenue overall and a more stable situation.

@AwlAtSea
People saying working PT is a luxury when you have a primary aged kid - how do you find childcare during the school holidays?

2 of us working FT - we get 5 weeks holiday each, and the remaining he goes into holiday clubs, at around £40 a day it’s much cheaper than when he was in FT nursery at £55 a day 50 weeks of the year.

the working for only paying childcare? Personally, we each earn around 120 a day - so again more than in ‘profit’ when nursery was £55 a day

Even if you work part-time you still need childcare in the holidays unless you have a school hours job. So you may as well work full time and have the extra money.

Thank you so much for this.