Girlie so sorry to hear about your DF. You are having a tough year, I’m sorry 
North your poor friend. That was so quick, what a shock that must be to the family. I do think the mental health impact of all this is as bad as the physical impact... it’s very hard to get over losing someone, but especially in these circumstances.
Pumpkin when it came to choosing schools I was in a very particular situation as my DS is autistic and we knew he was going to have an EHCP. Nevertheless, I was looking at mainstream schools and what I wanted for him isn’t much different than what I want for DD (starts next year). And all children have individual needs in some way, so management of SEN is a good barometer of that, I believe. Above all I wanted a school that was welcoming, inclusive and kind. And where children’s behaviour is generally good and doesn’t get in the way of all children learning. I am much less concerned about academic results /ofsted - unless there is something actually alarming about the performance or Ofsted findings I don’t think it’s as important as the ‘feeling’ and the way children feel about being at school. A bright child, in a supportive, creative and interesting environment, will thrive even without academic pressure. FWIW, on my list as next tier priority I also wanted something local if possible,and I also (ideally) wanted ethnic and social diversity. And I hoped for a school with decent outdoor space - we’re in London so some schools really don’t have much.
But welcoming and supportive was the most important thing. We live 5 mins walk away from a School that is ofsted outstanding and which is heavily oversubscribed, locally it’s seen as The Best One. We’d have got a place, but when I went to see it I didn’t like it at all. I felt they put results ahead of what was best for an individual child (and that has been borne out by a few incidents I’ve heard about since then). The school we chose is 20 mins away, and had been in special measures a few years previously, then rated ‘good’. Many people are still nervous of it because of that. But it is a fantastic school. Children behave beautifully. It is a very kind place - it’s what the leadership team and all staff model and expect. Bullying is not tolerated. There are a few SEN children in the school with significant needs (my DS is one of them) and I can honestly say they are treated wonderfully by everyone, and are included in everything and supported by their peers. Not patronised but genuinely included, and their achievements are celebrated by everyone. That same kindness, nurturing and flexibility works wonders for all kids, especially anyone who may be shy, or lacking confidence, or find friendships challenging, or find some subjects difficult. It’s not perfect but it’s a very happy place and I’m so glad we chose it. I am excited for DD to go there too 🤞🏻
Sorry, that was a long answer! It’s a subject close to my heart.
Yesterday was manic, I didn’t even manage to catch up with the thread before I conked out on the sofa. Today is better - work is busy but no horrible Pressure deadlines, and then no work tomorrow, yay! But kids also off... so no peace and quiet either 
and definitely no housework