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May Making Money Go Frugally Further

999 replies

Wolfcub · 13/05/2018 20:50

New thread

OP posts:
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Taytocrisps · 28/05/2018 09:24

Did a quick catch up of the last few pages.

em your MIL sounds like a nightmare. One of those people who cause drama and problems everywhere they go and then end up alone and bitter and think the whole world is against them. Can't believe she ended up paying for the champagne Grin. And you got all the pub points too! She walked herself into that one! Anyone else wonder what her AIBU would be like - AIBU to think I shouldn't have to pay for the champagne just because I said I was paying for everything? Whole of MN - YABVU.

Unescorted did you get your gas sorted yet?

Meadow can't believe you've started your maternity leave already. Have you long to go? Enjoy your time relaxing now and take it as easy as you can.

Seacow how is DD now?

Girlie enjoy your trip. Is it a Bank Holiday weekend there?

north I hope the rest of the exams go well. I think ok means it went fine. Also for you Unescorted.

DD ended up with over two hours of maths homework last night. To cut a long story short, her maths teacher wasn't in on Friday so she left some work to do in class and some to do at home over the weekend. DD had difficulty with it (algebra) so decided she would leave it all for homework and ask us to help her with it. Except she never told us until last night. To be fair, we were at DNiece's confirmation on Saturday and then MIL took DD for a sleepover Saturday night. She brought her to show yesterday (this had all been arranged in advance) and was supposed to have her back by 6 o'clock. But it was actually 8 when she got home. She did some science homework and then broke the news to us that she had 5 pages of algebra problems to do (combination of class work and homework). To make matters worse, she was quite tired at that stage so there were a lot of tears and hair pulling. DH helped her with it but it was well after 11 when they finished. I'm annoyed with DD but also annoyed with myself for not checking with her exactly how much homework she had and insisting that MIL brought her back straight after the show.

Beautiful sunny day here so I'm planning to get lots of washing done. Need to do a lot of housework too so I'd better switch off and get moving.

WreckTangled · 28/05/2018 09:40

We're on the train to London. Will be spendy but hopefully fun!

Wolfcub · 28/05/2018 09:45

Oh no Tayto she will be very tired today. Depending how old she is I wouldn’t be hard on yourself there.

Holiday company have put about half what they owe me back in my account after saying there was no way to refund electronically and I would have to have a cheque. It’s now 13 days since I formally cancelled. If the rest of the money isn’t in by tomorrow evening it’s ceo letter time. So frustrating especially as I’m planning to rebook with them Confused

Em what’s the plan with Mil today? Do you have an escape plan in place?

Unescorted do you have gas back yet? How are you managing?

Hope everyone has a lovely day. I was hit with awful loneliness last night, I am hoping it lifts today. I will see ds for about two hours later whilst I pick him up from one set of gps and take him to the others. I am hoping he’s in a good mood

OP posts:
MrsChuckBass · 28/05/2018 09:50

I sympathise with your DD tayto I always struggled with algebra!
Spending for yesterday
DHs travel card £10
My travel card £4.80
Second hand moon chair for DD £10
Total £28.80

Today
Lidl £12.34

ememem84 · 28/05/2018 09:58

Today’s plans may shock you.

The sun is out. It is a glorious day but in staying inside and cleaning. The flat is a state. I’m out of laundry and ds has one days worth of clean clothes (or 4 if by some miracle he stays clean).

Dh ds and mil are going to the beach. Having a bbq. Paddle boarding etc. Dh told me I shouldn’t stay home and clean because he’ll do it in the week and to just give him the list. Which I did. He looked at the list and pointed out “that’ll take a whole day. You do know my mums here and I’m off work. I’m not spending my precious time off with my mum cleaning” (paraphrasing but that’s the gist).

I said that for my mental health (he knows I’m super anxious already) I need the house clean and tidy. I need to know it’s done. And I’ve got a busy week - work, gym, friend emergencies etc and I just need some chill time on my own. I tried hard not to say “away from mil because I’ve had enough already” but ended up having to say it.

So I’m home. Will blitz the house this morning be done by 12 and will have a nice chilled afternoon. Dh will be back by 4 so I can take ds to see daunt and duncle at dparents before they leave tomorrow.

I think I’ve played today rather well.

SunnyLikeThursday · 28/05/2018 10:14

Em It always astonishes me that you are happy to leave ds alone with dh. Giving him to dh and mil at the beech would be way beyond my threshold. Good luck there. Glad you're taking care of yourself.

SunnyLikeThursday · 28/05/2018 10:15

Gosh, I spelt Beach really well there. Must be firing on all cylinders today.

lifelongfrugaleer · 28/05/2018 10:18

Spot on em.

I've been cooking this morning. Cheesecake, raspberry sauce, beef in gravy, start of roast potatoes, choc buns and butter icing, home made coleslaws. Friends coming for lunch

Wolfcub · 28/05/2018 10:26

Em that sounds like a good plan to me. I see your dh hasn’t noticed this is your day off and you are spending it cleaning though. Confused

Life that sounds delicious

Chuck what is a moon chair?

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 28/05/2018 10:29

Pity you couldn’t have slipped a bottle of Sancerre in there Em.

I need to get coffee beans later so I’ll pick up the shopmium free milk in sainsbos. I set the fridge so high the lettuce froze so I need another one of them too 🙄

ChristmasSeacow · 28/05/2018 10:47

I love a day at home on my own cleaning - enjoy Em!

Hope you have a good day in London Wreck, if any of my advice is duff at least you don’t know where I live Wink. We are off on a boat down the Thames. DS is beside himself with excitement on the DLR at the moment.

Sunny genuinely curious - why wouldn’t Em leave DS with her DH? I leave mine with DH quite frequently - just for an hour or two while I do errands or get my hair done . He really is almost as capable of looking after them as I am, albeit the house is usually a tip when I get back. I’m actually leaving them all overnight on Thursday when I have to go south for granny’s funeral. I will miss them and have never left dd overnight so that’s a step for me but I know they will be fine.

ememem84 · 28/05/2018 10:51

sunny I’m not too happy about ds being with mil full stop. But I know ds will take care of him. It gives me the headspace I need and they need to spend time together (dh and ds I mean).

We’re relatively chilled out so yeah ds will come back having been dunked in the sea (ds surfs paddle boards etc so knows the sea well and wouldn’t put ds in any danger) and will probably have sand everywhere but he’ll have had a nice day. Dh will have had a stress free (we’ll mil and me stress free) day and I’ll have had one too. Win win for everyone.

And I know mil won’t help ds carry all the beach junk. He’s going to have a tough time. Poor love.

Spag Bol in the slow cooker for dinner. We may stop at dparents so if we do this will keep.

Taytocrisps · 28/05/2018 11:10

Wow! It's a scorcher out there.

Re: the Algebra homework, part of me is concerned that DD is having so much difficulty with it. I'd phone the teacher and ask for extra help but this is the last week of term (they finish up on Friday) so they won't have much in the way of normal classes. Their exams start tomorrow. I feel like I dropped the ball on this one. I'm also not very optimistic about what grade DD is likely to get in Maths, if the exam is primarily based around Algebra. At least it's only first year exams and not state exams. I'll keep a much closer eye on things next year especially where maths is concerned.

em with MIL being so far away, you have an all or nothing relationship with her. Nothing for ages and then she's on top of you for a concentrated period. And of course, DH feels he has to spend as much time as possible with her, because she lives so far away. If she just lived 5 minutes away, you could send DH over pop in for an hour and be done with it. Anyway, good plan to spend the day alone. In some ways I feel a bit sorry for her. She lives so far away from her DS and she has a difficult relationship with her DIL. Because her visits are so infrequent, DGS won't remember her when he does see her (at least, while he's still small) and they'll have to get to know each other all over again. He won't be anything like as close to her as he is and will be to your parents. But having said all that, it sounds like she's the author of her own misfortune. What's her life like in NZ? Does she work? Does she have friends? Don't answer these questions if you feel it might be too outing. Sometimes I think that I'm having a chat with a group of friends over a coffee and forget that this is a very public forum.

SunnyLikeThursday · 28/05/2018 11:27

Em That's great that you are completely confident of your dh's ability to look after your ds. I think we get to hear a lot about your dh's short comings, and it's lovely to know that he is completely reliable at caring for your dh without you. That counts for a lot.

SunnyLikeThursday · 28/05/2018 11:29

Christmas thinking about, actually I think I was not able to hand over my ds for a long time because he was ebf. I think that with Em's ds being on formula it probably makes it much more feasible for her to hand him over. My attempts at handing over ds never came to much. Em's dh does also get a lot of stick though. Smile

ememem84 · 28/05/2018 11:50

That he does sunny that he does. He’s a goodun really. Maybe too relaxed about “life stuff” though. But yes much easier to leave ds as he was formula fed.

tayto yes very much mostly of her own making. In a way I was the instigator of it all starting as I said “no” to her. Four years into our relationship (and one year married) I said no as I was sick of having my holidays/weekends/life dictated to me. So I said no. And I’m the bad guy.

When she’s at home she has to work. Because otherwise she’d have no money. If she’d been here she’d have been retired. She’s 64. And will probably have to keep working until we’ll into her 70’s. She’s jealous of Dm and df who are early and mid 60’s and are retired and enjoying their time.

She has no money (so I suspect Dh will reimburse her for the bubbly but his choice) so has to work but in the last three years she’s moved house 4 times and every time she’s ditched furniture and bought new.

Her friends are all here and are all busy with their lives. She didn’t tell them she was coming back because she wanted to spend all her time with dh and ds and is now upset that they’re all busy.

Her family in nz all have their own lives.

In a way (although I dislike the woman) I feel sorry for her. Fil and his gf are living the life she could have had if she hadn’t got divorced. They’re both retired travelling enjoying life. She’s lonely. And sad. And acts up.

Her boyfriend (according to dh) is a manipulative controlling sort. He can’t say anything to her about it though because he knows she’ll disagree and then think he’s trying to break them up. Boyf has money. He has houses everywhere. But makes her pay for her own flights for their trips. He isn’t happy about her being here. She’s “not allowed” to post things on Facebook because he might see and be annoyed.

Sad situation all round. And I feel for dh who is stuck in the middle of a mess. I try so hard. But there’s only so much I can give. I don’t ignore her. I’m not rude. I am polite. I don’t give any ammunition. But I know it upsets dh to see me quiet. I’m not usually a quiet one. He wants happy families. As his family was blown apart by mil when she left fil. But he’s trying to force something that won’t work.

I’m sure it needs a massive row to clear the air actually but don’t ever want to get to that point. Dh talks about respect and how it should be earned and a two way street. But this never applies to mil.

ChristmasSeacow · 28/05/2018 11:53

Ah yes, ebf does make it complicated.

We are on the river boat, currently docked to let people off. It’s a lovely day but DS isn’t enjoying the sun and keeps wanting to hide under the seats while we try to get him to look at landmarks. Next term he is doing London landmarks at school so we are trying to make it real for him Confused. When we get off we’re heading to costa coffee for lunch so he can have his favourite Toastie. I’m holding out for an ice cream inst James’s Park.

SunnyLikeThursday · 28/05/2018 12:11

That all does sound tricky Em. I love that your dh is good with your ds though. That gets him epic brownie points from me. Well done for plodding though these few days. You're doing a brilliant job.

Christmas yes I think the ebf thing is a bit issue. One of my great baby years memories was my first ever time of successfully handing ds over to dh for 30 minutes straight.

That was when ds was ten months old and it was the first time when I had a bath with soap. I'd been doing days and nights so no time off even at night.

That one glorious bath was that moment when I realised that my coccyx had broken off during his delivery. #YeGads

ememem84 · 28/05/2018 12:29

sunny he is so good with him and ds loves him so much. You can tell that. He loves how silly daddy is and daddy does way more reckless things than Mummy! Haha!

Eg when dh is doing crunches ds lies on his lower legs. Dh keeps knees up lower legs at a 90 degree angle and loweres so ds looks like he’s flying. The screeching with laughter is hilarious. Ds puts his arms and legs out and flaps them. Reckless child.

Dh also doesn’t care what people think. He gets annoyed at mil for suggesting he “babysits” ds.

It’s nice for them to have time on their own. They’ll develop a stronger relationship. Dh has a difficult relationship with fil. Fil spent no time with him when he was a kid. Dh doesn’t want to be like his dad.

northender · 28/05/2018 12:29

Seacow that sounds like a good day.
em sounds like you're handling things well in difficult circumstances. Enjoy your alone time.
@Lifelong* your list of food has made my mouth water, trying to figure out something more inspiring to eat later now!
Girlie glad your holiday place is lovely, enjoy.
Unescorted it's an uncommunicative age isn't it? I'll be so relieved when GCSEs are over.
Wreck have a good day in London
Tayto that sounds like a lot of homework, there is such a lot of pressure on children now.

Having a "home" day today after spending all of yesterday at the cricket club.
Ds had the most fantastic day & played really well for the first team. I can't really explain it without boring you all, but to be in the first team (even intermittently as it is for ds at the moment) is a huge achievement for him and he is loving it. He did so well that he led the team off at the end of the game. After the horrendous time he has had over the past few months, it is doing his confidence the world of good. Unfortunately, as a result of throwing himself around the field a bit too much, he now has various injuries! We've got an appointment at a district nurse treatment room at 1415 as he's got a nasty friction burn on his arm which is painful and oozing.
Dd has some old pine furniture in her room & is upcycling some of it with chalk paint. She's doing as much of it as she can herself so we'll see how she gets on.
Dh is doing some outdoor painting jobs and I am going to try to convert a pair of jeans into shorts as I'm determined that the jeans wouldn't be wearable next autumn winter as they'll be too big. For now they will do (with a belt) but shorts would be more useful so I'll have a go.
All in all, some good frugal activity her and minimal spending. Have a good bank holiday everyone.

Taytocrisps · 28/05/2018 12:33

There's a rather hunky topless man doing work next door. I'm trying not to ogle him too much.

SunnyLikeThursday · 28/05/2018 12:46

That's wonderful Em. Well done your dh. SmileStar Yay! for him. Smile Maybe keep focusing on that while you sit out this tricky period. He sounds like a keeper.

How many days 'til mil goes home?

ememem84 · 28/05/2018 13:41

tayto that’s what mirrored/polarised sunglasses are for... Wink

sunny I think she leaves on the 14th. So a while. But I’m working so only have to deal next weekend.

SnugglySnerd · 28/05/2018 13:51

I would happily hand all of mine over to just about anyone if it meant a day at home to do jobs/collect my thoughts Grin

Enjoy your holiday Girlie.

I had a stroke of luck today. A neighbour who is going on holiday gave me a cucumber, tomatoes and grapes as she said they'd just go off otherwise. Healthy snacks sorted for a couple of days!

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/05/2018 13:55
Grin
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