Can't cope anymore with being so broke, it's soul destroying

[MakeThemEatCake]

I know I'm not the only one going through this, far from it. And I know compared to most of the world I'm considered very fortunate to have what I have, but honestly....I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes wondering how I'm going to cope, I have never been so badly off.

I'm on esa, which was due yesterday but hasn't been paid due to them not receiving my sick note so got to get another one tomorrow.
My bank is overdrawn (over my od limit) so am racking up charges as the days go by. We have no food in except some frozen chips and half a loaf of bread. My ds is an extremely fussy eater and has now decided he won't drink the milk we have in because its not got a vegetarian symbol on it.
Everywhere I go I look for pennies in the street that might have been dropped. My ds has nothing in parentpay for school so can't get a drink like his mates, he has to take the same bottle with squash in. Right now the chips are in the oven and the gas is on emergency and about to run out.
My phone bill is 3 days late and they'll be cutting me off within a few hours. Its my only form of communication with anyone as no computer anymore since it broke.

I owe a friend 20 quid which she's asked for a few times.
sigh I'm sorry to moan but feel demoralised and basically like a loser

Want to go to food bank but I've read that if you do then a referral to SS is made immediately.

I'm ok for medicine, am lucky to get free prescriptions being on esa, and get pure codeine tablets for migraines as most others clash with my antidepressants.

I woke up with it at about 5am fretting about various things but it had eased off about midday so was able to get the few things done.

I got a continuous 2 hour lecture from my mum about why I'm stuck in this situation. She's not very tactful and is disappointed in me...also my in a relationship with DS's dad is something that worries her terribly, she hates him and wants me to leave. That's a whole other thread

Anyway she bought me some veggie sausages, milk that DS will drink, toilet roll and enough to see us through the next day or so, she hasn't got much money herself so am v grateful.

notsoaccidentprone really, wow...I will look into that right away. As definitely going to need a food bank voucher very soon, my esa payment has to cover some bills and won't stretch very far as I don't even get the full amount at the mo due to repaying a budgeting loan from last year.

TheUnwilling, I see what you're saying ok am in the West Midlands eek
Hoping I'm not outing myself!
Thanks for your kind words and support, it means so much to me I can't express it on here. I hate that I'm in this situation, it's a real vicious circle if ever there was one as it increases my mental and physical health issues which then make me feel more stuck.

Thank you to everyone in fact, who has taken the time to read this thread and offer support

Meant to say as well, I have started the PIP application, a friend rang them for me the other day and so the application is open now, just waiting for the form to come. I don't think I'll get it but worth trying.

Why isn't your DP doing anything to help? Maybe your mum has a point.

Just to say please do get a food bank voucher - they definitely will not refer you to SS so don't worry about that at all.
Google your local one and the website should tell you which agencies can issue a voucher for you.

She does have a point yes, it would be lovely if he could do something to bring some money into the 'pot'. He's v good at organisation and sorts out which bills need to be paid when. I used to be good at this but with the cloud of depression over me I can't seem to cope with managing finances too well. My point is - when I mention to him that he's lazy and needs to help, he says he has to be the organised one as I'm not. It seems to take the attention off what I'm asking for which is to help, and not let me constantly be the person responsible for actually bringing us any money.

Sorry I don't feel I'm being coherent in what I'm saying
I've 'shut down' today emotionally. I was anxious first thing and now feel tense in my stomach in waves but quite detached emotionally, just feel like sleeping all day.

The PIP thing was on the news this morning, it actually gives you the reasons on the application form why you are entitled to it back - you literally just copy those reasons into the box given where you have detail why you think you should be refunded!!!

Maybe getting rid of him will lighten the load. It doesn't seem like he helps, your mum appears to be the one who is picking up everything including the financial slack as the household has no workers.

Mentioning to him he is lazy won't fix things, telling him to leave might.

I think Cookie Monster may have a point. If this man is lazy and won't work or do household work, you would be better off without him - you may get more benefits/tax credits as a single parent and you will not have to feed the man.

I didn't realise you had a partner Op. It sounds like you are doing everything on your own. Why doesn't he work?

Can't write much, am really rock bottom. Will try in morning. There's not much I can do anymore, I'm trapped or at least feel trapped.

Thanks for the PIP info, that sounds positive.

I don't mind if no one else replies, its helpful for me to use this thread to get my thoughts out.

Feel worse today than in a long time, my whole body hurts. Am getting a migraine I can feel it building. Everything aches and my mind is cloudy.

Told partner yesterday I'm not happy, far from it...he is happy for me to leave if that's what I want but says he's not going anywhere. We'll talk later about a way forward. I'm pretty apathetic in lots of ways and can't get the energy to feel anything. This happens sometimes, then other times I feel so much sadness, bitterness and frustration. Goes from one extreme to the other!

Today is a 'can't seem to find it in me to give a single fuck' day.

I'm sorry it's so hard for you at the moment, it's a horrible position to be in, Can you contact the cab and see where you stand regarding your situation with your partner? Maybe you can work through this together. I've been in a similar position as a single parent but that was 15 years ago before foodbanks and support from outside agencies.

I hope things start to get a bit better for you.

x

hows things today op ?

It's no wonder you're feeling depressed and that this is affecting your health. I would definitely try and insist that your partner leaves. It sounds like the relationship is not benefitting you and he is not supporting you in any way whatsoever in your hour of need. He's deadweight.

Hi, I have been just like you but I have talked to Stepchange and it has helped a lot. In fact, telling your creditors that you are talking to Stepchange seems to help your situation more. Its really shit, have a look at the DrowninginDebt thread. I'll try and link it. I have been talking to people on there and its really helped.

I think getting rid of the partner would make your depression lift, as well. A man doesn't have to be physically violent to be abusive: one who is a lazy parasite who puts you down all the time is just as damaging. If your home is in your name only, he can be forcibly removed if he refuses to leave.

I do sympathise with the being broke, though. Yesterday the electricity meter ran out - I initially wasn't too bothered as I had just sold some stuff on Ebay, but unfortunately the buyers didn't pay so last night was sandwiches for tea and torches in the bedrooms, and this morning I pawned some odds and ends and at least we have the power back on...

Hi, I tried the cab this morning and the queue was out the door for their drop in session, I couldn't wait as it clashed with my Drs appointment, so rang them all day and couldn't get through!

Sorry to hear you went through similar, it really drains you doesn't it. Thanks for your kind words

Solid sorry to read that living hand to mouth is like constantly walking a tightrope I'd say! Its unnerving to say the least.

I take on board what everyone is saying about my partner. I wish it was easy but I'm weak and pathetic and don't have the strength to just get rid of him. It sounds stupid I know, and I do know a lot about abuse so that makes me feel even more of a loser.

Am going to try cab tomorrow again, I'll sit in there even if it takes all day and at least try to talk through some options. Will try Stepchange too, thank you x

Echo above advice re stepchange. I'm currently on ESA, and have just put my PIP claim in. With regards to opening a basic bank account, make sure it has full debit card facilities, the first one I opened (with Santander) only had a cash card and DDs So if, say, my shopping was £7.00, I had to withdraw£10, then faff around putting change back in the account so there'd be enough to cover my DDs. Barclays have a non credit scored basic account with debit card.
Stepchange advised me to contact all my creditors and offer them £1.00 pm.
Have you had your health assessment yet? If you get put in the support group you get a higher rate of ESA, which will be backdated, and no longer have to send in GP certificates.

That's awesome advice cherrytree I really appreciate it. I'll go with Barclays then, I didn't even think about debit card facilities but you're right, its useful in so many ways.
I've got a health assessment in just over a week - nervous doesn't even cover it! I would prefer to be added to the support group, do you happen to know the criteria for that?

Good luck with your PIP claim. How was the form?! I've heard some things about the length of it...

* with the health assessment*,, take someone with you for support, be upset even tearful, paint your worst picture of your day/life. Don't look dressed for a day out.makeup free etc. These ppl are ruthless and pretend to be nice.
If your not put into a support group appeal it.
Google the pip points system. The same questions are asked at a pip assessment, they then work out a score from it, again don't be tricked by the nice government(ss) lady behind the desk.

www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/employment-and-support-allowance/start-the-esa-test

This link is a good site.

I contacted the Hear Us charity (I picked up a leaflet via Mind when I was having counselling) and a support worker came with me to my assessment. you will see a HCP, not necessarily a doctor, I saw a nurse. she was extremely nice, and cut the interview short once she had enough information.
I'm not sure exactly how they determine who should be in the work related or support groups, other than the more your condition affects you the higher the likelihood you'll be in the support group.
My support worker also helped fill in the PIP form, ( it took about an hour), you need 12 points to qualify, the more points you get the higher the rate you receive. She said that some get turned down but all that she's been dealing with have won on appeal.
Put your NI number on any supporting documents as things get separated.
The PIP people will also want to assess you. You can get offered appointments in centres that are miles away, you can ask for a closer centre. BUT... if you're like me, and live in an area of high unemployment, the local centres are very tough, so if you get offered an out of area appointment it's worth considering. Ie, my SW says the Brighton centre is much more sympathetic, even though that's 50 miles away from, if I get offered that I should take it.
Other things that have helped.. Thames Water have put me on a reduced rate, my bill's dropped from £40 to £18. EON have a social fund so you can get outstanding debts paid, although I found EON customer services awkward to deal with.
Don't be frightened to contact any creditors, they can't take what you haven't got, everyone I've spoken to has been very sympathetic (although I didn't appreciate the twat from EON advising me on managing my depression, he didn't want to set up a DD, but said I should've a payment card because going out to the shop would help my depression get better) and it looks better if you're seen to be proactive in sorting things rather than wait to be chased!
I'm going for surgery this Friday, so last week I got all my paperwork out, had a good sort through, and spent the whole day on the phone sorting payment plans with everyone.
What has annoyed me though, is my mortgage company wanting to see doctors letters, they don't have a medical team, and I think a statement of my ESA should suffice. They can't tell me if I'm fit enough for work!
I'll post on here when I hear anything about my PIP claim.

Hi cherrytree, sorry for very late reply. They cut my phone off so not been able to do much at all, til I managed to borrow the money to pay it.

Wow thanks a mil for all that info, irs helped loads. I feel a bit less stressed about this assessment now, only a bit though as I'm generally nervous as hell! I'm going to bring a friend if she can come with me, and will talk as though its my worst day.

The pip form arrived yesterday, doesn't look TOO bad, so will tackle that in the morning. Didn't need a food bank voucher in the end as mil kindly bought us some groceries which should last a few days. I'm going to be strong and contact some creditors tomorrow now my phone is back on. You're right - they can't take what we haven't got, so nothing to lose by asking for their understanding.

Sorry to hear about your mortgage how bloody stressful and invasive of them! They are most definitely not qualified to assess your health issues.
Wanted to wish you luck for your surgery tomorrow, I hope it goes well. Keep in touch and let me know how you get on with PIP.

Hi Cake, how are you? I came home from hospital yesterday ,apparently a bit of a record to be out so soon, and happy to find only one letter from a creditor also asking for medical evidence. It was from a debt recovery firm which I have another debt with, (two credit cards, different companies). which was so simple to sort, basically I'm ill.. Send us a financial breakdown plus proof of ESA... Yep fine , we're happy to accept £1 pm.
They even asked me to get my daughter to bring my post to the hospital....
I really can't understand it, if I'm unfit for work wtf does it matter WHY I'm unfit for work? When I was on the phone to the mortgage co I was constantly asked "how do you spell that/what is that" and told "I've never heard of that " .
No news of PPI yet.