'PTSD' from the past 2 years?

[PolkaDot456]

PTSD may be an exaggerated description of what I am identifying but reading how angry people are regarding the No.10 drinks party, I feel we're collectively having a moment of reflection.

We're now all thinking about what we were doing in May 2020 and the passage of time since, we have actually come really far but this whole situation I think had made a lot of us begin processing the last two years would you agree?

I do feel as though I've been through something quite traumatic, and I had lockdown super-easy but struggled with anxiety triggered by the pandemic so I followed the rules and then some.

On reflection I feel I've done well - WE'VE done well as a society - to have come this far and kept moving forward in our lives in difficult circumstances.

But I get a heavy feeling when I think back, it's almost overwhelming and I can't seem to go there, its like a mental block. I'm in a good place aside from the pandemic so I'm not sure why I'm struggling to process it!

Reading back on some of the rules, before they came in, I'd never have believed they'd happen(parks locked up away from the kids for one ), at the time we realised it all seemed far fetched and now thinking back, I can't believe we were manipulated into the extreme behaviour and had so much taken away from us!

I realise this may be a bit of a self indulgence post! But I am interested to hear if other people are feeling similar during this collective reflection!?

What I found hard was recognising manipulation, voicing that, and then being told I was stupid and some conspiracy theorist for questioning what seemed to be pure stupidity. It was like being back in my emotionally abusive relationship. Only this time when asking for reassurance that I wasn't in fact going insane, I was basically told I was.

I dont mean questioning the pandemic either, just some of the absolutely stupid rules.

Now those same family members who would brush me off are ranting about those very things.

I'll be honest. I don't think people will ever be the same after this. I know from my perspective, and I haven't had to deal with the bereavements that so many have. But this period had changed me enormously and left scars. The being confined to the house whilst experiencing domestic qbuse. The fear of staying and leaving.

Then having to deal with a marriage breakdown, and having my heart breaking repeatedly, whilst trying to raise my daughter. Deal with an angry abusive ex. Selling the house, the fear of finances, all whilst being isolated from family, whilst being isolated from friends and working from home.

Now I just feel utterly exhausted and sad. It feels like a hideous nightmare that jyst will not end. At one point, I jyst said to myself over and over and over again. Just keep going, just keep going, just keep going. Because all I wanted to do was creep into bed and not get out.

I've sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I sobbed during the first lockdown, in May when I needed my family, when a second lockdown was announced, when Christmas was cancelled, when the third lockdown was announced, when I was stuck in isolation with a sad 4 year old who was desperate to see her dad. When i had to tell her she couldn't see anyone on her birthday, because we were isolating. When all the times I had to stick stuff up her nose to check if she had covid, and shes screamed at me

My daughter was 2 when this began. She cannot remember a world without this pandemic. She has missed out on so much.

It might be a bit self indulgent. But damn it, after 2 years of following the rules for the greater good, why not spend a bit of time being self indulgent. At least our self indulgence doesn't include wine and cheese.

I thought I'd been pretty stoic throughout the pandemic and lockdowns but this last week has really got to me. I'm upset, I'm tearful and I'm fucking livid. While we were all dealing with isolation from everything, following the 'rules' those twats were having parties. My kid couldn't sit on a swing but Boris hosted a garden party.

The interviews I've heard on the radio of those forced to wave through windows at dying loved ones whilst Boris hosted a garden party made me weep.

I left an abusive and controlling now ex H during all of this, along with my small DS, we moved house twice, changed jobs, nurseries, dealt with solicitors, courts, police and throughout it all I followed the bloody rules. It made everything so, so much harder. I feel like an utter twat.

Like @TheChips says it's the manipulation of us into following the 'rules' whilst some carried on regardless. And the scaremongering, there are plenty of old and young that won't recover from that.

@Cluelessat32 your situation is so similar to mine, my DS is 4 now too. It's just shit and exhausting isn't it.

@DorothyCotton I feel so guilty saying it, particularly when I read so many awful stories. I cried reading those stories in the Downing Street Party thread. It was utterly heartbreaking to hear what people have had to suffer. May 2020 was particularly painful and lonely for me. I've found these revelations really hard to deal with.

Dealing with a marriage breakdown is one of the hardest things you can ever do. Particularly with an abusive ex and young children. I totally understand how you feel and I hope you are OK. I just pat myself on the back that I'm still going. So should you.

I suffer with PTSD and I wrote this post on FB in April last year.

I actually am so, so upset by some of those stories in the party thread. How did we come to treat human beings like that? How were we manipulated into thinking it was OK for a poor woman to receive the news of the loss of her baby alone, with her husband sat outside in a car park? How did we let people greive alone, unsupported, or people to be trapped in abusive situations. How did we abandon peoples mental health, cancel all their support groups and activites and leave them to it?
I cant believe it really.

I posted these quotes from the Handmaids tale way back at the start of the pandemic and they still ring very true for me:

"That was when they suspended the Constitution. They said it would be temporary. There wasn’t even any rioting in the streets. People stayed home at night, watching television, looking for some direction. There wasn’t even an enemy you could put your finger on."

"Ordinary, said Aunt Lydia, is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary."

We didnt question. We obeyed (mostly, often we had no choice) We accepted, It became "usual" for people to grieve alone, for people to give birth alone, for peoples mental health to not matter any more.

I think It is an absolute tragedy and a shameful time that will be looked back on with horror in years to come.

There were plenty of Aunt Lydia's on here ready to put the boot into people who were quite clearly struggling and to those asking simple questions about what they might or might not be able to do. The bile and vitriol being posted was out of control.

One of my friends was ready to call the police on a hairdresser who she spotted going into a neighbours house.
I gently reminded her that the poor woman is probably scrimping and scraping and might have children at home needing that money for food. She didn't need a fine on top of it.

I was absolutely gobsmacked that people were actually willing to follow through with it.
The weirdest thing about it, is her own business was no longer able to bring in any money, so she knew what was happening to people. She was lucky in the sense she still lived at home with her mother so didn't have the bills to pay or little mouths to feed.

I don’t think there’s anything self indulgent about it. People have been through so much. My mental health was horrific in 2020. My son was 2, and I had more or less recovered from PND but it all came back in lockdown, but worse because there was no end in sight. The guilt I felt was similar because you ‘shouldn’t’ be depressed when you have a lovely baby, and you ‘shouldn’t’ be depressed when all you’re being asked to do is stay at home (and watch Netflix, as folk loved to say). I had an abortion in March 2021. I knew my mental health would not cope with another baby and the lovely relationship I had worked so hard to build with DS would be in danger. All the feelings were still too close to the surface.

My FIL died in Dec 2020, before we went into a lockdown here in Scotland which we thought would last a few weeks but ended up being four months. My MIL died in Dec 2021 just there and with all the speculation about lockdowns or other restrictions due to Omicron, it all came flooding back and am just emerging now from a very bad place mentally. I have zero resilience.

for everyone. The past two years have been horrific. Except for the Conservative party, obv.

I’m also still shocked by what was taken away without any protest. The playgrounds particularly and the criminalisation of young children having any social contact with peers. My daughter later in the pandemic having to watch friends in school on zoom, being sad when we walked past a school where children were playing outdoors. Their laughter felt haunting as it was denied to my daughter by law. Eerie, totally eerie that the most basic of rights were just taken. And when I emailed my Labour MP to beg that they campaign for children to have the same rights as adults to see a friend, I was told they were campaigning tirelessly in childrens behalf. Campaigning tirelessly for them to be locked up in their own homes.

@Bordois

There were plenty of Aunt Lydia's on here ready to put the boot into people who were quite clearly struggling and to those asking simple questions about what they might or might not be able to do. The bile and vitriol being posted was out of control.

This is true. One of the most toxic things was the willingness of people to castigate those who were struggling and who said it out loud. I remember a thread about a poster wanting to go to her allotment and someone actually posting ‘let the cabbages die.’ Which is so ridiculous it’s funny, but that’s what people’s attitudes had become like.

Of course people’s mental health gets worse when talking about it is off the table unless you want to get called an anti vax, Covid denying, selfish bastard.

I agree with all comments on this and so sorry for what you have been through .. I also find it baffling that people like Beth Rigby , Rita Ora etc were allowed to get away with it , the Scottish MP who travelled on a train knowing she had covid , the parties , Dominic Cummings , Neil Fergusson , Matt Hancock I cannot fucking believe we still all followed the rules when they didn't but I can't get angry as I will send my self into another mental breakdown to be honest I don't think that Keith Starmer is much better he would still have us in lockdown since July and I am sure something will come out about them they are ALL as bad as one another and don't get me started on that MSM

Love to you all

The government made terrible mistakes. They were slow to act. Consequently, lockdowns went on for a lot longer than they should have done, and social distancing was not used appropriately, which has taken a huge toll on mental health and wrecked the economy. I think it suited the political establishment to have us plebs locked down…whilst they partied. to all who have suffered.

I definitely think the last two years will have a lasting impact on us all.

I agree with what people say when they say they can't remember it all. It all feels so near in time but so far away as well. I had forgotten so much of it. Like the parks being closed. We're in Wales and the toy aisles were closed in the supermarket this time last year. Just all stupid little things like that I had forgotten.

I am not at all surprised by the antics of the government. Of course they are a law unto themselves and corrupt. So I feel like I'm not as angry as I should be about it IYSWIM. But when I think back to where I was in May 2020, it makes me angry.

Them partying and breaking rules and getting Covid multiple times doesn't change the overall situation which is that we needed to take significant steps to slow the waves and manage the strain on the NHS. Their stupidity doesn't undermine the strategy. I mean, with hindsight some of it may have been overkill, but at the time we didn't know exactly how it was spreading.

Remember the studies about blocks of flats, and lift buttons, drains, who sat where on a bus etc? We covered all the bases because we didn't know which were important. I never washed my shopping. We still leave the post in the box because we broke the habit of daily checking!

A group of privileged pontificators doing what they like doesn't change anything, it just demonstrates their selfish Stupidity- which we already knew about.

Dominic Cummins didn't show lockdowns were unnecessary. Just that he broke them.

@picklemewalnuts

Them partying and breaking rules and getting Covid multiple times doesn't change the overall situation which is that we needed to take significant steps to slow the waves and manage the strain on the NHS. Their stupidity doesn't undermine the strategy. I mean, with hindsight some of it may have been overkill, but at the time we didn't know exactly how it was spreading.

Remember the studies about blocks of flats, and lift buttons, drains, who sat where on a bus etc? We covered all the bases because we didn't know which were important. I never washed my shopping. We still leave the post in the box because we broke the habit of daily checking!

A group of privileged pontificators doing what they like doesn't change anything, it just demonstrates their selfish Stupidity- which we already knew about.

Dominic Cummins didn't show lockdowns were unnecessary. Just that he broke them.

Totally agree with this. Just because they broke the law of the time doesn’t mean it was wrong for the rest of us not to. The situation we were in was awful in terms of infections and deaths, if we were all as bad as those who broke the law then god knows what state we’d be in now. We weren’t stupid to follow the law, they were for breaking it.

This is a sad, but really helpful and necessary thread. for everyone who struggled through and is still struggling.

I agree that there are large parts that I just absolutely cannot process or remember properly. It’s like my mind just can’t take it in?

Would also love to read anything about whether it’s normal to feel so numb at the moment - I think I just got so used to giving absolutely everything up that I subconsciously convinced myself I didn’t really “need” anything like trips out, shopping, restaurants, fun or relaxation in general - because the messaging was so focussed on the idea that all these things were just frivolous “extras” - and now I can’t imagine ever getting back into any of that stuff

Sorry for the ramble but good to know I’m not alone.

The past two years have been hardcore. I worked in public health so have seen both sides; as someone dealing with impact of covid and trying to mitigate impact and a person going through it.

Some reflections:
The reason we locked down for so long and hard is that we didn't lockdown soon enough. Beginning of 2020 was all focused on brexit.

The gov made some criminal choices, ppe, discharging into care homes, bungling test and trace, eat out etc

We locked down so essential workers could do their jobs

Lots of people were very supportive of lockdown until Domenic Cummings trip. It changed the mood of the nation

Sensible decisions about care of the vulnerable/hospital were overridden by the state of ppe planning, low paid and burnt out staff. The system was rigged for failure.

We treat essential workers terribly

There was no one in the cabinet thinking of vulnerable groups including children. It was assumed that care was available at home or that women should do it or children who lived with separated parents. Huge blind spot.

Essentially, we've been living with a gov who have gaslit us and behaved corruptly. Don't forget about the vast majority of people behaving altruistically. Most people did the right thing. We should be proud of that and place our anger and blame at this corrupt gov. (And if you don't like the alternative, get involved and change it)

@PolkaDot456

Not PTSD. It’s been difficult in many ways, but I feel like I’ve adapted.

I can only speak anecdotally, and I fully recognise that many people have some very traumatic experiences.

I had a family member with cancer. Was very touch after go and one stage, but family member is better now. I grateful for that, and the NHS have my total and upmost respect.

I homeschooled rather than returning to my job. I think this had had the biggest impact. We can’t afford things and I’ve taken on a much lower paid part time job. But - it means I’ve been able to be with my children, pick up from school etc - and the difference this has made stress-wise is worth every penny I’ve lost from my job.
I tend to think in terms of ‘do I really need this’ now - so evenings out, meals out, holidays abroad are not something I’d do now.

But in terms of family bonding and being able to care for my family without juggling a stressful job - I’d say I’m actually less stressed, and happier post pandemic.

If we are now potentially becoming endemic….

And there is good reason we can't remember much. We need milestones and different experiences to remember and mark time. If every day is the same, then that doesn't happen and it's a bit of a blank/blur.

This pandemic has changed how I value and prioritise my mental health. Overall, I think my life will be better for it but it's lessons I wish I'd never had to learn.

In terms of the No.10 lockdown party. Something feels a bit ‘off’ to me. Of course it’s arrogant and wrong, but how on earth did they think they’d get away with it?? People must have known at the time, and have been wary with the Cummings/Barnard Castle news. Would anyone really be that stupid? And why are we being told about it now?? Why wasn’t someone dobbing them in at the time? I think this is being used to push Boris out - but who wil we get instead??

@Runaway1

I’m also still shocked by what was taken away without any protest. The playgrounds particularly and the criminalisation of young children having any social contact with peers. My daughter later in the pandemic having to watch friends in school on zoom, being sad when we walked past a school where children were playing outdoors. Their laughter felt haunting as it was denied to my daughter by law. Eerie, totally eerie that the most basic of rights were just taken. And when I emailed my Labour MP to beg that they campaign for children to have the same rights as adults to see a friend, I was told they were campaigning tirelessly in childrens behalf. Campaigning tirelessly for them to be locked up in their own homes.

Exactly how I felt walking past dc laughing with friends on their way to school whilst my dc were stuck at home again for a long period

Eerie, film-like and wrong

The most basic requirement for dc gone for some only