'PTSD' from the past 2 years?

[PolkaDot456]

PTSD may be an exaggerated description of what I am identifying but reading how angry people are regarding the No.10 drinks party, I feel we're collectively having a moment of reflection.

We're now all thinking about what we were doing in May 2020 and the passage of time since, we have actually come really far but this whole situation I think had made a lot of us begin processing the last two years would you agree?

I do feel as though I've been through something quite traumatic, and I had lockdown super-easy but struggled with anxiety triggered by the pandemic so I followed the rules and then some.

On reflection I feel I've done well - WE'VE done well as a society - to have come this far and kept moving forward in our lives in difficult circumstances.

But I get a heavy feeling when I think back, it's almost overwhelming and I can't seem to go there, its like a mental block. I'm in a good place aside from the pandemic so I'm not sure why I'm struggling to process it!

Reading back on some of the rules, before they came in, I'd never have believed they'd happen(parks locked up away from the kids for one ), at the time we realised it all seemed far fetched and now thinking back, I can't believe we were manipulated into the extreme behaviour and had so much taken away from us!

I realise this may be a bit of a self indulgence post! But I am interested to hear if other people are feeling similar during this collective reflection!?

I worked in the office throughout lockdown. Didn't find anything traumatic, just irritating and annoying and I was totally against the lockdown because of the economy and jobs. Christmas wasn't cancelled, it was just different for some families. I didn't follow all of the rules all of the time and the last 2 years have taught me to follow even less of the rules if a lockdown ever happens again.

I'm sorry for everyone going through this, and at the same received it's not just me.

My dad was put on the end of life care pathway 2 weeks into the first lockdown. Due to the care home situation we decided to keep at home, having been told he might have 1 - 3 months.

He clung on for over a year. I gave up my job to care for him, but he still spent his last 7 weeks in a care home with visiting restrictions as we couldn't manage to keep him at home without hospice support so he died without mum or I by his side.

We were 'lucky' in that we were allowed a funeral and small wake and for that I'm grateful.

What has really affected my life is the lack of infrastructure and support over the last couple of years.

I'm now jobless, financially compromised, with next to no social life, and no partner (was getting to the point of wanting to date post divorce when Covid struck and couldn't risk it whilst looking after dad). My mental and physical health are shot to shit.

I was turned down for counselling support last year despite and 'almost' suicide attempt in Aug 2020. My widowed mum can't access groups or daycare and we have no family so as an only child I've become her full time carer/social life/therapist...and we don't have an easy relationship.

It's fucking hideous.

I came into this year determined to have a positive mindset and change what I could, but 2.5 weeks in I'm already struggling. Some days are fine, others I just want to curl up in bed and sob.

I don't think it's PTSD - I have that and I don't recognise that in the general population (which is a good thing). Due to what happened in individuals' lives there is likely an increase in rates of it, but it's not at a population wide level.

But I do think there's a chronic traumatic stress that has been applied to the majority of the population and still is. In a way what's coming to light about the government parties is good, because people will get angry and that can be very helpful in traumatic stress relief - as long as it's not done destructively.

Personally though I feel so sickened and disgusted by it, plus hearing "We have to wait for Sue Grey's report" when almost any Tory politician is asked if a party is a party, that I can't muster anger. I just turn the tv/radio off. And kind of despair, because it seems the partying was so prevalent that getting rid of BJ will make little difference.

I remain horrified by how quickly and how viciously people turned on their fellow human being. The willingness to invent rules and to grass people they had previously got on well with for "breaches" was absolutely horrendous to watch and some of the bullying online was horrific.

Now we've evolved a bit and anyone who expresses any scepticism gets shouted down as an "anti-vaxxer"...and the cries of "misinformation - remove it" if you express any questioning of the Govt line - that concerns me as well - because as a population we SHOULD have the right to say "errr... but" about decisions that are made about us, and we should have the right to be able to discuss them, evaluate them and question them. That horrifies me too - the willingness people have had to beg to be locked up and censored, and those who will happily excuse their "leaders" from completely ignoring the restrictions placed on the population as well.

I understand how states can sink into totalitarianism so much better now. I wish I didn't.

On a personal level - my mental health is burnt out. I devoted so much to getting my kids through it as unscathed as they could be - although DD2 lost so much of her language as a result of the isolation and DD1 is waiting for CAHMS involvement now - that there's nothing left in the tank for fuelling "me" along. I've just got my head down and am digging in to try to finish the last few months of this degree and then I'm not looking for a job in the current climate and am going to take a good chunk of time to repair myself mentally.

It really brought out the worst in some people and I agree, some very nasty attitudes to anyone struggling. I don't think it's anything new, there will always be people who love misery but it was a real opportunity for them to show their true colours which I think was what shocked people.

@Runaway1

I’m also still shocked by what was taken away without any protest. The playgrounds particularly and the criminalisation of young children having any social contact with peers. My daughter later in the pandemic having to watch friends in school on zoom, being sad when we walked past a school where children were playing outdoors. Their laughter felt haunting as it was denied to my daughter by law. Eerie, totally eerie that the most basic of rights were just taken. And when I emailed my Labour MP to beg that they campaign for children to have the same rights as adults to see a friend, I was told they were campaigning tirelessly in childrens behalf. Campaigning tirelessly for them to be locked up in their own homes.

A year ago I emailed my Tory MP about the same issue. His first reply said "We must all do what we can and make sacrifices." I've emailed him this weekend to point out this was not true of No 10.

@CornishYarg
@Runaway1

Sorry but this all sounds very ‘UsForThem’. Both my children have coped, and similarly - all her classmates, and similarly all the parents with families that I know who go to different schools.
I could see that lockdown was necessary to find a solution, schools were then prioritised post lockdown, and my daughter has been back to activities/playgrounds/play dates/parties for quite some time now!

It sounds like you are catastrophising?

I was working in the NHS during the pandemic and had to have talking therapy over the summer to deal with trauma.

Things did get very very bad, very very briefly, although it was more then not-knowing that was scary.

Overall though, now knowing that No. 10 were lying, and they weren’t as terrified as they told us to be - in fact, they didn’t give a shit and just partied through it - that’s the worst possible betrayal IMO. I don’t know why people are still saying “Oh yes but labour would be worse.” They traumatised the country with messages that they didn’t believe or adhere to.

@BigMoan To clarify, I wrote to my MP about the exclusion of primary aged children from being able to meet up outside with a peer. My child is a primary aged only child. It was therefore illegal for him to see any other child from 19 Dec 20 (when my area went to Tier 4) to 8 March 21 when schools returned. I could meet up with a friend to go for a walk. Teenagers could go for a walk with a friend. Under 5s were excluded from the rule completely. But primary aged children couldn't see another friend due to them needing to be supervised by an adult. All I was asking for was some recognition of this by extending the rule that applied to under 5s to under 11s while schools were shut.

I'm delighted your children and acquaintances coped but my child DIDN'T. Especially as he'd also really struggled during the first lockdown without seeing friends. He tried Facetiming them but hated it, perhaps due to his autism. Yes, things have been much better since March 21 but if you want to dismiss our experience last winter and say yours is the "correct" response, crack on.

@ThoseFestiveLights

I think the Tories have been less about restrictions and more lax comparatively than other countries? I got the impression that science was suggesting one thing, but the Tories were often ignoring that - and more pro the economy. Doesn’t surprise me at all that they were partying. And I’m not sure Starmer was much better.

The NHS and people like you have been the true heroes throughout this.

@CornishYarg

So that was 3 months. And of course, I’m sorry for your experience. But in a pretty critical, unprecedented situation - where no one knew WTF was happening, didn’t we need a bit of time to work out what to do? Decisions had to be made - and made quickly, without the benefit of hindsight , and at least once a way was found to control infection rates - children were back to school as a priority.

My daughter also fits that category. And we found ways to cope, I think - and I know you’ll hate me for saying this - we do need to take personal responsibility, make the best we can of a difficult situation - and not constantly seek to blame others.

[quote BigMoan]@CornishYarg

So that was 3 months. And of course, I’m sorry for your experience. But in a pretty critical, unprecedented situation - where no one knew WTF was happening, didn’t we need a bit of time to work out what to do? Decisions had to be made - and made quickly, without the benefit of hindsight , and at least once a way was found to control infection rates - children were back to school as a priority.[/quote]
Yes, 3 months in winter 21 but that followed on from almost 3 months in spring 20 (can't remember exactly when rule of 6 outside first came in, think it was June 20). So that's almost 6 months in a 12 month period where my son couldn't see another child.

I think you misunderstand my point here. I totally accept measures were required and because they had to act quickly, mistakes and overreactions were made. So I'm less angry about what happened in the first lockdown. (Until we reach the point when shops, restaurants, pubs etc were opened before most children were allowed back to school. Children were certainly not back to school as a priority then.)

The issue I wrote to my MP about was the inconsistency and hypocrisy of the rule about meeting one person outside that uniquely excluded primary aged children. It was clearly decided for the winter 21 lockdown that the mental health benefit of being able to see someone outside your household outweighed the low risk of transmission. And yet primary aged children were, unlike any other age group, denied this small relaxation of the rules compared to the 1st lockdown and the positive effect it would have had.

Accusing me of being an UsForThem type simply because I wrote to my MP pointing out a major inconsistency in the rules that was having a big impact on my son's life has really annoyed me.

[quote BigMoan]@CornishYarg

So that was 3 months. And of course, I’m sorry for your experience. But in a pretty critical, unprecedented situation - where no one knew WTF was happening, didn’t we need a bit of time to work out what to do? Decisions had to be made - and made quickly, without the benefit of hindsight , and at least once a way was found to control infection rates - children were back to school as a priority.[/quote]
We knew fine well by late 2020 that the risk of outside transmission was tiny. There was no excuse for the exclusion of primary aged children from that provision, none whatsoever, particularly as the majority of them were denied access to school for most of that period. It showed exactly where the priorities were.

What's worse is that these children were allowed to sit beside each other all day long in school when they were back, but weren't allowed to spend time with one another outside of school. Even outdoors!

@BigMoan

My daughter also fits that category. And we found ways to cope, I think - and I know you’ll hate me for saying this - we do need to take personal responsibility, make the best we can of a difficult situation - and not constantly seek to blame others.

ODFOD, stop minimising other people's suffering. Yes, restrictions were needed but it's not a moral failing to say they were incredibly tough.

We did everything we could to make life as fun as we could at that time. But DH and I couldn't turn ourselves into one of DS's friends and what he was crying about a lot at that time was how much he missed his friends.

I did take personal responsibility and started taking DS and a friend out together and just walked a bit behind them. I have no regrets but I shouldn't have needed to break the law when what he was doing would have been perfectly legal if they were a couple of years older and able to go out alone.

I found the first lockdown (in Italy) really bad. We were in a small flat with three kids, no outdoor space, not allowed out for exercise. I used to wake up breathless, feeling trapped (as I am sure many people did). Some music and other things really trigger bad memories of that period for me now. I don't think it is PTSD but it's not nice!

I think it has been difficult for many people and traumatic for some. I've lost my livelihood, something I'd worked hard for for years. I've lost a close family member and was unable to be with them at the end or at their funeral. I'm still standing, but I realise that I'm lucky to have been able to keep going.

I've actually been amazed at how resilient and adaptable to change human beings are. Around me I see so many people who have stepped back into normal life now as if it never happened.

VikingOnTheFridge We knew fine well by late 2020 that the risk of outside transmission was tiny

Exactly. Johnson has said that they used the garden in May 2020 for "work meetings" ( parties) because they knew outdoor transmission was so rare.

This thread gives me hope that people will simply not stand for this imposition into our lives again, especially under such dubious reasoning.

I have offended half of mumsnet (probably more) throughout this time, trying to show that these 'measures' will have lasting impact because i could see how fear and panic was taking over the decision making (understandably) and we never make good decisions when we are gripped by fear.

The thing that really grinds my gears was how people were so dismissive of the human experience - that we don't need pubs, kids don't need play, we don't need music, we don't need churches, we don't need visitors when we are dying, we don't need someone to support us when we are giving birth, kids can learn the same online.

It tells me 'rationality' has just taken over, in a very irrational way. We have worshipped 'The Science' like a new god, hoping it will provide salvation. But it never was an all knowing God - as we are seeing everyday now - it was a myopic insight into one very small part of the human experience.

@CornishYarg

I had a very close family member in a life or death situation over the first lockdown, and I think this has probably shaped my thinking - and I’m sorry for being dismissive.
I’m just extremely grateful that she - by some miracle - but definitely by the skill and dedication of the NHS- is alive.
I think that was so high on my list of priorities, that as a family - I kind of thought - so long as we can eat, have a roof over our heads, and have our very basic needs met - I can do without other things until this passes.

We’ve all had very difficult experiences - which has led to strong viewpoints. I think I’ve got to be more understanding of others and stop flying off the handle somewhat.

I've actually been amazed at how resilient and adaptable to change human beings are. Around me I see so many people who have stepped back into normal life now as if it never happened

To give some hope to that, multiple strands of research have shown that approx. 90% of people recover very quickly to 'potentially traumatic events' so even things like a violent attack, surviving a natural disaster. We are more resilient than you think, the majority will pick themselves up - I think we just need to be given the bloody opportunity to!

@hamstersarse

That’s kind of the anti of the post I just typed! I thought it was necessary to strip back to the bare essentials - but I didn’t see it as a permanent thing. I could see that the infection rate needed to be brought under control. And the schools etc etc would then be prioritised and brought back. It did make sense to me. This was surely a better scenario than an EVEN higher death toll - which most likely would have included my close family member. It was literally by days that she was saved. Once her hospital had seen their number of Covid patients drop. I still can’t quite believe how bloody lucky she was.

The fact that I spent Xmas with her, and all my family did too (we were thankfully all well) - just is immeasurable. Three months of my children not socialising is a small price compared to my family member hopefully having another 20 years plus of being alive.