What grief stage are you at with the pandemic?

[IWannaWishYouANutNutsChristmas]

It's been a rough couple of years for most of us.

Where are you in the pandemic stages of grief?

I had a miscarriage on boxing day from a much wanted baby (IVF). I’ve always been cautious with covid and at the beginning of the pandemic it really put the fear in me. But after recent events I just want to live again and not worry about it at every turn. We had avoided restaurants, cinemas, theatres etc...I’m triple jabbed, wear masks wear necessary, beyond that I don’t have the energy to worry anymore.

@EmmaH2022 I’m so sorry that you feel like this. I hope you get back to normal socialising soon and can find a social life again.

I’m aware that my experience is not the same as many others. I’m also very fortunate to have a busy family life and not to have felt lonely. I really relish time alone and don’t have any friends that I socialise with at all. So there’s been no change for me really.

I’m really sorry that you haven’t found people to be nicer. I might be just very lucky.

Anger. Definitely

@SummersInHvar

I had a miscarriage on boxing day from a much wanted baby (IVF). I’ve always been cautious with covid and at the beginning of the pandemic it really put the fear in me. But after recent events I just want to live again and not worry about it at every turn. We had avoided restaurants, cinemas, theatres etc...I’m triple jabbed, wear masks wear necessary, beyond that I don’t have the energy to worry anymore.

That happened to me one year, you have my every sympathy

Shock & denial some days, depression mostly. Not helped by certain newspapers stoking the flames for a reaction.

Acceptance,

I suspect we don't know the full details of it all, but I have had my jabs, and boosters, if certain segments of society want to put their health of their lives ones at risk then that's on them.

For me, survival as best as possible, and if that means limited interactions with people for a couple of years, then it's a small price.

*loved ones and their own lives at risk

That chart does not relate to my personal experience of the pandemic.

Ditto.

Thank you @herecomesthsun x x x

[quote Cissyandflora]@EmmaH2022 I’m so sorry that you feel like this. I hope you get back to normal socialising soon and can find a social life again.

I’m aware that my experience is not the same as many others. I’m also very fortunate to have a busy family life and not to have felt lonely. I really relish time alone and don’t have any friends that I socialise with at all. So there’s been no change for me really.

I’m really sorry that you haven’t found people to be nicer. I might be just very lucky.[/quote]
Thank you
I have accepted that I'm unlikely to make friends again, the loss of friends of 20 years plus makes you think what it was all worth.

I can't help being curious about your comment of "people coming together in a nice way" because I would love to think that happened, but perhaps you mean something different to what I'm imagining.

All I saw, and felt, and experienced, was the opposite and it gets worse. Some days, the tension on the Tube or the shops is just awful and I dread going.

Two years in and I have finally caught it. Currently in isolation.

I studied epidemiology and I’m a scientist, throughout my education we had always been told to expect another coronavirus or flu pandemic soon, so I accepted how things were going to be pretty much instantly.
When everyone was still in the denial phase hoping for a couple weeks of lockdown I was mentally preparing for this to last years.
As soon as the epidemic hit Italy scientists knew what we were in for.

Also, from a scientists perspective, there are a lot bigger things to worry about going on in this world which are extremely detrimental to our health.
We need to get a handle on how much we are polluting this planet because we are currently on the road to self destruction. We have inflicted our pollution on every living being on the planet which to me is a lot more alarming than a virus with a very low mortality rate.
(Newsflash) there are worse viruses/bacteria/parasites out there and climate change is going to cause an explosion in numbers.

@SummersInHvar

I had a miscarriage on boxing day from a much wanted baby (IVF). I’ve always been cautious with covid and at the beginning of the pandemic it really put the fear in me. But after recent events I just want to live again and not worry about it at every turn. We had avoided restaurants, cinemas, theatres etc...I’m triple jabbed, wear masks wear necessary, beyond that I don’t have the energy to worry anymore.

I don't begrudge anyone who enjoyed it, but as far as friendships go, it's hard to know where to go from here or even if it's worth trying to make new ones.

I know what you mean. From the outset of the pandemic until May of last year (21) I was looking after my dad who was on end of life care. I took a sabbatical from work (school so high risk)and was over cautious and didn't want to either pass it on or be unable to care for him.

Now that he's passed, it's actually harder even though we have vaccines and supposedly a weaker strain in circulation.

There is absolutely no infrastructure left to support my widowed 82yo mum who is just not coping with being on her own, but physically is too fit/independent to go into a home. Counselling support is by phone which she can't manage as she's very hard of hearing, most social groups for older people and befriending services are still not running.

I've given up my job partly to care for her, partly because going back after such a long time out and having not grieved properly resulted in a breakdown of sorts.

I'm more isolated than ever and need to rebuild my life but haven't a clue where to start.

Thankfully I have a brilliant daughter and an incredible best friend, otherwise I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here now.

@Gothcovid

Also, from a scientists perspective, there are a lot bigger things to worry about going on in this world which are extremely detrimental to our health. We need to get a handle on how much we are polluting this planet because we are currently on the road to self destruction. We have inflicted our pollution on every living being on the planet which to me is a lot more alarming than a virus with a very low mortality rate. (Newsflash) there are worse viruses/bacteria/parasites out there and climate change is going to cause an explosion in numbers.

As a health sciences scientist, I agree with most of it. Climate change, deforestation and pollution are bigger concerns in the long run. Not just how our local climate will change, but the demographic changes that it will cause. Drug resistance is another big issue as well. Somewhat less worried about any explosion in numbers of pathogens following climate change, but we (not in the tropics) may end up having to learn how to cope with Dengue Fever and other vector-borne diseases. But I'm more concerned that other covid similar pandemics can occur again, due to overpopulation and global movements.

Answering the OP's question, I tend to feel like a surfer. Grief should be after a traumatic event. We are still riding this.

I reckon I'm at bargaining. I'd give up a lot just so the dds can go to school and see their friends.

Just getting on with my life.

It's a bit trite, I think. Obviously each person's experience will be different and some people might experience it as grief, others not.

I would say my experience of it has mainly been worry / less worry / worry again / resigned to being worried / more worried / less worried.

AfterEight I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad time.
My mother was widowed at a similar age and the infrastructure you speak of wasn’t a thing pre Covid. Maybe social groups but I don’t think of them as infrastructure. There’s the bog standard bereavement counselling but I don’t think your mum has missed out there. That said, I don’t expect the state to provide that kind of thing but that’s a whole other discussion! Care options are still available but you say your mum is physically fit?
I think there’s bound to be some flicking between stages for those of us going through them. This morning I felt shocked all over again. It’s like I’ve spent the last two years gazing at the smashed bits of my life on the floor. Around November I started sweeping them up ready to go in the bin but I keep pausing and saying HOW IN THE NAME OF BLUE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN.

Acceptable

Over it. Completely.

@EmmaH2022

• Thank you I have accepted that I'm unlikely to make friends again, the loss of friends of 20 years plus makes you think what it was all worth.

I can't help being curious about your comment of "people coming together in a nice way" because I would love to think that happened, but perhaps you mean something different to what I'm imagining.

All I saw, and felt, and experienced, was the opposite and it gets worse. Some days, the tension on the Tube or the shops is just awful and I dread going.*

For me personally people came together in a nice way means that neighbours I didn’t know very well are now more friendly. Also I have had friends text more regularly and look to support each other. So it’s felt to me like there is more camaraderie.

I’m so sorry you feel that you have lost old friendships though. That’s very sad if it happens. Perhaps I’m just particularly suited to being on my own a lot. I don’t have any friends that I socialise with so for me I have felt more supported than usual.

I do understand how difficult it has been for some people though so I don’t want to sound callous. It’s just that I have enjoyed the last two years a lot.

Sorry @EmmaH2022 I had tried to put your text in bold to copy it.

Always been at acceptance. Been through worse in my life and have learned coping mechanisms. Though I probably would feel differently if it had affected those I love seriously. But I don't do panic, I'm more a deal with it and get on with it as best I can.

The 'I don't give a damn' stage...

I have had quite a few traumatic events in my life and still have difficult issues to deal with and the pandemic barely registered on that scale.

Had my vaccines, I am careful with hand washing and so on. Nothing more I can do so I just get on with my life.