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Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

732 replies

Gguin · 17/12/2021 15:18

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

OP posts:
Pelsall116 · 18/12/2021 19:26

Lacedwithgrace

Why is loneliness more of an issue than saving or extending lives?

Extending lives or extending an existence??

Lostlunatick · 18/12/2021 19:36

I think there's a difference between 'surviving' and 'living'.

Survival mode is the new norm. So many aspects of this 'new normal' hurt my soul. I try my best to bring joy to people where I can but I was already sad inside before the world became so strange. Most of the things I found joy in are gone. On my worst days a smile from a stranger could be just the thing I needed to see. I've got nothing to give in this the world the way it is and feel I am just "existing" not living. I don't know how we're supposed to find hope. Sorry for being so negative I just hard agree with the OP Sad

HelloMissus · 18/12/2021 19:44

I think what’s done for me is the lack of imagination and empathy by so many people.
The sanctimonious bollocks.
The people who care not one shiny shite about others.
If you’ve outed yourself as someone who thinks lockdown is just a bit of Netflix and Chill, I’m done with you.

rookiemere · 18/12/2021 19:56

I'm amazed that people are still spouting selfish on these boards. Last year maybe just about justifiable, but this is the second year where our family Christmas is hanging by a thread or whim of some politician.

Life was getting back to normal for us, that's the irony. It's like a bloody sledgehammer coming down again wrecking future plans and dreams, and now it feels like your own fault for daring to try to escape from the relentless oppressiveness of it all.

Our "cheeky " wee weekend to Barcelona ruined by uncertainty as something called Omicron emerged on the Friday we left. DS 15 accepted for elite rugby sports nutrition and weights training last week - school gym and all extra curricular activities cancelled this week, because of covid.

We were talking about going away next year when DS might or might not be on a school trip, DH mentioned somewhere abroad and I said not to bother, to stick to the UK because what's the point of planning anything any more.

I'm not even bothered about going back to the office. They've used the excuse of covid to totally remodel it and remove 90% of the permanent desks, so when and if it opens again you're only allowed in if you have meetings.

glimpsing · 18/12/2021 19:56

I think it's fine to recognise this but for your own sanity you need to put your focus elsewhere. I've been through some hard stuff (cancer, bereavement) and what really helps is clinging onto what is good and enjoyable in life.

MarshaBradyo · 18/12/2021 19:57

@glimpsing

I think it's fine to recognise this but for your own sanity you need to put your focus elsewhere. I've been through some hard stuff (cancer, bereavement) and what really helps is clinging onto what is good and enjoyable in life.
Can people not say to others what to do?

Maybe they are doing this anyway or whatever else helps them

glimpsing · 18/12/2021 19:58

And it's good to recognise optimism is a coping mechanism for a lot of people. It is for me without wanting to invalidate or minimise anybody's suffering. I just don't want to dwell in it.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 18/12/2021 19:59

@LifesTooShortForYourNonsense

Yes, it’s been shit. But I think we will find new ways of connecting. My gym went online - I now do more classes, and share the time with my kids. I’ve found new skills in teaching them, which gave me the confidence to change jobs (I’m now self employed, which might not be great for the future!) I work from home and have more family time, discovered more local walks. Kids activities went online, learning curve for everyone. We may just all have to change how we interact, and some people will hate it and some will be better off.
The majority of people need human contact. Zoom will never and should never be a replacement for face to face contact.
MarshaBradyo · 18/12/2021 20:00

@glimpsing

And it's good to recognise optimism is a coping mechanism for a lot of people. It is for me without wanting to invalidate or minimise anybody's suffering. I just don't want to dwell in it.
Fine and you can do this

And others cope as they want to

GoldenOmber · 18/12/2021 20:00

I think a lot of us have been through various different kinds of hard stuff. It's not like the only people struggling with life now are people who had it all made before.

My 2018 and 2019 were pretty bad in many many ways for a variety of things. 2020 was going to be the year things finally started looking up. Hahaaaaaa...

glimpsing · 18/12/2021 20:00

So without putting a ruddy Great Wall between the complainers and the look on the bright side people, what is the answer?

Live and let live?

MarshaBradyo · 18/12/2021 20:01

@glimpsing

So without putting a ruddy Great Wall between the complainers and the look on the bright side people, what is the answer?

Live and let live?

Complainers?
glimpsing · 18/12/2021 20:03

@MarshaBradyo

If you don't identify with the label, don't. Fine by me. I'll just put earplugs in or meditate whilst you 'vent'.Smile

GoldenOmber · 18/12/2021 20:04

@glimpsing

So without putting a ruddy Great Wall between the complainers and the look on the bright side people, what is the answer?

Live and let live?

Perhaps just stop trying to make the 'complainers' respond to things the way that you are?

It is okay if different people find different things difficult to you. It is okay if they deal with it in different ways. They're not coming to take away your optimism, you can still carry on doing whatever you want to cope however you want, it's not a threat to you.

IcedPurple · 18/12/2021 20:06

@glimpsing

So without putting a ruddy Great Wall between the complainers and the look on the bright side people, what is the answer?

Live and let live?

"Complainers"?

I don't go around telling everyone I meet, which is hardly anyone these days, how hard I'm finding all this. I suspect most people, even those close to me, would be surprised at how depressed I've been. I can put on a stiff upper lip in public when needed because there's no point burdening others with my problems. That's why anonymous forums like this are so valuable, and why those coming on here to tell us how great it was to do online gym with the kids, or how we should just 'look on the bright side' aren't really helping.

glimpsing · 18/12/2021 20:06

@GoldenOmber, it's by way of an explanation not a criticism. Essentially we are in agreement on people being different.

MarshaBradyo · 18/12/2021 20:06

[quote glimpsing]**@MarshaBradyo

If you don't identify with the label, don't. Fine by me. I'll just put earplugs in or meditate whilst you 'vent'.Smile[/quote]
Please do. You can always go to another thread rather than take time to insult people on this one.

Especially as people are sharing why they are having a tough time.

Takes a certain amount of insensitivity imo

What people are feeling is just as real as any hardship and I’m sure you wouldn’t call people in other hard situations complainers.

IcedPurple · 18/12/2021 20:07

[quote glimpsing]**@MarshaBradyo

If you don't identify with the label, don't. Fine by me. I'll just put earplugs in or meditate whilst you 'vent'.Smile[/quote]
You're not actually obliged to post here, you know?

Why not watch Strictly or just get on with your socially distanced life?

lightnesspixie · 18/12/2021 20:08

Agree with everything you said. Our daughter ended her life and I know covid and its restrictions paid a huge part. I feel
Utterly beaten down by it all. I am losing hope and all joy has gone. We are living in a horrifyingly bleak and desolate dystopian landscape and seemingly there is no end in sight. I hate life now and what it has become. Please God can it all stop?

XenoBitch · 18/12/2021 20:09

The majority of people need human contact. Zoom will never and should never be a replacement for face to face contact

Ugh, "just use Zoom".
I have a close friend who does not have internet access. No Zoom for her. Another friend who lives abroad and can't "just Zoom" his elderly father as he just can't get his head around how to do it.
Also, a lot of people are just too paranoid or have confidence issues around using it.
If I am having a tough time, I need a shoulder to cry into. Someone to make me a cup of tea and talk through things. You can't do that over the internet/phone.

Hippoh · 18/12/2021 20:09

@GoldenOmber

I think a lot of us have been through various different kinds of hard stuff. It's not like the only people struggling with life now are people who had it all made before.

My 2018 and 2019 were pretty bad in many many ways for a variety of things. 2020 was going to be the year things finally started looking up. Hahaaaaaa...

I can relate to that… lots of opportunities open for me and kids due to lockdown. Still not convinced it’s not due to underfunding but no one seems to bothered tbf so 🤷🏻‍♀️
glimpsing · 18/12/2021 20:10

.I can put on a stiff upper lip in public when needed because there's no point burdening others with my problems.

It's more than stiff upper lip though. It's about disciplining your thoughts and dismissing those that are dysfunctional as erroneous. It's a way of being not done just for appearances. Yes, it does take dedication and belief that this is possible. No use if you are coming from a standpoint you cannot have any power over what you think or chose to believe. But deciding you do have power is like flicking a switch.

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 18/12/2021 20:10

@glimpsing

So without putting a ruddy Great Wall between the complainers and the look on the bright side people, what is the answer?

Live and let live?

Accept people's experiences are what they are.

I'm not a look on the bright side person, I've genuinely had a positive lockdown experience BUT I appreciate not everyone has, I'm not looking on the bright side, if something is shit, it's shit. And lots of people have had a really crap time and continue to do so. Others dont feel the restrictions so harshly, either due to lifestyle choice or sometimes due to general outlook/ personality (for example I travelled to Spain with a friend, I found it fine, she found it stressful, she is generally a stressed person though). But those who do should be accepted as feeling that way. It's not wrong to feel like something is shit when it is, it's not wrong to try and make the best of a bad situation, it's not wrong to experience a situation as not bad.

glimpsing · 18/12/2021 20:12

Accept people's experiences are what they are

I do but I also have hope that people have the power to change how they view them.

IcedPurple · 18/12/2021 20:12

@glimpsing

.I can put on a stiff upper lip in public when needed because there's no point burdening others with my problems.

It's more than stiff upper lip though. It's about disciplining your thoughts and dismissing those that are dysfunctional as erroneous. It's a way of being not done just for appearances. Yes, it does take dedication and belief that this is possible. No use if you are coming from a standpoint you cannot have any power over what you think or chose to believe. But deciding you do have power is like flicking a switch.

Please stop telling people what to do and how to feel.

You're not helping.

Being sad about the fact that the life I loved has gone is not 'dysfunctional' FFS.