Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

732 replies

Gguin · 17/12/2021 15:18

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

OP posts:
VikingOnTheFridge · 23/12/2021 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

glimpsing · 23/12/2021 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post.

iBrows · 23/12/2021 20:16

@glimpsing to be blunt, this thread is about covid related struggles, not the rest of the problems on your list, or how to look on the bright side. It’s about a specific topic.

I recommend everyone ignores any further attempts to derail an otherwise very cathartic thread.

Twitterwhooooo · 23/12/2021 20:16

Due to my job role, I've spent a lot of the last 21 months listening to lots of different people articulating many similar thoughts, experiences and ideas that have been shared on this thread.

I've found it the opposite of draining tbh, people genuinely sharing their worries, concerns and hopes has been a source of solidarity and connection for me.

Certainly much less draining that having to pretend to enjoy Zoom quizzes or try to convince yourself that this half-life is not that bad.

glimpsing · 23/12/2021 20:36

@glimpsing to be blunt, this thread is about covid related struggles, not the rest of the problems on your list, or how to look on the bright side. It’s about a specific topic.

Certainly much less draining that having to pretend to enjoy Zoom quizzes or try to convince yourself that this half-life is not that bad.

Sorry, was just trying to establish not only the reason for differences in approach to all this but also some common ground. On the basis that being more of my way of thinking is not expressed in order to invalidate your own way or because people lack empathy or understanding. But rather instead to combat the accusations. People like me are not your oppressors.

TheKeatingFive · 23/12/2021 20:52

Oh god don't get me started on Zoom. What an appalling alternative to interaction with actual humans.

IcedPurple · 23/12/2021 21:15

@TheKeatingFive

Oh god don't get me started on Zoom. What an appalling alternative to interaction with actual humans.
A few days, I got an email from a cultural association I'm a member of. When I saw the words 'annual lecture' I perked up, only to then be deflated seconds later when I saw the word 'online'. Because of course it would be.

What's the point? I'm sure the speaker is very interesting and informed, but I could google lots of interesting lectures on YouTube right now. There's something special about being in the room with the speaker, maybe get to say a few words to them, and chat with people who share your interest. An online lecture just has no sense of occasion, or being part of a group. You log off at the end of the talk, and what then?

MarshaBradyo · 23/12/2021 21:18

I’ve reached zoom limit which is sad as family are o/s. Will do one at Christmas though

I’d love to meet for dinner but 24 flight and closed borders make it impossible

It’s about as sustaining as card board instead of food

Twitterwhooooo · 23/12/2021 21:42

For many people, holding several different cognitions about their situation in their head at the same time has been exactly what they've been doing throughout this pandemic.

Appreciating that their situation is more fortunate than others, yet still really, really struggling with what's on their plate. Knowing that 'nothing is forever' but hating the uncertainty etc.

Imvhe, the more people are told to look on the bright side etc, the more the gloomier side comes into focus and the more isolated they feel.

Giving people time and space to articulate their stories (as someone described it earlier) reduces isolation and helps build the sustaining, resilient aspects of themselves that people keep needing to draw on.

That's why threads like this are important.

BlueSeaGlass · 23/12/2021 21:59

Well said, Twitterwhooooo.

IcedPurple There's something special about being in the room with the speaker, maybe get to say a few words to them, and chat with people who share your interest. An online lecture just has no sense of occasion, or being part of a group.

I graduated this year (in my mid 30s). Part time study over six years. Felt like the end of an era, and yet there were no graduation ceremonies in person, only online.
It's barely a dot in the landscape of all that has been lost, but still. Thank you for articulating why zoom doesn't replace real life things.

IcedPurple · 23/12/2021 22:16

@BlueSeaGlass

Well said, Twitterwhooooo.

IcedPurple There's something special about being in the room with the speaker, maybe get to say a few words to them, and chat with people who share your interest. An online lecture just has no sense of occasion, or being part of a group.

I graduated this year (in my mid 30s). Part time study over six years. Felt like the end of an era, and yet there were no graduation ceremonies in person, only online.
It's barely a dot in the landscape of all that has been lost, but still. Thank you for articulating why zoom doesn't replace real life things.

I also work in education. In my area, it seems like 'blended' and 'hybrid' approaches are going to become the norm, even when the pandemic eases. Some courses may go completely online.

Some people don't mind it, but for me, the idea that I might not get to build up a rapport with my students, in a way that's impossible to do via wretched 'break-out rooms', and that I might not get to enjoy casual banter with colleagues over the photocopier, just makes me feel sad. I kind of feel that my time has passed, that this 'blended' world is going to be the future. Some breezily say I should 'embrace' it, but at best, I will very reluctantly accept it. Because I guess I don't really have a choice.

Helocariad · 24/12/2021 11:00

Can we please return to the topic of this thread and not let it get derailed because of one poster?

I know some of you said you feel you have very little to look forward to now Sad Flowers . It's like a coping mechanism isn't it, not allowing yourself to get excited in case it won't happen. Though I feel quite excited about Christmas again this year because there will be 8 of us together, friends and family. It gave me such pleasure to buy some nice food to bring and I'm looking forward to doing some baking this afternoon.

The DC are excited too and have been dropping off and receiving presents from their besties (their last two days of school were online so they couldn't exchange presents then).

Helocariad · 24/12/2021 11:03

Sorry, I've just seen this thread has indeed moved back to its original topic Grin

glimpsing · 24/12/2021 11:56

I think this seems apt:

Dover Beach
BY MATTHEW ARNOLDD_
The sea is calm tonight.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Ægean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

CheltenhamLady · 24/12/2021 15:51

I agree with the premise of the thread. All of humanity has lost out in some shape or form (to a greater or lesser degree) due to the pandemic.

If you haven't lost a loved one or been severely ill yourself then it does seem (to some) less than grateful to feel cheated, sad or angry at what you have personally lost, or even not been able to experience.

I am normally a naturally upbeat person, but more and more I feel ground down and less enthusiastic about life. This is due entirely to Covid and its attendant issues.

I am tired of coping with it. Tired of doing things differently to accommodate it. Tired of feeling that x may not happen due to restrictions, or that I have to do x when I really do not want to. Small minutiae of life, nothing life-altering or endangering, but important things to me.

It does feel self-indulgent to articulate it, but it is what many (most?) people are feeling, but we all try to keep a lid on it for fear of infecting family members with the grumps!!

I miss life pre-pandemic and feel that it may never return to what it was previously.

Angrymum22 · 24/12/2021 18:36

@glimpsing

I think this seems apt:

Dover Beach
BY MATTHEW ARNOLDD_
The sea is calm tonight.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Ægean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

I remember studying this poem for O level. I am a big lover of the war poets who put into words the severe mental strain placed on them. Many wrote of hope and optimism while surrounded by death, destruction and despair. We have it so much better than they did. Even those on the frontline can return home to a warm dry bed with a decent meal and the love of their families. However, many never fully recovered from the mental strain and we need to remember this going forward.
glimpsing · 24/12/2021 18:42

Yes, but it's not a 'War' poem, strictly speaking.

"Dover Beach" is a lyric poem by the English poet Matthew Arnold. It was first published in 1867 in the collection New Poems; however, surviving notes indicate its composition may have begun as early as 1849. The most likely date is 1851."

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dover_Beach

Angrymum22 · 24/12/2021 18:44

Sorry I know M Arnold was not a war poet but I always thought it was a poem that reflected the battles and atmosphere during the Second World War particularly.
I watched the Gareth Malone choir programme last night and was moved by the song the two young girls helped write based on their emotional experience of Covid.
I personally feel that it is the current teenagers who will carry the scars the longest.

glimpsing · 24/12/2021 18:44

www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/matthew-arnold

This article has more information about the poet.

glimpsing · 24/12/2021 18:46

@Angrymum22

Sorry I know M Arnold was not a war poet but I always thought it was a poem that reflected the battles and atmosphere during the Second World War particularly. I watched the Gareth Malone choir programme last night and was moved by the song the two young girls helped write based on their emotional experience of Covid. I personally feel that it is the current teenagers who will carry the scars the longest.
Yes, I can see that too. I think the poem is pretty timeless though.
5128gap · 24/12/2021 19:19

@Angrymum22

Sorry I know M Arnold was not a war poet but I always thought it was a poem that reflected the battles and atmosphere during the Second World War particularly. I watched the Gareth Malone choir programme last night and was moved by the song the two young girls helped write based on their emotional experience of Covid. I personally feel that it is the current teenagers who will carry the scars the longest.
I agree with you about the impact on young adults. I'm middle aged and so the last two years are a small part of the life I've already lived. This means that life 'before' still feels more real to me, with this being a temporary state we will emerge from. I can't imagine an ongoing world full of fear, rules and restrictions, without social contact, judging each other, because I have had such a long time in the 'before'. It worries me for people living like this in the years they move into adulthood, too old to forget, but too young to have been formed in normal times. Will they lose their covid selves or will they take them forward to the rest of their lives? (Not articulating that very well, sorry. But yes, I particularly feel for teens and young adults too.)
AngryWithH · 24/12/2021 19:30

Totally agree OP

BogRollBOGOF · 24/12/2021 20:46

I'm in a horrible mood tonight. Some of it is hormones (thanks booster...), some of it is vile rainy fog all day without proper daylight, but having another Christmas Day in of the 4 of us, and zero festive build up (school had a hard term so everything was behind closed doors) has kind of emotionally thrown me back to last year. I have got plans to see people Boxing Day onwards, but its that state of not really believing that you're going to do things as far ahead as 48 hours away again. It had got a lot better, but the political uncertainty in the past 10 days or so has dredged it up. Plus I've got a neurotic IL who thinks that meeting indoors is akin to a death wish (all vaccinated, all healthy, all u60 and he's recently escaped being infected by his own assymptomatic teenagers). I'd really rather not get hypothermia in a gloomy, wet park!

And then I'm feeling guilty for DS2 because I haven't got the spare emotion to fake excitement. DS1 has just reached the age of getting a bit more meh. He's not wanting to do Christmassy things, but is too young to leave to it to indulge DS2 (ASD is involved with this).

Covid's not the only thing, but it is a major factor in making everything feel harder and less inviting and festive.

Feelingoood · 27/12/2021 01:49

I hear you! Finding Christmas really hard, and dreading ny Eve. Just doesn’t seem to be anywhere to go or anything to do. Teens are bored and holiday is just dribbling along, nothing happening. I miss my last life in a city with friends and dinner parties and exhibitions. I love where we live but am heartily sick of traipsing round sodding beautiful deserted cold rainy boring beaches and woods. So bored. Losing mojo.

Longandwinding · 27/12/2021 09:45

Totally support this. A place needs to be available to express what has been lost. My young teens no longer want their friends in their rooms as its their 'own space'...I look at my mum and wonder if these dulled down months and years will be her last..my dad died in the pandemic... he was on a ventilator for 2 weeks and we weren't allowed in to see him. I will forever wonder if we could have helped to bring him towards healing by being there, holding his hand and talking to him. It wasn't the peak of the pandemic but pleas to visit him were pointless.

Swipe left for the next trending thread