So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

[DontWantTheRivalry]

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

You can't tell another adult what they should or shouldn't do.

If she get covid then yes the big family Xmas will not be going ahead. It's kind of how it is now. She's obviously decided that the concert was important to her. Everyone is weighing up a lot right now.

I do agree with you that she can't know whether she will or will not get covid at a poorly ventilated, massless event. It does give a higher risk basis now, yes. But she certainly isn't guaranteed to get it. I know people living with covid kids who are not catching it.

YABU.
She can make that decision for herself and live with the consequences. And your post is really screaming ‘she might ruin MY Christmas’ regardless of how you have dressed it up to be about how upset SHE will be.
Stop infantilising a grown woman.

• I also don’t think there anything wrong at being upset “your “ Christmas might be cancelled. It was so shit last year, and often the only time families maybe managed to arrange to see each other. AND your a nurse, hats off.

And your post is really screaming ‘she might ruin MY Christmas’

It will ruin my Christmas to a degree if I can’t spend it with my mum. It’s a big family tradition of ours and we all hated missing out on it last year.

Christmas Day won’t be totally ruined if she gets Covid because the rest of us will still celebrate it together but I will feel sad if my mum (and maybe my dad) can’t be there too.

@CoffeeMuggins actually 93% at two weeks after the booster. Presumably it wears off with time so much will depend on when she had it. But you are still much more likely than not to be protected. Yes it’s a risk. But the build up to Christmas is as, if not more, important than the day itself to me. So after two years I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice everything for a day that might have been locked down anyway. I can understand why the OP is irritated but I can also understand why her Mum went to the concert.

Unless you and your family are isolating for 10 days before Xmas then you’ve got no leg to stand on really.

Entitled or what?

They are adults and can make their own choices. Yes she seems a little naive to think she won't get it. You could all do LFT's in the run up to Christmas if you are worried. But as another person said in their reply are the rest of the family avoiding any social situations in the run up to Christmas ? I assume some of you have children who easily spread viruses.

[quote Lifethroughlenses]@CoffeeMuggins actually 93% at two weeks after the booster. Presumably it wears off with time so much will depend on when she had it. But you are still much more likely than not to be protected. Yes it’s a risk. But the build up to Christmas is as, if not more, important than the day itself to me. So after two years I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice everything for a day that might have been locked down anyway. I can understand why the OP is irritated but I can also understand why her Mum went to the concert.[/quote]
Against Omicron?? Can you please send a link to where you read this? The highest number I can see is 85%.

Well, we are all different. To me, the most important part of Christmas is the day itself, when I get to see everyone together, maybe for the only time of the year. Sadly, this won't happen for me this year due to Covid.

Turning on the app was the stupid move. If one person there has it she will get pinged. Not touched the app in months myself. Fully jabbed, test regularly and so far so good. Hopefully I stay that way.

@Angiemumof5

Wasn’t the whole point of having the vaccine so that we could get back to normal 🤔 pretty bloody pointless if we’re all gonna get a bollocking for trying to enjoy ourselves.

no not at all! the whole point of the vaccine was to keep as many of us out of the hospital as possible by the "vaccine" reducing the severity of the illness for most people, however there are still those of us that if we caught this virus it would be our demise

[quote Lifethroughlenses]@CoffeeMuggins actually 93% at two weeks after the booster. Presumably it wears off with time so much will depend on when she had it. But you are still much more likely than not to be protected. Yes it’s a risk. But the build up to Christmas is as, if not more, important than the day itself to me. So after two years I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice everything for a day that might have been locked down anyway. I can understand why the OP is irritated but I can also understand why her Mum went to the concert.[/quote]
@Lifethroughlenses when will people stop thinking of this vaccine as stopping you from getting the virus! you can still get it and you can be very poorley with it even after having the jab! the hope is that most people tho will only get a mild version of the illness, the thing is no one knows how ill you will become until you contract it, so its best to avoid catching in the first place by lessening your risk as much as possible

YABU. She has been responsible and had 3 doses of vaccine, is adhering to the rules and is a grown-up capable of making her own decisions. She doesn’t deserve judgment from you.

That said I stopped ‘higher risk’ socialising from 13-23 December as have a big family Christmas planned but that was a personal decision and I haven’t questioned or judged family members who may/ may not sgg HHP are my approach.

Omicron will be a mild cold for most.

*who may/ may not share my approach

Oh heck, we don’t know when anyone of us is going to die. Game over. Meet your maker. Boom. End of. Just go and enjoy your life and let your mother do the same. If you live your best life everyday how can that be wrong?
My friend shielded very early on and died on her own from cancer. She missed all the experiences of the last year of her life because ‘she’s vulnerable!!’

Bollocks. Go and live your life.

@DontWantTheRivalry

And your post is really screaming ‘she might ruin MY Christmas’

It will ruin my Christmas to a degree if I can’t spend it with my mum. It’s a big family tradition of ours and we all hated missing out on it last year.

Christmas Day won’t be totally ruined if she gets Covid because the rest of us will still celebrate it together but I will feel sad if my mum (and maybe my dad) can’t be there too.

I totally get where you are coming from and agree. Slightly different facts, but I'm in a v similar position to you re xmas day - and it is hard and all intertwined. So all the "black and white" posts about who's benefit being together is for just don't help - they just show their lack of empathy IMO.

Have you not been out. Or not touched anything in a shop that potentially loads of other people have? I think you're being unfair to her.

@takenforgrantednana When will people understand risk and read posts on Mumsnet. After two weeks post booster 93% of people get no symptomatic infection. Yes that will lessen with time. Most people do get a mild version of the illness even in that remaining percentage. So yes there is a risk but it’s not as risky as many people seem to think.
www.bmj.com/content/375/bmj.n2814

@lemmein

Honestly wouldn't give a shit about this. I presume you're all vaccinated? By the sounds of it most of us are going to get Omicron at some point, and for most it will be mild cold symptoms (or no symptoms at all). Why the hysteria? Baffling.

Why the inability to read the OP? That's truly baffling. How on earth did you get from a pissed off OP to hysteria? That's quite the leap.

OP, I understand, you thought it was really important to her, and she has jeopardized things by going to a spreader event. I guess it wasn't that important to her to have the big Christmas.

[quote Lifethroughlenses]@takenforgrantednana When will people understand risk and read posts on Mumsnet. After two weeks post booster 93% of people get no symptomatic infection. Yes that will lessen with time. Most people do get a mild version of the illness even in that remaining percentage. So yes there is a risk but it’s not as risky as many people seem to think.
www.bmj.com/content/375/bmj.n2814[/quote]
yes and worryingly that lack of symptoms is what is driving on the omicron version. so those who as in this case refuse to be tested after they have put themselves in a risky situation are not helping matters one bit .

i for one can not risk getting this illness, however i do have to balance my life too to continue my normal role as a nana, wife and mother. in my case what you might see as being mild would be extremely dangerous for me, just on the oxygen levels alone ok, my levels are currently running at 92% normal level would be 98%, if this virus reduced intake by 10% i am well into the danger zone while the rest of you would be approx where im at now and suffer little effect from that.

I don't think she is being mean. My daughter caught it from a concert she went to. Christmas is off again for us.

@IWasFunBeforeMum

Have you not been out. Or not touched anything in a shop that potentially loads of other people have? I think you're being unfair to her.

There's a big difference between the risk of going shopping, and the risk being in an unventilated space with 300 people and everyone singing It's bizarre that 21 months into this, some people still don't understand the different risk in different situations. For goodness sake, schools couldn't even let kids sing for a long time, because of the risk of the kind of exhalation that singing produces.

A lot of posters here seem to think it's either total normality and being in confined spaces with loads of mates and having a good time, or basically shielding. There's a lot of relatively safe behaviour in between. And it's what a lot of us are doing in a bid to be able to enjoy Christmas with our families without being completely housebound in the interim.

@takenforgrantednana It sounds like you do understand risk. You’d potentially be seriously ill with even a mild version so you are obviously wise to be super cautious. I suspect where we differ is what we think others should do but I absolutely agree that we should be testing regularly and being sensible within our own risk profile.

I spoke to my mum earlier and said that unless LFTs are done I’m not sure I would feel comfortable going.

The idea of sitting in an enclosed space with 12 other people, including my mum who had put herself in such a risky environment, and then going into work to look after sick newborns….

I don’t know, it just doesn’t sit right with me

[quote Lifethroughlenses]@takenforgrantednana When will people understand risk and read posts on Mumsnet. After two weeks post booster 93% of people get no symptomatic infection. Yes that will lessen with time. Most people do get a mild version of the illness even in that remaining percentage. So yes there is a risk but it’s not as risky as many people seem to think.
www.bmj.com/content/375/bmj.n2814[/quote]
Why are you linking something from before Omicron was even known about?