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Original poster

Called stupid for cancelling plans. Am I?

106 replies

SonofAGum · 16/12/2021 19:04

DH and I are supposed to be meeting up with friends tomorrow evening with our DC. There are covid cases in my DC primary school. DH is clinically vulnerable (not extremely).

Our friends also have DC with cases in school. They are carrying on as normal and are meeting with various households over the coming weeks. Understandably.

Last year, one of my DC had covid and we were in isolation over the entire Christmas period. I’d prefer not to have a repeat.

We have expressed a wish to change our plans until DH has been boosted over the weekend and so we don’t have to risk isolation. Friends are not happy and have said we are being stupid. I’m now second guessing our decision.

Should we just go?

OP posts:
whatkatydid2013 · 16/12/2021 20:16

You are not stupid at all. Our youngest has a party planned this weekend with her classmates. We are still having it as I feel like the incremental risk after they’ve been at school together all week isn’t going to be so great that it’s necessary to cancel. I have however sent a note out saying we will go ahead but fully understand if some people would rather no longer attend with the way things are unfolding currently. It’s a rubbish situation but it’s not your fault and it’s unfair of your friends to be unpleasant about it

CheshireKitten123 · 16/12/2021 20:16

No not stupid at all.
A pity more people don't take this responsible approach.

greenlynx · 16/12/2021 20:18

I think your decision is sensible, but I’m from the cautious camp ( my DD is in CV category) . I also think that it’s very rude from your friends to call you stupid .
However I wonder what exactly you told them: that you wanted to cut down on things because your DH was CV and hadn’t had a booster yet or that you were worried about the Boxing Day event. If the latter it could have offended them a bit.

spinachpie · 16/12/2021 20:24

It sounds like you've made a perfectly reasonable decision. Your friends are rude and thoughtless.

WimpoleHat · 16/12/2021 20:25

Main concern is not being able to attend an event we are both really looking forward to due to illness or isolation. By cutting down contacts , the more likely we will be able to go .

Have you said this to them? Because what you’ve said is “you’re a long way down our social pecking order; we’re happy to cancel you if it means we can see x”. They’re pissed off with you.

ExquisitelyDecorated · 16/12/2021 20:27

I've been out and about loads in the last few weeks but having spent this week with the whole family having coughs and colds and waiting nervously for PCRs that's it now till after Christmas. YANBU.

bluetongue · 16/12/2021 20:28

It’s a very individual decision.

I have work Christmas lunch today and a couple of people have cancelled because of Covid worries. I’m still happy to go but I don’t have kids and don’t care about missing Christmas lunch so if I have to isolate it’s not a big deal for me. I don’t judge the others for cancelling (and I hope they don’t judge me for still going).

AliceA2021 · 16/12/2021 20:29

@ILoveHuskies

I'd just go out, Life's too short.

No doubt others will be along to say you're right though and need to stay at home and stay safe forever

I'm gutted because my friends are all starting to go quiet on Xmas meet ups etc 😢

Your friends are starting to go quiet.... if they have vulnerable family or if they want to minimise the change of spoilt Christmas that makes perfect sense.
Original poster
SonofAGum · 16/12/2021 20:31

We explained that as much as we would love to see them, we are aware DH has not had his booster yet and cases are very high. We also pointed out that we don’t want to have a repeat of last year where we are poorly and isolating as we want the DC to attend the event they missed and therefore we are cutting down all of our social contacts in order to do these things.

I thought it best to be honest but maybe we have offended them Blush

OP posts:
maryzx · 16/12/2021 20:34

OP, there is no point asking for advice or opinions on here.

I run a hospitality business and am a single parent. I am solely financially responsible for my children. I think anyone who cancels anything that involves hospitality is a complete horror who cares not for the families who suffer as a result. I have just about got back onto an even keel after the nightmare lockdowns. Now people are cancelling and there is no support from the government.

It is shit.

So my advice would be that everyone should go out as much as possible. However, my advice is slanted entirely towards keeping a roof over my children's heads. Other people's advice would be slanted in their own particular way. Because when it comes down to it, we are all ultimately only interested in what benefits our own families and children (and so we should be).

Notonthestairs · 16/12/2021 20:34

I can't imagine resorting to name calling and expecting that friend to want to spend time with me.

Is she really your friend because she sounds as if she only likes you if you are doing what she wants you to.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 16/12/2021 20:34

Not being stupid, but they are rude.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 16/12/2021 20:35

I've not cancelled a meet up at home with another couple next week but have cancelled a meet up with a family with 4 school age children.
Expect I'll get flamed on a parenting forum but I want to spend Christmas with my own family and know there have been Covid cases in the children's classes so have weighed up the risks I'm prepared to take and others just have to accept that.

chillied · 16/12/2021 20:35

Look you've already done the hard bit, you've told them you're not coming, don't waste that now by changing your mind!

Lots of people are cancelling, I've said no to lots.

SunLovingMummy · 16/12/2021 20:36

Not being stupid - being the opposite in fact. Such horrid “friends” to call you stupid and not to respect your decisions.

Noisyprat · 16/12/2021 20:36

Not really friends are they. Who tells someone who is CV they are being 'stupid'. You are doing what we are all doing, what is best for us and our situation.

Butchyrestingface · 16/12/2021 20:39

I thought it best to be honest but maybe we have offended them blush

Why haven't THEY offended YOU by calling you stupid for following the chief medical officer's advice?

senorafridgidaire · 16/12/2021 20:42

I wouldn't be going anywhere with anyone who called me stupid!

ILoveHuskies · 16/12/2021 20:42

@WimpoleHat

Main concern is not being able to attend an event we are both really looking forward to due to illness or isolation. By cutting down contacts , the more likely we will be able to go .

Have you said this to them? Because what you’ve said is “you’re a long way down our social pecking order; we’re happy to cancel you if it means we can see x”. They’re pissed off with you.

This is how I'd take it if my friends cancelled on me

If they think that then It's understandable if they've got pissy tbh

Yuledo · 16/12/2021 20:43

If any of my friends called me stupid for a decision, even if they disagree, I wouldn’t be impressed. You can disagree but respect others opinions.

CatJumperTwat · 16/12/2021 20:43

Not stupid, but in your friends' positions I'd be pissed off you left it until the day before to cancel. It's not like you couldn't see this situation coming.

ILoveHuskies · 16/12/2021 20:44

@maryzx

OP, there is no point asking for advice or opinions on here.

I run a hospitality business and am a single parent. I am solely financially responsible for my children. I think anyone who cancels anything that involves hospitality is a complete horror who cares not for the families who suffer as a result. I have just about got back onto an even keel after the nightmare lockdowns. Now people are cancelling and there is no support from the government.

It is shit.

So my advice would be that everyone should go out as much as possible. However, my advice is slanted entirely towards keeping a roof over my children's heads. Other people's advice would be slanted in their own particular way. Because when it comes down to it, we are all ultimately only interested in what benefits our own families and children (and so we should be).

I am so so sorry for anyone who runs a hospitality business at the moment

This is fucking shit for you all 💐

I for one am carrying on as normal, I won't be isolating because I don't have track and trace and I won't be testing unless I feel ill.

I am so bored of all this and I'm not doing it anymore.

JinglingHellsBells · 16/12/2021 20:50

@Suzi888

Being boosted won’t stop him or the rest of you getting covid, you could still end up isolating.

If I was worried for my health /had Christmas Day plans with elderly parents then no, I wouldn’t meet up.

Being boosted reduces your chances hugely.
Pigeonpair1 · 16/12/2021 20:51

The trouble is - your Boxing Day event may be cancelled anyway... so difficult to know.

I was due to host a party for 60 tomorrow but cancelled this morning. I am so upset but people had been dropping out all week - I had to call it for my nerves!

I have a feeling that in a couple of weeks we are going to look back on all this as a major overreaction, stirred up by the media. Let's hope so anyway......

rwalker · 16/12/2021 20:51

With me it's about the risk and pain in the arse of isolation not covid itself