Called stupid for cancelling plans. Am I?

[SonofAGum]

DH and I are supposed to be meeting up with friends tomorrow evening with our DC. There are covid cases in my DC primary school. DH is clinically vulnerable (not extremely).

Our friends also have DC with cases in school. They are carrying on as normal and are meeting with various households over the coming weeks. Understandably.

Last year, one of my DC had covid and we were in isolation over the entire Christmas period. I’d prefer not to have a repeat.

We have expressed a wish to change our plans until DH has been boosted over the weekend and so we don’t have to risk isolation. Friends are not happy and have said we are being stupid. I’m now second guessing our decision.

Should we just go?

Of course you're not being unreasonable to be upset that your "friends" called you stupid, they're clearly not friends.

However, only you can asses your risk and desires over covid and what is right for you.

Unfortunately “stupid” seems to now be interchangeable with “ fair enough you have a different opinion to me” it started to become really apparent during Brexit and Covid seems to have cemented this analogy in many peoples minds.

You’re only stupid if you allow others opinions and priorities to sway you from what you feel is right.

I should add that the Bar company, DJ and Caterer have all been fabulous and agreed to honour the booking for the Spring. I was fully prepared to go ahead but my numbers had got so low would have been a damp squib.

I'm getting on with all my plans. Lunches out, dinners out, a panto, various people coming in Christmas Day.

You are being very sensible. Of course you are not being silly.
This is an unprecedented situation. Trust your instinct.
Your “friends” are not really friends if they are pressuring you to take huge risks.
Take care.

Chris Whitty says prioritise your contacts. They're just miffed that they aren't your priority. But sorry, drinks and nibbles with friends IS a lower priority than what you have planned for Christmas, and your DH's risk.

Sorry to say but they aren't good friends if they're sating that

Completely sensible imo.
Today there were 80 000 plus cases.
Its never been so high.

Honestly, it doesn't matter if you're being overcautious or not. They're not good friends to say you're stupid! Your plans seem reasonable to me. Do what you feel comfortable doing. Your "friends" sound selfish and immature, not understanding and respectful in the way that true friends would be.

It’s not up to your friends to decide if you are being over cautious or not. It’s your choice and they should respect that.

For me, I would probably go, me and my dc have had covid (3 months ago) and me and ddc1 are fully vaccinated so the chances of getting it are slim, I know there is still some risk but for me it’s not the end of the world if we have to isolate over Christmas. I fully respect your choice though and if I was your friend I would just say “that’s ok, I understand”.

Do what you feel is best, it’s no one else’s business.

Not stupid at all. Where we are, today's stats indicate that1% of the population tested positive. So, baring in mind the exponential curve of this virus's spread, and the fact that not everyone who's caught it has come forward for testing, I'm pretty sure that means at a minimum, 1 in every 100 people were carrying covid several days ago, meaning around 5 in 100 would be carrying it now. Which I think is a pretty conservative estimate. Through my work (F.E.) and my kids (both in massive schools) I estimate I'm almost certainly going to come in contact with this virus within a matter of days (if I haven't already). Would you want to go out for a drink with me? I wouldn't! When I meet up with people I tend to warn them I'm pretty front line and to keep their distance... most don't.

TL:DR - if you don't want to catch this virus before Christmas, stay indoors.

I'd be going to see my friends but you have to do what makes you feel comfortable.
I'd never call you stupid.
I definitely wouldn't want to be meeting these "Friends" now or probably ever. They are very rude.

Sounds very sensible to me, so no you’re not stupid. It’s rude of your friends to question you & make you feel bad

Don’t give in to emotional blackmail.

@SonofAGum

DH slightly concerned about catching covid as he is at high risk of having long term problems from it but is also accepting that life needs to be lived.

Main concern is not being able to attend an event we are both really looking forward to due to illness or isolation. By cutting down contacts , the more likely we will be able to go .

But you have a choice to avoid catching it by avoiding a social event at a time when cases are at record highs with a variant that is 70% more transmissible. Why would you go? Have you seen the UK cases today? Crazy stuff.

Everyone's cancelling plans at the moment and others are being really understanding of it.

Rightly so!

we met family for dinner at a restaurant at the start of the week, all did LFTs before meeting, and found out today SIL has covid. Awesome. All currently clear on LFTs but booked for PCRs tomorrow. Faff!!!

Not stupid. Perhaps the more cautious end of the spectrum.

You have some really rude friends! Even if I thought it I wouldn’t say it.

And no, perfectly reasonable to avoid unnecessary socialising and ensure you can still do Christmas as planned. They are just miffed by the implication that their event isn’t the most important date in your social calendar.

You're not being stupid at all. They just want to go out and think they can harass you into keeping the plans by being rude.

@maryzx

OP, there is no point asking for advice or opinions on here.

I run a hospitality business and am a single parent. I am solely financially responsible for my children. I think anyone who cancels anything that involves hospitality is a complete horror who cares not for the families who suffer as a result. I have just about got back onto an even keel after the nightmare lockdowns. Now people are cancelling and there is no support from the government.

It is shit.

So my advice would be that everyone should go out as much as possible. However, my advice is slanted entirely towards keeping a roof over my children's heads. Other people's advice would be slanted in their own particular way. Because when it comes down to it, we are all ultimately only interested in what benefits our own families and children (and so we should be).

I'm genuinely sorry for.how difficult things are for you but calling people who cancel things in an attempt to keep themselves and their loved ones safer "compete horrors"...jesus. Maybe they are busy worrying about their own families who would suffer as a result if they caught covid. I am in disbelief at how selfish your POV is. As I say, I understand and empathise with your hardship. But you surely have some understanding as to why people would cancel?

You are allowed to make decisions about your own health, your friends are being selfish and unreasonable,

Your friend is very rude and on that basis take no notice of what they said. Making sure your Xmas day can go ahead as planned is sensible. If you risked it you may well get away with it, or may not. If their attitude is so arsey about the issue it wouldn't stirrups me if they were the sort to come even if they had symptoms. Even if you catch a cold near Xmas you don't want to have to try to get a pcr test in time for Xmas day at the 11th hour to rule out covid!
I'm taking a chance and meeting another household close to Xmas. But I know if they have a sniffle or more they'll cancel so the risk is limited.

It's exactly what Prof Chris Whitty advised. Prioritise contacts and limit them.

Not sure how following expert advice gets called stupid?

They're being arses. Everyone has different risk calculations and that's fine - we all have to accept that and be understanding or no-one's going to be speaking at the end of all this.

I'd find new friends. It's your health and your choice. They can carry on as normal but have to respect your wishes x