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Original poster

FFS I'm so upset with DS. Am I over reacting?

45 replies

MagicWorkout · 28/10/2021 10:04

All of this household is double vaccinated, as are GPs.

DS1 (20 yo) has a GF 18y2m whonis not vaccinated (needle phobia). Her parents, both single jabbed, I know not why, tested positive yesterday.

In line with current guidance which says those under 18y6m don't need to isolate, GF has not isolated and DS has not stayed away. I get it, they're in love and want to be together.

Anyway, the inevitable has happened and she now has cough and a positive test.

DS saw her yesterday afternoon.

As we're all vaccinated, hopefully any illness will be mild, but I'm so cross that I'll probably (if I get it) have to take time off work and cancel social plans for the next couple of weeks. Even if I don't get it, I feel I should tell friends of the potential risk, who may choose to stay away. The same for DS2 who has fragile MH and for whom more isolation will be very bad news.

Am I being unreasonable to think DS1 should have sacrificed his social life once he knew of a specific risk, to protect mine and DS2's?

I know I'm very on edge about this as DH died earlier in the year (the reason for DS2's MH). I'm just hanging in there and the prospect of losing someone else (like my Dad) is just too much to bear.

OTOH DS1 lost his dad too and is entitled to enjoy life and we're all vaccinated so should be OK.

Also, what is the actual risk of DS1 and the rest of our household getting it when double jabbed?

OP posts:
SummerSazz · 28/10/2021 10:06

I'm double jabbed and DD1 and DD2 both had it. We loosely isolated in the house and I didn't get it. So pure anecdote but it isn't a fire home conclusion you'll get it.

Techno56 · 28/10/2021 10:11

It does seem quite random.

All I've heard on here is whole households catching it from each other, jabbed or not.

But at work there are many families who have younger children bringing it home from school and the parents haven't caught it.

My son got it at secondary school just before half term (vaccinations were postponed til early Nov and even if they had them on the original date I'm not sure it was early enough to have helped). I am triple jabbed and didn't catch it, my husband is unvaccinated for his own reasons and he didn't get it either, I'm really surprised. Unless he gets it in the next few days of course, but it's been 10 days and nothing yet.

We did isolate our son in his room and have loads of windows open and only pop in with meals. But we would have been exposed for sure before his positive test.

I hope you all manage to avoid it.

trumpisagit · 28/10/2021 10:11

I think you are overreacting, but I understand why you are upset.
It's too late now anyway, so focus on what you can do.
Distance from your DS1, ask him to do extra handwashing, lft everyday.
You are all double jabbed, so you are protected.
I have also got to the point that I think we are all going to catch it anyway.

Monsterpumpkins · 28/10/2021 10:14

My ds 17 went to watch the football with mates and left undisclosed positive tests in his bin..

Angry I was double jabbed and caught it. As did 50% of the household... Ime teens are selfish, thoughtless fuckers..
Augusta1 · 28/10/2021 10:15

I think you’re being unreasonable. Young people have already lost a lot of freedom and fun over the last 18 months. My youngest (adult) DD got it and we carried on as normal at home, no masks, distancing, isolating, yet none of us caught it. You can’t assume you’re going to get it now but you may get it from a colleague or a friend you’re socialising with in the future.

WhatMattersMost · 28/10/2021 10:16

My partner and I are double-jabbed and didn't get it even while sharing a house with our DS, who had Covid and didn't isolate. I've heard of several parents from the same school who experienced the same.

WhatMattersMost · 28/10/2021 10:17

*who didn't isolate within the house. He stayed at home while he was ill.

SunnySideDownBriefly · 28/10/2021 10:21

I can understand why you're upset. The isolation rules are putting everyone at risk from COVID but I also understand why they are more relaxed now as there is such an impact from huge numbers of people isolating.

Honestly, I would have offered for his girlfriend to come and stay while her parents have the virus or told my son that he should not be going into their household and just seeing his girlfriend outside her home. There couldn't be to'ing and fro'ing between the houses.

Can you have a reasonable discussion with him about it while also being understanding about how frustrating it is for everyone but safety for your family is key?

ParmigianoReggiano · 28/10/2021 10:22

My sons both had it a couple of weeks ago, we only distanced a little bit inside the house and neither DH nor I (both double jabbed) caught it and neither did DD (not vaccinated). Fingers crossed for you OP. I don't think your DS1 did something terrible by the way, he followed the official guidance and we can't really expect anyone to do more than that.

LittleMysSister · 28/10/2021 10:23

I think you are over-reacting a little bit OP.

As you say, the rules are that his GF didn't need to isolate until she had symptoms herself. Presumably she is now doing that and your son isn't seeing her?

My sister's partner tested positive and, despite living in the same flat, she never caught it, so it may not even be an issue. You definitely don't need to cancel any plans.

pinkcattydude · 28/10/2021 10:27

DS only one not jabbed (too young) caught it couple of weeks ago and didn’t isolate in fact needed cuddles etc as worried. None of us caught it.

Clutterbugsmum · 28/10/2021 10:30

Your DS should stay at the GF house so he does not risk bringing it to your house.

KrispyKale · 28/10/2021 10:32

With young adults I wouldn't ask them to go beyond the rules at this point unless I was in very poor health.
I've known people not catch it from family members, it's far from inevitable.

CasaBonita · 28/10/2021 10:36

My child had Covid a couple of weeks ago. I'm double jabbed and there was no distancing going on between us. Plenty of hugs and kisses (he's only 6!) although we both isolated away from others.

I didn't catch it. Chances are neither will you and even if you do, you'll more than likely be absolutely fine.

DiscontentedWoman · 28/10/2021 10:49

@CasaBonita

My child had Covid a couple of weeks ago. I'm double jabbed and there was no distancing going on between us. Plenty of hugs and kisses (he's only 6!) although we both isolated away from others.

I didn't catch it. Chances are neither will you and even if you do, you'll more than likely be absolutely fine.

We had a similar experience - both young kids tested positive a week apart, so in total 18 isolation days in the house with absolutely no distancing at all. DP & I didn't catch it. It's not a foregone conclusion.
DriftingPlateTectonic · 28/10/2021 17:56

I'm do sorry for your loss OP

DriftingPlateTectonic · 28/10/2021 17:56

*so

Porcupineintherough · 28/10/2021 20:47

I dont think YABU to be annoyed with your ds. He's put you all in the line of fire for the sake of a few days. Maybe he should now distance from the rest of the household for a few days whilst you wait to see if he's contracted it.

There's getting on with your life and then there is asking for trouble.

ImFree2doasiwant · 28/10/2021 20:50

Yanbu to be annoyed at him. I'd gave made it clear he needed to stay away or stay with her I think. Fwiw, ds1 (6) tested positive. Neither me nor dc2 have caught it (2 negative pcr each)

Buzzinwithbez · 28/10/2021 20:53

It makes no sense that anyone can mix freely with people with covid if they are vaccinated or under 18.
I don't think you can really be frustrated with your soon for following confusing and illogical advice, though it might have made sense for him to stay with his GFs family until you can be sure he's clear.

JaffavsCookie · 28/10/2021 20:57

I don’t think you should be annoyed with your DS, he is young and also bereaved
I would be annoyed with the vaccine avoident gf and her parents though

Buzzinwithbez · 28/10/2021 21:38

@JaffavsCookie

I don’t think you should be annoyed with your DS, he is young and also bereaved I would be annoyed with the vaccine avoident gf and her parents though
Why?
JanglyBeads · 28/10/2021 22:34

Study published today says that 25% of vaxxed household members will be infected by a vaxxed index case, goes up to 38% if unvaxxed.
Everyone’s most infectious just before and after first symptoms, but vaxxed people’s viral burden goes down quite quickly.

altmember · 29/10/2021 04:31

Given the timings, in reality it probably wouldn't have made any difference. They're daft for not getting properly vaccinated though.

It's frustrating because on the one hand we should all be isolating/vigilant and trying to prevent the spread. On the other hand, the national policy is for everyone to hurry up and get it so we can get enough herd immunity to get back to normal. I think it's inevitable that we're all going to have it at some point, and probably multiple times. It's getting a bit like trying to avoid a common cold, which is what covid will end up like once our immune systems have all learnt to deal with it.

lljkk · 29/10/2021 06:23

Since this thread is not about whether the rules make sense but rather how people feel about managing the risk -- I'd say OP is over-reacting.

Eventually we will all be exposed to covid lots. We can't keep going to crazy lengths to avoid it (yes I think always testing & isolating for what is going to almost always be a mild illness, is going to look crazy soon). In OP's situation, all the vaccines & ongoing boosters etc. we've had, it means that all the key players have very low chance of being ill -- Covid mostly doesn't transmit each time you're around someone who has it, btw.