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Covid

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Original poster

Wedding - covid

58 replies

newnameanon19 · 20/09/2021 19:35

We're getting married in a few days' time and DP's sister's boyfriend has covid. She still wants to come after a PCR. We have a 90 year old guest (and a fair few in their late 60s).

WWYD? I feel completely torn, my DP's sister attending vs vulnerable guest. It's a tiny ceremony, we're considering saying she could come to the lunch and move that outside, but skip the ceremony, which is in a very small room?

I know by law she does not have to self isolate but I am so not comfortable sharing a room with someone sharing a bed with someone covid positive...

OP posts:

november90 · 20/09/2021 19:50

I'm so sorry you're in this position and I totally understand your reservations! Has she offered to skip any part of the ceremony at all? What does your partner think? Have you spoken to the 90 year old?
I feel like if I was the sister I would be offering to step back because I wouldn't want it on my shoulders passing it on to anyone!!

WoozySnoozy · 20/09/2021 19:52

She should be offering to step down. It's too risky.

WoozySnoozy · 20/09/2021 19:53

If the 90 year old gets it it will be a massive regret

Frazzled2207 · 20/09/2021 19:56

She should make the decision herself not to come. Sorry she’s put you in this position.

LilyPond2 · 20/09/2021 19:58

I am also thinking that the sister really ought to be volunteering not to attend rather than putting you in this position. Do you have an expensive honeymoon booked? The sister's attendance in a small unventilated room certainly seems to have scope to ruin that. If you choose to have someone from a Covid positive household at your wedding, I think you have a moral duty to warn other guests so they can choose to stay away.

lannistunut · 20/09/2021 20:01

Oh she's really put you in an awful position! I do think she should excuse herself, really.

CoffeeTopUp · 20/09/2021 20:21

She should be saying she’s not going to come. A PCR test would only show she didn’t have it at the time of the test. She could come down with it the next day.

I suppose you could argue that anyone at the wedding could have covid and pass it on but I do think that if you know you have a high chance of having it, like she does, the right thing is not to go around risking the lives of elderly people

nordica · 20/09/2021 21:02

I understand and actually think household isolation should have stayed. However, unless the older guests never go anywhere (like cafes, public transport, concerts, cinema, church etc.), then they will probably often be in the exact same situation possibly sitting next to or nearby someone who lives with a covid positive person.

Theimpossiblegirl · 20/09/2021 21:05

She probably won't be the only one who would previously have been considered a close contact. It's tricky but she's doing a PCR so could be safer than some other guests or even staff working at the wedding.

Bizawit · 20/09/2021 23:13

I think you need to prioritise your 90 year old guest. A negative PCR would provide some reassurance , but I guess it depends when she last saw her boyfriend/ when she gets the test etc..

HadEnoughOfBears · 20/09/2021 23:17

I'm getting from your OP that she has a positive PCR. So no. No way.

maddy68 · 20/09/2021 23:23

I think if she takes a PCR test the day before and a lateral flow from the chemist that morning she is definitely clear but ask her to stay away from 90 yr old in any case

traumatisednoodle · 21/09/2021 05:49

So many questions....is she isolating from her boyfriend ? If she is 5 or so days clear and hasn't seen him since he tested positive I might consider it. I had to go back to work (hospital dr) when DH was still symptomatic I warned everybody about my situation and kept my distance/ wore a mask. No way would I have gone to a wedding with a symptomatic household member, a fleeting contact a few daus before- maybe. I take it she is double vaccinated.

vickyc90 · 21/09/2021 06:09

Who is the 90 year old, if it's a family friend I would prioritise the sister over them and ask the 90 year old to stay home. But then I don't think I would invite the 90 year old it just seems to risky anyway as anyone could be positive and not know

WoozySnoozy · 21/09/2021 06:14

@vickyc90

That would be really rude. The 90 year old has already decided to attend

whatswithtodaytoday · 21/09/2021 06:18

Moving the meal outside and sitting her well away from anyone vulnerable would probably be the best compromise.

But honestly, I wouldn't want her there. You'll be worried about all your closest family and friends getting it. I realise household contacts are allowed out and about, but that doesn't make it a good idea and plenty of older people are still being cautious. Best in mind they're all about to be vaccinated again - there's a reason for that.

MiddleParking · 21/09/2021 06:26

I really don’t think you can uninvite his sister to your wedding. If your DP is genuinely happy to offer her the compromise option of meal but no ceremony of his own volition, then let him do that (and have no part in the conversation yourself) - but even that would cause absolute heartbreak and carnage in a lot of families, mine included.

HungryHippo11 · 21/09/2021 06:36

@HadEnoughOfBears

I'm getting from your OP that she has a positive PCR. So no. No way.

No, her boyfriend has tested positive.

Original poster

newnameanon19 · 21/09/2021 06:54

Thanks, all. I'm glad I am not overreacting.

To answer some questions -

she is willing to take lots of PCRs and LFTs
she is living with bf and not isolating from him
the 90 year old is my Nan

OP posts:

Profilejacket · 21/09/2021 07:02

I think she’s being really selfish. The tests are better than nothing though and I’d ask her to come double masked and to stay as far away from others as possible if she really won’t back down.
I wouldn’t want to move lunch outside unless the weather is perfect.
This situation is going to be replicated all the time now so hopefully some etiquette will be established soon but that doesn’t help you!

BlueberrySugar · 21/09/2021 07:06

Absolutely not.
She needs to step down and stop being so selfish.

EileenGC · 21/09/2021 07:07

When was the positive test/first symptoms of the boyfriend?
When is the wedding?

If around the 10 day mark I’d be inclined to let her attend - after checking with those vulnerable - because if she’s testing negative on day 8/9, chances of having it are extremely low at that point.

RossIsTheBestFriend · 21/09/2021 07:40

Completely agree with others - she’s being selfish in not stepping down. In her situation, even with a negative PCR, I wouldn’t feel comfortable potentially putting others at risk. Could you have a video link set up so that her and her BF can watch the ceremony?

Household isolation should definitely have stayed.

traumatisednoodle · 21/09/2021 07:46

Well she is being a doofus and not following PHE advice. Unless it has changed since 16th August as a household contact you are supposed to "be cautious" and wear a mask when out as well as trying distance from the positive person. It sounds like she isn't doing either.

traumatisednoodle · 21/09/2021 07:47

Perhaps she could LFT on the morning of, wear a mask and sit apart, but TBH where's the fun in that ?

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