Wedding - covid

[newnameanon19]

We're getting married in a few days' time and DP's sister's boyfriend has covid. She still wants to come after a PCR. We have a 90 year old guest (and a fair few in their late 60s).

WWYD? I feel completely torn, my DP's sister attending vs vulnerable guest. It's a tiny ceremony, we're considering saying she could come to the lunch and move that outside, but skip the ceremony, which is in a very small room?

I know by law she does not have to self isolate but I am so not comfortable sharing a room with someone sharing a bed with someone covid positive...

@traumatisednoodle

Perhaps she could LFT on the morning of, wear a mask and sit apart, but TBH where's the fun in that ?

@traumatisednoodle I wouldn’t be happy with that at the moment. In our area there is another big rise in cases and I know a pretty large number of people just within the last few weeks who have all tested negative on LFT (doing them 2-3x per week) then tested positive on PCR when they’ve tested due to a family member texting positive.

If you read the guidance you are advised to keep 2m away from your household case. Wash down the kitchen etc after they have been in. I don’t know why this isn’t emphasised? She should start sleeping on the couch and send food up to his room.

When one of us got covid we all decamped to separate bedrooms, opened all the windows and as the one who had covid was a small child and 2m wasn’t an option decided to isolate as a family.

I have a job connected to healthcare. Even if we're double jabbed, we're asked to do a PCR within three days of contact and a LFT every day for seven days. If all negative we can work, although, we would be wearing masks, and can have contact with anyone - old, young, vulnerable. Would she consider wearing in the smaller room?

I wouldn't let her to wedding if she's too daft to follow guidance. She should be isolating from her BF. Why should the 90 year old be put at risk because of someone else taking risks.

She should bow out herself.

When I had Covid DH didn't isolate from me as we didn't have the space in our flat and we'd been away for 3 nights for a wedding when I caught it so thought it likely we'd both been exposed. DH didn't catch it in the end, we think I caught it because I was on an immunosuppressant at the time.

I caught Covid before the rule change so we both isolated for 10 days. Had it been before the rule change DH wouldn't have merrily attended a social event like a wedding. It's too risky.

The wedding I was at 4 days before I tested positive asked everyone to take an LFT the morning of the wedding. I was not the only guest at the wedding who tested positive 4-5 days later. I tested positive on a LFT 4 days later, I woke up with a headache and tested first thing. I had taken a LFT the previous evening, less than 12 hours earlier, which had been negative.

Tell the 90 year old then they can decide if they want to come or not.

We're mixing with people all the time who are living with someone with COVID. Chances are one of the staff is in this situation so it's unfair to exclude your sister.

I wouldn't be running up and hugging the elderly relative in her situation but I don't think she needs to miss the whole day. Especially as she's tested

@maddy68

I think if she takes a PCR test the day before and a lateral flow from the chemist that morning she is definitely clear but ask her to stay away from 90 yr old in any case

Unless she has a PCR that day then she isn’t definitely clear. She could develop it and start shedding an hour after the PCR test. Unless she moves out of her partners bedroom and house now. I don’t agree that household isolation ended. I have friends that caught it from their partner at day 12 of them isolating together!

It depends if 90yr old is grab or Doris’s neighbours mate once removed.

If sister does come then she wears an FFP2 or FFP3 mask with no valve

You need to inform your nan, so she can make the decision for herself. Let her make her own risk assessment and do what she is most comfortable with.

Personally as the host of the wedding you have a responsibility towards your guests and you should tell dps sister no, dp should also understand as this is to protect your nan and I doubt he nor his sister would want anything on their shoulders if anything were to happen

She shouldn't be asking to come

I wouldn’t be prioritising my partner’s grandparent over my sibling as a wedding guest. The situation’s been ongoing for well over a year, the 90 year old knows the score and what the risks are of going to a party, and his sister is willing to test frequently and isn’t proposing to do anything outside of what’s permitted. I would think very carefully before choosing to insist on uninviting your sister-in-law-to-be from your wedding in these circumstances.

@MiddleParking

I wouldn’t be prioritising my partner’s grandparent over my sibling as a wedding guest. The situation’s been ongoing for well over a year, the 90 year old knows the score and what the risks are of going to a party, and his sister is willing to test frequently and isn’t proposing to do anything outside of what’s permitted. I would think very carefully before choosing to insist on uninviting your sister-in-law-to-be from your wedding in these circumstances.

Jeepers, obviously lots of people are this callous but it always shocks me to see it written down!

The 90yo knows the score, let 'em choose between possibly missing the last family wedding they'll go to or risking drowning in their own lung fluids.

Jeepers, obviously lots of people are this callous but it always shocks me to see it written down The 90yo knows the score, let 'em choose between possibly missing the last family wedding they'll go to or risking drowning in their own lung fluids

Hard agree. Totally callous post by @MiddleParking.

She should bow out, your partner is going to have to ask her not to come.

I’m missing my grandfathers funeral next week.

DD is positive. She’s 13 and at home. She’s isolating from us all upstairs which is difficult and unfair in a young teen. She wants a hug and can’t have one. All the other family members are sleeping separately, wearing a mask when we are in the same room, eating outdoors or separately and keeping 2m apart. I’m not touching her cups or laundry. I’m wiping every surface she’s touched repeatedly and using a different bathroom. If I didn’t do all this, my chances of having it would hugely increased, as is his sister who we are discussing.

I’m working from home, I will not leave the house until her days are over, I’m still testing negative and symptomless (keeping it all crossed!!)

I’m PCR negative and I am still missing that funeral despite all the above and despite the rules. There will be elderly folk at the funeral, in a large well ventilated room, but I still wouldn’t take that risk.

What she is proposing is utter madness.

@Mykittensmittens

I’m missing my grandfathers funeral next week.

DD is positive. She’s 13 and at home. She’s isolating from us all upstairs which is difficult and unfair in a young teen. She wants a hug and can’t have one. All the other family members are sleeping separately, wearing a mask when we are in the same room, eating outdoors or separately and keeping 2m apart. I’m not touching her cups or laundry. I’m wiping every surface she’s touched repeatedly and using a different bathroom. If I didn’t do all this, my chances of having it would hugely increased, as is his sister who we are discussing.

I’m working from home, I will not leave the house until her days are over, I’m still testing negative and symptomless (keeping it all crossed!!)

I’m PCR negative and I am still missing that funeral despite all the above and despite the rules. There will be elderly folk at the funeral, in a large well ventilated room, but I still wouldn’t take that risk.

What she is proposing is utter madness.

@Mykittensmittens So sorry for the situation you’re in I’d be doing the same as you though - it’s not worth the risk! I hope there is at least a video link or something so that you can watch his service

Presumably if the 90 year old isn't say close to your fiancé's sister then the risk will be mitigated.

Isn't "Sat" close

@Bizawit

Jeepers, obviously lots of people are this callous but it always shocks me to see it written down The 90yo knows the score, let 'em choose between possibly missing the last family wedding they'll go to or risking drowning in their own lung fluids

Hard agree. Totally callous post by @MiddleParking.

Ah do me a favour. No one who can read is currently going anywhere where other people are and believing there’s zero risk of catching Covid, let alone a wedding. Plenty of 90 year olds would concur that on balance it’s worth the risk, particularly when that risk has been mitigated by vaccination.

The registry office I got married in had French doors out onto a little patio. If the arrangement is similar, could she stay outside the doors and watch the ceremony from there. Then maybe skip the reception?

@MiddleParking you really are being ridiculous insensitive and pig headed. I am no covid fundamentalist- I have not supported most of the restrictions, but of all groups of people, the very elderly are at serious risk of covid and need to be protected / take precautions. At 90 years old she has about a 1 in 5 chance of dying if she catches covid - more if she has any extra risk factors. Most 90 year olds don’t have banging social lives where they regularly need to interact with groups of others indoors. They don’t work, they don’t go to school, and they don’t regularly go clubbing. They tend to have relatively small social networks. She’s unlikely to be exposed to that much risk on a day to day basis.
Meanwhile, you are suggesting she go to a party and spend extensive time with someone who is living / in a romantic relationship with someone covid positive. Give your head a good wobble honestly.

Your 90 year old nan comes first. You're not overreacting.

If she goes, and you rightly warn any elderly guests, then it will then be common knowledge at the wedding that she has come despite knowing she's at a high risk of being infectious. Judging by this thread, many if not most people there will think she's being selfish and irresponsible even if she has your blessing to be there, so maybe your partner could point that out to her. She might not actually want to come if she realises what most people will think of her for not staying away in these circumstances.

Tbh, you are quite likely to be judged negatively as well for having told her it's fine to come, too. Yes people accept a certain amount of risk, but not just mitigated by vaccinations - also mitigated by people who know they might be quite likely to be infectious doing the obvious, sensible thing and staying away from social events for a week or two.

If she attends the wedding, you should notify all the guests before they arrive so they make their own informed decision about personal risk. Yes, someone else at the event might present an unknown risk, but that doesn’t mean attendees shouldn’t be informed of known risks.

And really, she should stay home. Your grandmother should be able to attend your wedding and your sister just makes the risk too high.

@MiddleParking

I wouldn’t be prioritising my partner’s grandparent over my sibling as a wedding guest. The situation’s been ongoing for well over a year, the 90 year old knows the score and what the risks are of going to a party, and his sister is willing to test frequently and isn’t proposing to do anything outside of what’s permitted. I would think very carefully before choosing to insist on uninviting your sister-in-law-to-be from your wedding in these circumstances.

90 year old should be the priority. They are already taking a risk going and this could be the highlight of their year.

I would have happily had no one else attending my wedding if my grandma could have been there.