Has anyone else pulled back/ended friendships with unvaccinated friends?

[mowly77]

This feels right to me but I’m not sure how she’s going to take it, & wondered if anyone else had similar experiences? I’m fully vaccinated; but antibody test tells me I’ve had covid in last 6 months. I’m ill a lot - crappy immune system. Really sick this last week, rivers of snot, endless coughing. My DD is at nursery & had milder version first. I get everything she gets. Could be covid again; could not be. Either way I’m bloody ill & self employed so lost loads of money. Fed up of being ill all the time.

Recent friendship with someone & we’ve been working on my allotment together. She’s a bit lonely, single mum, now wants to be my BFF & invited me & DD to her DS birthday (big) party in a few weeks - indoors. She’s cheerfully told me she’s unvaccinated. Didn’t really sink in before. I’ve been in her car; she’s been round for a cuppa a few times.

Now I’m fretting; plus thinking how idiotically selfish she is. I’m going to tell her no more indoor stuff, no birthday party. Outdoor allotment socially distanced is fine.

This winter is going to be a car crash & I don’t have any more truck with it. I know I’m not BU but it still feels like a delicate line.

She's as likely to catch it from you as you are from her. I don't see the issue. The only person she's hurting (potentially) is herself.

I don’t agree with her that it’s fine to be unvaccinated but taking her to task about it is unnecessary. Just decline indoor stuff and say you need to be cautious, and meet her outside. Your child mixes with unvaccinated kids their children at nursery presumably?

You’re just as at risk if she were jabbed than unjabbed you do understand that don’t you? How the vaccine works for YOU is the question. She could have three jabs and still pass Covid to you.

So no, don’t cut her off, I certainly wouldn’t.

@Thewiseoneincognito

You’re just as at risk if she were jabbed than unjabbed you do understand that don’t you? How the vaccine works for YOU is the question. She could have three jabs and still pass Covid to you.

So no, don’t cut her off, I certainly wouldn’t.

This tbh. Vaccine is for your own protection if you get it, doesn't stop you spreading it

Oh for goodness sake. Your jabs protect you from serious illness. Plenty of double jabbed people are getting and spreading covid. This divisiveness is so sad.

no it wouldnt occur to me to end a friendship with someone unvaccinated , if your going to go down that road you might as well lock yourself in the house for the next how many years , there could be loads of unvaccinated people you will encounter and never know it as they arent all going to be declaring their status to you

You can still catch it off vaccinated people. Just decline indoor things with her though if you're worried. No need to go into it with her as it's her choice, that she doesn't need to justify, to not get vaccinated. This coming from someone who has both jabs, but respects other's choices seen as the covid vaccines were put through as emergency use with no long term data of side effects.

I’d be inclined to meet outdoors. Her choice to not vaccinate , your choice how you proceed with that info.

I get where you’re coming from.

Ok, good points. I think I’m being moralising & yeah there’s no need. I wasn’t intent on taking her to task, just saying I can’t do indoor stuff anymore because of my own health. Yes my DC mixes at nursery but that’s a necessary evil. I haven’t gone out of my way to knowingly mix with unvaccinated people e.g. kids birthday party.

@Thewiseoneincognito I have read quite a few scientific papers that say you are at higher risk of passing covid on if you are unvaccinated. But yes I get your point.

No of course not, although I'd probably avoid discussing the topic with her.

Yes @TheHouseILiveIn it is real. I fully confess that being this sick all the time is making me paranoid.

I think singling this one person out who is offering you friendship for avoidance, when any number of people could pass on any number of illnesses to you is pants.
I get if you're ill and self employed you lose out which is rubbish but she isn't to blame that you catch every illness going.
You seem pretty derisive of her generally, 'lonely, single, now wants to be my bff'
'idiotically selfish' do you even know what her reasons are for not vaccinating?

Personally, I think you look down on her and she deserves better. Don't be unkind to her, if you want to distance yourself so it gently, but don't kid yourself you're on some moral high ground, cos from what you've described here it looks like she's copping for your frustration towards your own susceptibility to catching every bug going.

If I was you I'd be putting my focus into why you're so prime to getting sick. Perhaps a check on your nutrient levels, to see if you're low on anything might be better use of your time than crapping on someone who has extended the hand of friendship.

No. I caught Covid from a fully vaccinated person so to me it makes no difference.

No, I wouldn't. Your dd at nursery is the one bringing all the illnesses into your house. Do you disown everyone that doesn't pay for a private flu jab each year too?

Yes my DC mixes at nursery but that’s a necessary evil. I haven’t gone out of my way to knowingly mix with unvaccinated people e.g. kids birthday party.

So if your child was invited to a birthday party with the children they go to nursery with, you’d decline due to the risk from them being unvaccinated? Despite them spending all day with your DC anyway?

Well I come to MN for straight talking so I’ll take it on the chin. @PieceOfString thank you, genuinely. No I am definitely not looking down on her because she is lonely or a single mum. I was raised by a single mum. She’s lonely because she is a single mum, she wants adult company & she doesn’t enjoy doing things on her own with her DC, she told me this word for word. We’re very different in that respect. I do majority of things on my own with my DD & I don’t get lonely. Different doesn’t mean I look down on her though, just that perhaps I’m not the similarly-minded close friend she’s looking for.

My immune system has been shite since I had chemo, even though that was a long time ago. Now fully menopausal after surgery, which hasn’t done my general health any good. I take every vitamin possible and when I am well exercise a lot, try and eat well & do focus on my own well-being.

Right. Those saying you can pass it on if vaccinated - I bloody know! But unvaccinated people pass it on in greater numbers & have a much higher risk of passing it on in the first place. That is well documented in scientific literature.

Adults have a much larger viral load than nursery age children. Of course my DC mixes at nursery with a load of other unvaccinated children. That’s not the same level of risk as deliberately mixing indoors with a bunch of unvaccinated adults.

I accept I am BU by singling her out. The issues around covid risk and my friendship are a bit muffled in my post & I fully accept that.

BUT by the same token I have not knowingly and deliberately gone out of my way to socialise in close quarters with unvaccinated adults. Yes tons of people are unvaccinated. I am sure I pass them in the street, the supermarket, the playground every day. But that’s not the same.

No. That is ridiculous and she isn't any more selfish than you are (both concerned about your own bodies/health). If you are vaccinated then why are you worried about her status unless you don't have much faith in the vaccine. If she gets seriously ill that is her decision. You have had the vaccine so are unlikely to get seriously ill. Wear a mask too if it makes you feel more protected. I am double vaxxed but really dislike all this ostracization of the non-vaxxed.

@mowly77

This feels right to me but I’m not sure how she’s going to take it, & wondered if anyone else had similar experiences? I’m fully vaccinated; but antibody test tells me I’ve had covid in last 6 months. I’m ill a lot - crappy immune system. Really sick this last week, rivers of snot, endless coughing. My DD is at nursery & had milder version first. I get everything she gets. Could be covid again; could not be. Either way I’m bloody ill & self employed so lost loads of money. Fed up of being ill all the time.

Recent friendship with someone & we’ve been working on my allotment together. She’s a bit lonely, single mum, now wants to be my BFF & invited me & DD to her DS birthday (big) party in a few weeks - indoors. She’s cheerfully told me she’s unvaccinated. Didn’t really sink in before. I’ve been in her car; she’s been round for a cuppa a few times.

Now I’m fretting; plus thinking how idiotically selfish she is. I’m going to tell her no more indoor stuff, no birthday party. Outdoor allotment socially distanced is fine.

This winter is going to be a car crash & I don’t have any more truck with it. I know I’m not BU but it still feels like a delicate line.

A close family member is the same. She's also in a riskier category for Covid. We have limited it to meeting her outside only. She knows why and we have told her we are concerned for her. Outside meet ups will continue. Winter will probably mean just phone contact. There's more to it but this is the outcome. With a friend I probably would ask her thoughts on the jab just conversationally, but I wouldn't confront her. Depending on her answer just say you're trying to limit contact this winter so will stick to the Allotment meet ups for the time being.

No I'm not but in your situation YANBU.
You have to look after your own interests here.

With friends like you, who needs enemies

@PieceOfString

If I was you I'd be putting my focus into why you're so prime to getting sick. Perhaps a check on your nutrient levels, to see if you're low on anything might be better use of your time than crapping on someone who has extended the hand of friendship.

This ⬆️ Also after a year of lockdown and therefore little or no exposure to the normal coughs and colds apparently our immune systems will have weakened this year and left us more vulnerable to picking up whatever normal bugs are doing the rounds at this time of the year.