Got covid - I’m furious and need to vent

[RageAgainstCovid]

Not really expecting any responses and not really asking a question, I just need to get this out of my system!

Since this all started we (DH, DS age 8 and I) have been very careful. To the extent that it has caused some friction with my family. Only seen them a few times. Am double vaccinated.

Earlier in the week DS and I felt a little bit bunged up, did lateral flow tests, all of us negative. Saw family, but the next day felt worse, and have now tested positive.

I’m absolutely furious and feeling unbearably guilty.

First, we’ve been so fucking careful. It feels so fucking unfair. I opened FB earlier and seeing pictures of people flying on holiday, in restaurants and at festivals. We’ve done nothing other than outdoor walks since this started.

Second, I can’t bear the guilt of waiting to see if I’ve infected the people I love most. Most are double vaccinated, but one isn’t due to being anti vaccine. I’m alternating rapidly between the guilt of possibly passing it on and anger at them refusing the vaccine.

I barely slept last night for worry, and I know I need to rest to get over this.

Just needed to get it all out really. No need for any responses, but if you do, please be gentle. I’m feeling very fragile

@Stuffin

I do think this attitude of being good and following the rules means not catching a virus should stop. OP I would be challenging your thinking around this as to why you are furious? Getting ill isn't about fairness and goodness or a moral judgement. And attaching that thinking to any illness including covid is why we have all the nastiness about people 'spreading it'.

I agree with this. A fair few times on this board I have seen people pushing back against mitigation measures because they’re angry at being treated as ‘unclean’. Catching a virus has very little to do with your hygiene standards and general moral standing.

It’s startling how quickly people revert to almost medieval thinking that illness is a judgement from a higher power.

@Stuffin and @Cornettoninja you are of course right. I think the OP and those feeling similar know we are being somewhat irrational, it's just damn frustrating. One thing I would point out though is I'm not frustrated from a moral perspective, more from risk perspective. I avoided certain things to increase the risk, and yet have still got the virus (plus didn't get it via the things I was doing that were the most risky - eg going to work, kid in school) so just annoyed (unjustified I know but this is emotional not rational) that people I know who have engaged in many more risky activities have (so far) got away with it.

Reflecting what @chalamet said, I think I will be more relaxed in future. Still wear masks etc but given you can get it anywhere I'm not going to be stalling on going out to dinner etc when I recover . . . Having said that I may not actually do much of it in practice as the experience of getting the virus seems to be having the opposite affect on my husband who wants to be even more cautious now. I can kind of understand but I'm just over living such a limited life now

@Stuffin

I do think this attitude of being good and following the rules means not catching a virus should stop. OP I would be challenging your thinking around this as to why you are furious? Getting ill isn't about fairness and goodness or a moral judgement. And attaching that thinking to any illness including covid is why we have all the nastiness about people 'spreading it'.

Yes, it's mainly just luck isn't it.

@breadwidow I’m glad to hear you’ll be feeling happier to get out and about! hope you feel better soon.

Don't feel bad, it is what it is. I have a friend whose been so careful too, masking up as soon as she steps outside her front door, working from home etc. She's caught it and so has her ds. I on the other hand have been working throughout and have just lived my life, taken precautions where necessary without worrying about it and haven't caught it (yet although I'm sure my turn will come). It's the complete luck of the draw and a bitch of a virus.

Hope you feel better soon.

"I do think this attitude of being good and following the rules means not catching a virus should stop"

I second this because it implies that people who have caught the virus have themselves to blame for contracting it.

Many many people have had to go out to work in settings that meant they were far more likely to catch the virus, no matter how careful they were. Think of care homes, hospitals, school staff, public transport workers etc.

It is natural to worry about passing it on but when I got it I let people I'd worked with know immediately but they were fine with me we were all in the same boat. I only know 2 people I work with who haven't caught it out of about 60. Most of those caught it pre vaccine and a few this summer even those double jabbed. I've yet to hear of anyone infected then jabbed recontracting it but I expect that is a matter of time too.

We are now in a situation where most people can expect to catch covid at some point and quite probably do so repeatedly. At least we now have vaccines to mitigate the risk of serious consequences.

God I hope I don't get it again @walksen because it's not nice but also because of the 10 days isolation (so 10 days at home with no garden).

Though I feel pretty shitty right now I fully expect to feel a lot better in a day or so (my son got it before me and is now back to normal, and DH getting there). The 10 days at home whatever you're symptoms mean the consequences of living with COVID for the majority of us who won't get that ill are a lot greater than flu/cold etc. I've never been law bound to stay at home for 10 days before, I'm less than half way through, feeling pretty crap and already climbing the walls. I'm not sure what the solution to this is, but it does mean consequences of people getting COVID are not small, even greater for those who cannot work from home

"The 10 days at home whatever you're symptoms mean the consequences of living with COVID for the majority of us who won't get that ill are a lot greater than flu/cold etc"

Worse than a cold yes, but a flu? If you're out and about in les than 10 days after a flu you're probably still weak and could do with more rest.
I can work from home, but don't have a garden so the prospect of 10 days at home for me with only something mild is also pretty awful.
Interestingly, where I live, we're still allowed to the supermarket even when isolating.

Luck of the draw as to where people catch it. It may be from a necessary trip like work, school or the supermarket or from non essential trips or mixing.
We are keeping our socialising to a minimum group and outdoors where possible. We check no cold symptoms etc as that’s how Delta presents for many but wouldn’t usually mix anyway if we had a cold etc as unfair to spread it.

Tbh it seems to me that you have built covid up in your heads to be this monstrous thing that will kill you the minute you step outside your door. Which explains your current anxiety levels.

Only leaving your house for outdoor walks for 18 months is not a healthy approach for anyone to take. Never mind for someone who is not CEV. Clearly sensible precautions are appropriate, but effectively shutting yourselves away like hermits is not proportionate.

Hopefully when you get through this (which in all likelihood you all will), you will be able to calm down and take a more sensible approach.

The number 1 issue of whether an individual (vaccinated or not) when going about daily life, even if being careful, becomes infected, is the amount of virus circulating in a particular area.

If there is next to no virus circulating it would be of low risk, despite personal behaviour or vaccination status.

On the other hand if there a high levels of circulating virus in some areas and relatively low levels in other areas the personal behaviour of the individual is not determinant. The risk attributable to identical personal behaviour varies.

Risk of infection is less due to vaccination status and individual behaviour than the amount of virus 'out there'. This is not 'luck' or random. You can obey all the rules and still contract the virus. You can shun all the rules and not contact the virus. Dependant on whether there is circulating virus to contract. You can swim in the sea and not be attacked a a great white shark or be attacked. In the North Sea you are very safe. Because you are extremely unlikely to encounter the threat. This is not random. It depends totally on the presence of a bloody shark.

Because of failure to limit the amount of virus 'out there' responsibility is being pushed to individuals. Because it was made the responsibility of individuals doing the right thing as if this would lower circulating virus. As if this would mean that they didn't contact or transmit the virus. That vaccination would be a firebreak and afford community protection. As if vaccination would stop you becoming infected despite high levels of virus and reduction in restrictions to prevent spread.

Vaccination that allows high levels of infection and transmission coupled with a reduction of non pharmacological restrictions introduced at a time of high infection levels will just keep those community levels high and at realistic worse intensify evolutionary selection pressure.

OP feel for you and of course hope you and yours all feel better and are fully recovered soon.

Don't beat yourself up. It's a virus. It spreads, despite people's efforts. No judgments.

Here in our house:

1st wave early spring 2020 - DD1, caught Covid, no symptoms. Only realised 2 months later when she had an antibody test

2nd wave (Alpha, Dec 2020 so no-one vaccinated)- DH and SIL went for tests to travel to see sick MIL in another country. SIL came back to our house (in our bubble) and her test came back positive the next day. Me, DH, SIL, DD2 plus our childminder all had COVID-19. (DD1 not touched). Our childminder was seriously ill, everyone else recovered in 1-2 weeks.

3rd wave (ie now) at least 2 contacts we know of but no one ill.

None of this minimising how grim Covid can be.

[quote ChristmasCurry]@EarringsandLipstick

Seeing as Covid-19 has now found to be rarely spread by surface transmission, deep cleaning of surfaces is pointless.[/quote]
Untrue, completely.

Here's the relevant extract from the WHO:

People may also become infected by touching surfaces that have been contaminated by the virus when touching their eyes, nose or mouth without cleaning their hands

Source: www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/coronavirus-disease-covid-19-how-is-it-transmitted#:~:text=People%20may%20also%20become%20infected,most%20risky%20and%20why.

Honestly. People who confidently assert false claims without even bothering to check ...

[quote Warhertisuff]@EarringsandLipstick

Wiping things down & using handgel physically removes the virus and is one of the most useful things we can do.

Given that studies indicate that transmission via surfaces is extremely rare, its hardly "one of the most useful things we can do" and done to excess is probably does more harm than good, both by encouraging health anxiety and neuroses.[/quote]
That quote is not mine. It's from (I think) the WHO or CDC.

Here's a source backing this up. (from the HSE, Ireland).

https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/covid19/preventing-the-spread/how-coronavirus-spread/

It's true that the risk is thought to be less than originally advised at the start of the pandemic. The journal Nature was quite conclusive that it was a much less-significant risk. However if you read the entire article, it's accepted that not enough is known.

The point is that for example in the work place where there are multiple varied interactions between groups of people touching surfaces (this cannot be replicated) of course, viral transmission can happen by contact with surfaces. Eg I teach at 3rd level; in the rooms we use, there's high, repeated, varied turnover in a short period in the same space which increases surface transmission.
Cleaning in between usage physically removes the virus, so this can't happen.

The problem is that people read headlines & don't think much further.

If I was at a table with one other person for a meal, the risk of me catching Covid from touching the table is very low. It would br much more likely to be airborne transmission in that case.

As always, context is everything.

Don't feel guilty. You really have done nothing wrong. We have been more cautious than almost anyone I know, no shops, no holidays, no indoor socialising. Still caught it last year due to working in a school. Was very annoyed.

Pretty resigned to either catching it again or our kids catching it this academic year now all restrictions dropped. Still cautious and nervous though. Like you, I hate the thought of passing it on but it really isn't your fault if anyone catches it.

Don't feel guilty about the unvaccinated relative. I haven't had the vaccine - my choice and if the half of our family who are vaccinated give me covid and I have it worse for not having the vaxx that is my choice and no way would I blame the family.

There does seem to be a lot of magical thinking about this infection “if I follow The Rules I will be safe” and only those bad people over there that disobey will get it. It really doesn’t work like that.

@KOKOagainandagain

The number 1 issue of whether an individual (vaccinated or not) when going about daily life, even if being careful, becomes infected, is the amount of virus circulating in a particular area.

If there is next to no virus circulating it would be of low risk, despite personal behaviour or vaccination status.

On the other hand if there a high levels of circulating virus in some areas and relatively low levels in other areas the personal behaviour of the individual is not determinant. The risk attributable to identical personal behaviour varies.

Risk of infection is less due to vaccination status and individual behaviour than the amount of virus 'out there'. This is not 'luck' or random. You can obey all the rules and still contract the virus. You can shun all the rules and not contact the virus. Dependant on whether there is circulating virus to contract. You can swim in the sea and not be attacked a a great white shark or be attacked. In the North Sea you are very safe. Because you are extremely unlikely to encounter the threat. This is not random. It depends totally on the presence of a bloody shark.

Because of failure to limit the amount of virus 'out there' responsibility is being pushed to individuals. Because it was made the responsibility of individuals doing the right thing as if this would lower circulating virus. As if this would mean that they didn't contact or transmit the virus. That vaccination would be a firebreak and afford community protection. As if vaccination would stop you becoming infected despite high levels of virus and reduction in restrictions to prevent spread.

Vaccination that allows high levels of infection and transmission coupled with a reduction of non pharmacological restrictions introduced at a time of high infection levels will just keep those community levels high and at realistic worse intensify evolutionary selection pressure.

A summary of your post is that vaccination reduces risk? Both of infection and transmission.

Vaccination that allows high levels of infection and transmission coupled with a reduction of non pharmacological restrictions introduced at a time of high infection levels will just keep those community levels high and at realistic worse intensify evolutionary selection pressure.

I have seen you post this on a lot of threads - it is not true. The greater the number of people with some level of immunity, the lower risk of new variants which may be immune escape or otherwise problematic. Vaccination is not "intensifying evolutionary selection pressure".

I wouldn't feel remotely guilty about potentially giving it to the anti-vaxxer. That's entirely their choice.

I hate that this virus and the rules that have been imposed on us have made it feel as though it's our fault if we get it. I'm dreading getting it because I feel as though I'll be judged if I do. My adult DDs are super cautious and I know they'll assume that I've broken some rule somehow, or taken a risk ) that they wouldn't (like eating inside a cafe rather than outside) if I get it.

I have tried to be careful but wouldn’t be angry if I caught Covid again. I caught it last year. It is what it is.

I am annoyed at the level of complacency that has now crept in (thank you Boris) and that people who continue to take precautions are made to feel as if they are over-reacting and paranoid. I took DD to her weekly swimming lesson earlier this week. Whilst standing in the cramped unventilated changing area we were forced to queue in before the lesson, I realised I was the only person with a mask. There were dozens of adults and children squashed next to each other coughing and sneezing in the changing rooms. A few people stared at me and one woman laughed and motioned for me to take my mask off “you don’t need that any more love”.

The area I live in has one of the lowest vaccination rates and highest infection & Covid mortality rates in the entire country. It’s ridiculous.

@saraclara Agreed the first question to anyone who has it seems to be how/ where did you get with the implication to blame someone. It makes people feel nervous and irresponsible for just doing normal things or worse people will be reluctant to test or disclose their results to close contacts.

[quote SilverGlitterBaubles]@saraclara Agreed the first question to anyone who has it seems to be how/ where did you get with the implication to blame someone. It makes people feel nervous and irresponsible for just doing normal things or worse people will be reluctant to test or disclose their results to close contacts. [/quote]
Exactly! If people feel that their family members or friends are going to judge them, why will they put themselves in the firing line by being honest about their status?

I know of at least one person who admitted to deliberately not doing their LFT (that they were obliged to do for a specific purpose) properly because they were worried about being judged by and moaned at by a family member if they were positive.

The truest statement I have heard re CV was back in early March 2020 when a work colleague (and works in the field) says ‘well we’re all going to get it’ when I asked for his views.

@AlandAnna I think this is so true, we were being led to believe that by being good and following the rules we will not get Covid. However this is only effective if everyone else is doing the same thing. Now that all restrictions are lifted and there's no longer requirement for contacts to isolate, it is very much less out of our control so we are all going to encounter it at some point.

@Eastie77Returns

I have tried to be careful but wouldn’t be angry if I caught Covid again. I caught it last year. It is what it is.

I am annoyed at the level of complacency that has now crept in (thank you Boris) and that people who continue to take precautions are made to feel as if they are over-reacting and paranoid. I took DD to her weekly swimming lesson earlier this week. Whilst standing in the cramped unventilated changing area we were forced to queue in before the lesson, I realised I was the only person with a mask. There were dozens of adults and children squashed next to each other coughing and sneezing in the changing rooms. A few people stared at me and one woman laughed and motioned for me to take my mask off “you don’t need that any more love”.

The area I live in has one of the lowest vaccination rates and highest infection & Covid mortality rates in the entire country. It’s ridiculous.

It's beyond me that a random stranger would laugh and tell someone they don't need a mask anymore - where do people get off doing that?!