Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Unvacinnated family

119 replies

shellstarbarley · 25/07/2021 10:13

My SIL and family (5 kids over 18) and partner have not had the vaccine and have no intention to. My eldest nephew's partner has which caused huge rifts within the family. Anyway it is my MIL's 70th birthday soon and we would like to organise a family get together everyone else in the family is double jabbed and no one is happy inviting 7 unvacinnated people to a gathering. MIL wants to totally exclude them - it is her party so her choice really. They live in an area where it is rife at the moment. You would like to think that everyone else has been double jabbed so we shouldn't get it too badly if we do pick it up. WWYD???

OP posts:

Whathefisgoingon · 25/07/2021 12:38

I agree with your MIL.

ItsSunnyOutside · 25/07/2021 12:46

Could they not just test instead to put mil at ease?
I personally wouldn't exclude close family if they have chosen not to be vaccinated. But that's me.

I don't like this very 'us' and ' them attitude from some people at the moment.

confusedwithschool · 25/07/2021 12:54

@Remmy123

Your MIL sounds like a delight .. any vaccinated person there can give her covid just as much as the unvaccinated!!

Honestly I think people don't just get it. Seems most people believe the vaccine grants them 100percent immunity.

Your MIL can still get covid from any of the vaccinated people in there and it may still affect her

roguetomato · 25/07/2021 12:55

I think it's up to MIL to decide. It's not just difference in opinion, it carry more risk to others by not getting vaccinated. In this case, SIL and her whole family may risk MIL's health since she is older and vulnerable, her vaccine's efficacy maybe reduced even fully vaccinated. If you can't do everything they can to reduce risk for her own family, SIL needs to understand there could be a consequences.

Elys3 · 25/07/2021 12:56

Yes vaccinated people can still pass it on but they are likely to be shedding less virus. You’d get a lower dose from them so potentially a more mild illness.

toolatetooearly · 25/07/2021 13:12

Totally agree with your MIL. I wouldn't have them at my party either.

HelgaDownUnder · 25/07/2021 13:35

If she hasn't already done so, your MIL should call them and explain why she won't see them or have them at the party. I wouldn't organise a party where people were excluded for this reason, although I'd respect the wishes of some one who was vulnerable.
Barring your own child and grandchildren is a strong move, she's within her rights, but she needs to take responsibility for the decision.

ifonly4 · 25/07/2021 13:48

It's her party, her decision. Also, if everyone else is going to feel totally uncomfortable, then you have to do what you feel is best. It's their decision not to have vaccine, I understand one or two might have health issues preventing them getting it at the moment, but the rest will have to accept they'll be excluded if people can't relax around them.

FflosFfantastig · 25/07/2021 13:52

Would be much more sensible for everyone to test beforehand have a nice time and a break from thinking about Covid. But it's her party so I guess she can divide the family if she wants.

MushMonster · 25/07/2021 14:00

I am really pro-vaccine, both adults here had it, and I want my child to have it too.
But this separation (rift I would say) building between vaccinated and unvaccinated is taking me aback! I was not expecting this behaviour between families.

Flowerlane · 25/07/2021 14:07

@MushMonster

I am really pro-vaccine, both adults here had it, and I want my child to have it too. But this separation (rift I would say) building between vaccinated and unvaccinated is taking me aback! I was not expecting this behaviour between families.

I agree. Thankfully I have only seen this kind of behaviour on Mumsnet and not in real life.

Half of my family have had the vaccine and half haven’t. Everyone respects everyone’s choice. No one is being excluded from events because of their vaccination status.

If a family member or friend decided not to invite unvaccinated to a event because of our choice I would be evaluating my relationship with them going forward.

Farevalah · 25/07/2021 14:18

I'm really shocked at the attitude of some on here regarding non-vaccinated people. I wouldn't dream of excluding anyone from an event if they weren't jabbed.
Two tier society is well and truly on its way - and I've had both jabs but I'm appalled at all this.

HBGKC · 25/07/2021 14:23

OP, you said " I agree it is their choice but they will have to suffer the consequences. MIL has a few elderly vulnerable friends who she would like to attend her party and if they contracted covid from her daughter and grandchildren she wouldn't forgive herself."

IF anyone contracted Covid after this party, it wouldn't necessarily be certain from whom they caught it, unless someone else became immediately symptomatic (and even then, it's just higher odds: presumably they're not all locked up at home alone the rest of the time).

Would your MIL be able to forgive herself if it was a vaccinated person who contracted it and transmitted it to her elderly friend? Both risks are known in advance.

Her approach makes no sense.

kowari · 25/07/2021 14:30

@Farevalah

I'm really shocked at the attitude of some on here regarding non-vaccinated people. I wouldn't dream of excluding anyone from an event if they weren't jabbed. Two tier society is well and truly on its way - and I've had both jabs but I'm appalled at all this.

I am shocked too. Vaccinated people can still get it and pass it on, though the risk is reduced. I'd just ask everyone to do a LFT if I was worried.

kowari · 25/07/2021 14:31

Or if they've had a recent antibody test showing immunity then the risk is also lower isn't it?

Wellbythebloodyhell · 25/07/2021 15:06

@Farevalah

I'm really shocked at the attitude of some on here regarding non-vaccinated people. I wouldn't dream of excluding anyone from an event if they weren't jabbed. Two tier society is well and truly on its way - and I've had both jabs but I'm appalled at all this.

1000% this. Disgusting attitude to have.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 25/07/2021 15:28

Two tier society is well and truly on its way - and I've had both jabs but I'm appalled at all this.

You can be as appalled as you like, most people would prefer to be safe and to have their lives back to normal.

sleepwouldbenice · 25/07/2021 15:37

@bumbleymummy

Bit sad really. Why doesn’t she just have everyone test if she’s so worried about it? Vaccinated people could be carrying it too.

Although agree testing is an option the stats are much different between vaccinated and non You just choose to ignore this and imply differently

Tupla · 25/07/2021 15:56

I think she is being sensible, especially if she and her friends are elderly and otherwise vulnerable.

Unvaccinated doing LFTs beforehand does not make it safe as there are so many false negatives. Unvaccinated people are more likely to catch it and pass it on.

Cases are high at the moment and control measures have been dropped. A birthday party (lots of people meeting indoors, in close contact, with no masks, laughing and singing) is a perfect situation for transmission.

There was a comment about vulnerable people making their own assessment: it sounds like she has done that and decided the risk level is too high to be worth the benefits. She could always meet the unvaccinated family in different circumstances (for instance outdoors, or when cases are low, or with strict masks and distancing, without other vulnerable people around: whatever changes the assessment to a level she's comfortable with).

Good for her for protecting her friends who might be too polite to say no.

MRex · 25/07/2021 15:57

Two parties should be the best way to go. It's a bit silly to have enormous events right now anyway, and MIL can enjoy two parties twice as much as one. LFT before the one with the vulnerable people, and hold that one first. I wouldn't trust the 7 anti-vax to do LFT but just have the event with them outside and test 5 days after seeing them instead. MIL can put it as preferring two events, no need to make a fuss about vaccination status.

The only caveat is that they don't sound very nice, attacking the partner for getting jabbed. Depending on what other unpleasant traits they have, it might just be a neat excuse to leave them out.

Toty · 25/07/2021 15:59

I think organising a party for a 70 year old with lots of other oap's is a pretty stupid idea right now, since you ask.
I've just declined a family party invite where over 50% will be vulnerable, not to mention unvaxxed teens and pre schoolers. Bloody stupid idea.
Personally I'm avoiding the vaccinated, they're all behaving like they've been injected with eternal life rather than a, let's face it, not very effective vaccine.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 25/07/2021 16:10

It's not just them who will have to "suffer the consequences" your MIL will have aswell, as long as she is fine with not seeing them again then it's her decision to make. (A wise one at the moment so I dont disagree with her there but just pointing out it works both ways)

Not every vaccinated person is outright refusing to mix with unvaccinated. I dont know anyone who is asking for vaccine status before a gathering. They will not be outcasts everywhere and life will go on for both groups and in 2 years time hopefully people will have got a grip.

Twokitstwokats · 25/07/2021 21:11

If I were anxious about Covid I wouldn't be having a party. I would not treat people differently depending on their choice to be vaccinated or not.

Megasausagehead · 25/07/2021 21:27

I have said no to my anti-vax, pro-CT, likely former friend coming to my home.

I have 2 CV children and we have been taking care when out and about.

She is not vaccinated and is mixing fully. That's her choice. It isnt wrong.

My choice is not to bring her in to my home.

We are each making our own risk assessments and both have to accept any consequences. I'm ok with that.

MIL may be better having a small party with CEV and elderly friends and a larger family party, with testing.

Dancingqueens · 25/07/2021 21:29

MIL CAN STILL GET COVID FROM YOU VACCINATED PEOPLE.

Just all take a LFT TEST

Flip

1 2 3 4 5