Wedding Anti Vaxxers

[Suffolkpunch345]

I’m due to get married in the next few months and we have downsized the wedding for safety, but have just been told that some of my closest family are refusing to have the vaccine. They are coming from overseas and told me they do not wish to discuss it and they refuse to allow me to disclose this to other guests.

I have a handful of vulnerable guests including my 98 year old Grandfather and I’m just not sure I can cope with the guilt of our event being the cause someone’s demise.

I also work for the NHS so I feel a sort of moral obligation.

I support people having total autonomy over whether they have the vaccine, I just don’t want to participate in the spread.

I’m really distraught and I know that other guests would choose not to come if they knew that guests weren’t vaccinated.

I really don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated!

I am double vaccinated. I would not attend a wedding or other social circle event where I was forced to disclose private medical information.

My friend has been double vaccinated and is currently in intensive care, on oxygen, with Covid.

Testing, rather than relying on the vaccine, is the only sure way to protect your vulnerable family members.

Wouldn't be a game changers for me personally for many reasons, but to actually get into the country they'd need a negative PCR anyway. You could ask all guests (not just the unvaccinated) to take a LFT as a precautionary measure before the ceremony out of curtesy

If they’re coming from the US then they’ll have been required to do a test before traveling, a test 2 days after traveling, and if they want to get out of quarantine as quickly as possible a test 5 days after traveling, after which they can leave quarantine.

They also need to test 8 days after, and before they can fly back to the US.

They’ll be your most tested wedding guests :-)

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

If they’re coming from the US then they’ll have been required to do a test before traveling, a test 2 days after traveling, and if they want to get out of quarantine as quickly as possible a test 5 days after traveling, after which they can leave quarantine.

They also need to test 8 days after, and before they can fly back to the US.

They’ll be your most tested wedding guests :-)

The USA is on the Amber list.

And…?

No dilemma for me. Just don’t invite them.

www.gov.uk/guidance/red-amber-and-green-list-rules-for-entering-england#amber-list-rules-if-you-are-not-fully-uk-vaccinated

Amber list rules if you are not fully UK vaccinated
These rules apply if you are not fully vaccinated under the UK vaccination programme.

They also apply if you have been in France in the 10 days before you arrive in England, even if you are fully vaccinated under the UK vaccination programme.
Before travel to England
Before you travel to England you must:

take a COVID-19 test – children aged 10 and under do not need to take this test
book and pay for day 2 and day 8 COVID-19 tests – to be taken after arrival in England
complete a passenger locator form

On arrival in England
On arrival in England you must:

quarantine at home or in the place you are staying for 10 days
take a COVID-19 test on or before day 2 and on or after day 8
Read about quarantine and taking COVID-19 tests.

Children aged 4 and under do not need to take the day 2 or day 8 test.

You may be able to end quarantine early if you pay for a private COVID-19 test through the Test to Release scheme.

Are they going to quarantine? And will they have done the second test close to the wedding date?

Mind you, if it's in a few months' time, who knows what the rules will be.

Amber list is still PCR before boarding plane, test on return to UK, 5 days isolation then test to release. Or 10 days isolation. So they will be still be among the safest of your guests (assuming the are coming here for the wedding itself and won't have been here, out of isolation, for a week or more already).

Will you not also have loads of guests who have had only had one vaccine? (which is not that effective against Delta). I went to a wedding earlier this week and there were loads of guests between 20 and 30 years old. Most of those will be single vaccinated and possibly not yet vaccinated at all (34% of this age group haven't had one).

You may well also have other guests who aren't getting vaccinated for one reason or another. Or who have been vaccinated but it hasn't worked for them.

Basically, it's going to be impossible to police this. We can't assume that people wherever we go will be vaccinated. If we are worried or vulnerable, we have to make our own decisions about what is safe and take our own precautions.

@saraclara

Are they going to quarantine? And will they have done the second test close to the wedding date?

Mind you, if it's in a few months' time, who knows what the rules will be.

I’m on a couple of FB groups for Brits in the US. The vast majority who travel to the UK are getting called at least once a day to check they are quarantining and many have had random visits.

It might all change but given that cases have been going up in both UK and US I’d guess it won’t happen soon.

They can't actually refuse to let you tell people - how are they going to stop you?!

It would be grossly unreasonable if you went around telling other people their medical info that they have specifically asked you to keep private. I should think they just don't want the drama and hysterical conversations surrounding their choices and want to enjoy the wedding in peace. I get that you have got other vulnerable guests to consider, but the LFT solution is a way of achieving what you want to achieve without causing anybody unnecessary risk as well as upset through disclosure of sensitive information.

1. Uninvite

1. Will they be allowed entry from their country.

1. Isolating on arrival?

Up to you who you invite to your wedding. Up to you to look after your vulnerable family members

@FflosFfantastig

It would be grossly unreasonable if you went around telling other people their medical info that they have specifically asked you to keep private. I should think they just don't want the drama and hysterical conversations surrounding their choices and want to enjoy the wedding in peace. I get that you have got other vulnerable guests to consider, but the LFT solution is a way of achieving what you want to achieve without causing anybody unnecessary risk as well as upset through disclosure of sensitive information.

Surely the vulnerable 98 year health has priority.

For ease just don't invite them and problem sorted

Yeah I mean of course having a vulnerable 98 year old is something that needs extra care and safeguards even with people who are vaccinated. So testing is sensible all round.

I'm sure if the people in question knew of the tough time they may inevitably be in for and the risk of a breach of their personal information they'd rather not go. I know I would prefer to bow out!

Ultimately it's a wedding day. A celebration and a chance for a day of not focusing on Covid. I think testing would give everyone peace of mind so that they can just focus on a wonderful day.

So will you be asking everyone you are inviting to the wedding to isolate beforehand? Of course not.
Anyone can pass covid on as we are all aware, the easiest thing to do is ask everyone to take a test beforehand. Simple.

Up to you to look after your vulnerable family members

Testing is a much more effective way of doing that than assuming vaxxed people are all safe. They aren’t.

I wouldn't put up with that nonsense, they would NOT be invited to my wedding.

If they aren't interested in vaccines without explaining why, then I would have concerns about whether they will be indulging in risky activities that put them at higher risk of covid, and whether they would even comply with LFTs. So in that basis I'd uninvite them. I would hope anyone going to a wedding would do an LFT a few days before and on the morning anyway, but it would be useful to explicitly ask everyone who hasn't had covid within the past 90 days to do a test.

As much as I suspect these anti-vax family members are most likely obnoxious and that it may be slightly satisfying to uninvite them, I do agree with other posters that if they're going into quarantine after arriving in the U.K., getting tested, and then going straight to your wedding without any other significant exposure risks (e.g., they're not going to go out partying or visiting friends whilst they're over here post quarantine but before before attending your wedding), then they're probably the safest people at your wedding covid-wise.

Even if everyone else is vaccinated and has lateral flows, you still won't be 100% sure about them as lateral flows aren't that accurate but your anti vax guests will have been PCR'd and will have quarantined. I'd probably feel okay about it, but I do understand your stress and desire to keep your vulnerable family safe!

Withdraw the invitation now, so they are put to minimal expense. They could be refused entry given the views Mr Johnson is considering, or have to quarantine. Decisions as we have seen are made at very short notice.

Why are the family members that are unvaccinated presumed to be obnoxious?

@FflosFfantastig

Why are the family members that are unvaccinated presumed to be obnoxious?

Just applied my past experience with people like this along with what the OP described about them, and it built up a picture in my head. Maybe they're a delight who knows!

Have you let your anti-Vaxxed guests know about your concerns? It will be a lot of money and effort to come over and if you’re not sure about them they may decide to bow out and save you the decision.

They’ll most likely be the safest people there if pcr tested (vs your other guests who are only left tested and can still be asymptomatic and pass on Covid) but it won’t help them or you if you still have concerns and don’t feel comfortable. it’s a lot of money for them to spend to go somewhere they’re not really wanted so best just be honest and soon before they spend any money. Covid is really a strange situation.