I think this is it for us…

[Namechanged4thi5]

My daughter has a sniffle- she went to a children’s party only 7 kids no parents but has come back with a sniffle

Husband double jabbed but when he went to pick up he was invited into the house where he said there were other parents standing in the kitchen. He was in for about 8-9 mins but feels uncomfortable

I’m yet to be vaccinated so now I feel my times up with Covid- my husband is pretty convinced I’ll die but I starting to wobble a bit now….I don’t have anyone to talk to in to hence the reason I have to rely on mumsnet to have a rant

Have you tested your daughter yet?

What other vaccine did your dad have which led him to develop VITT? I wasn't aware it was linked with any other vaccines than the covid AZ and J&J vaccines.

Over the next few months, there will be many more covid cases, and you will be pretty likely to have some contacts, unless you all live a very distanced lifestyle. This contact I wouldn't think twice about, but I'd use this as an opportunity to decide what to do going forwards.

I would have a calm rational think about whether you prefer to seek a vaccine now, or not. Try and get some objective numbers about your risk, and some facts about the vaccines available to you.

Age 40 and healthy, your risks of being hospitalised or dying from covid are low.

If you are going to have a vaccine at some point, it would make more sense to have it now, as cases will soon go up rapidly, so you will get most benefit from it.

The chance of both you and your dh dying from covid vaccination is absolutely miniscule, you are probably at more risk travelling in a car together, if you want to have a vaccination at some point I would not delay for fear you will both die from the vaccine.

Most people with a history of allergies can have Pfizer vaccination, depending on which allergies.
Most people with a history of blood clots can have AZ vaccine.
Some centres are offering moderna vaccine, and maybe others.
If you want to have a vaccination I would check if any vaccines are definitely not ok for you, make sure the relevant info is recorded in your GP records, then book it.

So you could reasonably decide to have a vaccine now, or not have it, but I'd make a calm rational decision either way.

Also as a family you need to decide what you will all reasonably do in terms of risk. Your dh going into a party "to be polite" then coming home and saying he thinks you'll now end up on a ventilator, and you moving into the spare room, is nuts. If he thinks going inside is too risky, he needs to politely decline invitations to go in. If he chooses to go inside, he needs to maintain realism afterwards and not freak out and try and put his anxiety on you.

What will definitely be harmful to your health, your daughter and your marriage, is spending the next few months repeatedly getting horribly anxious and dh repeatedly saying you are going to die. Both covid infection and the vaccine are very unlikely to kill you, and you both really need to have a look at the numbers and make some calm decisions about what to do going forwards.

You first posts definitely said he was driving this narrative.

You infact posted this.

For the ones who are saying it’s over dramatic imagine you having to share a house with someone who reminds you everyday that I’m exposed , will end up ventilated and die your senses around risk are naturally heightened

That's not him getting it off you. That's him thing you, you will die.

You also said you don't know why he thinks that.

Either you have health anxiety but like to make out its him, to the point you make out he is abusive.

Or you are trying to back track now, because you can't face the truth about him

Still an awful situafion for your daughter to be in

wintoncentre.maths.cam.ac.uk/news/communicating-potential-benefits-and-harms-astra-zeneca-covid-19-vaccine/

This shows the risks of ICU admission in different age groups at different covid rates, against risks of blood clots from AZ (although if your history genuinely puts you at higher risk of VITT this won't apply to you).

medium.com/wintoncentre/how-much-normal-risk-does-covid-represent-4539118e1196
This is from last year, so the risks of dying from covid will be lower now, due to improved treatment. But it does explain that for most individuals the risk of dying of covid IF you catch it is not huge - by age, it's roughly your risk of dying of another cause in the next 12 months. So IF you caught covid last year, your chance of dying from it would have been roughly the chance of a 40 year old dying over a 12 month period. And covid treatment will have improved a lot since this article was written.

So your dh saying you will probably die if you catch covid is nonsense.
And also probably you can safely have a covid vaccination, and reduce your risk further.

I still don’t understand why you/ he/ both of you are so certain it would be a fatal outcome for you.

It’s such an extreme reaction given your risk is low from what you have described.

@Namechanged4thi5

Who is driving the decision for you to not be vaccinated? I wonder if its your DH? Because he can't tell you daily how much at risk you are, if you aren't at risk?

Your husband is emotionally abusive and probably using that as a tool of criminal coercive control.

You almost certainly don't have covid, but if you do, given the low risk factors you've described, you likely wouldn't even be particularly unwell, let alone hospitalised, or die.

Your husband sounds extremely unpleasant. Your mental health will improve if and when you leave this abuser.

[quote Crunchymum]@Namechanged4thi5

Who is driving the decision for you to not be vaccinated? I wonder if its your DH? Because he can't tell you daily how much at risk you are, if you aren't at risk?[/quote]
This, exactly. Lockdown is over, the abusers need to innovate in order to retain that heightened level of fear and control.

he has always told me that I will die or end up in a ventilator if I get it and I’ve begun to believe it..

If my DH told me that every day he'd be the one needing the ventilator 😡

I hope to God your DD doesn't pick up on any of this nonsense.

I genuinely feel sorry for those that live in fear like this.

@Crunchymum no one is driving the decision to not get vaccinated/ it’s only around who gets vaccinated first and I made the decision for my husband to have the vaccine first as I feel ill end up I some kind of a trouble.

Saw a post earlier about an op who is struggling with severe migraine and that could be me as I suffer from migraine

Gosh this is extreme!
Your daughter has a cold.
I would enquire about vaccines if you have reactions and blood clots. I have both of those things, and I've been told up until now , from January when I was first offered it (as I'm CEV but I didn't bother shielding l) that I can't have it.

I've had covid and it was very mild but I've wanted to get the vaccine as I work with vulnerable children.

I've finally nagged my Dr and they've refered me to the allergy clinic at the hospital to see if they will vaccinate me. You could ask for that if you wanted. Maybe they won't let me have it and so be it but at least I've asked.

I'm more concerned for you how you get through the day worrying this much about something so unlikely. You and your DH need help for your anxiety.

@YarnOver thank you - I did ask my GP if I could have a blood test which might potentially highlight if I might have issues - he was reluctant and kept fobbing the conversation off.

I didn’t know about the allergy clinic- will ring the gp again and request that I be referred

[quote Namechanged4thi5]@YarnOver thank you - I did ask my GP if I could have a blood test which might potentially highlight if I might have issues - he was reluctant and kept fobbing the conversation off.

I didn’t know about the allergy clinic- will ring the gp again and request that I be referred[/quote]
Well that's just for where I live, I can't speak for the whole country. But as the NHS would like people to be vaccinated I would imagine that it's possible in many places.

Whilst you're on the phone to the GP I would strongly strongly consider asking for help with anxiety as that is more the issue here, not covid.

If you dont want to risk COVID OP you need to get vaccinated. I agree you need help w your anxiety because your reasoning is bizarre.

There is no one blood test that can show if a vaccine will be safe for you unfortunately. And referrals to the allergy clinic take months so this is just another form of prevarication.

Are you actually allergic to any of the vaccine ingredients? I'm allergic to all sorts of things and it wasnt an issue as none of them are in the vaccine.

@Namechanged4thi5

I think the party and her sniffle are not connected however the reason the party was mentioned was due to the fact that my husband ended up exposing himself to a group of parents. They invited the parents in when they went to collect the children which wasn’t mentioned/ it was meant to be a drop and go party

For the ones who are saying it’s over dramatic imagine you having to share a house with someone who reminds you everyday that I’m exposed , will end up ventilated and die your senses around risk are naturally heightened…

That could be what is driving my panic…

His behaviour is either

1. a sign of him having a serious mental illness which needs addressing

2. an abusive way of controlling your behaviour and manipulating you

Which is it and what are you going to do about it?

The op says he felt her had to stand with the other parents to be polite...well if I was entirely convinced my partner was definitely going to die because of that action, I'd probably think, sod politeness!

*he had to

He was invited in out of the blue and he couldn’t have said no I’m staring right here on your door step

Out of interest, why was he unable to say no?
Is he a "people-pleaser" as well as everything else?

"Would you like to come inside?"
"That's very kind, but I would prefer to wait out here".

Would the hosts have forcibly dragged him into the house?

is he a "people-pleaser" as well as everything else

I'm a people pleaser but if I truly 100% believed it would cause the death of my spouse, I'd give it a miss

@missmopple

He was invited in out of the blue and he couldn’t have said no I’m staring right here on your door step

Out of interest, why was he unable to say no?
Is he a "people-pleaser" as well as everything else?

"Would you like to come inside?"
"That's very kind, but I would prefer to wait out here".

Would the hosts have forcibly dragged him into the house?

I'm guessing he went in because he wanted to go in. Enjoys a drink and a chat while his terrified wife is cowering at home thinking she's going to die.

You are a victim of project fear.

The only way to keep those genuinely at risk (the elderly and CEV) as safe as possible has been to allow the general public to think they are more at risk than they actually are.

Now that most of those groups are double vaccinated the government will start to roll back on the doom mongering.

You are very unlikely to die of covid. You are under 40, with a normal BMI and I assume, no heart or lung problems.

Even if you are in an ethnic minority, you are unlikely to die.

Staggering the vaccines given your family history sounds sensible, but assuming you will die because your daughter has a runny nose and not even confirmed to have covid, is unreasonable.

Get her tested, to ease your peace of mind, and get yourself vaccinated now that DH is. Xx

There's project fear and then there's sitting in a separate room of your house genuinely believing you are just waiting to die from covid despite neither you nor anyone in your house testing positive for it..

What have I just read !!!!!!!!!