Web of lies. What will I do :(

[Louby08]

I haven’t yet had my second vaccine. I’m too frightened.
I don’t mean “a bit” I mean that I am literally not capable of going to get the vaccine through fear.

My anxiety is so severe I have now been referred to secondary mental health care.

Everyone at work has had one of two vaccines and a few people have had two.

I’m under 40 and really want an alternative to AZ but can’t get one.
I had the vaccine early due to BMI (which I have now reduced)

I’ve lied to my colleagues and several friends to tell them I am fully vaccinated.
I just know if I tell them I’m too scared to get my second dose they will not understand.

How am I going to get around this?
What happens when I can’t do certain things because I’m not fully vaccinated? What happens if my employer asks for proof of vaccination?

I’m in such a mess.

Also. I have an appointment booked for 5pm today for my second dose but I just know I won’t have it 😭

Loads of people could be lying, the vaccine is not mandatory. Just change the subject if anyone brings it up.

Get it whenever you are ready and good luck with you mental health appointment.

Why don't you go to the appt and ask for an alterative to AZ and they might be able to give info about how to go about this?
Apologies if this isn't how it works in your area.
It's how it works in mine.
Queues for AZ are much shorter but you can get Pfizer if you're under 40.

*alternative

www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/jun/20/get-ready-to-scroll-three-graphs-to-help-you-make-sense-of-the-astrazeneca-vaccine-risk

The statistics for this are Australia-based, and you might have to give your browser permission to display external content, but it is visual and a helpful way of putting risks into perspective if you're anxious about AZ.

I am anxious generally, and was very very worried about being vaccinated, but in the end was more worried about getting covid so that worry won out in the end.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction

Why don't you go to the appt and ask for an alterative to AZ and they might be able to give info about how to go about this? Apologies if this isn't how it works in your area. It's how it works in mine. Queues for AZ are much shorter but you can get Pfizer if you're under 40.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction

I can’t have an alternative as I’ve already had my first dose of AZ.

I’ve asked my GP and also contacted the CCG, I’ve been told mixing isn’t allowed.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. If you had your vaccine in group 6 it was probably over 40. Well done on getting it down but unless it is well under 30 you're probably still far more at risk of getting blood clots if you get covid than you are from getting dose 2 of AZ. However I suspect your anxiety is at such a level that all the logic in the world will not help.
Don't worry about other people, do what is right for you, but objectively, you are likely much better getting the second dose than not. However if that's at the cost of your mental health, it's not worth it.
Good luck, whatever choice you make.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction

but in the end was more worried about getting covid so that worry won out in the end.

I’m honestly equally as anxious about both, so either way I’m living in fear.
It’s awful.

I was pretty anxious; too. I had a blood clot reaction to my first, had a Pfizer trial organised for my second, turned up three times and none of the clinics could give it. Then I got pregnant, so needed Pfizer, but can’t be on the trial. And last week the CCG said the government wasn’t authorising mixing the vaccines anymore unless you’re under very specific circumstances. My blood clot wasn’t severe enough to count.

I decided I didn’t want to live in anxious limbo anymore and had it last Thursday. They were lovely to me; and I had no side effects from the second - the first was brutal. I felt calmer as soon as it was done, because I couldn’t do anything about it anymore.

I’d encourage you to go at 5pm, if you can. Or maybe move it forward? I had a 9:10am appointment so I couldn’t spend the day talking myself out of it.

If you really can’t go, come clean to everyone that you haven’t had your second dose. Do it via message/email if that’s easier.

Right now you’re stuck in a storm of the worst of all angles. You’re worrying about Covid rates because you’re not vaccinated. You’re worrying about vaccine reactions. You’re worried about being found out for lying about it.

Taking a step and accepting it makes so much of it fall away, honestly. And I’ve had to make the call without anxiety medication, because of aforementioned pregnancy. It’s not easy

I will say that I told them at every point that I was scared, and they took great care of me, and the injection was smaller and much better placed than my first was, too. And also that if taking someone with you would help, a friend did that - it meant they could chat and distract her a bit, which she said really helped.

If you're not going to attend for your vaccine please cancel as someone else will be delighted to have it.

i knew someone who was allowed to have the vaccine lying down to reduce the fear

@AbsolutelyPatsy

i knew someone who was allowed to have the vaccine lying down to reduce the fear

@AbsolutelyPatsy

It’s not having the vaccine that frightens me.
It’s the risk of a blood clot from AZ.

I had my second vaccine this morning. The people were lovely, they allowed DH to come in with me, told me to take off my mask to make me more comfortable and a nurse held my hand. I was also able to lie down to have it.

Sorry, cross post

the risk of a blood clot is lower than the risk of a blood clot from being on the pill.

It’s not having the vaccine that frightens me.
It’s the risk of a blood clot from AZ

There isn’t really a risk with the second dose. You have done the hard part having the first one

There's no point trying to rationalise with the OP who is clearly very anxious.

You can quote all the statistics you like about 1 in a million or whatever but the OP's anxiety has her convinced that she will be the one in a million who will get a blood clot and it will kill her. And on the flip side, if she does'nt have the vaccine, she'll get Covid and that will kill her too.

Now we all KNOW that she's irrational and anxious and making zero sense. But to her it all makes perfect sense and we're all minimising, or lying, or unaware of what she perceives as very real dangers.

Reassurance doesn't work.

All you can do @Louby08 is to keep engaging with your GP and the mental health team, tell them how badly you are suffering. Forget about the vaccine - get your mental health under control first.

the risk of a blood clot is lower than the risk of a blood clot from being on the pill.

Whilst that's true of the general population, it's not true for some women aged 40 and under. The risk to a woman aged under 40 is about the same for both, and a larger lady would not be offered the combined pill because of that risk.

Please be careful quoting statistics without understanding how they relate to individuals. If you looked at the risk of death or serious harm from covid, it's incredibly low for the general population, but very high for certain groups.

Changing vaccine for the second dose is not an option; you need TWO of the same brand ; the second completes the process. So no DR is going to give you a different second one. They can't.

You've had one AZ with no problems so the second will be fine.

Just keep you appt, TELL THEM you're nervous and they will reassure you and calm you down.

The trick with anxiety problems is to work out how you're going to manage it and get past it.   Doing that will hugely boost your confidence and  help you to LIVE  WITH  your issues.

 Get some props. Take a friend to wait outside for you. .   Carry worry beads to fidget with.   Keep a small paper bag in your bag, and use it to breathe in and out of whenever  you feel  very tense or breathless.  Try Bach's Rescue Remedy ( totally safe, amazingly effective).  Write a little script card and keep it in your bag; size of a business card; it says "  I'm   feeling really anxious/panicky  and just need a minute to  calm down; bear with me I'll be fine in a minute".   Show it when you  need to ( doctors appt, for example) .

When I went for my first vaccine one of the nurse helpers seen the anxiety in my eyes and rushed me to the front of the queue.

My second I was anxious again but had it in a drive through.

I suffer terribly with anxiety but the fear of getting Covid outweighed getting the vaccine, just try push through that anxiety take a diazepam if you have one.

@DiaryofWimpyMumm

When I went for my first vaccine one of the nurse helpers seen the anxiety in my eyes and rushed me to the front of the queue.

My second I was anxious again but had it in a drive through.

I suffer terribly with anxiety but the fear of getting Covid outweighed getting the vaccine, just try push through that anxiety take a diazepam if you have one.

@DiaryofWimpyMumm

It’s not just having it done. Sure I can get it done, infact that would be the easiest part.
The hardest part will be living for the best for weeks petrified I’ve got a blood clot and I’m going to die.

I don’t even know how I will manage at work with such anxiety.
I don’t have any hobbies so nothing to take my mind off of the worry.
I will just sit and wait for symptoms to start or sit and worry they are starting.

It will be absolute hell for me and I just don’t think I can put myself through that.

**The hardest part will be living for the next four weeks

You can get a mixed vaccine but only for exceptional circumstances. It is not something that is allowed purely for anxiety especially as you were ok with your first vaccine.
How did you cope with the first vaccine emotionally? Or did you just cope better because there was less known about the clotting issue.
Suffering with anxiety myself I would say read lots and lots about long Covid rather than obsessively reading about AZ. You are not going to avoid your anxiety but you need to balance your information imput so it is less biased. You are focusing very much on one possible outcome and not balancing it against any other possible outcomes.
With the Delta variant escalating the numbers so quickly I think you should at least make a plan to just go to the 5pm appt with the aim of talking to someone and see how it unfolds.
Also you can ask to see the GP when you go to the clinic and they will talk your fears through, and will be very reassuring.
I think focus less on living a lie with your work colleagues and more on real protection for your health.

@RaspberryCoulis

There's no point trying to rationalise with the OP who is clearly very anxious.

You can quote all the statistics you like about 1 in a million or whatever but the OP's anxiety has her convinced that she will be the one in a million who will get a blood clot and it will kill her. And on the flip side, if she does'nt have the vaccine, she'll get Covid and that will kill her too.

Now we all KNOW that she's irrational and anxious and making zero sense. But to her it all makes perfect sense and we're all minimising, or lying, or unaware of what she perceives as very real dangers.

Reassurance doesn't work.

All you can do @Louby08 is to keep engaging with your GP and the mental health team, tell them how badly you are suffering. Forget about the vaccine - get your mental health under control first.

THIS

@CaraherEIL

You can get a mixed vaccine but only for exceptional circumstances. It is not something that is allowed purely for anxiety especially as you were ok with your first vaccine. How did you cope with the first vaccine emotionally? Or did you just cope better because there was less known about the clotting issue. Suffering with anxiety myself I would say read lots and lots about long Covid rather than obsessively reading about AZ. You are not going to avoid your anxiety but you need to balance your information imput so it is less biased. You are focusing very much on one possible outcome and not balancing it against any other possible outcomes. With the Delta variant escalating the numbers so quickly I think you should at least make a plan to just go to the 5pm appt with the aim of talking to someone and see how it unfolds. Also you can ask to see the GP when you go to the clinic and they will talk your fears through, and will be very reassuring. I think focus less on living a lie with your work colleagues and more on real protection for your health.

@CaraherEIL

I got my first dose the day the EU reported cases.

I didn’t worry as at the time there wasn’t much of an issue.

It was only over the following weeks that more cases were reported including in the UK, that I started to become concerned.

Other countries are offering an alternative for second doses and I really thought the UK would do that too so I just put it out of my mind.

Then 4 weeks before my second dose was due, it was announced that AZ would no longer be given to my age groups.

I’m 14 weeks past my first dose now. I’m worrying that I’ve left it too long.

What if my body thinks it’s the first dose again and the blood clot risk is higher?