Web of lies. What will I do :(

[Louby08]

I haven’t yet had my second vaccine. I’m too frightened.
I don’t mean “a bit” I mean that I am literally not capable of going to get the vaccine through fear.

My anxiety is so severe I have now been referred to secondary mental health care.

Everyone at work has had one of two vaccines and a few people have had two.

I’m under 40 and really want an alternative to AZ but can’t get one.
I had the vaccine early due to BMI (which I have now reduced)

I’ve lied to my colleagues and several friends to tell them I am fully vaccinated.
I just know if I tell them I’m too scared to get my second dose they will not understand.

How am I going to get around this?
What happens when I can’t do certain things because I’m not fully vaccinated? What happens if my employer asks for proof of vaccination?

I’m in such a mess.

Perhaps you would rather be in my family member's situation- no underlying conditions, in hospital due to Covid for 12 months. His teenage children and wife have been to hell and back.

He might never walk again.

You have a choice to obey irrational, nonsensical anxiety or to do the right thing by yourself, your family, your work colleague, society and the nhs and just get vaccinated. You can deal with the anxiety afterwards.

@irritableshark

You have a choice to obey irrational, nonsensical anxiety or to do the right thing by yourself, your family, your work colleague, society and the nhs and just get vaccinated. You can deal with the anxiety afterwards

I’m guessing you have never suffered with anxiety or any other mental health conditions?

People like you are part of the problem when it comes to the very poor understanding of MH.

@3luckystars

Loads of people could be lying, the vaccine is not mandatory. Just change the subject if anyone brings it up.

Get it whenever you are ready and good luck with you mental health appointment.

This!

What did you do in the end, OP? Are you at the vaccination centre or were you unable to go through with it?

I hope that you can get support with your mental health soon.

I already declared that I suffer from anxiety. In fact Health Anxiety and ocd is a specific feature of my anxiety. However, I can recognise when my mental health can effect others detrimentally and I make sure I can be as unselfish as possible. Furthermore, having seen the horrendous illness my relative has suffered and the impact on his family, I'd far rather take my chances with the vaccine. Nothing, absolutely nothing could ever come close to scaring me than what I have witnessed.

Tbh if your response to my mentioning my family trauma is to lash out instead of showing compassion or self reflection, I'm guessing unselfishness is not your strong point.

I'm muting this thread now. Do what you want.

Really fucking unhelpful post.

Not nearly as unhelpful as your response to it.

That post clearly explained the way that OP (and others) are feeling and why.

I'd probably not say so much that they are witholding data but rather than they are not giving as much info as possibly they could do about people who have had these reactions to the vaccine. (see @ProfMakris if you want an actual expert opinion on this though).

I'd also not say so much that OP should never have been given the vaccine (because the risks are clearly much lower than the risks from COVID) but that she should have had the choice (and should now have the choice of a second dose of Pfizer as many other countries are doing - Canada, Germany, Denmark etc).

Otherwise fairly much spot on.

@Notthemessiah, I disagree. Deliberately feeding the OP's anxiety when she is clearly struggling enough already is fucking unhelpful. Saying that she shouldn't have been given a jab that she has already had is fucking unhelpful. Claiming that data is being withheld as if this is all part of some big conspiracy is fucking unhelpful.

The OP has already had the first AZ jab, she can't change that. Current rules don't allow her to mix vaccines, so she is left with two choices - have the second AZ jab or choose not to be fully vaccinated. She needs to weigh up the risks between these two choices, the rest is irrelevant.

Op I think I recognise you from your other threads, I really hope you managed to get your jag tonight.
I'm glad you're getting more help but it doesn't look like anything anyone will say will convince you, it must be awful to still be feeling like this

Nobody on here can help you with your extreme anxiety. Glad you're getting help. This is a result of the media frenzy. I'm sure deep down you know this is irrational and there are far greater risks surrounding us every day. Good luck with your treatment

I was extremely anxious about the second jab too. I had unusual bruising on my leg (two separate areas). I was getting very tense (Continual headaches) and cancelled two appointments for the second jab. I spoke to my GP who ran blood tests and whilst my cbc was slightly lower than normal.. All other tests were Satisfactory. I took the plunge last Monday and had the second AZ jab 16 weeks after the first and Im feeling so much more relaxed.

Its a horrible situation to be in but I could not continue handling the stress of knowing I needed the second jab so I just booked the appointment for the following day after I'd had the blood tests.

You've had a lot of threads now @Louby08, I'm sorry to see you're still struggling so much and feeling dreadful. It's great that you have a mental health referral and well done on taking that step. It won't help to keep going in circles with fear about covid nor the vaccine, if the vaccine feels like a good decision then turn up at a walk-in and if not, wait until you get help to know your own mind and what you really want to do. What you need to do next is just to see those mental health professionals and take their advice about how to start moving forward. If you're struggling in the meantime, you can call MIND helpline tomorrow: www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/useful-contacts/ or the AnxietyUK helpline: www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/helpline-email-text-live-chat-services/, or call the Samaritans if you need help tonight on 116123.

In response to your actual question, “what will you do”, does your job require you to have the jab? if so then you need to tell your employers. Also if there are certain aspects you can’t do because you aren’t fully vaccinated they have to know. I also believe you should tell your friends and colleagues you have lied, they may not understand, they may be supportive but lying isn’t helping anyone.

[quote AlexaShutUp]@Notthemessiah, I disagree. Deliberately feeding the OP's anxiety when she is clearly struggling enough already is fucking unhelpful. Saying that she shouldn't have been given a jab that she has already had is fucking unhelpful. Claiming that data is being withheld as if this is all part of some big conspiracy is fucking unhelpful.

The OP has already had the first AZ jab, she can't change that. Current rules don't allow her to mix vaccines, so she is left with two choices - have the second AZ jab or choose not to be fully vaccinated. She needs to weigh up the risks between these two choices, the rest is irrelevant.[/quote]
None of that is feeding the OP's anxiety - they have already obviously done their own research and anyway none of what PP said is untrue (though as I said earlier, maybe not the way I would personally have phrased some of it).

Being in the same position, I actually find it helpful to know that there is a rational reason for at least some of the anxiety I feel and that some of my concerns are justified. That way I can tell myself that my fear isn't totally ridiculous and irrational and then try and use that to build a more rational case for having the vaccine regardless (because as you rightly say, what's done is done).

Please don't take this the wrong way as you obviously mean well, but when you say that OP needs to 'weigh up the risks', it indicates to me that you really don't fully understand how they are thinking or how people with this specific kind of anxiety operate.

Please don't take this the wrong way as you obviously mean well, but when you say that OP needs to 'weigh up the risks', it indicates to me that you really don't fully understand how they are thinking or how people with this specific kind of anxiety operate.

My mother has had crippling health anxiety for as long as I can remember, so I know exactly how it operates. I also struggle with anxiety myself, and I was really worried about getting the second dose of the vaccine - not least because I managed to convince myself that I had a blood clot after the first. The only way I am able to deal with it personally is to try and step back from my anxiety and look at the data. Of course this isn't always possible for people, because the fear clouds your rational mind, but when it's one fear pitted against another fear, then there is indeed a weighing up process that needs to happen. There is no way that I would have gone for my second jab if I hadn't spent the best part of the last 15 months convinced that covid was going to kill me. And it helped me enormously to know that it was a finite period of worry with the vaccine, unlike my fear of covid that would go indefinitely.

It is very difficult but not impossible for people with severe anxiety to engage rational thought processes to help them manage their condition, especially if they are supported in doing so. Even my mum, who has a history of blood clots on top of her existing anxiety, was eventually persuaded by the data, and she is now very glad that she had it.

I guess my point is that there are risks either way. It's not as simple as the OP being anxious about the vaccine because she is anxious about covid too. She needs to realise that she is going to have to make a choice about which one of those is going to cause her more anxiety in the long run. And that doing nothing is making a choice by default.

Fair enough then and sorry for implying otherwise. I suppose we all deal with our fears in different ways.

I have yet to have the second dose (should have had it a week ago) because no matter how much I tell myself that the odds are in my favour, I know that the four or so weeks afterwards will be absolute misery. There is something about actively choosing to do that to myself rather than passively accepting the risks of COVID (though it's hard to explain why) that is really hard to work past.

What is worse is other people pointing out information that I already know (as if I'm some kind of idiot or conspiracy nut) or worse still, incorrect information as we've seen from some posters here (no deaths from blood clots after the second dose for example).

I think in the end the OP here wants a hand hold and to have her genuine concerns recognised (because they are genuine). There really isn't a lot more anyone can do because the rest is totally up to her (and it's a horrible position to have put yourself in).

I recognise you from other threads,OP - I hope you get the necessary help for your mental health (of which vaccine extreme a ixeity is a symptom)

I have yet to have the second dose (should have had it a week ago) because no matter how much I tell myself that the odds are in my favour, I know that the four or so weeks afterwards will be absolute misery. There is something about actively choosing to do that to myself rather than passively accepting the risks of COVID (though it's hard to explain why) that is really hard to work past.

Yes, I totally understand that. It helped me to keep reminding myself that inaction is also an active choice iyswim.

I had my first jab at around the time when the blood clot issue first started being discussed seriously, and I spent the four weeks after my jab feeling terrified that I would get a blood clot, to the extent that I actually convinced myself that I had one at one point. I was ridiculously grateful to have had the vaccine on the one hand, after being scared stiff of covid for a year, but I was incredibly anxious about the potential side effects. I anticipated a similar level of fear after the second jab, and asked for advice at the vaccination centre about what to look out for. That was just over a week ago, and weirdly, I haven't really worried about it this time. Maybe because the delta variant is quite prevalent in our area and I've been worried about that? Or maybe because the jab is done now and the decision has been taken out of my hands? I have surprised myself to be honest. Perhaps you might find the same?

Did you get it done?

Do you take the pill? As blood clots have higher risk with it and everyone o l ow takes it abs never had a prob

You can do this, mind over matter

There would've be no point Jacob the first if you don't have the second, you need protecting so don't end up in ICU.

Hand hold, we will help you through the next few weeks I promise

@Louby08

I haven’t yet had my second vaccine. I’m too frightened. I don’t mean “a bit” I mean that I am literally not capable of going to get the vaccine through fear.

My anxiety is so severe I have now been referred to secondary mental health care.

Everyone at work has had one of two vaccines and a few people have had two.

I’m under 40 and really want an alternative to AZ but can’t get one.
I had the vaccine early due to BMI (which I have now reduced)

I’ve lied to my colleagues and several friends to tell them I am fully vaccinated.
I just know if I tell them I’m too scared to get my second dose they will not understand.

How am I going to get around this?
What happens when I can’t do certain things because I’m not fully vaccinated? What happens if my employer asks for proof of vaccination?

I’m in such a mess.

If you are too worried just don't have the pigging vaccine. The clot risk is likely to be less than most your every day activities if young. They don't cause hospital treatment and are treated at home with medication for a percentage of people. The fatality risk from clots is very tiny and even more so now we know how to treat them. Pfizer has a higher fatality rate than AZ per dose if you look at data from Europe. So you would be no better off with a different vaccine. The delta variant is causing more cases. So covid is the biggest fatality risk to you now or could easily be in a couple of weeks. However you choice don't have the vaccine if the worry of it is to much for you. Make a decision quickly then just get on with your life.

I hope you went for it. If you have a child in nursery and you are going work the risk of covid is far higher than than the vaccine side effects surely. Covid causes clots and more.

No. I didn’t have it.

I went and actually went inside.I just couldn’t have it.

It was as if I was being injected with euthanasia..
that’s the level of fear I felt.. . Awful awful awful.

I’ve been working through the pandemic so my risk has always been high.

The Dr at the vaccination centre was so lovely and so understanding.

He told me to take some time and work on my mental health.
He reassured me that although I’m not fully vaccinated, the first dose will still offer me protection against severe disease.

He’s told me that I can go to the vaccination centre without an appointment and told me when he will be there, so I can go and turn up when I’m feeling ready and without the pressure of an appointment!!! (It’s only a small vaccination place, in a supermarket car park, 4 vaccinators!!)

I tried to have it, I really did.

God knows when I will do it.

I’m feeling awful again tonight. I don’t want to be here anymore.
I’m not suicidal. I don’t want to die or harm myself. I just don’t want to be here. 😓

Well done for at least getting yourself to the vaccination centre, OP. I think that in itself was quite an achievement. It must have taken a lot of strength.

The doctor sounds absolutely lovely. It's brilliant that you have the option of going back if and when you feel ready.

Thanks. I’m logging out and going to focus on getting myself well.

I’ve spent far too much time on here scaring myself too much 😓

Good luck, OP. I hope you feel better soon.

Well done for trying.
That took courage.