Web of lies. What will I do :(

[Louby08]

I haven’t yet had my second vaccine. I’m too frightened.
I don’t mean “a bit” I mean that I am literally not capable of going to get the vaccine through fear.

My anxiety is so severe I have now been referred to secondary mental health care.

Everyone at work has had one of two vaccines and a few people have had two.

I’m under 40 and really want an alternative to AZ but can’t get one.
I had the vaccine early due to BMI (which I have now reduced)

I’ve lied to my colleagues and several friends to tell them I am fully vaccinated.
I just know if I tell them I’m too scared to get my second dose they will not understand.

How am I going to get around this?
What happens when I can’t do certain things because I’m not fully vaccinated? What happens if my employer asks for proof of vaccination?

I’m in such a mess.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn

Stop and think about it. 4 deaths. Out of almost 43 million people who've been vaccinated.

4 deaths just from the second dose, second dose is 17.7m

OP, the risks of a clot after the second dose are really tiny. Your risk from covid is significantly higher, that's why you were given your first jab early.

I know that the stats won't help because your anxiety overrides everything, but I think it's helpful to keep reminding yourself that the evidence is definitely in favour of you having the second jab. Especially given that the delta variant seems to double your risk of being hospitalised while reducing the efficacy of your first jab.

I know you're really scared about living with the anxiety for the four weeks after the jab, but does it help to think that any post-jab anxiety would only be for a finite period, whereas the anxiety that you'll feel if you don't have the second jab will go on indefinitely? At least with the jab, there would be an end to it?

It's good that your DH is willing to go with you this afternoon. If you can just get yourself to the vaccination centre, you might find that you'll be able to go through with it. And once it's done, you'll just need to get yourself through the next few weeks. And you might surprise yourself by worrying about it less than you expect.

Anxiety is really paralysing. Don't judge yourself for how you feel because it isn't easy to just switch it off, but try if you can to take a step back and look at the cold hard facts. You are definitely better off fully vaccinated. I hope that you manage to get it done.

@CousinKrispy

Someday you'll look back at this time and be relieved it's over and you're feeling better.

How is this ever going go be over.
I will always have to live unvaccinated and in fear of Covid.

Unless I catch Covid and I’m luck enough to not die. Then I might feel a bit better about things.

[quote Louby08]@CousinKrispy

Someday you'll look back at this time and be relieved it's over and you're feeling better.

How is this ever going go be over.
I will always have to live unvaccinated and in fear of Covid.

Unless I catch Covid and I’m luck enough to not die. Then I might feel a bit better about things.[/quote]
The only way of making it over is to get the jab, OP. Once you get past that initial risk period (in which the risk is actually miniscule though I know it doesn't feel that way) you will be able to relax. That's the way out.

OP you keep posting aboutyour situation on here, keep getting the same reassurances, same replies, same links - and none of it helps. Engage w your mental health team, forget about mumsnet.com and social media in general for a bit. You are using them to feed your anxiety and it's starting to feel like an addict getting their fix.

You've done really well so far, you've got through the time between the last dose and this one, despite the panic and the emerging news. You know you can't rationalise with anxiety so see if not trying to helps. If you get the second dose you'll panic for four weeks, it will be awful, but nothing will happen other than you'll be anxious and if you don't get it you'll continue to be anxious anyway. I get really anxious too and recently I've just been trying to accept my thoughts rather than banish them. Two hours isn't going to be long to see if this helps, but instead of thinking "stop thinking about blood clots..." Instead think "its a valid worry, I can be worried" give yourself permission to panic and after a while your brain might realise its no longer getting the reaction it wants.

And catching COVID isnt a cure for health anxiety so it wont help at all. You'll either still worry or transfer your worry onto something else. The only way out is to treat the anxiety.

What's the rational being ok with the Pfizer vaccine and not the AstraZeneca? Could you start there with the logic as to why you feel the way you do?

You could a try a Neurofeedback course to help with your anxiety.

I have a blood clot right now just FYI. It's not a death sentence.

4 deaths just from the second dose, second dose is 17.7m

As a percentage that is less than 0.00002%

All the jabs have a tiny chance of a blood clot, you just have to take an anticoagulant

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

What's the rational being ok with the Pfizer vaccine and not the AstraZeneca? Could you start there with the logic as to why you feel the way you do?

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

VIIT is not associated with Pfizer or Moderna.
It is with AZ.

I've had COVID-19. I've had 2 x AZ. I recommend the AZ.

@WindFlower92

I think a previous poster put it well - in the next 4 weeks you'll be a ball of anxiety anyway, but if you get the jab that ball will go away after 4 weeks. If you don't, then it will stay. All this anxiety and you could get hit by a bus in 4 weeks and 1 day anyway!

No it won't go away.

Not until the underlying issues are dealt with. If it's not the jab or actually getting Covid, it'll be something else. Thinking it's just going to go away on its own is so naive.

Sounds awful op. I would encourage you to wait until you have done some work with your mh team.
Don’t put yourself through it without support. You don’t have to. You also don’t have to tell colleagues anything that you don’t want to.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction

Why don't you go to the appt and ask for an alterative to AZ and they might be able to give info about how to go about this? Apologies if this isn't how it works in your area. It's how it works in mine. Queues for AZ are much shorter but you can get Pfizer if you're under 40.

Unfortunately you can not mix the vaccines at present unless you are part of the trial.

OP you’ve got all the same unhelpful replies as last time. People comparing it to the pill, saying things like ‘one in a million’ or that it’s no different from Pfizer. It’s not their fault (though they shouldn’t quote invented stats on health matters) but people really don’t know about this issue or understand it. AstraZeneca is banned in OP’s age group in most other countries. In most other countries where some younger people were jabbed before that ban - they are being offered a different second vaccine, which they aren’t in this country. It’s a horrible situation to be in and has the added bonus of people telling you you are stupid, irrational and ungrateful.

OP should never have been given this vaccine. And now that she has, she is owed the data that is currently being withheld about who has this type of catastrophic blood clot (no, not a generic blood clot) after the second dose. They are denying people an informed decision.

@Funfortheroad

OP you’ve got all the same unhelpful replies as last time. People comparing it to the pill, saying things like ‘one in a million’ or that it’s no different from Pfizer. It’s not their fault (though they shouldn’t quote invented stats on health matters) but people really don’t know about this issue or understand it. AstraZeneca is banned in OP’s age group in most other countries. In most other countries where some younger people were jabbed before that ban - they are being offered a different second vaccine, which they aren’t in this country. It’s a horrible situation to be in and has the added bonus of people telling you you are stupid, irrational and ungrateful.

OP should never have been given this vaccine. And now that she has, she is owed the data that is currently being withheld about who has this type of catastrophic blood clot (no, not a generic blood clot) after the second dose. They are denying people an informed decision.

Really fucking unhelpful post.

OP are you the same person who keeps posting about AZ and Covid, being back at work after maternity and have a young child whose recently started nursery? If so you have started so many threads about this, I'm really not sure what they're doing for you, you'll have been told the same things over and over again, I'm glad you've been referred but I really think something needs escalating, this isn't healthy and I'm concerned these threads are only going to make you worse.

How is this ever going go be over.
I will always have to live unvaccinated and in fear of Covid.

In one hours time you could be vaccinated, then you can choose to worry yourself sick over it for the next month or not but you'll have had it like millions of others and will probably be just fine. I volunteer at a vaccine centre and have seen some truly terrified people come forward and have their vaccine, I applaud them overcoming their fear - be one of those people this afternoon OP.

You have posted all this before. Lots of people trying hard to help. Not sure there is anything to add except if you'd had your second dose 4 weeks ago you would now be free of all the worry.

OP, I recognize your writing style and your fears from earlier posts.

I'm really glad you're getting mental health care. You know, I hope, that this is an irrational fear. You are far more than four times as likely to be struck by lightning than you are to die of a blood clot from the vaccine.

But you've been posting here for a long time, with no resolution. Please take the mental health care seriously. I wish you the best.

(And that's just based on 4 in 17.7 million that you mentioned above--I haven't queried those numbers.)

Are there any no questions asked clinics/ events near you? Can you go there? I had a friend volunteering at one yesterday and they were giving pfizer.