There's been some really interesting and reasoned posts on this thread that I've really appreciated reading, especially @RedToothBrush @winched among others.
The issue of distrust resulting from white coat syndrome, in turn resulting from bad experiences, is one I personally relate to very much.
I'm extremely vaccine hesitant, and reading some of the posts discussing this specific aspect of the reasons for hesitancy really struck a chord with me.
Trying to be succinct, but I'm not even middle aged yet and I've had so, so many negative experiences in medical settings that it's simply ridiculous to me to think I can possibly trust anyone in the medical profession. Yes, there have been a handful of kind professionals who've clearly known their stuff. But the majority, to me, have been dismissive, condescending, far more concerned about hospital/facility policy than care for the individual, and very satisfied that their education and their literature has informed them to a far higher standard than a pleb like me could ever attain.
One specific area for me has been in the domain of prenatal care and birth. I suffered so much trauma at the hands of professionals who insisted they were doing what 'the science' said was best, and yet I went on to learn that much of those practices are not at all based on what is best, but only what protects hospitals from litigation, what is simply traditionally accepted as 'how things should be done'... (I don't live in the UK though so I can't speak to the NHS's practices in this area). My subsequent utter distrust and fear of being treated that way again made me declare, when I fell pregnant the second time, "I'll give birth in a field before I ever set foot in a hospital again." And I meant it with my whole being. I went on to have 3 home births, which were actually free births as I phoned the midwife too late each time (consciously done the 2nd and 3rd times, if I'm truly honest with myself). Of course some will say I took a foolish risk and I was just very lucky. Maybe there's some truth in that. But I'll be damned before I risk a healthy, uneventful pregnancy with the red tape obsessed, over controlling medical professionals, who will do things to me without my consent and even without my knowledge, and not care one iota for the pain and trauma they cause me.
So others will have to accept that I have genuine reasons to question what professionals say is 'the science' or 'the best way' especially when contrary opinions do abound, and for me the jury is far from in on the issues weighing most heavily in my mind.
I have autoimmune problems that I was fobbed off over for years (back when I lived in the UK), and to me, the covid jab would 100% feel like playing Russian roulette with my health, which has already been shot since I was 20. So, given that I already work from home, social distance/mask up when appropriate, and don't mingle much in society, I'm not willing to pull that trigger.
Perhaps covid would be a bigger risk to me if I caught it, but to me, the chances of catching it are small, given my lifestyle and behaviour. Whereas if I get the jab, I have 100% chance of risking serious side effects. That's how the odds play out in my mind.
I hate feeling this way, honestly. I wish I could have the confidence in the vaccine that ALL of my friends and family have. Being the only one who is hesitant is mentally and emotionally exhausting at times, even though I don't draw attention to myself over it. But no matter what studies I read or whose advice I listen to, these doubts don't go away because I simply do not trust the government, the media, the medical establishment or the scientific community.