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Just can't take any more of this new normal

231 replies

JuneMoonstone · 18/05/2021 10:03

I'm feeling incredibly low and depressed. I am just so, so utterly fed up of Covid. I can't be bothered to go anywhere, do anything, make plans. I've been waiting months for my 5 year old to start swimming lessons and they kept getting put off due to covid. I found out that she can start lessons next month but once she turns 6 she'll no longer be eligible so she'll only get a couple of lessons, so there's no point in her starting. Before anyone has a go at me, I completely understand there are many people far worse off than me and I am very grateful that I have not suffered from covid or lost anyone due to covid. I just feel so so despondent and depressed about the future. Everything is a chore now, there is zero fun to be had. The variants will keep coming, the threat of future lockdowns continue to loom for God knows how long, maybe forever. We're told that Covid will never go away and the old normal will never return. If I didn't have a child I think I would end it. Life has just become very small, dull, joyless, wearisome.

OP posts:
bluebellscorner · 18/05/2021 12:28

agree with @InglouriousBasterd 'don’t get excited, it will probably be cancelled' is more or less my mantra these days.

On a related note I really feel for the hospital and entertainment industries. Poor everyone who works in these fields. We really must find a way to keep supporting these industries. Can't make them close down again and again.

ClaudiaWankleman · 18/05/2021 12:28

I get you OP. I feel fortunate in how I have sprung back into seeing people and how my friendship group have done the same. It has really lifted me. Some of my family members haven't been the same - they are really unable to bring themselves back into normal life, even though I know they would like it if they could.

The BBC article about public health experts who wouldn't be doing normal and legal things despite lockdown easing because the 'risk was too high' really pissed me off. It was unwarranted fear mongering and nothing else. That article will have a direct impact on the physical and mental wellbeing of people. It was shameful.

LucilleTheVampireBat · 18/05/2021 12:32

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bluebellscorner · 18/05/2021 12:33

I feel like I am living in airport security since March 2020. This was always my least favourite bit of travel - queuing, being barked at by the airport security staff about where to stand and what to do - but this is part of everyday life now. We queue to pretty much everything and get told what to do all the time. Apply hand gel, wear your mask, stand on the dot on the floor, follow the arrows, don't touch anything, shop alone, the list goes on. Depressing

Summercocktailsinthesnow · 18/05/2021 12:33

When the weather improves, I think many of us will feel much much better.

loulouljh · 18/05/2021 12:34

I feel exactly the same today. It is all so unnecessary too. My husband and I could have gone out to lunch yesterday but just couldn't be bothered as the hassle outweighs the joy. So much misery in the MSN too. Awful.

Pumpkyumpkyumpkin · 18/05/2021 12:34

@bookworm1632

Feeling sorry for yourself is always a choice.
I don't think OP did say she was feeling sorry for herself, in fact quite the opposite. Why the need to be so nasty?

I'm usually the most sunny natured, irritating, everything will be ok, let's just crack on with things, Pollyana-ish kind of person. I rarely feel sorry for myself, and I don't now. But I am struggling, as are many others, for reasons a lot of us don't quite comprehend ourselves. Yes, we can choose to try and look on the bright side, and not dwell on things, and acknowledge that others have had it much worse. But it still doesn't change the fact that right now, we are finding life hard, we are sad about what we have lost (however minor), and trying to find ways to adapt and to cope, and sharing those challenges, and just being allowed to talk about it can help.

Life has shifted dramatically, some people are irrevocably changed, peoples mental health has taken a hit, regardless of whether other people have had it harder. We can be grateful for what we have whilst also struggling a bit and wanting to talk about that. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

IcedPurple · 18/05/2021 12:39

I'm usually the most sunny natured, irritating, everything will be ok, let's just crack on with things, Pollyana-ish kind of person. I rarely feel sorry for myself, and I don't now. But I am struggling, as are many others, for reasons a lot of us don't quite comprehend ourselves. Yes, we can choose to try and look on the bright side, and not dwell on things, and acknowledge that others have had it much worse. But it still doesn't change the fact that right now, we are finding life hard, we are sad about what we have lost (however minor), and trying to find ways to adapt and to cope, and sharing those challenges, and just being allowed to talk about it can help.

That very American 'think positive thoughts' and 'be grateful' attitude works for some but certainly not for everyone. In fact, enforced positivity can make lots of people feel much worse, because in addition to feeling shit, they're made to feel guilty for feeling shit.

Sometimes it's OK to acknowledge that life is crap, which it is for many of us at the moment.

DelurkingAJ · 18/05/2021 12:42

I hear you OP...for me it’s the magnitude of trying to resort my social life (most of my old friends are far enough away that I simply haven’t seen them for 18 months) and the effort to sort out how to see folk and in what order whilst attempting normal life for the wider family is slightly terrifying. Things that were once easy are now complicated and the complicated stuff...argh!

I do agree that the weather has been the final straw here. Maybe when the sun is shining it’ll all seem easier.

bookworm1632 · 18/05/2021 12:43

I find it quite sad that people see my comment as "nasty".

I guess it's part of the "no personal responsibility for anything" culture that has developed. A belief that life should just give everyone everything they always want and if it doesn't, it's the rest of the world being UNFAIR and anyone who tries to point out otherwise is part of that unfairness....

It takes people away from the reality that how we feel about our life is a choice. If it were not so, then the entire population of some countries on the planet would be permanently feeling sorry for themselves as even at our worst, the life possible in the UK is beyond the dreams of many of the planet's poorest.

Indulging someone else's self pity is the worst thing you can do for them, because it simply encourages them to wait for someone else to come along and fix their life for them.

ClaudiaWankleman · 18/05/2021 12:50

I guess it's part of the "no personal responsibility for anything" culture that has developed. A belief that life should just give everyone everything they always want and if it doesn't, it's the rest of the world being UNFAIR and anyone who tries to point out otherwise is part of that unfairness....

It's interesting that you bemoan a lack of personal responsibility but won't acknowledge your own responsibility in contributing to someone's unhappiness. That is what you have absolutely done, by turning up and telling the OP it's all their own fault and offering no constructive advice. You made a quick jab and thought that was the best thing to do.

Why is it always the people who are most judgemental about others who are unable to consider themselves in the same way?

IcedPurple · 18/05/2021 12:50

@bookworm1632

I find it quite sad that people see my comment as "nasty".

I guess it's part of the "no personal responsibility for anything" culture that has developed. A belief that life should just give everyone everything they always want and if it doesn't, it's the rest of the world being UNFAIR and anyone who tries to point out otherwise is part of that unfairness....

It takes people away from the reality that how we feel about our life is a choice. If it were not so, then the entire population of some countries on the planet would be permanently feeling sorry for themselves as even at our worst, the life possible in the UK is beyond the dreams of many of the planet's poorest.

Indulging someone else's self pity is the worst thing you can do for them, because it simply encourages them to wait for someone else to come along and fix their life for them.

Oh give over!

None of us are owed anything in life. Yes, by global standards almost everyone here is very well off. I think most of us acknowledge that. But we can also acknowledge that this period is absolutely shit for most of us, though of course there are many on MN who are quite settled in their naice WFH lives and in no hurry to get back to normal.

I take it you never complain about anything? Ever? Because there's always someone who's got it worse, isn't there?

NotMeItsYou · 18/05/2021 12:51

Flowers OP it’s really shit.

bookworm1632 · 18/05/2021 12:53

@Pumpkyumpkyumpkin

Life has shifted dramatically, some people are irrevocably changed, peoples mental health has taken a hit, regardless of whether other people have had it harder.

I agree - I'm not trying to argue that life IS sunshine and roses. I'm simply pointing out that accepting that life is sht MAKES it sht. And while I have genuine sympathy for those severely affected - 2 of my friends are nurses who have had a simply AWFUL, year and will be mentally scarred by what they have had to cope with, this is not the OP's scenario.

I fully admit, I go through patches where I feel low too - but I focus my attention on the things I CAN do now - I CHOOSE NOT to feel sorry for myself and waste valuable mental resources dwelling on what cannot be changed.

bookworm1632 · 18/05/2021 12:57

@ClaudiaWankleman

I guess it's part of the "no personal responsibility for anything" culture that has developed. A belief that life should just give everyone everything they always want and if it doesn't, it's the rest of the world being UNFAIR and anyone who tries to point out otherwise is part of that unfairness....

It's interesting that you bemoan a lack of personal responsibility but won't acknowledge your own responsibility in contributing to someone's unhappiness. That is what you have absolutely done, by turning up and telling the OP it's all their own fault and offering no constructive advice. You made a quick jab and thought that was the best thing to do.

Why is it always the people who are most judgemental about others who are unable to consider themselves in the same way?

On the contrary. I'm the only person on this thread who HAS offered constructive advice. Everyone else has encouraged the OP to wallow in it.

You think that telling people what they WANT to hear is always the best recourse?

ShyButMiffed · 18/05/2021 13:01

We have all been victims of a weapons-grade psyop by think-tank experts with decades of research in how to push people's buttons. Fear of disease which can't be seen is the biggest human terror and even though asymptomatic spread is vanishingly unlikely, it was the stick they used to beat us with.

The world has lost its mind over a virus with a 0.3% death rate which in the UK statistically kills people at around the average age of death, 82, anyway (for every "my young healthy friend's cousin's colleague died" I give you a real dead under-82 year old from suicide, untreated cancer, or even vaccination). The collateral damage from economic effects alone is going to be stratospheric, so are the destabilising effects on society, extremism of all kinds flourishing as hopes of a good job and happier future, things which keep people involved in society, fade away.

Meanwhile things we know boost immunity like strong social ties, reduced stress (!) and lots of outdoor time have been prohibited, but go to the park or your local beach and you risk your face being on the front page of a national newspaper being shamed as a "COVIDIOT KILLING GRANNY!!1!"

Most people have spent hours a day for over a year indoors, doomscrolling and comfort eating, and alcoholism deaths are soaring as all those cheeky quarantinis stopped being fun and became an addiction.

Actual treatments have been deferred because if they're cleared, that ends the Emergency Use Authorisation for the gene-therapy vaccines which are making bank for megacorps whose history of failed drugs, lawsuits over harms, and inability to clear animal safety tests are notorious.

Vitamin D should have been mentioned right away but instead it hovered around the ranks of a "conspiracy theory" on most social media. Ivermectin's the same.

Lockdowns are killing millions and have failed completely to prvent coronavirus from being around and about, but since it won't hurt most people anyway, that part is no biggie.

No wonder you feel low. Congratulations it means you're sane.

The only people enjoying this are the fearmongers googling how to get vaccinated twice a month, knitting rainbow-hued blankets for the Nightingale Hospitals (which were never used irl), and wondering whether to follow up their 35th curtain-twitching report of the day, that when they checked his trash at 5am they noticed the guy across the road isn't throwing away enough masks...

RolloTomassi · 18/05/2021 13:02

Same here, OP. It's bullshit.

skybluee · 18/05/2021 13:03

Please spare a thought for people whose lives haven't changed because they are disabled and weren't able to do any of those things in the first place.

There are some people that the restrictions haven't made any difference to because their lives were restricted before already.

One thing I find that helps is to try to focus on the small things. So for me, I say:

I'm glad I have running water, if I go to the tap water comes out... so many people don't have that. I have a safe place to live, stay. I have somewhere warm (didn't use to have that). There are shops full of food, I'm able to go outside. We can go outside for an unlimited number of times each day. Can create nice meals. The weather should be getting better.

Having said all of this, sometimes, even after trying to put things into perspective, it still all feels shit.

I'm sorry you're feeling down.

Do you think you're depressed?

BarbarianMum · 18/05/2021 13:03

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savethegrannies · 18/05/2021 13:05

Sometimes - in fact I suspect most of the time on threads like this - the OP is simply looking for a bit of empathy and human kindness (traits which seem to be sadly lacking on MN since this pandemic started).
These issues are and always will be all relative to individuals and what might seem obvious to some is not always obvious when you are feeling generally down and shit.
My advice to some posters here is, if you have nothing nice to say, best not say anything at all.

Nala82 · 18/05/2021 13:11

@BarbarianMum

Yes, poor you. Must be terrible.
Thanks for that, much appreciated.
littlepeas · 18/05/2021 13:13

It's getting to me too OP. When I was in the supermarket yesterday, I had a sudden urge to rip my mask off and scream (obviously did not do this). I hate the weirdness. Everyone trudging around one way systems looks like something out of The Hunger Games or some other dystopian novel where people are rounded up. The lack of any meaningful contact or interaction and having to book fun outings weeks in advance or do nothing. It's bloody miserable. I was ok for ages - we are fortunate in many ways - but I am sick of this now, I hate all the food I cook, I hate the monotony - nothing to look forward to.

butwhatcanwedo · 18/05/2021 13:16

I understand, I think it’s absolutely terrible that children’s swimming has been prevented. It is so important and I saw or heard something saying the ROSPA does foresee an increase in child drowning as a result.

There are some toddler activities available but the church or community hall type toddler groups have gone and not returned - these are so important for parents who are otherwise isolated and children who need to learn social skills and playing with their peers.

I also wonder at the effect on the developing immune systems of young children and babies not having much exposure to the usual childhood illnesses - it will be a while until these effects become clearer.

The effects of all this on people’s attitudes and social interactions are also terrible - people are divided and it can be quite unpleasant.

bellamountain · 18/05/2021 13:18

OP I really sympathise with you, especially with the swimming. I had a nightmare getting my 5 year old (very soon to be 6 year old) back into swimming lessons after a year off. Most swim schools were saying due to social distancing they can't teach stage 1 swimmers as the instructor cannot go in the pool. It took A LOT of searching but I finally found a swim school with common sense in that the instructors get into the pool with the beginners as is the right thing to do. They take lateral flow tests instead.

We can't even make much use of our local zoo which we have a membership for as dates are booked up so far in advance. EVERYTHING has to be booked, there is no spur of the moment anymore sucking the joy out of life. Constantly having to plan ahead.

I won't even go there at how strict my DS primary school is who won't allow the children to play tag in case they get too near!

ShyButMiffed · 18/05/2021 13:19

@skybluee

Please spare a thought for people whose lives haven't changed because they are disabled and weren't able to do any of those things in the first place.

There are some people that the restrictions haven't made any difference to because their lives were restricted before already.

One thing I find that helps is to try to focus on the small things. So for me, I say:

I'm glad I have running water, if I go to the tap water comes out... so many people don't have that. I have a safe place to live, stay. I have somewhere warm (didn't use to have that). There are shops full of food, I'm able to go outside. We can go outside for an unlimited number of times each day. Can create nice meals. The weather should be getting better.

Having said all of this, sometimes, even after trying to put things into perspective, it still all feels shit.

I'm sorry you're feeling down.

Do you think you're depressed?

Their lives will be changing soon when Austerity 2.0 kicks in to pay for all the furloughing, and PIP and ESA are back in the spotlight. This is going to royally s*w everyone, no-one will be unaffected.