I did not sign up to this **selfish rant alert**

[Notthissticky]

Warning: this is a selfish rant about the unfairness of COVID. Please don't read it if you've been strongly affected by COVID or its economic impact. I am posting this on an anonymous forum for a reason.

I have a 2.5 yo and a 2 month old baby. The only family who have met the baby are the in-laws who looked after the toddler when I was in hospital. On Tuesday night, the baby spent a rather unnecessary night in hospital. I had both kids alone yesterday. The toddler started coughing so we've done a test. It's been 24 hours but no results yet, meaning another day shut in the house with two small children, when it was supposed to be me and the baby. All because a 2 year old has a cold.

I haven't seen my parents since July, I have a 5 month old niece I've never met and haven't seen my siblings since Christmas 2019, because our freedom-loving government has made it illegal for me to travel abroad to visit them. There isn't a single baby group running or in fact anything to do to make life enjoyable, rather than just an existence that needs to be borne.

I am absolutely not against taking precautions to prevent COVID spreading and am following the rules as much/ little as the next person. Looking at the situation from a distance though, the simple fact is that I only know a handful of people who've had COVID, none of whom have been hospitalised, let alone died. Meanwhile, this pandemic has cost me an awful lot emotionally. I fully realise I am extremely fortunate compared to many, but it just feels unfair and I am so so done with it. When will we reach the point where the impact of the inevitable mental health crisis that is developing begins to outweigh the risks of COVID? Rant over.

I’m a bit fed up of the needs of babies and toddlers being dismissed to be honest. The first years are absolutely vital.

Absolutely this. We are doing a huge disservice to our young. Sick of hearing the words ‘resilient’ and ‘adaptable’ thrown about, while time and time again our children are asked to ‘take one for the team’. Why should they be expected to do this indefinitely? What are they getting in return?

And every single time someone questions any of the measures or dares to complain about their situation you have someone like @MmeLaraque ranting on irrelevantly about how we’re all anti-lockdown and want older people to die.

No, we just want some semblance of normality and quality of life for our kids, none of whose fault this is and who, by and large, are unaffected by the virus.

to you by the way OP. It’s tough.

None of us are against people being safe, we're just saying it's a difficult situation and we wish we weren't in it. I'm not anti lockdown in that I'll be breaking rules but I'm anti lockdown because like everyone else I don't want to be in a pandemic! Surely people can complain about their situation despite being unable to change it?

Absolutely no one who conceived a baby last spring could have foreseen this.

Just as people TTC are probably hopeful it will be over by the time they have their babies. I hope it is but I’m fed up of this shaming people who dared to have a ‘lockdown baby.’

@Notthissticky your feelings are totally understandable and valid.
I think some people have misunderstood your post (I'm not actually sure how, as you were very clear) and/or could have a little more empathy... everyone has different reasons, personal to them, for finding lockdown difficult and one reason isn't less valid than another

FWIW, I think the emphasis during the various levels of lockdowns couod have been different.

France has just gone back into lockdown but they had, until now, contained the virus well with a curfew, no restaurants etc...
what they dint have is restrictions on how many people to see indoors. Since the end of the 1 st lockdown, people have seen friends and family.

That’s what has made the year here particularly hard. And it seems another organisation worked well (well until the Kent variant took hold).

I wish we hadn’t had the ‘Eat out’ scheme, not seen people going out in pubs and restaurants, fight over what consist a substantial meal. And we could have seen our families instead.

We've followed the rules. DD15 got so distressed and isolated in lockdown that she self harmed really badly and we're still dealing with it. DH lost his job and we lost all our savings. He's employed now but it's not as good and we're in debt. He's on antidepressants. DS 11 has missed a lot of his last couple of years at junior school. He sat 11+ in Jan and didn't do nearly as well as everyone thought he should (interestingly apparently there wasn't much of a decline in the performance of prep school pupils whose schools actually taught over lockdown, but state school pupils like DS haven't done that well as a cohort). He's now going to his third choice school a long way away when 18 months ago he was apparently a shoo in for his top choice.
My job was put at risk of redundancy and because of DHs situation I couldn't take it (been waiting for this for years!) I've now had to take a new more boring and harder job with longer hours with the same company to keep job security.

My Dads operation has been cancelled for the fourth time. It's not lifesaving but he's in pain and his quality of life is shit.

We're having my fully vaccinated parents in law and Dad round on Sunday for lunch. Inside. This can all just fuck off now.

Just wanted to add my sympathy OP. It really must be hard for you and I hear you. I can't imagine those early months and years without baby friends and family visits. Because others have been less fortunate doesn't mean you aren't allowed to find it hard too. I really hope a bit of travel opens up come August for you so you can see your family.

@SofiaMichelle

Do you have babies? Small children? They have a YEAR with no soft plays, groups, social interaction, cancelled birthday parties and the rest. Do you have any idea the damaging effects it has on young children and their mothers? They are children being born who havent seen any grandparents, they think face masks are normal and will have social anxiety when things open back up again! This is an unnatural way to live!

@MrsHastingslikethebattle which is, I imagine, why the poster you quoted was talking about people choosing to have a baby during the pandemic - i.e. conceived during it.

And? So lockdown should dictate when people have babies now?

Covid has such a small minute risk for small children and babies, and children yet they are the ones who have suffered through all this the most. Save people who are near the life expectancy age anyway and could have quite possibly have died anyway if they didn't have Covid.

I really feel for those with little ones for all the reasons already stated. I feel guilty as I have embraced the staying in, have lost weight and taken up running and have enjoyed many aspects of the fact we had to stay in mostly and can only go out a bit now. TBH I am apprehensive about life going back to how it was before with even more people everywhere. The social distancing seems to have 95% disappeared [sigh].

@daffodilsandprimroses

Absolutely no one who conceived a baby last spring could have foreseen this.

Just as people TTC are probably hopeful it will be over by the time they have their babies. I hope it is but I’m fed up of this shaming people who dared to have a ‘lockdown baby.’

Thank you!

[quote Poppins2016]@Notthissticky your feelings are totally understandable and valid.
I think some people have misunderstood your post (I'm not actually sure how, as you were very clear) and/or could have a little more empathy... everyone has different reasons, personal to them, for finding lockdown difficult and one reason isn't less valid than another [/quote]
Thank you!

You’re welcome OP

My ds was conceived the weekend before lockdown.

I didn’t think for a second he’d spend the first three months of his life like this.

@MrsHastingslikethebattle of course not.

But it's a bit rich making a decision during an unprecedented situation and then ranting that the result of the decision and the ongoing situation isn't to your liking.

@HazeyJaneII

As far as I’m concerned it’s on yourself to keep yourself safe. If you have underlying conditions or you’re at risk then stay at home.

Well yes, and 10 year old ds has spent the whole year shielding at home, but his sister's have had to go to school when it's open, dh has had to go to work....I've had to give up my job, and ds has to go back to school (unvaccinated) after Easter.

I know that it doesn't really matter to anyone else, but I do hate it when I see people say, ' I'm not following the rules...it's up to individuals to keep themselves safe', when it is utterly impossible for individuals to keep themselves safe whilst people break the rules!!

So when the government loosen the restrictions, they'll be no risk of Covid? Cos then no one will be breaking the rules?

This will be around for years and years. It will mutate, we will have booster jabs and so on.

To follow the rules now, when the the over 60s are vaccinated is pointless.

We have to live with it, not hide from it.

@daffodilsandprimroses

Babies do need cuddles anyway.

It is the end of the world for them.

WTF? Of course babies need cuddles and that is what their parents are for.

It is not the end of the world if a baby is not passed around other people.

@MonsterMash2210

My daughter is a year old and I really regret not letting her really meet people or the ones we did see not letting them hold her.

She is now terrified of everyone because she has hardly seen anyone.

In my experience around one they often get funny with people even if they have had lots of contact. I've always thought it's such a shame as so many are trying to go back to work at that stage and it is hard to leave them.

Doesn't change the fact that we are all fed up with it all but I just hoped it might reassure you that it is a normal stage.

I feel you OP. My DC is 19 months so was 6 months old before lockdown. I can't imagine going through the pregnancy or the scans alone or giving birth or having a newborn in these times. Even though it's been tough with a baby, now a toddler, I'm so damn grateful DC was the age they were when lockdown started.

And yes I feel your frustration at nothing being open, like classes etc. Honestly I cannot wait for zoos and farm parks to open up in the next few weeks. We need a different scenery as a family.

Since about Feb I've been taking my DC food shopping every other day just to give us an activity that isn't eating, playing with toys, reading books or the playground. No that's not within the rules but their understanding of the world and how people interact in it is more important than staying at home or in the garden.

Best wishes to you and your little one OP

[quote SofiaMichelle]@MrsHastingslikethebattle of course not.

But it's a bit rich making a decision during an unprecedented situation and then ranting that the result of the decision and the ongoing situation isn't to your liking.[/quote]
A lot of people could have been on the pill, failed contraception.

People could have thought this would be over by now. People have already been pregnant before lockdown and had maternity leave during it.

I agree with you, op. This life is miserable and my mental health is on tatters. Feels like my anxiety will never get better.

See there again that dismissal.

Yes, it is.

Babies need to see people, faces and spaces. They are human beings. They need their parents primarily. But they also need to see normal life.

People smiling, talking, waving, holding, singing, chatting.

And let’s say you’re right and all babies need is their parents.

Don’t their parents also have needs?

I have near enough gone crazy!

You chose to get pregnant during lockdown. If you didn't have the sense to even think for one minute that this would go on for ages more fool you.

I honestly cannot believe anyone with a brain would get pregnant while all this is going on with no idea when it will end.

@SunshineCake

I really feel for those with little ones for all the reasons already stated. I feel guilty as I have embraced the staying in, have lost weight and taken up running and have enjoyed many aspects of the fact we had to stay in mostly and can only go out a bit now. TBH I am apprehensive about life going back to how it was before with even more people everywhere. The social distancing seems to have 95% disappeared [sigh].

Just as it has been shit in different ways for different people, you're allowed to have enjoyed it too! I had two months at home with my eldest during the first lockdown and my DH and I both saw him take his first steps. I had a good time of it then. It's not so great anymore now though...

On that logic lynsey the birth rate would plummet for the next five years.

I don’t care if it was naive. I had no idea that nine months after conceiving ds that we’d spend January in lockdown.

And even if (let’s say) you’re right and my baby has a fool for a mother, why punish him?

Totally agree. Had a lockdown baby (was due in May so couldn’t have avoided it by not TTC etc) and a one year old at home. Barely seen a soul. Another round of PND. Partner was a key worker so I didn’t get the “luxury” of him being off work with me for even a few weeks. Just stuck in the house day in, day out. He’s been worked to the bone while others complain about not feeling “comfortable” going to work.

Obviously if you’re older or ECV that’s totally understandable, but everyone else needs to catch a bloody grip. It’s okay for everyone else to work in the pandemic in hospitals or retail, but you are scared to go to a bloody office and be around 10 people? 🙄

I’m back to work soon, as a key worker, so no working from home luxuries for me. The only saving grace was my kids are babies/toddlers so no schooling from home. Mums doing this are absolutely amazing, I have no idea how I would have coped with that and trying to work.

I’m fed up with it now. My maternity leave has been the most isolating time of my life and destroyed my MH.

Yes, we are lucky that we have jobs, but I’m ready for it to be over, now. I’m just so totally fed up and done.