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Original poster

Adult dc wants to come home.. is it breaking the rules ?

147 replies

Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 20:25

Adult dc .. lives in student house . They are not a student now ... all students returning home for 2 weeks at end of rhe month . Our adult dc has been feeling low for a while and wants to come home too for company .Says will have rapid covid test and therefore no risk to anyone with evidence of a negative test on their phone. But the message is still stay home .. any thoughts ?

OP posts:
rawalpindithelabrador · 01/03/2021 21:56

Wow, so you'll tell them to stay alone in the house share when they've told you that they're feeling low. Your own child.

DavidsSchitt · 01/03/2021 21:56

Is there anyone left that isn't feeling a bit low and would like to go visit friends and family for a few days?

Judging by this thread you're all just cracking on and doing it now regardless of the current lockdown?

Scottishskifun · 01/03/2021 21:59

@BackforGood and if your DD called you and said she was struggling, feeling low and could she come home for a few days... What would you do?

It's a lot for most 20+ heck even 30+ to admit they are struggling with MH it should never be ignored. This isn't dismissing social responsibility its support and it is allowed.

I'm mid 30s my mum drove 600 miles and stayed with us after I found out I had a MMC for support for me and also to help with childcare for my toddler. My neighbour called the police, situation was explained police agreed no breach of rules.

When as a society did we stop helping those in need and just say its against the rules or selfish?!

Nobody other than the people involved know if its needed it's not for others to judge and by God I was glad my mum appeared for over a week.

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 22:00

Rawal its not what I said .
. Others may aak similar questions of themselves too . Resd backforgoods post.

OP posts:
JanewaysBun · 01/03/2021 22:01

I'd hate to think my mum would ever stop me coming home. I'm grown with a husband and kids and she's said a couple of times we can move in (live far away) whenever. I haven't because my DC are in nursery and my parents are 60+ but I know the door us always open if I need it.

If you're worried about your neighbours why don't you stay with your DC and provide the mental health caring from their place?

Remmy123 · 01/03/2021 22:01

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Kokosrieksts · 01/03/2021 22:02

FFS it’s your kid that wants to come home. I cannot believe it’s gone so far that people are actually checking the rule book.

3littlewords · 01/03/2021 22:03

@Whatnow100

For all you who judged my question. Please see Backforgoods comment. Dc has been low in mood as have 10000 s of people. Thet are fine. The housemates are going home and dc does not want to bw alone and wants to come home for a few days. If it was permanant or long term I wdnt hesitate. But this is a more subtle thing of not wanting to be alone when the others are away . Many of us have had low mood at this time ..and i wanted to weight things up as well as examine my social responsibility which we all have.
Soon changed your tune from "And of course will have dc back home"
Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 22:05

Jane . Because I have to to at work . Its a good idea though. Its not mental health caring .. its the low mood many of us are sadly having due to pandemic. Dc is mostly fine and is working , doing things with houseshare etc.

OP posts:
Coffeeandcocopops · 01/03/2021 22:06

You do what you think is right for your family. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. I would risk a fine if my adult child needed to come home for their mental health.

DuzzyFuck · 01/03/2021 22:07

@Remmy123 Enough now, you're starting to sound hysterical.

UserAgain · 01/03/2021 22:09

Plenty of said this will be against the law.

"Mental health problems" has been a very overused phrase this year. It doesn't sound as though your DC has particular mental health problems - they are just fed up of lockdown like the rest of us! Perhaps encourage them to meet up with a friend to socialise during the day (it's allowed from the 8th March outside!) if there main concern is being on their own. Video calls every night as well.

MrsBrunch · 01/03/2021 22:09

@Kokosrieksts

FFS it’s your kid that wants to come home. I cannot believe it’s gone so far that people are actually checking the rule book.
None of us are allowed to visit relatives although we'd all dearly love to.
Whentheshipgoesdown · 01/03/2021 22:09

OP, i think you’re right to consider this. Your child is not a child, a low mood is not a mental health crisis, and this isn’t about a student moving home.
As you’ve described it’s a working adult, feeling lonely.

It’s possible the situation is exempt but perhaps more likely not as you’ve described it, and I am surprised people are jumping on you with ‘how could you, your own child’.
The rules are there to protect us. There are lots of exemptions now covering situations in which protecting people is better served by allowing mixing (e.g. care of the vulnerable). If you think you fall under an exemption I’d use it. If not,
i wouldn’t judge either way, but your situation certainly doesn’t deserve the responses you’ve got.

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 22:09

3 little .. ive not changed my tune . I was feeling in my gut that as a parent I would of course have dc home but was conflicted about breaking the rules whilst trying to be suppoetive AND worrying about not being socially resoonsible. Much of this pandemic goes against what we want to do as humans .

OP posts:
grenadines · 01/03/2021 22:11

Everyone should be allowed to see their parents at Easter. We were promised it when Christmas was cancelled and we couldn't see family then. It is the government that is wrong making it illegal for people to see their loved ones for six months not the OP.

BackforGood · 01/03/2021 22:13

@Scottishskifun
I would chat to them, (either of my young adult dc, who are both living away from me). I would listen to them. I would acknowledge their feelings. I would empathise. I would tell them I think they are feeling the same as I am. The same as people across the country and across the world are. Then I would gently steer the chat to the light at the end of the tunnel. I would steer it to the positives. I would steer their thinking to things to look forward to , and to things that are good at the moment.

I totally agree with everythig @DuzzyFuck says here

Lots of people on this thread seem to be reading 'feeling low' as 'suicidal' which is quite a reach.

I don't know a single person who hasn't been low at times during lockdowns. If everyone of them classed that as a MH crisis and did as they wanted based on that exception then we'd be in even more of a mess.

As I said in my previous post only the OP and her DC know the true depth of need vs want in their situation. If he/she NEEDS to come home for care then absolutely fine, of course they should. If they just fancy the company while their mates being away clashes with their week off then perhaps not.

I agree @DavidsSchitt

This thread is making me feel really cross.

MrsBrunch · 01/03/2021 22:13

It's been 2 months since Christmas, not six.

EugenesAxe · 01/03/2021 22:15

Reading the heading alone made me think 'Ah - who'd give a shit?'

Have him home if he needs it.

SionnachGlic · 01/03/2021 22:16

Low mood was clincher for me...time to come home. He'll have test & can take all precautions appropriate for your safety. He'll need to stay in your home though, I wouldn't support arriving home & dropping bags to head for a catch-up with buddies & in/out of house. You are happy for him to be there, risks & all, so that's your decision but he does need to be mindful & respectful of the wider community.

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 22:17

When . Thank you . I do think it is important to be socially responsiblble. Yes
dc. has a low mood like 100000s of us at the mo.. but is working etc and wants to.come as household is going away . People have faced much worse in this pandemic .. this is not a mental health crisis. I simply wanted to check out the rules and perhaps my thoughts .. whilst my gut was telling me i cant not let adult dc come home for a few days .. i realise plenty of people all around the country must have to bear such things or we wd all be on the move and the virus with us .

OP posts:
3littlewords · 01/03/2021 22:19

@Whatnow100 if you can sleep at night knowing your dc is home alone and openly struggling with low mood and has reached out for your help which you've declined for the need to be socially responsible then so be it 🤷‍♀️ not a stance I'd take personally but each to their own.

I may sound like im coming across harsh here but 2 out of my circle of friends have attempted suicide in the past couple of weeks 1 was successful 1 wasn't, neither had spoken to others other than the odd "low mood" comments we've all felt at some point during all this. Mental health support is very raw for me at the minute.

UserAgain · 01/03/2021 22:19

@MrsBrunch

It's been 2 months since Christmas, not six.
The post you quoted from was about how long it was since we were allowed to see loved ones. If you live at sufficient distance for seeing them to involve an overnight stay then in a lot of areas it will be six months (or more). I consider my area reasonably fortunate in terms of restrictions, but the last possible time I could have seen my parents (who live a long drive away) was the day before November lockdown. The next day I'll be able to see them will be no earlier than 17th May. OK, that's not quite six months, but it's not far off.
Fifthtimelucky · 01/03/2021 22:20

No one here knows whether a) the OP's son has genuine mental health problems, in which case it is sensible, and within the rules, for him to go home for support, or b) he is just a bit fed up at the prospect of being by himself for a while and wants some company, in which case he doesn't fall within any of the exemptions and he should put up with it, in the same way that many of us have had to put up with not seeing friends and family.

The OP knows her son best and is the only one who can make that decision.

Remmy123 · 01/03/2021 22:20

Oh stop with the 'social responsibility'!! You have a responsibility as a parent too - start being one!!!!

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