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Original poster

Adult dc wants to come home.. is it breaking the rules ?

147 replies

Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 20:25

Adult dc .. lives in student house . They are not a student now ... all students returning home for 2 weeks at end of rhe month . Our adult dc has been feeling low for a while and wants to come home too for company .Says will have rapid covid test and therefore no risk to anyone with evidence of a negative test on their phone. But the message is still stay home .. any thoughts ?

OP posts:
OliveTree75 · 01/03/2021 21:29

@MiddlesexGirl

Some very odd responses here given that yes it is currently illegal unless exemptions apply. I can understand your dilemma although I too would of course have my dc home. I wonder what the answers would be though if dc was 30 or 40.
Well I am 32 and went home to my parents in the last lockdown for a few weeks. Because they could see I was struggling and they insisted. Does it matter what age you are if you need support?
Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 21:29

Duzzy. Thanks. My initial thoughts were to check if it was v the rules. If we all did what we wanted in this pandemic its would not be consoderate of others and many have suffered and i dont put myself above others ..
Others seem to see dc as a child. And you are hearing adult... and yes they will always be my child .. dc does have a low mood but is also only commimg as housemates not there and does not like to be alone.
I did say they could come home but I did worry that am breaking the rules wereas many have suffered to keep them .

OP posts:
rawalpindithelabrador · 01/03/2021 21:29

@Redsquirrel5

I thought if someone has mental health problems that they can move. I would let my child come home because I would worry about their mental health what if they couldn’t cope what if...
They can. But it doesn't suit the lockdown brayers who think the only thing in the world is Covid. People are finally starting to wake up.
LindainLockdown · 01/03/2021 21:31

I'll pop you a hair shirt in the post.

Remmy123 · 01/03/2021 21:31

Crazy people on here - you do realise mental health is a big issue right now.. we won't know what the suicide rates are yet, but I know if two people within weeks!!!

Scottishskifun · 01/03/2021 21:32

OP you answered your own question in your opening post
Our adult dc has been feeling low

Mental health is a valid exemption as is supporting someone who is vulnerable. Your not breaking rules by ensuring that his mental health is OK. I don't think anyone doesn't get the jist of the rules by now so it's clearly important for him.

If anyone says anything simply reply with it was under an exemption that he's here.

Remmy123 · 01/03/2021 21:33

@Whatnow100 rules are totally irrelevant when your child needs you!!

Covid has made people crazy

Redsquirrel5 · 01/03/2021 21:34

MiddlesexGirl we have been keeping in touch regularly with our sons because one has previously suffered with depression and the youngest one keeps everything to himself. The other one has been all right though he is extremely bored because he thrives on work and being busy.
We would certainly ask the eldest and youngest to come home if we thought their mental health was declining. All our sons have had friends who have committed suicide. All these lads had caring parents and it was a complete shock to everyone in the community.

Youneverknowwhatyourgonnaget · 01/03/2021 21:34

I just have no words honestly the world has lost all sense of perspective! Your poor son

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 21:36

Fox . Am so sorry to hear that you are struggling . All the very best wishes to you .
Thank you for your recognition that i do not think balls to society .. ! I do think we all have to act together as a society and have communal responsibilty in all this not simply as individuals ( unless special circumstances ) .

OP posts:
3littlewords · 01/03/2021 21:37

@foxhat saying balls to society when your child (regardless of age) has told you they are struggling with their mental health is a huge leap from mixing with gay abandon.
Her child is asking to come home as he/she is struggling to cope, not asking to host a rave at her house.
I'd put the mental health of my dc over and above the rest of society every single Time struggling to fathom why others wouldn't.

Heyahun · 01/03/2021 21:37

Ahh if it’s a short visit then I’m not really sure that I’d be keen on that tbh!! I assumed you meant maybe he wanted to come back for good or a long visit!!

It’s not too much longer to wait til he can visit surely ?

BackforGood · 01/03/2021 21:39

Astonishing the number of people on here who think National rules don't apply to them, and to their families., and then, even worse try to make out that people who do care about trying to get the Country out of this round of lockdowns are somehow the unfeeling ones.

Would I like to see my adult dd who lives in a house share, who I miss greatly ? Yes, of course I would
Do either of us think we are somehow exempt from what the whole country is being asked to do ? No, of course we aren't
Do we feel a bit down about everything? Yes. Are we fed up of not being able to visit one another ? Yes. Do I have days when I am feeling down ? Yes Does she ? Yes. Does that make us any different from anyone else in the country ? No.

To answer your question - yes it is breaking the rules, and no, they shouldn't come home.
Hopefully - if all the selfish people who think the rules don't apply to them give 'society' a bit more thought, then it won't be many weeks or months until we can ALL legitimately go and visit our parents, or our dc or our sisters or friends or Grandparents.

Of course, whilst so many ignore what they are being asked to do, that day will continue to get pushed back, or lockdown will return over and over again.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 01/03/2021 21:41

I'm in my 30s and live alone/well have a new flatmate who comes and goes. I had a very bad time recently and packed up to stay with my parent for a week. Would I do it again yes. Would my parent hesitate to agree. No. And we do not have a relationship where we see each other regularly. Can happily go 9 months without a visit. But this whole damn thing makes everything so much harder.

3littlewords · 01/03/2021 21:42

(unless special circumstance)

Clearly you don't feel your dc mental health is special enough circumstances - the mind boggles!
I mean if your own Mum isn't going to prioritise your mental health you're pretty much fucked arent you

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 21:43

Back . Thats exactly why I asked. Its called a social concience .

OP posts:
DuzzyFuck · 01/03/2021 21:43

Lots of people on this thread seem to be reading 'feeling low' as 'suicidal' which is quite a reach.

I don't know a single person who hasn't been low at times during lockdowns. If everyone of them classed that as a MH crisis and did as they wanted based on that exception then we'd be in even more of a mess.

As I said in my previous post only the OP and her DC know the true depth of need vs want in their situation. If he/she NEEDS to come home for care then absolutely fine, of course they should. If they just fancy the company while their mates being away clashes with their week off then perhaps not.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 01/03/2021 21:44

And I've lived through the pandemic alone. I've worked day in and day out so the NHS can go to work. I've not had a bubble, I've not seen my friends and I've missed 9 months of my sister being a new mum and not seeing her or the baby in this time.

Chunkymenrock · 01/03/2021 21:44

Yes, it's against the rules OP.

rawalpindithelabrador · 01/03/2021 21:46

They have no real plan to get us out of lockdown no matter what we do. Time to start living again.

EileenGC · 01/03/2021 21:46

The best thing my mum did last year was saying to me loud and clear during a phone call ‘get on Tripadvisor and book yourself a flight home, you’re spending Christmas with us and I won’t accept an excuse’.

I didn’t realise how much I needed that and how much I’d been trying to hide my own struggles. I’m also in my 20s and was in a house share at the time, really low but without realising it fully.

Unless you’re all mixing and going all over town during the week your son is there, your neighbours and community should be fine. Just be a bit more careful, especially if your rates are high, but let him come and spend the week there, it’ll do him the world of good.

sicknote26 · 01/03/2021 21:47

I would definitely Put my son or daughters mental health before any rules. But I say that's as my daughter suffers with her mental health and I couldn't relax knowing that she was feeling low and alone.

SoftSheen · 01/03/2021 21:49

Well, you'd both be breaking the law.

Whether or not you should allow your adult child to visit depends on what you mean by 'feeling low'.

If they have a mental illness and are at risk of deteriorating, then by all means have them home and take care of them.

If they are just generally fed up with the current situation but coping and taking care of themselves, then they are in no worse a situation than a lot of people, and should stay put (of course support them with lots of video chats and a parcel or two).

ohwaitthatwasme · 01/03/2021 21:50

Lots of people on this thread seem to be reading 'feeling low' as 'suicidal' which is quite a reach.

This. Low mood is just that. I would be surprised if half the UK doesn't have a low mood right now.

I think the issue here is the mention of a uni share house in the OP. Had the post simply mentioned an adult DC who has left education and is working there is not a chance everyone would be so agreeable.

Astonishing the number of people on here who think National rules don't apply to them, and to their families., and then, even worse try to make out that people who do care about trying to get the Country out of this round of lockdowns are somehow the unfeeling ones.

Totally agree with this. The slating of people who are following rules for the benefit of all is crazy. Literally makes no sense.

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 21:52

For all you who judged my question.
Please see Backforgoods comment.
Dc has been low in mood as have 10000 s of people. Thet are fine. The housemates are going home and dc does not want to bw alone and wants to come home for a few days. If it was permanant or long term I wdnt hesitate. But this is a more subtle thing of not wanting to be alone when the others are away
. Many of us have had low mood at this time ..and i wanted to weight things up as well as examine my social responsibility which we all have.

OP posts:
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