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Original poster

Adult dc wants to come home.. is it breaking the rules ?

147 replies

Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 20:25

Adult dc .. lives in student house . They are not a student now ... all students returning home for 2 weeks at end of rhe month . Our adult dc has been feeling low for a while and wants to come home too for company .Says will have rapid covid test and therefore no risk to anyone with evidence of a negative test on their phone. But the message is still stay home .. any thoughts ?

OP posts:
Racoonworld · 01/03/2021 20:41

@RedGoldAndGreene

Moving house is allowed but this sounds more like a stay in a second home which is technically not allowed.
It’s not even a second home, unless all our parents houses are also our second homes!
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/03/2021 20:42

It’s their mental health at stake for heavens sake. That is as much of a risk as anything COVID related, especially currently as rates as low.

rawalpindithelabrador · 01/03/2021 20:42

@Racoonworld

OP wasn’t asking if they should let DC come home, they were asking if it would be breaking the rules. The answer is yes, it’s breaking the law.

Personally, I think we should all be able to see who we like now, I’ve had enough of all this as much as anyone. But it doesn’t change the answer to OPs question.

You allow the government to tell you you can't see your own child who's low in mood. There's no help for some people. They've truly swallowed the Kool Aid.
Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 20:43

They just want to come for a few days .of course want to support . We live in a beauty spot were cars are written on if they are seen to be visitors .. that wd add additional stress for dc .
My heart of course says come home. Was asking tho if it is against thr rules.

OP posts:
Medievalist · 01/03/2021 20:44

Yes, absolutely would I let a 20 something child of mine come home. Especially if they were feeling low. In fact I would insist on it.

rawalpindithelabrador · 01/03/2021 20:45

@Whatnow100

They just want to come for a few days .of course want to support . We live in a beauty spot were cars are written on if they are seen to be visitors .. that wd add additional stress for dc . My heart of course says come home. Was asking tho if it is against thr rules.
Then go ahead and jump the couch, tell them no, 'the rules' are more important to you Hmm.
SD1978 · 01/03/2021 20:45

I don't see why they couldn't/ wouldn't. I assume you are there support bubble?

lljkk · 01/03/2021 20:49

It is allowed to drop social distancing to provide care to a vulnerable person.

Lynora · 01/03/2021 20:50

Please let them come home.

BoredMumofTwins · 01/03/2021 20:50

So let them come home. You are their parent for god's sake. What's up with you????? Why don't you want them home?

Chessie678 · 01/03/2021 20:50

Plus think about how you would feel if you said no and then your child had a breakdown or similar. I don’t mean to scaremongering - it’s unlikely it would come to this - but I’m speaking from experience (pre covid my friend was struggling settling at university. She asked her parents to collect her and they wanted her to try to settle there and put her off coming home. She stayed but developed serious depression and ended up needing two years off. It wasn’t her parents fault as she didn’t explain just how bad she was feeling but the worst of what happened might have been avoided if she’d had support earlier). I think there’s lots of people who are not getting early enough support with their mental health at the moment because people aren’t close enough to realise that something is wrong until it’s too late.

BoredMumofTwins · 01/03/2021 20:51

It's not against the rules, but even if it was....this is your child! I cannot believe I am reading all this...........aaarrrgh! What is wrong with the bloody world? Get your child home asap.

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 20:53

Of course i want thwm to come home. I presume some of you do not live in a tiny community were many elderly have been effectively housebound for the past year. I was thinking of others as wwll as my family.

OP posts:
ohwaitthatwasme · 01/03/2021 20:55

@BoredMumofTwins

It's not against the rules, but even if it was....this is your child! I cannot believe I am reading all this...........aaarrrgh! What is wrong with the bloody world? Get your child home asap.

Of course it's against the rules otherwise we would all be staying over at our parents/having adult DC home as normal Confused

I'm baffled at the amount of people who think this is ok tbh. People have been suffering low mood for the best part of a year not being able to see their parents/children - why the sudden turn around?

AllMyPrettyOnes · 01/03/2021 20:56

@Whatnow100

Of course i want thwm to come home. I presume some of you do not live in a tiny community were many elderly have been effectively housebound for the past year. I was thinking of others as wwll as my family.
And? Let your child come home if they need support!!
Racoonworld · 01/03/2021 20:57

@rawalpindithelabrador as I said previously, I think we should be able to see who we like. I would see my adult child if it were me. In fact I’m seeing my family next week. It’s just the OP asked if it were against the rules and Yes it is. I don’t agree with the rules but I do know it’s breaking them.

foxhat · 01/03/2021 20:57

OP this thread has taken an odd turn. You have not expressed any blasé-ness about your adult child's wellbeing but some people seem to have jumped on you for that. You are just wanting to check out what is allowed within the current rules. I can see the bind you are in. Of course you want them back. But you are also aware that there are millions of people out there who are not seeing their family and whose mental health is consequently very poor. I personally can see the tension. I don't think someone in their 20's is a child, so they can't come home for that reason - and if every adult went to see family when they wanted/ were low, we would have no real lockdown. If they live alone I guess they can be in your support bubble? If not then I guess it is a matter of genuinely thinking about how vulnerable they are. If it's the same hideous low-ness and finding it hard to see any value in life which is affecting most of us then perhaps it's not OK. If you are more worried about their mental wellbeing that shifts things of course.

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 20:59

All .. and it will possibly raise their anxiety levels . Of course I need to consider others ..? Are we not part of society ?

OP posts:
3littlewords · 01/03/2021 21:01

@DianaT1969

What? Your child is low and wants to come home. What is there to think about?
Exactly this! I cant believe you are even questioning it tbh. If any nosy neighbours do feel the need to comment and you feel the need to justify yourself rather than tell them to get stuffed and mind their own business, you tell them your dc is vulnerable to MH thus allowing to "break the rules " and have them move back into the family home. Of course you shouldn't really need to justify any of this to yourself or anyone else. I maybe coming across harsh here but the amount of suicides and suicide attempts im hearing about locally to me is absolutely frightening, please don't let your dc become one of these headlines for the sake of saving face with the locals and following the "rules". It can take a lot of strength for someone struggling with low mood to admit that to others please don't disregard it and welcome them back with open arms.
Azuretwist · 01/03/2021 21:02

I am over 20, would love to visit my Mum for some support for a few days as had horrible time. Oh and visit the nice areas where they live.

It is easy to justify - but sadly not allowed.

oldegg123 · 01/03/2021 21:02

The law is that you should stay in your household (linked or otherwise). So unless they were planning on staying for an extended period of time it would be going against it.

There is the exception made for anyone who is at risk or mentally unwell, do you think DD fits into that category? The issues is of course people taking the piss with rule bending/exceptions, but only you and her know if she really needs to come home for a week.

rawalpindithelabrador · 01/03/2021 21:02

@Whatnow100

All .. and it will possibly raise their anxiety levels . Of course I need to consider others ..? Are we not part of society ?
You need to put your family first. I'd not take a person in a low mood in this lightly.
partyatthepalace · 01/03/2021 21:02

Well they are single so they can form a support bubble with you, which it sounds like they need, so yes.

Original poster
Whatnow100 · 01/03/2021 21:03

Fox . Thanks . Dc has struggled with lockdown. Lives in a busy house of students ( but is not a student) they are going home for two weeks . Dc has a week off work . Does not want be alone on house.

OP posts:
Chessie678 · 01/03/2021 21:04

But it’s really hard to judge whether someone is a bit low or very low on the phone. To me banning my child from my house would be an unacceptable risk to them. And even if they are coping ok, if you tell them they can’t come because it’s against the rules, they’re much less likely to come to you for help when they really need you. People need their families sometimes and a law which prevents that is cruel and dangerous.