I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

A week into having Covid I was rushed to Hospital with pneumonia. 10 days with our outstanding NHS and I am home and recovered. Its a lottery who gets really sick and who has a mild case. I do think you are being melodramatic tho. Working in an office has,to be safer than a lot of places. And yes, nursery is a fantastic place for your DC to learn the social skills he needs for school. Ask to go in and see the office. Explain how your worries are affecting you. I'm sure if you keep up communication with work they will be more open to work with you, rather than just giving in notice.

I had PND that presented in irrational anxiety.

Mainly that a car was going to mount the kerb and run infant DD over in her pram.
I had an angel care breathing monitor.
I would google "why do toddlers have bruises on their shins" for hours .
And the rest!

I recognised I was being irrational (knew it even when I was having the intrusive thoughts) so pootled round to the GP. Started on a low dose of Citalopram and it was like night and day for me. Felt like my normal rational self again.

Would medication for your anxiety be an option? Because I mean this in the nicest way, but you're being completely irrational.

I work in an office. DD goes to nursery AND a childminder; no COVID so far.

Don't give up your job. It will put you and your family under even more pressure than you feel under now. You will regret it.

Go see the GP.

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated

How do you know you're in Group 6? Have you been told?

Re psoriasis, you have to require long term immunosuppressive treatments) to be in group 6, and you have to have severe asthma. Does your GP know your BMI?

Your anxiety is winning. If you've stayed at home for a year, then home will feel safe and everything else will feel unsafe. You owe it to your dd and h to take steps to combat your anxiety or it will affect your ds's life.

If you are shielding you can't go back anyway until the current isolation period ends, even if the workplace is Covid safe. He should have put you on furlough and still can I think.

Op i didnt actually mean i knew that vaxes are less successful, more that we dont know what will happen as to how well they work and we may not feel out of the woods especially with underlying. I have asthma.

But on another thread there was a link saying in italy they found in a small study that obese people in it made less antibodies.
So keep trying to get the weight down it can only be good. Im certainly going to be trying to give my vax the best chance. (And i doubt they would weight you again now)

With regards to your fears about medication - they do often have side effects - they can make you feel a bit nauseous or groggy, a bit out of it, but these are just temporary side effects. They last no longer than two weeks, and by six weeks they really start to make a difference.
They don't make you feel "numb"...that's such an outdated misconception. Even if you did try an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med that didn't help or didn't suit you, your doctor would switch you onto something else. Sometimes it does take a bit of trial and error, but surely some shit side effects for a couple of weeks, is worth being liberated from your anxiety?? That would make you a better mother, a better partner, and a happier person, don't you all deserve that?

If you really want to sort this out, I'd get on some medication, and work on yourself. Hard. You need to practice mindfulness (Headspace is a great app to guide you, Yoga is fantastic for mind and body), eat well, stay hydrated, exercise, and take your meds religiously. You need to make sure you keep open communication with your partner and any family/friends who can support you. And educate yourself - read about anxiety in books by professionals, learn about the human brain/mind, it's truly fascinating, and once you can see why it does what it does, it will help you control and correct it when it gets out of whack.

You cannot afford be passive about this. You can't just wait for CBT, it could take months. The vaccination won't solve this either. Giving up a great job will just make you feel worse. Taking away your child's chance to go to a lovely nursery and socialise in the way that he so needs to, will make you feel worse still, and the self loathing you'll feel if you let your anxiety affect your child will be unbearable.
Be strong. You can beat this and get back to work and have the life you deserve, but you have to commit, and sometimes that means doing things you really don't want to.

Good luck OP

Hi, a couple of thoughts:-

1. Can you ask to work from home just until 2-3 weeks after you’ve had your first vaccine rather than indefinitely? It can’t be far away. If not possible then can you take a short unpaid career break or parental leave break just until your first vaccine kicks in if your company can accommodate it at the time.

2. If the above isn’t possible then ask if you can have a workspace completely separate from other workers until you receive your first vaccine and it kicks in. Incidentally, as you are breast feeding, your employer must provide facilities for you to either feed your infant or express and store your breast milk safely while at work, so a quiet private spot with a chair and fridge etc. If they can’t or won’t then makes a case for home working.

@BBOA

If you are shielding you can't go back anyway until the current isolation period ends, even if the workplace is Covid safe. He should have put you on furlough and still can I think.

OP has chosen to shield, not been advised to shield.

Sorry posted before I had finished.
Thirdly - you say you have a high BMI, asthma and psoriasis. You can start to address your BMI yourself, if you make the choice to. It will be a hard slog and you will have to grit your teeth and commit. Your GP should be able to help address the psoriasis and keep your asthma treatment under review.

Yes, a difficult situation, for sure. Can you try to chat to a co-worker about what methods have been taken to make the workplace safer ? I guess it depends on how important your income is, and how importnat to your career the job is.

Good luck with all this.

Do what you are comfortable with. It’s got to be right for you and your house.
Don’t be bullied into the office. They shouldn’t have issues with you wfh but may think with a baby you won’t be 100% committed. It is difficult with a little one I would speak with them and see why first. Then make your decision.

Let’s hope we don’t see a thread about OP financially struggling by winter, but I have a hunch we will!

I agree that OP sounds anxious. However, anxiety can be totally debilitating. It makes me really cross that it is eyerolled by so many people. If you haven't suffered with it, you don't have a clue.

I honestly think there is a shout for OP to speak to her GP. They could give advice re signing off sick to alleviate some of the pressure.

I also agree that you have a good chance of being vaccinated in the near future OP. Many group 6 around here have already had their vacc.

Most importantly, discuss this with your husband and do what is right for you and your family.

Try not to rush into anything.

Take care.

@readyplayer2 I don't think you're being irrational at all.

If you're doing an office job then there is no reasonable reason why you need to be in an office. Both myself and my husband have been working from home for the last year and a half, with no expectation that we will go into an office.

Likewise, there is nothing irrational about being concerned about multiple children indoors breathing on each other at a nursery.

You have several relevant conditions, which could mean that you get long COVID. Yes, you are unlikely to die (statistically-speaking), but this is not a nice disease.

It is caught indoors because of a build-up of aerosols, and sitting 2m apart is about as useful as sitting in the non-peeing half of a swimming pool.

Please don't let the OP gaslight you about being worried about this - it is a perfectly legitimate thing to be worried about.

You may feel you have no choice, on balance, but to risk your health for the period before you get vaccinated due to the necessity to keep this job. Many, many people have been forced into these decisions as a result of the pandemic. However, they are not decisions to be made lightly.

If you feel you can manage as a SAHM if everything goes pear-shaped, then this is also a legitimate decision to make. The fact that your employer is so inflexible about health risks and working arrangements doesn't bode well for your life as a working mum and, depending on the sector where you work, and the working/job options you have, you may feel you want to try to jump ship now to avoid future (non-COVID) problems.

Obviously, if you have some way to delay your return to work until you've been vaccinated, or have an idea about alternative job options, that would probably be a good plan.

She's said she can't afford to give up her job. Her level of anxiety isn't proportional to her risk.

Have you had a discussion with your doctor about the fact you're breastfeeding? I am also priority 6 and have just had the vaccine. They asked me to read a list before I had the vaccine. One of the things I had to do was confirm I wasn't breastfeeding. I was feeling pretty glad my nearly 3 year old had recently self weaned. Looking at the guidance it is not that they won't give breastfeeding ladies the vaccine, but it is assessed against clinical need (I have no idea what the assessment entails). It might be worth getting something in place before you're offered the vaccine. At least mention it to your Doctor and see what they say. You don't want it to cause you any delays.