I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

@DianaT1969

OP, how would you feel if your DH did this? Imagine if he resigned, was too afraid to go the supermarket and stopped your DS attending nursery. Even though statistics didn't support his fears. Imagine that lots of people advised him to tackle his health anxiety, but instead he was afraid to take anti-anxiety meds IN CASE he felt numb. He also hung around in a waiting list for free CBT instead of investing in private therapy. Wouldn't you think what a bloody selfish dick - sabotaging our family and refusing to help himself?

@DianaT1969

No. I wouldn’t think him selfish at all.

I’ve known my husband for 15 years.

Thankfully he knows me better than anyone and he knows right now that I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety, and he doesn’t think I’m just being selfish or quitting my job because I can’t be arsed to work.

Even if you were WfH I would expect (as an employer) that you would send your toddler to nursery. You can't possibly get meaningful work done with a toddler underfoot - and it wouldn't be fair on your child either.

I really wouldn't quit your job. Not right now when the reality of the economic impact of covid and brexit has been cushioned but won't be for much longer.

You worry about your child bringing it home - couldn't your DH have brought it home any time over the past year?

(And yet he hasn't. I bet he's been to the supermarket. Work, too?)

@readyplayer2 I guess maybe your employer is thinking that what if it takes longer than the 4/5 weeks your MIL can provide childcare? It’s messing around a fair amount and if you can WFH will other employees want to do this? A company policy must be applied?

Honestly I think you need to visit the office to see what is in place. You are over dramatising because you have been out of the loop for so long due to mat leave. I can empathise slightly as I’m a teacher retuning from 12 months mat leave next month. Very nervous about what this will look like but going to just have to get on with it. My boy will be in nursery full time. I’m sure covid will be rife at some point in our house!

[quote readyplayer2]@Mucklemore

I think you'll feel better getting out and seeing people. Can you start going to the supermarket? Meeting a friend for a walk?

I met a friend for a walk on Friday.

We went to a local park. I took a flask of coffee, sat on a bench (distanced) and we talked whilst out babies slept.
I know you’re not supposed to meet to socialise, but I really, really needed to do that.

The sun was shining and it was a really lovely morning.

I feel okay outside, I did have a bit of a panic when I got home and started to worry I’d gotten close, but I knew I hadn’t and was able to be rational
about that.[/quote]
Well done. Now to build on that.

You can meet a friend for a walk. Could that walk go via a shop? Start with a local quiet shop? Just buy a couple of items? A treat for your son and a treat for you?

Then build up to a supermarket at a quiet time of day. You don't even need to buy anything first time. Just walk round it and leave when it gets too much or once you've done a lap round.

Anxiety thrives on the "what if" and avoiding what makes you anxious just makes it more overwhelming.

I understand that this is your anxiety driving this but i really think it would be a mistake.

How do you think everyone else feels thats worked the whole way through the pandemic? Im sure loads of people were frightened but we have just got on with it.

Just because your son will be at nursery and you will be in an office three times a week does not make it 'inevitable' that you will get this. And even if you do, the figures show you are far more likely to recover than die. You need to stop watching the news on this its not helping you.

I work with the public and have done so full time the whole way through this year. I follow the rules, wear a mask, wash my hands, socially distance, and I haven't caught it.

What I have seen is that shielding colleagues who have gradually returned to work have been very anxious to do so but have felt better once they are back, getting some routine in their life again, and seeing the measures put in place to protect them. So i think those that have been lucky enough to stay at home all year are now struggling more than others that are not used to the new normal.

Quitting before you even try is just silly.

But i do think you need to start venturing out more. Do a food shop once a week maybe? Supermarkets are not scary. One step at a time. It will be tough but you can do it!

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas

You worry about your child bringing it home - couldn't your DH have brought it home any time over the past year?

(And yet he hasn't. I bet he's been to the supermarket. Work, too?)

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas

But my DH doesn’t have close contact with anyone.
He hardly goes to the supermarket. He wfh.
DC will have close contact at nursery.

Your anxiety is way out of proportion to your risk though.
I have asthma, I’m 46 and I’m nowhere near as worried as you.
The chance of you dying age 35 is minuscule.. if you’re worried about your BMI you can do something about that?
I think you are silly to give up your job..and if you’re in group 6 you will get a jab soon anyway.

@PenguinLove1

Supermarkets are not scary. One step at a time. It will be tough but you can do it!

They are, and people on here are always talking about how Covid is air borne. So even if the supermarket is quiet when I go, it doesn’t mean Covid won’t be lingering for me to catch 😭

I mean this kindly OP because I do empathise but it comes down to the fact that you have to choose the lesser of two evils. You either seek medical help for your anxiety and get on top of it which is likely to mean accepting medication. Or, you go ahead with leaving your job and deal with all the negative consequences for your wider life.

I know that sounds shit but unfortunately there isn't a way around it. It's like that children's book "We're going on a bear hunt". Can't go over it, can't go under it, we'll have to go through it!"

Honestly, medication can give you your life back.

CEV staff are in work in low risk areas if they choose to and have approval from Occ Health and that's in a hospital. I think you need to talk to your doctor about your anxiety. Your increased risk of death is absolutely minimal. You need to not throw away a career when jobs are scarce.

The government have really done a great job of putting the fear of god into people to make them comply with lockdowns.

Sadly, health anxiety is going to be a consequence.

I hope you get the help you need soon OP.

If you want to spend more time with your DC and can afford it then its fine, however if covid is your only reason and you enjoy your job or need the income then I would consider holding fire.
you may get a vaccine soon,can you contact your GP and enquire and also talk about your anxiety? Your GP might be able to help.
Also infection rates are decreasing and as more people are vaccinated and warmer weather comes infection rates will be even lower,so youre chances of catching covid will be small . All adults should be vaccinated by end of July so not long at all ,the end is in sight.

You need to stop all this 'yes but'ting OP. It is addictive and you need to stop it.

Speak to your GP AGAIN on Monday, and tell them the whole truth this time.

No-one can help you if you downplay everything because you are yes butting about medication or whatever fear presents itself at that minute.

Do you want to get better so that your son can have a normal mummy? This, now, is the pivotal moment - if you miss it now it will be so, so much harder. You may become quite unwell and it will all slip away from you. You have a wonderful life ahead with your young son - don't lose it.

Will you have to pay back your maternity leave if you quit right now? I would talk to your HR as I believe this is the case and you'd need to work a certain amount before resigning do not to forfeit.
In any case I would may clear your concerns or ask that a risk assessment is carried out to ensure everything has been thought through to keep you safe

Ok - so you are due back at work at the end of March. Your biggest worry is nursery and you need to have settling in sessions for a couple of weeks before you go back. Your MIL can help out but only for a short time. You have a very good job with good benefits and are able to work part time.

1. You really don’t want to give up your job - I suspect it’ll be near impossible to get a part time one at a similar level.
2. Ask MiL to help out for April.
3. I would be very surprised if you don’t get your vaccine in the next couple of weeks. They are motoring through now.
4. Which means you will be safe by mid April.
5. At which point MiL can start doing the settling in sessions with your The downside is that you will be paying for a month’s nursery that you don’t use but that cost is tiny in comparison to the cost of losing your career.
6. You may have to be back at work before you hit the three weeks point so just be careful - wear your mask, use hand gel like it is going out of fashion and keep your distance from people.

I'm CV and have been anxious about COVID. I haven't been in a supermarket for a year and haven't stepped foot in a shop since September. I did try and go into my corner shop but ended up panicking and turning around.

I started a new job recently and unfortunately I had to just get on with it. I work in a hospital in a role where I can't socially distance nor work from home. Within 5 minutes of being there I felt relaxed and I can now sit in the break room with no mask on to eat my lunch without feeling anxious.

I've now had my vaccine but I still have three weeks of work without protection but there's nothing I can do about that.

[quote readyplayer2]@PenguinLove1

Supermarkets are not scary. One step at a time. It will be tough but you can do it!

They are, and people on here are always talking about how Covid is air borne. So even if the supermarket is quiet when I go, it doesn’t mean Covid won’t be lingering for me to catch 😭[/quote]
It doesn’t hang around in the air for hours and everyone is wearing masks!

I agree with the op about ’yes butting’ , I said before that you have had a negative reaction to nearly all the suggestions.
So let’s try and turn this around-Can you say what positive steps you are going to take so that you can participate in life again?

[quote readyplayer2]@balloonsintrees

Totally this...are you actually vulnerable or just self diagnosed?

I find this really patronising!!

I’ve been asthmatic for as long as I can remember, daily steroid inhaler.[/quote]
So, self diagnosed then...
Any hospital admissions for asthma in the past 3 years?

Carry on and find it patronising, I not you completely ignored the rest of my post. You are anxious about nothing, quit your job or don't quit your job, just make your own decision and face up to it.

I don't think you should quite your job. The risk of you getting it will be reducing as the cases go down. I'm ECV and I have been into my office last year and would be fine to go back.

Jobs are hard to find - so I'd ask to go for a visit and see what measures have been put in place.

Please take on board all the constructive suggestions everyone has posted.

I have lived with someone with anxiety, and it is very hard and frustrating when the anxious person responds to every helpful suggestion with "I can't".

What you can do is a) ask your GP to prescribe some anti anxiety meds - no, they don't turn you into a zombie, and b) lose weight.

The first will will help your anxiety, and the second will help reduce the risk, not just of covid, but diabetes, high blood pressure and other weight related health issues.

You owe it to yourself, your child and your husband.

And please be kind to yourself

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Ok - so you are due back at work at the end of March. Your biggest worry is nursery and you need to have settling in sessions for a couple of weeks before you go back. Your MIL can help out but only for a short time. You have a very good job with good benefits and are able to work part time.

1. You really don’t want to give up your job - I suspect it’ll be near impossible to get a part time one at a similar level.
2. Ask MiL to help out for April.
3. I would be very surprised if you don’t get your vaccine in the next couple of weeks. They are motoring through now.
4. Which means you will be safe by mid April.
5. At which point MiL can start doing the settling in sessions with your The downside is that you will be paying for a month’s nursery that you don’t use but that cost is tiny in comparison to the cost of losing your career.
6. You may have to be back at work before you hit the three weeks point so just be careful - wear your mask, use hand gel like it is going out of fashion and keep your distance from people.

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Yep. This sums it up.

Nursery is so expensive, the thought of paying for him to go and not using the place 😖

Maybe I should just suck it up, send him and get back to the office.

@LubaLuca

But if I’m office based and my son in in nursery then it’s inevitable I’m going to get it.

That's nonsense. Nobody in my office has had covid, and we're from all sorts of families - with children in nursery, school, multiple adults in one household going to various workplaces... Plus we're mixing with the public all day.

That's hilarious...I'm school based and in every day, toddler is in nursery every day and a year later nope, none of us have got it. However, everything is delivered at home (no supermarket shops or anything) and I take responsibility for keeping my office and classroom clean as far as I am able to.