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Original poster

I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

591 replies

readyplayer2 · 27/02/2021 15:06

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/02/2021 10:24

And now I realise you were the same poster as was concerned having met a friend outside. The battle between wanting to socialise and sheer anxiety and guilt afterwards was all too evident, yet you don't seem to have articulated that fully to the gp. Can you self refer for cbt by phone? You need to consider positive strategies to mitigate your worries not just avoid such situations.

I suspect your sample of "lots" is rather small compared to the total working out of home and self selective. SIL is high risk due to weight and underlying health but has worked throughout this past year in an office and self isolated with adult dn who had covid, yet has never caught it. It is not a given.

BearEastie · 28/02/2021 10:57

@LIZS half the population needs CBT at the moment - it's not that easy to just self refer to any mental health service given the huge wait lists they are currently experiencing.

RampantIvy · 28/02/2021 10:57

You seem to have got stuck in a rut of only believing negative stuff about covid. Please, please listen to the common sense being written on here.

PricklesAndSpikes · 28/02/2021 11:10

@fightingSmiths

how would working from home sort the nursery issue anyways? You said that worries you more than the office. Where would the baby be whilst you work your 3 days? Confused
The OP has answered this several times! If you are going to comment at least read the OP's replies if not the entire thread...
notapizzaeater · 28/02/2021 11:43

You really need to go back to the GP and explain how you cannot do anything with the anxiety. Short term they can give you meds to get over this. You really need long term support, it will be no good for any of you to be so anxious around illness.

BlueThistles · 28/02/2021 16:49

OP just resign... it's fairly obvious it's what you want to do 🌺

MollyMinniesMum · 28/02/2021 17:24

Go sick

Yogalola · 28/02/2021 17:36

If you are a vulnerable person then your employer has a duty of care to protect you. Why not ask to go into work to see what provisions they’ve made to protect everyone from catching COVID.
If you’ve been shielding and hadn’t been on maternity leave would you have been furloughed? As it’s a large office is there an HR person you can talk to?

Doireallyneedaname · 28/02/2021 17:36

If it’s any consolation, I’m on leave but my office have been open through out, now with around 50 in there and there hasn’t been one case of Covid.

Ilovewolfblass · 28/02/2021 17:36

You are been ridiculous.

If I am honest, it sounds like you are been lazy. You are blaming covid for not going in but haven’t even bothered to find out the measures taken with their covid secure policy.

Tear up your notice as it will be hard enough trying to get a job in 6 months time, especially when a potential employer asks your for leaving your last job. No new employer want to hire a WFH HR nightmare.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 28/02/2021 17:45

@Yogalola

If you are a vulnerable person then your employer has a duty of care to protect you. Why not ask to go into work to see what provisions they’ve made to protect everyone from catching COVID. If you’ve been shielding and hadn’t been on maternity leave would you have been furloughed? As it’s a large office is there an HR person you can talk to?
She hasn’t been asked to shield, she is not at particularly high risk. Only reason she thinks she is is her untreated anxiety.
Jeeperscreepers69 · 28/02/2021 17:47

Psoriasis? What's that got to do with covid? Sounds to me like your real issue is sending your son to nursery. And leaving your baby. Pull up your girl pants and get on with it. We have to live with this. You have a immune system... Use it.

Chewingle · 28/02/2021 17:47

@Yogalola

* If you are a vulnerable person then your employer has a duty of care to protect you. *

Employer has duty of cate to protect any and all employees. Indeed anyone on site.
Not just vulnerable

FakingMemories · 28/02/2021 17:49

You’ve made up your mind already so no matter what anyone says here it won’t make any difference.

However, at a BMI of 40 you are at far greater risk of other things. You say food has been your only comfort. And that’s the issue. Remaining in isolation where you can’t even face going to a supermarket (have you researched how many supermarket employees have died?) is not going to help your anxiety and will also cause you to turn to yet more food which will not help your BMI and your general physical health. You need help for the anxiety but you also need to start thinking yourself well and stop talking yourself into worst case scenarios. The damage you are doing to your mental health is a lot worse than you realise.

I’m in a foreign country so I didn’t know what “group 6” means. I’ve just googled it. That list of conditions must cover half the population. Interesting that if I lived in the UK I’d also be in this “group 6”. But where I live I’m the lowest priority. It all depends on how governments are arranging vaccines and this idea of “priority groups” isn’t helpful language for people with anxiety who immediately assume they will die if they get within 2 metres of someone. Where I live vaccines are prioritised based on occupation.

Tistheseason17 · 28/02/2021 17:51

Jobs are going to be very difficult to come by in the future.

I'm tubby, have had emergency admission with asthma and an auto immune disease.

It's been fine. It will initially be scary as you've not been there for so long. Hands, face, space is double.

Can you asked for a phased return to build up confidence? That's what we did for a staff member.

Alpal1 · 28/02/2021 18:03

if you have recently had a baby, you are most likely much too young to be at risk of death/hospital unless you are diabetic perhaps. Only you know how much risk you are prepared to take, but I think your fear is of the unknown because you have been off so long.

Try this calculator www.qcovid.org/Calculation
It might not be 100% accurate, it is, but it helped me to put going to work into perspective.

Good luck

impossible · 28/02/2021 18:05

Could you negotiate wfh or unpaid leave until you have your vaccine and it's kicked in? Presumably you could also speak to HR about the precautions in place and find ways to make yourself feel more secure.

You may be very glad of your job in a few months and it may not be easy to get another.

chubacca · 28/02/2021 18:07

Ask to see a copy of the company covid risk assessment and for them to tell you how the office is managed to make it covid secure. At least then you can see what is put in place and what you need to do to be compliant in work too.
My place has made me feel very safe and I’m one of the 1.7 million now cev I still feel safe enough there.

Mancity100 · 28/02/2021 18:08

I go all over for work and I hardly know anyone had caught it , I don't listen to the news hardly or look at social media

I mentioned about your bmi previously but if you lost weight your overall health would totally improve, I don't calorie count just eat plenty of plant based food and feel good my bmi came down im not tired and dint ache all over anymore

This lockdown I put 10 lbs on was eayinh poor but last 2 week I gave the crap up mostly and i lost it and feel better

People need to stop say people ate fat shaming as its a proven fact , eat better your health improves

iwannafurloughmydp · 28/02/2021 18:09

Sorry, but what makes you think that being asthmatic the risk is “very very low” ?

It is obviously not.
Covid is a horrible and unpredictable disease.
I was a “very very low” asthmatic and ended up 9 days in hospital after catching covid through my job (TA in a primary school, where we are all “adhering” to social distancing - another BS!!!, bubbles, opened windows and doors... all this c r a p and still got it and made my life hell with hun long covid.
For the same reason I am also giving my notice tomorrow, as I don’t believe that I will be safe back at work on the 8th and teachers not being given priority before schools go back is atrocious ! Is a death trap !
Is up to each one to choose their fate and employers don’t care if you live or die, they just substitute you.
My mum is also on ICU for the last 14 days with covid and she never had any health issues.

Trust your instincts OP and hand in your notice. You will find another job after this is all gone :)

Good luck

GrandadBob · 28/02/2021 18:14

You should not just turn up for work anyway after being away for so long. You should talk to your employer about a return induction so you are clear about the procedure changes they have made to make the workplace Covid safe. You have been away for a long time and most women who have had a baby feel anxious about going back and leaving the little one. So maybe it’s not Covid you are worried about. Your medical conditions are all treatable and as long as you behave yourself and follow the government guidelines you will be fine. You just need to avoid the idiots who think they are invincible and be firm with colleagues who approach you without a mask. Make some notes of your concerns then give your employer a call to discuss a phased return or a proper return induction which they should do anyway.

Ddot · 28/02/2021 18:22

Could you maybe get a little sick time. Not exactly honest but bugger it. Go to doctor and explain your not sleeping and are losing time. I know I will get slated but, whatever

August1980 · 28/02/2021 18:23

Hi OP, i think as the others have highlighted : can afford to give up your job? I am currently recruiting for a role on my team (junior position) salary about £40k and it’s a employers market. The amount of CV’s I have received and the calibre of individuals applying has left me spoilt for choice. What I am saying is even if you do get an interview for another in 6/12 months you are going to be coming up against some candidates who can do the role and then some without costing the company more. Of your company says it’s covid secure - you should ask what that means. In my office, it’s every other desk occupied, one way system. Communal areas eg print rooms need to be wipers down before you put in your passcode to retrieve your prints and wiped afterwards. Cleaning teams are there throughout the day. Wiping up coffee machine, vending machine etc. There will be a time I think they may implement testing too.. the others have also said mild asthma doesn’t mean you will certainly catch and be worst off. I have mild asthma and I am on steroids to manage it. I do my weekly shop. I run a few times a week, with my dog and I have been ok. I even volunteered as a vaccinator. Hopefully, you will be up soon for your vaccine.

Lurcherloves · 28/02/2021 18:25

I think that returning to work after maternity leave is anxiety ridden in normal times and is made much worse by the pandemic.
In terms of Covid, I go into my office, though I do have my own room and it is safer, everyone is spaced out and we wear masks unless sat at our desk, clients are not coming in, we have ample supplies of cleaning products etc.
Honestly once you have been back a while I’m sure you will feel fine. A member of staff got Covid back in November, though her symptoms began on a Saturday no other staff member became unwell so I hope that reassures you that it can work.
I remember returning to work after a break and feeling so awkward just answering the phone, it soon passes and your confidence will come back. Don’t hide away.

Psychobobble · 28/02/2021 18:27

@iwannafuloughmydp

Surely as you have fairly recently had a hefty dose of covid you will have antibodies galore and therefore be at very low risk of catching covid again in the near future, by which time you will be vaccinated?

Friend of mine was poorly last March and was still donating blood with high levels of antibodies in pretty recently.