People who would like lockdown indefinitely

[PooRaulsRagDace]

Some of the threads on here have me thinking of my mother. She’s no longer with us but l know that if she were still alive then this pandemic would have been a gift from god.

Put bluntly she had no life, she never wanted to leave the house, go to work, learn to drive, she had no friends, no hobbies, no interest in anything at all except daytime TV and having a drink.

She knew that she was judged for her lifestyle and she knew she was very much in the minority and deep down it bothered her.

She loved snowy weather - snow days meant you couldn’t leave the house! No one judged you for staying in all day, you were fully expected to stay at home.

The pandemic has allowed people like this to relax and be safe in the knowledge that no one is expected to leave the home. All the people in my circle continually calling for further lockdown are people who don’t or don’t like working, never go anywhere, never do anything and have few friends and no outside interests.

People with young children who are not sending them back to school at all - I suspect so they don’t have to bother getting dressed to take them. It’s the same type of people!

No one that I know who is working, who has hobbies, friends, interests are calling for further lockdowns - only people with no lives anyway.

Anyone else notice this?

OP I agree! I swear all the people who I know who want lockdown extended love controlling their partners and like knowing where exactly where they are (i.e not having fun without them haha).

Thank you @IrmaFayLear

Another thing I have noticed with 'group 2', is the self reassuring.
So say person A who is group 2 will tell themselves they are an introvert and like staying in alone on weekends with their immediate family every weekend. Yet look bitterly on social media at group of friends taking selfies in a wine bar on a Saturday night. Telling themselves they prefer a boxset and don't need anyone but their dp/kids/dog etc. But they don't analyse that if they love it so much, why do they feel bitter about the wine bar photo? Its because they don't have a choice but to stay in every weekend. They don't have the invitation to go to the wine bar. They haven't had the opportunity to turn down gatherings and meals with friends. So its self preserving to tell yourself you wouldn't want to go anyway.

Yet what person A doesn't realise is that the only way to give themselves choices to find out if they really are an introvert is to first, acknowledge that actually they do want the choice to go out with friends, even if they decide they don't want to go. Then once they have the choice they'll probably look at that photo of friends on social media in a neutral light with no emotions instead of bitterness. Knowing it was a CHOICE not to go.

Sure, it might have suited your mother, there are even likely people similar to her as part of those who would like lockdown 'indefinitely'. Part. There are also those with genuine worries, those who have been breaking the rules for ages who love a bit of grandstanding authority which it seems a lot of people here want to be on socially isolated people....

Like people are tired of 'smug' threads of people who disagree with 'the roadmap', I'm a little sick of how many times I'm seeing socially isolated people getting thrown under the bus. We get it, you don't like people who have a different opinion to you and speak out about it so you want to claim they must be people with no lives. Let's just shred the discussion and work pre-pandemic and throughout there has been talk about reducing the major social and health issues around loneliness, because now , according to so many on mumsnet, socially isolated people are just assholes with no lives who are 'comforted' by others being lonely too so what's the point?

This may come as a shocker, but having been the lonely sickly weirdo at school and had a lot of periods of loss and loneliness as adult including having had very little change in lockdown, I've actually spent a lot of lockdown worrying a lot about people suffering the same loneliness that I have, the difficulties in learning coping skills during times there was no end in sight. I've worried about that even more feeling sorry for myself that the things likely to change my situation are likely to struggle to reopen even when it is legally possible.

Yesterday when I talked about this, I got quite upset and got some kind messages I'm grateful for and have been thinking about, but right now I'm just pissed off - it's great your life pre-pandemic was so great, that you haven't gone through periods of losing everyone and being everyone else's last consideration, but would it really be so much to ask to consider that the people you disagree likely come from a wide range of perspectives (and a wide range of compliance) and consider both those happy to be alone and the lonely, those with social anxiety, the pain of loss, others for whom unlocking isn't going to magically make everything socially better, aren't your enemy.

I see no reason to assume those alone to be any more against the roadmap out than anyone else. While I'd like schools and other public places to get better resources and support to do so well, I'm personally looking forward to swimming again, hoping this will make moving easier, and just maybe helping my circumstances change if groups and community centres near me can get back on their feet, even if I'm not as able to do so as most.

@IrmaFayLear

Exactly, it's not all about you or me, or any individual really is it.
"No man is an island" and all that. I really do think that no one would have been unaffected by this regardless of the action taken, from a longer, quicker and harder lockdown initially to no lockdown at all. There'd have been concequences to pay for this regardless, because as much as humans might like to think we're in control of this, we're not.
We can affect the course, but once the genie was out of the bottle so to speak, it wasn't going away.

I've seen some pretty nasty posts from both 'sides'. Being accused of single handedly overwhelming the NHS for buying a bloody Easter egg, people struggling with mental illness and isolation (one of the things you're encouraged to fight usually where mental illness is concerned) told to just get over it. Then the other side of people like me, (who understand something needed to be done, and trusted that a Tory government wouldn't be paying millions to provide support to people like me, if it wasn't utterly necessary and the lesser predicted impact of all this) are accused of only caring about covid, not caring about mental illness, or the economic effects, the effects on education. Of being selfish. If you talk about it at all, however measured and balanced you are.

A parent in a family of 4 dying from covid is no less a tragedy than a parent in a family of 4 dying from suicide, and vice versa. They're both on the face of it, avoidable deaths. Neither is worth more than the other.

I am still struggling to understand though why concern over covid, and following the rules no matter how begrudgingly, is all faux and virtue signalling.
Yet concern over mental health, the economy and children and education is valid and worthy and not faux or virtue signalling.

Because that's the gist of this thread really.
Both are concerns about other people and the wider impact. Both are valid concerns.
For every nasty post about hospitality closing not being an issue, encouraging people to just get on with it regardless, about how children should be more resilient and people just can't be arsed to look after their own etc, etc, there'll be another about how anyone complying is just a virtue signaller, or anyone thinking about the effects of covid as an illness is selfish and only cares about covid, about how people complying are just sheeple and idiots.
I don't think either is acceptable to be honest.
If this last year has shown me anything it's that people seem to demand that their pov is respected and are totally unable to even discuss the possibility of there being a different pov, while bitterly complaining and pointing the finger at other people who are just as entrenched in their own pov and doing exactly the same.
Very few people seem to be able to discuss this (or anything of importance really) with any rationality at all.
Is it any wonder mental illness is so high (even before this) it makes for a miserable existence constantly being told your pov, and therefore you, are not even worthy of being listened to.
And that's coming from all sides.

I agree OP

Excellent post @Nocares I really think you have hit the nail on the head.

@BiBabbles

Sure, it might have suited your mother, there are even likely people similar to her as part of those who would like lockdown 'indefinitely'. Part. There are also those with genuine worries, those who have been breaking the rules for ages who love a bit of grandstanding authority which it seems a lot of people here want to be on socially isolated people....

Like people are tired of 'smug' threads of people who disagree with 'the roadmap', I'm a little sick of how many times I'm seeing socially isolated people getting thrown under the bus. We get it, you don't like people who have a different opinion to you and speak out about it so you want to claim they must be people with no lives. Let's just shred the discussion and work pre-pandemic and throughout there has been talk about reducing the major social and health issues around loneliness, because now , according to so many on mumsnet, socially isolated people are just assholes with no lives who are 'comforted' by others being lonely too so what's the point?

This may come as a shocker, but having been the lonely sickly weirdo at school and had a lot of periods of loss and loneliness as adult including having had very little change in lockdown, I've actually spent a lot of lockdown worrying a lot about people suffering the same loneliness that I have, the difficulties in learning coping skills during times there was no end in sight. I've worried about that even more feeling sorry for myself that the things likely to change my situation are likely to struggle to reopen even when it is legally possible.

Yesterday when I talked about this, I got quite upset and got some kind messages I'm grateful for and have been thinking about, but right now I'm just pissed off - it's great your life pre-pandemic was so great, that you haven't gone through periods of losing everyone and being everyone else's last consideration, but would it really be so much to ask to consider that the people you disagree likely come from a wide range of perspectives (and a wide range of compliance) and consider both those happy to be alone and the lonely, those with social anxiety, the pain of loss, others for whom unlocking isn't going to magically make everything socially better, aren't your enemy.

I see no reason to assume those alone to be any more against the roadmap out than anyone else. While I'd like schools and other public places to get better resources and support to do so well, I'm personally looking forward to swimming again, hoping this will make moving easier, and just maybe helping my circumstances change if groups and community centres near me can get back on their feet, even if I'm not as able to do so as most.

I so agree with this.

So many sociable, extrovert people think it so easy to make friends, have relationships and to get on in life , so why can't everyone else be like them.

If only there was a magic potion that I could take so I could be an extrovert with lots of friends.

I am a loner, always have been. However, I do have social skills and do make an effort. That's why I do miss the office and chatting with colleagues.

So, OP there are lots of us lonely Billy no mates, who do want lockdown to end, so that we can engage with other people in the few ways we can.

Yet look bitterly on social media why do they feel bitter about the wine bar photo? Its because they don't have a choice but to stay in every weekend. They don't have the invitation to go to the wine bar. They haven't had the opportunity to turn down gatherings and meals with friends. So its self preserving to tell yourself you wouldn't want to go anyway.

What should they do then ? Beg the friends they do have to invite them ? suggest to the ppl they know that they I get invited to social dos, but are deemed as not worthy enough to get invited as we they are considered not "besties", or to keep the circle small, or they were a friend who lives 100s of miles away now.

You do have to put a positive spin on things and try to be content with being at home with family, dog etc as otherwise you will be desperate and beg for friends and invites and then end up getting used and laughed at secretly and still not invited anywhere. They is nothing else you can do to feel better sometimes in these situations than to try and be content in your current situation.

Sometimes in life you don't get these friends to socialise with for various reasons and not just cause your a "weirdo and loner, oddball"

Absolutely, @Maverickess .

Social media has enabled people to shout and shout and not listen. Discussion is seen as backing down. The only position is your position and anyone who disagrees is offensive or a bully.

On MN someone can write a very reasoned post on whatever subject, but the next person or the next doesn’t respond , they just state their point, so it’s not like a real-life back and forth conversation. Twitter is far worse.

I'm an introvert. I prefer not to socialise too much. The only thing I was really bothered about was schools going back. But that's not what the OP means. She's not judging people for preferring a quiet life. It's more about the absolute and total insistence from some that we stay in lockdown for longer (forever) because they prefer it. That we ALL need to because THEY want to.

I agree with you 10000%

@Chocolo

I don’t think OP has been unpleasant.

I find the honesty refreshing and much more of a reflection of what people in the real world are saying.

I enjoyed the humour too. Wish there were more threads like this on the coronavirus board instead of the swathes of LOCKDOWN 4EVA ❤️

I agree. Also, this made me laugh.

@allyjay

I'm an introvert. I prefer not to socialise too much. The only thing I was really bothered about was schools going back. But that's not what the OP means. She's not judging people for preferring a quiet life. It's more about the absolute and total insistence from some that we stay in lockdown for longer (forever) because they prefer it. That we ALL need to because THEY want to.

Yes that’s how I read it too!

I’m still here and can assure that it’s exactly what I meant. No one loves a quiet, relaxing day more than me, I fully understand that people are entitled to live their lives at the pace that suits them.

However, I do get annoyed at the constant crying out for extended restrictions, lockdowns and scaremongering so that they can suit themselves to stay at home, not work, not take the kids to school, close off ‘real life’ all dressed up as fear of exploding virus numbers, millions of deaths, escaping variant viruses etc.

People need to read the facts and understand that in normal, healthy individuals the risk is very small. I’ll decide my level of risk and you decide yours. But don’t pretend that you perceive a huge level of risk to yourself when deep down you just don’t WANT to return to normal life.

@PooRaulsRagDace

I’m still here and can assure that it’s exactly what I meant. No one loves a quiet, relaxing day more than me, I fully understand that people are entitled to live their lives at the pace that suits them.

However, I do get annoyed at the constant crying out for extended restrictions, lockdowns and scaremongering so that they can suit themselves to stay at home, not work, not take the kids to school, close off ‘real life’ all dressed up as fear of exploding virus numbers, millions of deaths, escaping variant viruses etc.

People need to read the facts and understand that in normal, healthy individuals the risk is very small. I’ll decide my level of risk and you decide yours. But don’t pretend that you perceive a huge level of risk to yourself when deep down you just don’t WANT to return to normal life.

Totally agree with this Op

This thread is so far removed from real life to me. I dont know anyone at all who wants lockdown to last forever. I dont know anyone like that at all. Who are these people? I dont believe they even exist. Everyone I know wants their life back, however big or small it was before.

“However, I do get annoyed at the constant crying out for extended restrictions, lockdowns and scaremongering so that they can suit themselves to stay at home, not work, not take the kids to school, close off ‘real life’ all dressed up as fear of exploding virus numbers, millions of deaths, escaping variant viruses etc. “

This 200%

Oops meant 100%

The curtain twitchers won’t have a role anymore......

Fear makes us behave strangely. I think there are people like your mum , but also some people who are scared to go back to normality. For whatever reason. Fear of the virus, or fear of living life to the full after a kind of year long institutionalisation

Or maybe they're clever people who would like to avoid another lockdown and prefer to bite the bullet now.

When you have to make up stuff about people who hold different views to you it says a lot about the weakness of your own position, not to mention your character.

I think there are also people who have just lost the habit of going places and mixing with others. Last summer (when we were allowed to mix with one other family indoors) I felt like I had to relearn how to be social.

@Twillow

I like being at home. I love spending time with my children and have lots of activities I enjoy. I don't much enjoy being overcharged for sub-par food in restaurants, shouting conversations in sticky bars or rubbing elbows with leery beery males in pubs.

The only thing I've really missed is seeing relatives who live in distant places.

Ironically I've not been furloughed as I work in an essential industry - I think it would have been the very heaven for me!

Oh God I'd love the chance to be over-charged for sub-par food, to shout conversations in sticky bars and maybe even to rub elbows with leery beery males in pubs! I love my children, love my walks, love nature, love reading, love my home - but I knew all of that already and it never was and still isn't quite enough for me I'm afraid. I love being out there in the world too, people watching, having the possibility of new situations, meeting people, spontaneity, all of that, the stuff that sparks interest, that makes me feel fully alive. But I guess we're all different!

From what I’ve seen it’s people calling for indefinite closure of things they don’t particularly like or are unaffected by . So those who never eat out can’t see why restaurants or pubs should open, sport haters sneer at wanting to go to a football match etc etc.

Where it gets nasty is when those people blame whatever it is they don’t like for the whole situation; there have been posters calling for the end of schooling because of germ-ridden kids and as for people going for a walk and leaving covid on gate posts....

@PooRaulsRagDace

I’m still here and can assure that it’s exactly what I meant. No one loves a quiet, relaxing day more than me, I fully understand that people are entitled to live their lives at the pace that suits them.

However, I do get annoyed at the constant crying out for extended restrictions, lockdowns and scaremongering so that they can suit themselves to stay at home, not work, not take the kids to school, close off ‘real life’ all dressed up as fear of exploding virus numbers, millions of deaths, escaping variant viruses etc.

People need to read the facts and understand that in normal, healthy individuals the risk is very small. I’ll decide my level of risk and you decide yours. But don’t pretend that you perceive a huge level of risk to yourself when deep down you just don’t WANT to return to normal life.

Well done op i completely agree with you. People need to own their feelings and not dress them up as something else.