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It's shit for everyone. Please stop competitive hardship

113 replies

MsMarch · 11/02/2021 10:03

Argh. I'm so tired of this.

I know parents who are at home, working and homeschooling and really struggling.

I know parents with children at school because they are key workers who are stressed and struggling because they can't get wrap around care, they're at risk every time they go to work etc.

Other families are at home, not working but worrying about whether they're going to be able to pay the bills long term.

Old people are lonely.

Small children are lonely and not getting opportunities to socialise and learn.

High school children are getting hugely behind - this is a disaster.

KS1 children are missing the vast bulk of their early years education and getting hugely behind, this is a disaster.

Children with any kind of additional needs are getting less support and falling further behind. This is a disaster.

People living alone are totally isolated and incredibly lonely.

People with families are struggling with being cooped up in their house/flat etc with no respite.

the list goes on.

I can have my own struggle and feel really stressed about it but that doesn't mean I think my issues are more important than the person next door who has different struggles and stresses. I am so tired of this inability of so many of us to see this. One woman left our class WhatsApp group in a huff because 1/3 of the children are back at school and she is so angry about it and thinks the parents are taking the piss. I mean, FFS.

OP posts:
rosie39forever · 11/02/2021 10:10

👏👏👏 but it's all about meeeeeee

MackenCheese · 11/02/2021 10:10

You are right, it's not a competition, and it's so boring to moan about it. It actually makes me feel more relaxed, knowing that my son has basically lost a year of school, is completely disengaged and we're all in the same boat! 😂 In any other situation I would be tearing my hair out. My marriage collapsed at the end of the 1st lockdown, so I have good reason to just get through one day at a time as a new single mum. It's no good telling me how well/terrible other families are doing (sticks fingers in ears.. lalalalala!)

RaaRaaeee · 11/02/2021 10:13

Completely agree!

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 11/02/2021 10:15

To be fair though I wouldn't want to be some of my friends that have 3 small children and trying to home school.. being furloughed with older children and no mortgage etc might be quite fun.! I do agree with you though some people cannot see outside their own box !

Hotcuppatea · 11/02/2021 10:16

Yep. Competitive misery. Its such a waste of time and effort.

TheAvenger · 11/02/2021 10:17

but it's not shit for everyone and it is a lot shittier for some than for others. It's not a level playing field at all..

JorisBonson · 11/02/2021 10:19

But I have it worse than EVERYONE.

😁 I agree wholeheartedly OP. The competitive misery is pissing me right off.

OverTheRainbow88 · 11/02/2021 10:19

I disagree, it’s much much much much harder for many. Did you read the article about the lady who suffocated her child with autism due to sheer desperation?

We are ok, happy marriage, kids at nursery whilst we work as key workers. Not ECV so not shielding. Parents around the corner so easy to pop by outside and check in.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/02/2021 10:19

I don’t 100% agree.

Yes, competitive misery is a total waste of time.

But I do think people need to be mindful that this is much harder for some than others.

I wouldn’t moan about how hard working and partially homeschooling is in front of someone who’d lost their job, for instance.

I would expect a healthy, child free adult who can work from home and lives with a partner not to moan to me that they’re “boooored” and “when will the pubs open???” When I’ve got a rather more difficult time as a single parent also working full time!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/02/2021 10:20

People who insist they have it THE WORST are annoying though.

Ijustreallywantacat · 11/02/2021 10:24

Eh, I cant really blame anyone for being angry, fed up, upset, etc right now. I find the attitude of 'we're in the same boat stop moaning' most unhelpful. Its exactly the sort of thing that stops people seeking help, because they feel guilty about being sad!

People need to sound off, and I do my best for the people I love, to listen to them, as I know I'd want them to listen to me.

OverTheRubicon · 11/02/2021 10:26

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I don’t 100% agree.

Yes, competitive misery is a total waste of time.

But I do think people need to be mindful that this is much harder for some than others.

I wouldn’t moan about how hard working and partially homeschooling is in front of someone who’d lost their job, for instance.

I would expect a healthy, child free adult who can work from home and lives with a partner not to moan to me that they’re “boooored” and “when will the pubs open???” When I’ve got a rather more difficult time as a single parent also working full time!

Agree with this. I was made redundant - which as a lone parent is pretty terrifying - but also appreciate that I've got a decent package and that worst case, my parents have a spare bedroom and DC and I have somewhere to live. That doesn't make it easy to be homeschooling 3 DCs while looking for a job, especially because my family live a long way away and stbxh has health issues that mean he can't do sole care of the DCs, but at least I don't have to have fear being homeless. I honestly thought I was sad but lucky enough.

The I talk to friends and they complain because they think it's 'so unfair' that others are furloughed, or have kids in school, when they themselves are WFH in a nice house with nice secure jobs with diligent high school age children and a grandparent in a bubble with them, and I honestly think they don't know they're born...

Ijustreallywantacat · 11/02/2021 10:26

Also Gertrude, you say competitive misery is a waste of time...then go on to say people shouldn't express their feelings at you because you have it harder??

People have the right to feel bored too!

NewYearHere20 · 11/02/2021 10:27

I totally agree with you @MsMarch. I'm finding this lockdown particularly hard for various reasons - but I wouldn't want to compare my hardship with anyone else's - everyone has their own problems its not a competition.
Also - don't' get me started on the conveyor belt of different groups on the TV/media all crying "but we've been left out of government help" For goodness sake - the government can't save everyone. Doesn't everyone realise that ultimately we will ALL be paying for all the bailouts over the last 12 months!!! I'm not saying there shouldn't have been financial help from the government - there absolutely should of been - its just people need to realise that everyone doesn't have an absolute right to be financially supported by the tax payers.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2021 10:29

I don’t agree. Some are having a really hard time and it’s fine to try and get support.

Also if people vent and say or do things that show frustration I don’t think it’s surprising.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2021 10:30

Although I do think it’s tough for many. Just that people should vent etc if they want.

Nsky · 11/02/2021 10:30

Tis boring, luckily I go to work, and have love bug miss Abby the tabby, and friends to talk to 😊

Insert1x20p · 11/02/2021 10:31

I don’t mind people moaning tbh. The people that piss me off are the ones that share the pictures of WW1 trenches and tell everyone to stop moaning that they’ve lost their business, their home and all their savings as those things can be replaced whereas every life is precious and there is no cost too high to save every single one. Those people are dicks and if they really believe that they’d better eschew capitalism completely and go live in a cave somewhere.

felineflutter · 11/02/2021 10:31

I think YABU to a degree. First lockdown was incredibly difficult for our family both healthcare frontline not sure if Covid would kill us, our family etc and being around ill people. This lockdown we have it easier DC at school, although one at home, secure jobs and a focus to keep going. We have a nice house and garden etc. It is definitely harder to WFH( have lost a job), home school, possibly from a small flat with little money so yes other people have it much harder than me at the moment.

People may have lost loved ones to Covid.

It doesn't stop me feeling a bit down about everything though.

BamboozledandBefuddled · 11/02/2021 10:31

@Ijustreallywantacat

Also Gertrude, you say competitive misery is a waste of time...then go on to say people shouldn't express their feelings at you because you have it harder??

People have the right to feel bored too!

This. I have sympathy for anyone who is struggling with this situation for any reason. I don't rank the reason(s) why people are struggling or try and judge whether their reasons are more valid than mine. It might make things easier if more people took the same approach.
OverTheRubicon · 11/02/2021 10:31

@Ijustreallywantacat

Also Gertrude, you say competitive misery is a waste of time...then go on to say people shouldn't express their feelings at you because you have it harder??

People have the right to feel bored too!

Actually, people who are bored right now, or on the internet looking for pointless activities to fill their time, really annoy me. Volunteering is not always easy right now, but there are still many organisations looking for help, often unglamorous but important, or there are local clean streets initiatives, or you can exercise, or do something creative, or have a chat from the gate with a lonely neighbour, or help out your friend WFH with four kids by making a zoom appointment to listening to her DC's reading practice... There are SO MANY ways to contribute to making your or someone else's life better. I'm sympathetic to misery, but I honestly think it's pretty shameful to be complaining about boredom right now, when so many others are struggling to keep their heads above water with work, kids, or actual illness.
Alyssasbackrolls · 11/02/2021 10:32

I don't know, I know a few people without kids who loved being on furlough over summer. I can't see them being just as stressed out as a wfh parent with three kids to teach. I take your general point though, grass always looks greener...

BooFuckingHoo2 · 11/02/2021 10:33

Sorry but I don’t agree.

I think single people, living alone have it by FAR the hardest. There’s a reason solitary confinement is used as a form of torture.

I have a good friend who’s 38 and unable to meet a potential partner for almost a year now, she lives alone and is conscious biology is not on her side in terms of having a family. Not only that but she can’t even go out and have fun with friends/family anymore.

mollypuss1 · 11/02/2021 10:34

@TheAvenger

but it's not shit for everyone and it is a lot shittier for some than for others. It's not a level playing field at all..
Totally agree. It’s varying degrees of shitness for many but it’s definitely not shit for everyone. I know a couple of people loving this lockdown for various reasons.
TedMullins · 11/02/2021 10:36

Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel, and I totally agree competitive misery is pointless. People shouldn’t be shamed for complaining, we’re allowed to moan. But it is also true that some people do have it harder than others - that’s just a fact. Likely people in low paid jobs (that’s not shaming them, I think most of these jobs should pay much more as it’s never been so apparent how vital they are) who can’t not go to work, may be struggling with childcare/money/lack of space etc. People who’ve lost jobs and/or homes, or are in insecure accommodation or homeless. Of course, the plight of these people doesn’t invalidate anyone else’s concerns and shouldn’t be used to make people feel they haven’t got a right to complain, but the playing field isn’t level.