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It's shit for everyone. Please stop competitive hardship

113 replies

MsMarch · 11/02/2021 10:03

Argh. I'm so tired of this.

I know parents who are at home, working and homeschooling and really struggling.

I know parents with children at school because they are key workers who are stressed and struggling because they can't get wrap around care, they're at risk every time they go to work etc.

Other families are at home, not working but worrying about whether they're going to be able to pay the bills long term.

Old people are lonely.

Small children are lonely and not getting opportunities to socialise and learn.

High school children are getting hugely behind - this is a disaster.

KS1 children are missing the vast bulk of their early years education and getting hugely behind, this is a disaster.

Children with any kind of additional needs are getting less support and falling further behind. This is a disaster.

People living alone are totally isolated and incredibly lonely.

People with families are struggling with being cooped up in their house/flat etc with no respite.

the list goes on.

I can have my own struggle and feel really stressed about it but that doesn't mean I think my issues are more important than the person next door who has different struggles and stresses. I am so tired of this inability of so many of us to see this. One woman left our class WhatsApp group in a huff because 1/3 of the children are back at school and she is so angry about it and thinks the parents are taking the piss. I mean, FFS.

OP posts:
LaLaBlahBlah · 11/02/2021 14:35

Yeah I get this even if I say I'm really tired to my mum. I've got a 3yr old off nursery (we are in Scotland). My DH and I work from home. Trying to juggle childcare, work, cooking, cleaning etc is tiring. We're finding this much more exhausting that during the spring/summer.. I say to my mum that I'm tired and I'm told that there's worse off than me like my brother who has three much older kids. Wasn't trying to compete just saying I'm tired!

tootiredtospeak · 11/02/2021 14:43

Maybe people are just talking about it more as they are finding it harder which really should be promoted for good mental health. To shut people down as others are suffering is akin to non covid times and telling my kids that there are starving people in the world when they dont finish their food. They dont relate..

the80sweregreat · 11/02/2021 14:49

We're all tired. Even the most optimistic people I know are suffering and the recent cold snap we have had has made people feel even more hemmed in i feel. When you can only go to a supermarket or hardware store or to work and back ( if your not wfh) then it is boring and tedious. We like to go to the cinema or a meal out now and again, but when you can't even do this it can get to you a bit even if it's not that important really in the scheme of things not to mention those that may lose their jobs in this sectors. It's worse for them of course.
I know things will improve in time , but it feels never ending at the moment. I know I shouldn't moan on , but it's hard not to get down about it.

mootymoo · 11/02/2021 14:49

Totally agree. For different reasons it's bad for most people. We are aware though that we personally are fortunate that it's just boredom and not being able to see family and friends that's getting us down - secure jobs, no underlying health conditions, but I'm worried about my student dds

snowydaysandholidays · 11/02/2021 14:58

It is collectively shit for absolutely everyone unless you are a hermit. I don’t even ask friends how they are now, they look as bad as I feel.

vera99 · 11/02/2021 15:22

One pandemic lasted 15 million years !!

WinstonmissesXmas · 11/02/2021 15:23

A lot of it is down to attitude too. Some people are naturally glass half empty.

I could see my situation as bad because I have an ill and shielding DH, I’m working from home FT and trying to homeschool. I have a lot on my plate. I’m a keyworker but can’t send the kids in due to DH’s illness.

Or - I could think, DH doesn’t have Covid, the kids are here safe with me, I have a job and a flexible boss and this isn’t forever.

MsMarch · 11/02/2021 15:27

@Silenceisgolden20

OP- Er, why shouldn't the mum leave a what's app group if she wants? Why wouldn't she be allowed to be pissed off and not what to read it? Sounds a sensible thing to do. You didn't know what's going on with her mental health. You would have no idea.
This is a fair point. except she didn't just leave. She flounced off making it clear she thought the bulk of the other parents were taking the piss and behaving badly! Grin Which was kind of my point. I have no doubt whatsoever that she is on her knees currently because both her and her DH have fairly full on jobs and they've got 2 children to homeschool. She's probably worse off than him based purely on statistics as we know women tend to take on the majority of the homeschooling etc (obviously, no idea if she fits within the statistics or not).

Her leaving the chat didn't bother me. Her leaving the chat and making it clear she thought no one else had it as hard as her... that made me roll my eyes.

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2021 15:31

It is hard to wfh and homeschool.

Are you both wfh? Or just one of you.

PandoraP · 11/02/2021 15:32

Totally agree. I am usually positive and optimistic and personally ok during the first lockdowns. Cannot believe how this current lockdown has floored me and things seems never ending at the moment even with the vaccines.

user1483387154 · 11/02/2021 15:36

You know what, I have a colleague who has said all Lockdowns are like a holiday to her and her teenage child.
To me it brought me to the point of suicidal thoughts and giving up my son to social services cause I couldn't cope.

this affects everyone differently

the80sweregreat · 11/02/2021 16:28

A lot of teenagers detest school or are bullied so they probably are coping much better than a popular / sporty type of child who has lots of friends and socializes a lot. It's hard to know for sure , but I would have loved not going to school aged 13 to 16 as I didn't fit in and wasn't academic or into sports etc. My parents would have hated it and we couldn't afford the gadgets they have today , so I would have missed out even more I guess!
Not everyone is going through this with the same worries and concerns : each family is different and for the ones whose parents are involved and can help their children there are many more that are not bothering or can't help them or just not motivated to do it for whatever reasons. I would have attempted to help mine out , but I would have struggled a lot I'm sure.
I'm just pleased I haven't had to find out how bad I would have been at 'home schooling! '

BogRollBOGOF · 11/02/2021 16:38

Venting is healthy and MN is a good outlet for it in the absence of much RL opportunity.

Misery Top Trumps is not cool.

My friend's been ridiculously over-worked in backroom Covid response.
My structure to life unravelled w/c 16th March.
We've both struggled, but at opposite sides of the same imbalance. It's not healthy to be overworked, and it's not healthy to have no structure in life either. I stopped working because it turned out that a DC has ASD and can't cope with childcare. So the suggestions of filling in time with volunteering aren't practical when I need to be around with the children. They're at the age of needing a parent on standby, but not necessarily involved.

It is also possible to be lonely in company. DH is unavaliable for conversation up to 10 hours per day, and 7yos and 10yos with ASD are not famed for their lines in stimulating conversation and in the past 10+ months I have heard more about Minecraft, Pokemon, Star Wars, Among Us and weapons/ battle strategies of WW2 than most 40yo women would ever wish to have. I know I don't really want to be alone, but more than 3 hours every month or two to myself would be wonderful for my sense of self. The reality of it being full time would be very different. By the time DH finishes work, he's talked out from the phone/ video calls and I'm drained from the DCs so we can go days without much conversation together.

Other people have it worse. Other people have it better. It just is. I don't suit living without external stimulation and am struggling to fit in slithers of being me around the needs of my family and my motivation has evaporated now.

I have retained the sympathy for people struggling in different circumstances too. Whichever end of the spectrum they fall at; it doesn't have to be struggling in the same way.

islockdownoveryet · 11/02/2021 17:04

I think everyone is struggling but some struggle more than others and some are definitely having a worse time . I’m glad I don’t have to home school for example you have my sympathies honestly.
But I think on mumsnet it’s highlighted how selfish and lacking in empathy some people are it’s quite shocking really .
I find it odd that fully grown adults can’t understand why someone is struggling just as much or more so regardless of their circumstances.
It’s all me me me .

lightand · 11/02/2021 17:09

I am a bit concerned that people who are desperate, do not reach out to someone.

More concerned by that, than if people do speak up.

ElliFAntspoo · 11/02/2021 17:17

@BooFuckingHoo2

Sorry but I don’t agree.

I think single people, living alone have it by FAR the hardest. There’s a reason solitary confinement is used as a form of torture.

I have a good friend who’s 38 and unable to meet a potential partner for almost a year now, she lives alone and is conscious biology is not on her side in terms of having a family. Not only that but she can’t even go out and have fun with friends/family anymore.

That's their own choice.

IMO, if someone has genuine MH issues and reaches out on MN, then that is fair dos. Better to voice it and hope people will reach out that keep silent.

For everyone else, they make their own choices, and I couldn't give a F about playing into this person's pity party or the next. Grow a fucking backbone.

JanewaysBun · 11/02/2021 17:31

Yes I saw the "what about people in Sierra Leone" post
Most people fine it shit in varying levels. Comparing misery - not fine, having s pity party - fine

Scottishskifun · 11/02/2021 17:56

I've had a friendship end because I dared to say that lock down is tough on everyone in different ways and different degrees... I got a barrage of abuse, told I'm selfish and its OK for me and my family and I can't possibly have any problems!

Everyone is trying to get through the best way but your right seems to be misery I can piss higher than you!

Wherediditgo · 11/02/2021 18:02

I agree OP. Each and every one of us has a reason to feel low... or worse.
Sadness is a normal and appropriate reaction to how we are living at the moment and telling someone that there are other people worse off or that THEY are worse off does not help anyone.

RedGoldAndGreene · 11/02/2021 18:27

I agree and I suspect that it's the people not speaking out who are suffering the most. People have a right to moan how shit it is but should be sensitive to how shit it is for others too.

rawalpindithelabrador · 11/02/2021 18:29

@BooFuckingHoo2

Sorry but I don’t agree.

I think single people, living alone have it by FAR the hardest. There’s a reason solitary confinement is used as a form of torture.

I have a good friend who’s 38 and unable to meet a potential partner for almost a year now, she lives alone and is conscious biology is not on her side in terms of having a family. Not only that but she can’t even go out and have fun with friends/family anymore.

Never mind people who have special needs, learning disabilities and their carers left with no support or respite for a year Hmm.

Sperm donation can still happen, a cure for autism will not.

StarCat2020 · 11/02/2021 18:48

Some people have saved a fortune this year whilst others are pretty much destitute.

Also, many people have not worked for a year but whilst some were furloughed others could not be so ended up on UC.

Definitely not the same level of shit for everyone.

StarCat2020 · 11/02/2021 18:52

Someone else's broken leg doesn't stop my stubbed toe from hurting
I remember fracturing my elbow at school (age 7) and my mum told me to be grateful that I even had arms because some people didn't have arms at all.

Just made me feel bad.

LetMeBubble · 11/02/2021 18:55
Biscuit
StarCat2020 · 11/02/2021 18:58

Who was the biscuit for?