It's shit for everyone. Please stop competitive hardship

[MsMarch]

Argh. I'm so tired of this.

I know parents who are at home, working and homeschooling and really struggling.

I know parents with children at school because they are key workers who are stressed and struggling because they can't get wrap around care, they're at risk every time they go to work etc.

Other families are at home, not working but worrying about whether they're going to be able to pay the bills long term.

Old people are lonely.

Small children are lonely and not getting opportunities to socialise and learn.

High school children are getting hugely behind - this is a disaster.

KS1 children are missing the vast bulk of their early years education and getting hugely behind, this is a disaster.

Children with any kind of additional needs are getting less support and falling further behind. This is a disaster.

People living alone are totally isolated and incredibly lonely.

People with families are struggling with being cooped up in their house/flat etc with no respite.

the list goes on.

I can have my own struggle and feel really stressed about it but that doesn't mean I think my issues are more important than the person next door who has different struggles and stresses. I am so tired of this inability of so many of us to see this. One woman left our class WhatsApp group in a huff because 1/3 of the children are back at school and she is so angry about it and thinks the parents are taking the piss. I mean, FFS.

Haven’t had time to read the thread yet but just wanted to say great title, I completely agree and was going to post something similar yesterday!

It is not equal shit for everyone though. Perhaps people have no one in RL to talk to. Maybe people are struggling to see a point to life atm.

I agree to a certain extent, when I look at everyone I know lots have it hard it different ways- eg one alone with new baby and no nearby family and DH working away, one in very small flat with young kids, one with SEN kids, a couple who have lost jobs. However, there’s definitely a smaller group of privileged people I know who have it technically easier- no financial worries, big houses and gardens, no additional needs with kids and they are definitely the ones in the ‘lockdown for as long as needed’, ‘everyone has to do their bit’ camp...

When I get a bit down about the whole situation and the awful weather and having to spend more on food as we're all stuck indoors and the fact my twenty something sons can't go out anywhere other than work etc etc i think about an ex colleague of mine whose partner has been in hospital for seven weeks , on a ventilator and might have to have a tracheotomy op at some stage and will take years to recover and some friends whose businesses they have spent decades building up have now gone to the wall. My situation isn't great , but others do have it much worse so I soldier on and think of others. I admire people home schooling as I know I couldn't do it and would have struggled so much with that , especially the secondary school work they have to do. Kudos to all you parents and the teachers and TAs also doing the online lessons. All so different.

Oh gosh yes. Someone else's broken leg doesn't stop my stubbed toe from hurting. I am hugely grateful for all the privileges I have right now, but am still allowed to be sad that things are also a bit shit for the time being.

I don’t think the OP is saying people should stop complaining it’s more you don’t have to win the ‘I have it hardest contest’.

Personally, there are days when I find it hard. I’m at home with an 8 month old who has never met my parents. I think I might be going mad with boredom. While I am more fortunate than ALOT of people, it doesn’t mean I can’t feel bad because others have it worse.

People express their feelings differently. And same thing may seem like a breaking point for some and manageable struggle for the other.
I think people who can see and say everyone is struggling is the stronger ones. Some just feel like they are having the worst end of the stick and post a thread, and it may make them feel better for getting some sympathy, or hear about other people's life and can get their perspective back instead of drowning in misery alone.

It sounds sanctimonious goody two shoes, but I feel sorry for the people really struggling. So if they feel better by expressing it, I see why not.

Nobody should be complaining because "at least we aren't in a world war". We are competitive misery-ing against people who we didnt know who lived in the past

We've got naff all else to do other than moan at the moment.
But yes, OP competitive misery is getting right on my nerves. We're all bloody miserable in one form or another

My personal favourite comments: They've been totally forgotten about it all this. and Just throw the X under the bus.

Love 'em.

I agree, OP. I'm a single parent and my job is as secure as it can be in the current climate. I am mortgage free and have considerable savings/inheritance. I am generally a 'glass half full' kind of gal but good god, I am beginning to lose it now. I am so lonely, even with my kids. I haven't seen friends or socialised outside the home since August. I do Zoom meets and it helps but it is a long, long time to not sit in a bar or restaurant and laugh, really laugh. I have 'friends' who would be angry at me mentioning how stressed and upset I am beginning to feel and I consider that unreasonable in the circumstances. I know my life is comparatively better than many people's right now but it is upsetting to somehow be told how I feel isn't valid because there are others worse off.

@Watchingbehindmyhands

I agree, OP. I'm a single parent and my job is as secure as it can be in the current climate. I am mortgage free and have considerable savings/inheritance. I am generally a 'glass half full' kind of gal but good god, I am beginning to lose it now. I am so lonely, even with my kids. I haven't seen friends or socialised outside the home since August. I do Zoom meets and it helps but it is a long, long time to not sit in a bar or restaurant and laugh, really laugh. I have 'friends' who would be angry at me mentioning how stressed and upset I am beginning to feel and I consider that unreasonable in the circumstances. I know my life is comparatively better than many people's right now but it is upsetting to somehow be told how I feel isn't valid because there are others worse off.

Great post. I think it highlights that for some people struggling, we are fully aware that we do nonetheless have it better than others. But to be told we're not allowed to feel that because someone else's experience is so much worse is incredibly frustrating.

@Jay2020

Oh gosh yes. Someone else's broken leg doesn't stop my stubbed toe from hurting. I am hugely grateful for all the privileges I have right now, but am still allowed to be sad that things are also a bit shit for the time being.

Thank you. You managed to put it much more succinctly than I did!

The ones that say they can't understand why parents find it difficult when their own children are having a whale of a time baking and doing crafts, are the biggest pain the arse.

I still enjoy all the things I did when I was single as I’m still the same person. I miss seeing family and friends, going out to restaurants and the theatre etc just the same as a single person

Yes but you still have a husband and child/ren to socialise with and keep you company. To hug, chat to etc. Single people living alone don’t have that, surely you can see that you’re in a more fortunate position in that respect?

I think it's hard though OP, and I get your point. I've also commented on people's posts this morning because I don't think they should have complained to the extent that they did ...

However, I think it's worth remembering that these aren't normal times. We've all been subject to a lockdown for the best part of a year. Those of us who are able to go out are only going to work. Our worlds have all become very insular and it's easy to feel like everything is closing in on you when you've been stuck only in your world for so long.

I'm very sure that people who complain are aware that people have their own struggles, but when you're literally spending your whole time in the exact same situation the whole time, then irs very easy to reach out on an anonymous forum like MN to speak out.

Your post, like everyone else's is I'm sure with the best intentions but, I think at the moment it's hard to think outside of your own individual situation because that's the situation we are forced to be in. When your world becomes smaller without usual
family and social interactions, its going to be harder to see the wider picture .....

@BooFuckingHoo2

I still enjoy all the things I did when I was single as I’m still the same person. I miss seeing family and friends, going out to restaurants and the theatre etc just the same as a single person

Yes but you still have a husband and child/ren to socialise with and keep you company. To hug, chat to etc. Single people living alone don’t have that, surely you can see that you’re in a more fortunate position in that respect?

I think you're missing the point of this thread a bit. The point is that some single people absolutely are among the worst off. But some families are also worse off. Some people are desperately lonely. Others aren't lonely but are desperately desperately tired and stressed.

Personally, i cope with loneliness better than I cope with stress. My Best friend is actually really good at managing stress but she gets very lonely very easily. we're all different and we all could be struggling massively for different reasons.

OP: "this is really hard for everyone, let's stop competitive hardship"
Vast majority of posters: "absolutely"
@BooFuckingHoo2 "... but I do have it harder than you lot though"

... well named, I guess?

@BooFuckingHoo2

I still enjoy all the things I did when I was single as I’m still the same person. I miss seeing family and friends, going out to restaurants and the theatre etc just the same as a single person

Yes but you still have a husband and child/ren to socialise with and keep you company. To hug, chat to etc. Single people living alone don’t have that, surely you can see that you’re in a more fortunate position in that respect?

Ha! Yes it’s definitely company being cooped up indoors with your “lovely” family! Not sure everyone would call it relaxing or positive though! For some it can be very stressful.

Op is right you have not really understood the point of the thread!

KS1 children are missing the vast bulk of their early years education and getting hugely behind, this is a disaster.

It doesn't need to be provided the basics are properly taught later. We start formal learning far too early. However the disparity between children who have kept up or got ahead (very likely with one to one if parents are able) and those needing to begin again will be difficult for everyone.

OP- Er, why shouldn't the mum leave a what's app group if she wants? Why wouldn't she be allowed to be pissed off and not what to read it?
Sounds a sensible thing to do.
You didn't know what's going on with her mental health. You would have no idea.

I have my DH I agree being single and esp with dc who has sen or SN and little family support will be hardest hit. Some people just love to moan and moan.

Um it’s a forum, where people come to give their point of view/opinion? Best let the rest of mumsnet know you’re only allowed to comment on a post if you agree with the OP .

There’s a lot of acknowledgment of how hard it is to homeschool etc. There’s much less acknowledgment of how hard people living alone have been hit IMO. That was particularly evident in the first lockdown when there were no support bubbles.

@OverTheRubicon I’ve never said I personally have it harder, I’m just empathising with a group of people, HTH.

@Silenceisgolden20

OP- Er, why shouldn't the mum leave a what's app group if she wants? Why wouldn't she be allowed to be pissed off and not what to read it? Sounds a sensible thing to do. You didn't know what's going on with her mental health. You would have no idea.

I agree with this. It sounds like she’s finding the set up very difficult. Maybe it’s to protect mh. Anyone can take that decision.

Not sure how active the WA is but ours is very home learning based which helps everyone feel in same boat. If split was more the other way some might find it difficult.

I feel for people with children that have SEN and many clubs and activities haven't run for ages now as well. It is shit for people living alone too or not allowed to see loved ones if they are in a care home. It is a horrible depressing situation all round. Many of my friends have gone from being a bit optimistic to really down these last few weeks.